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Ski Report - Austria. All slopes open except Hans' Piste

My first, and probably last, NEAT-O...

4
bonjonelson 04.09.13 1:47pm
AReader
Politicians to be sealed in a giant Buble. 2
simonjmr 04.09.13 1:42pm
Flugelbinder
GMB refuses to fund Shadow Cabinet’s 'mid-life crisis'

It will be seen as no coincidence that on the same day it was revealed that Parliamentary annual porn consumption reached 300,000 hits, that the general trade union has chosen to cut its Labour...

1
Wrenfoe 04.09.13 1:05pm
Robopop
May to open sanatorium for poorly badgers

Brian May and the Victorian Society have announced a plan to open a sanatorium for badgers riddled with TB. The two are currently seeking a property in Somerset and hope that the move will bring a...

0
Coco 04.09.13 12:33pm
Coco
BBC bosses fear the worst as ITV schedule A Touch of Frost 0
medici2471 04.09.13 12:28pm
medici2471
Full details of surprise attack on Syria to be revealed after Congress vote

A spokesman for President Obama has revealed that, following a briefing by the Pentagon, the Whitehouse is considering the importance of the element of surprise for any military action.,...

2
gregle 04.09.13 12:03pm
gregle
Inspector Clouseau diagnosed with Foreign Accent Syndrome

Full story here, [url=http://http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-23953314]Foreign Accent Syndrome[/url]...

0
custard cream 04.09.13 12:02pm
custard cream
Prisoners demand return of death penalty as new prison is to be in Wales

Prisoners who have been given a life tariff are leading calls for the death penalty after the government announced a new "super" prison is to be built in Wales. "Bonkers" Bill McRhino explained; "I...

0
apepper 04.09.13 11:59am
apepper
Microsoft buys Betamax...

Microsoft has bought Betamax, hoping to steal a march on more successful rivals such as Apple and Samsung. Having dismissed the internet as “a passing fad”, and countered the threat of tablet...

9
Tripod 04.09.13 11:57am
Squudge
Next Labour Government To Send London Bankers Up North

Eee! 'bout time we saw some jobs and brass, up our way, instead of hoarding it all down south...

0
Jesse Bigg 04.09.13 11:20am
Jesse Bigg
Ed Balls : "GMB slashing too much too fast...." 1
Backup Brian 04.09.13 11:13am
Scronnyglonkle
Poor Grammar Results In Prolonged Education

Neat-O (honestly.. bear with me) Teachers have been blamed for the poor standards of grammar demonstrated by school leavers. Even the simplest things have seemingly become confusing to pupils, such...

6
Flugelbinder 04.09.13 11:12am
Flugelbinder
Insurer of car melted by building admits claim may take a while

The Insurer of the Jaguar that melted in the heat of the 'Walkie Talkie' building's reflection, admitted that it hasn't yet had long enough to find a good reason reason to avoid paying for the loss. ...

1
suki 04.09.13 10:45am
Arthur
Floor Based Televisions Result In Lower Viewing Figures

ITV are very keen to stress this will be the reason for the stats once X Factor has progressed to the live shows...

0
Flugelbinder 04.09.13 10:14am
Flugelbinder
Developer of Walkie Talkie building advises Katie Price to avoid area for now

.and not because of her motor...

2
suki 04.09.13 9:31am
suki
'All I want for Christmas is my two big boobs' say UK's 9 year old girls

As this week sees the school holidays draw to a close, and with the run-up-to-Christmas advertising campaigns now only a matter of days away, news that a recent survey has shown overwhelmingly what...

14
Robopop 04.09.13 9:27am
Titus
Jamaican former 'fitter' makes fruit leathery as 'ex eppy tans peach'. 15
Lens Cap 04.09.13 9:23am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Pilot Whale found in Edinburgh was working for Ryanair Arctic tours 0
Scronnyglonkle 04.09.13 9:16am
Scronnyglonkle
Fire at seaside donkey sanctuary devastates stables.

Ass kept on beach. Neat-O. Possibly my most painful to date, and that's saying something...

5
The All New Jeni B 04.09.13 9:16am
Flugelbinder
Deporting Vinnie Jones 'not enough'

The self styled renaissance man has threatened to repatriate if immigration in the UK continues to fall. In a stark warning, the ex-footballer said that although England had passed its 'sell by date'...

3
Wrenfoe 04.09.13 9:11am
Scronnyglonkle
Evil Villain shuns underground lair for London skyscraper

After a series of strange events in Central London, Security Services are reported to be investigating claims that an Evil Villain has taken up residence in the new "Walkie Talkie" skyscraper ahead...

0
clarksn 04.09.13 9:08am
clarksn
Obama gives Americans a geography lesson: 'Syria is not Iraq or Afghanistan.'

President Obama yesterday started giving Americans geography lessons in his weekly address to the nation, presumably because they don't know or care where any other country is. 'Syria is not Iran,'...

0
John Wiltshire 04.09.13 8:44am
John Wiltshire
Woodman Called In To Axe Up Tense Beech

NEAT-O Following a localised forest fire, Beech trees have been found to be feeling stressed, causing limbs to drop unexpectedly from otherwise healthy trees. In order to avoid passers-by being...

2
Flugelbinder 04.09.13 8:15am
Flugelbinder
Ford targets gender realignment market by relaunching the Tranny Van 0
simonjmr 04.09.13 8:02am
simonjmr
Backbench revolt throws anti-defenestration laws out the window 0
simonjmr 04.09.13 8:00am
simonjmr
70s TV Presenter Escapes Arrest On Sex Abuse Charges

"None of us fancied the ugly, boring pillock" said a woman who was a young teenager at the time. "We all stayed well away from him at all times. He smelled." Police concluded that his boast of...

0
Titus 04.09.13 7:04am
Titus
New entertainment programme for gynaecologists - Through The Peehole 0
Smart Alex 04.09.13 6:54am
Smart Alex
Britain's first trans-gender ex-soldier moslem convert defeats satire 4
Squudge 04.09.13 6:53am
sponge finger
Mystery Solved As Condoms Found In Panda Enclosure

Roman Catholic Church condemns sinful pandas for 'Obviously using contraception'...

0
Titus 04.09.13 6:51am
Titus
Council close snake themed seaside attraction as they 'axe serpents beech'.

Neat-O. Good grief I'm ashamed...

4
J Vine 04.09.13 6:45am
Titus