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Bedford residents boycott of spaghetti hoops enters second day 5
grottymonty 3 years

Following on from England's defeat by penalties and the anti-Italian disturbances last night in the town centre racial tensions are high in Bedford today...

Rush of middle-aged men volunteer to study sex in prisons 0
ironbridgeboy 3 years

The prison authority has been inundated by middle aged men volunteering to study sex in prison. A spokesman said that they had received many requests to study lesbianism in the prison kitchens and...

Housing benefit to be cut for people having sex in prison. 0
ironbridgeboy 3 years

more sex please, we're British...

Hairdressing hit by pun shortage 1
apepper 3 years

British hairdressers are struggling to expand as they've run out of punning shop names. "To be honest, we've been scraping the barrel for a few years now - 'Hairitage', 'Hair Today', 'Do Yer Nut' - I...

Discovering the dark truth of life on housing benefits. 3
Miss Hegas 3 years

In a sign of how our desparate age of austerity is pitching ordinary working people against each other, we spoke with a man, currently of no fixed abode. We'll call him David. David, 46, comes...

Jersey votes to become part of Argentina 0
Denis Dijon 3 years

More to follow...

The world wakes up to the sadness that Justin Bieber is still alive 0
simonjmr 3 years
Former Vestal Virgin snatched 1
medici2471 3 years
Tight-fisted Djokovic sports UNIQLO tops because "they are two for £7.99". 0
Boutros 3 years

Tennis superstar Novak Djokovic wears UNIQLO clothing on court because "I hate parting with money", he revealed today. The secret scrooge, who shops on Ebay for his socks, his shorts and his...

App shows phone call content gets ever more banal as day goes on 1
Nails UK 3 years

Data recently compiled by Apple's iPhone app, Eve’sDropper, shows that people all over the world start their day with high-powered, meaningful conversations and then progressively descend into...

Internet Trolls demand faster connectivity beneath bridges 2
grumblechops 3 years

A spokesman for the Troll community today called on the government to improve network connectivity in their natural habitat, claiming data transfer speeds achievable beneath bridges often fall...

Obituary: Michael ‘Mickey’ Tiddler 3
Duff 3 years

Wartime music hall legend, Michael “Mickey” Tiddler, has passed away at home earlier today peacefully in his sleep following a short illness. Tiddler loved throughout the country for his amazing...

David Cameron is a posh cunt. 11
arthurminnit 3 years

err, not funny, just an observation...

Delay in fuel duty rise reduces Carr tax liability 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Thatcher now “too weak to strike a miner” 1
grumblechops 3 years

Margaret Thatcher now lacks the strength of punch to render any meaningful damage to the face of a miner, according to a recent statement from her daughter Carol. The health of Baroness Thatcher has...

Big Ben Tower Renamed as Sir Ticks-A-Lot 0
thisisall1word 3 years
Murray completely forgiven for last 7 years after winning first round 0
quango 3 years

Murray has won over all the critics after beating Davydenko today in straight sets, a sure-fire signal that he is on track to finally get in the finals, or at least lose convincingly in the semis....

Elizabeth Tower to be known as Big Ben 2
beau-jolly 3 years

rien ne change...

Belgium to replace Scotland in a new leaner united kingdom 3
The Masked Frog 3 years

Belgium has emerged as the hot favourite to replace Scotland on its departure from the united kingdom. After all night talks, David Cameron and Belgian Prime Minister Elio Di Rupo, emerged this...

News International to split into "legal" and "crooked" 0
apepper 3 years

News International is to split into two separate companies; the crooked side of the business is to be operated separately as a half-organised crime syndicate. "We've struggled in the past as we have...

Communications from extra terrestrials “overlooked as Dubstep” 7
grumblechops 3 years

A spokesman for NASA today revealed that a series of interstellar communications from an alien lifeform have been mistakenly interpreted as music, spawning a new sub-genre known as “Dubstep”....

Greece reveals financial recovery plan "A Tenner on Murray to win at Wimbledon" 7
dvo4fun 3 years

more later...

Failure to find credible fourth seed prevents Wimbledon from starting at semis 0
grumblechops 3 years

Andy Murray’s Wimbledon seeding of fourth has once again made it impossible for tournament organisers to “cut through all the boring shit” and start at the semi finals. With Novak Djokovic,...

Was Shakespeare A Nazi? New Channel 5 Doc "Triumph of the Quill" Says Yea 0
Iggy Pop-Barker 3 years
BBC to run repeats of weather forecasts from the long hot summer of '76 0
Tomfinger 3 years

to cheer everybody up...

Hart to return to Krak ‘one’ òw! 0
Njinski 3 years

Blue Joe to follow Buffon’s Porn Regime Following Sunday’s inevitable penalty shoot out loss to the Azzurri, England’s ‘non-stopper’, Joe Hart, has decided to ditch the high tech approach...

McGuiness not amused as Queen uses '800v' hand buzzer during historic handshake 0
thackaray 3 years
Royal Handshake Sponsorship Concerns 1
custard cream 3 years

With thousands of people lining the streets in Belfast waiting to greet the Queen, concerns have been expressed about the over commercialisation of her Diamond Jubilee - presented by De Beers -tour....

Blood stocks crisis as transfusion service says “Virgins only” 2
Nails UK 3 years

Blood stocks in the UK are at an all time low as the blood transfusion service made a controversial decision last week to change the sexual history questions on its donor health check. Previously,...

LOCOG confirms crackdown on Olympic Brand-Breakers 0
Mrblacker 3 years

The London Organising Committee for the Olympic Games (LOCOG) says harsh penalties have been agreed with the Government and the IOC, for anyone in the UK caught watching the Olympics while in...