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Police taking theft of laughing gas from hospital 'very seriously' 0
Clarky 3 years

a spokesperson giggled...

Dog’s sphincter applies for heritage status. 1
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years

The dog’s owner, Mr. Dale Farmer, said “any shit-hole can now apply, apparently”...

Jeremy Paxman set to interview Tevez about threatening to overrule Mancini 0
QorbeQ 3 years
Challenging day for Dr Christian as his mum guests on Embarrassing Bodies 16
allmyownstunts 3 years

Normally unflappable Dr Christian Jessen’s silky consulting skills were tested to their fullest today as his mother surprised him by guesting on his no-holds-barred medical show. Normally a...

Egg packing plant workers laid off 0
greg various 3 years

Due to competition from cheap imports...

BBC presenters aghast as trader pours scorn on efforts to save the red squirrel 6
Golgo13 3 years

For the second day running, an outspoken City trader left interviewers open-mouthed as he admitted that traders 'don't really care that much' about the prospect of red squirrel extinction in the UK...

Jaded sign language interpreter just going through the motions 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Latest airport security clampdown forces passengers to wear leotards 3
3 years

Britain's beleaguered airline passengers are facing a new initiative from next month, that will ensure flying remains as disquieting as ever. In an effort to stop terrorists from smuggling yoghurts...

Troubled razor blade manufacturer threatens to cut workforce 11
Screenie 3 years
Man thrown out of thai restaurant for not wearing one. 0
RJWinter 3 years
BAE systems admits defeat and starts producing Happy Meal toys. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
Economists hire private investigator to track down the "Rational Consumer". 0
Al OPecia 3 years

No luck so far...

Star Austrian horse farmer, Jörg Spechmaier, now has stable relationship 1
RJWinter 3 years
Miliband speech sparks slump in propofol sales 0
roybland 3 years
Idea for a television programme: 0
Rhodium3 3 years

"Fat chance with Russell Grant". Barrell-chested astrologer and general nit-wit Russell Grant investigates preposterous claims and theories which are never likely to come true; Elvis working in an...

The Miliband: the wavelengths between which policies become undetectable. 3
Al OPecia 3 years
Shipman defends his actions through medium (with a little help from a friend) 1
witless 3 years

It was a seriously wrong move that cost him his entire career, but doctor, Harold Shipman, has spoken up from the dead through a medium and said it was appropriate for him to be punished. Porky...

Heather Mills breaks down on last leg of journey 3
witless 3 years

metal fatigue blamed...

Ten Milibands make one Centiband, claim scientists. 3
SpankyMonkey 3 years

I'm here all week, try the veal., By the same token, one thousand Milibands could form one Band. But it would play shit and repetitive music and the lead singers would fall out with each other over...

Local man suffering from insomnia cured by attending a conference 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Police admit 'pen mightier than sword' as National Biro Amnesty begins 5
dicky37 3 years

People up and down the country were last night urged to hand in their pens to UK police stations as part of a nationwide Biro Amnesty, operating a no-questions-asked policy. The crackdown comes as a...

Richard Desmond lottery tickets 'help detect mental illness' 2
3 years

Daily Express owner Richard Desmond will launch a new lottery today, with strong links to mental health charities. Approximately 100% of ticket sales are expected to go to morons. Desmond has a long...

Hedge fund collapse triggers Hampton Court maze closure 0
spoole2112 3 years

More later...

Demand for skylights going through the roof 0
spoole2112 3 years

More later...

Chaos at Liverpool's Labour Conference as locals steal conference Hall. 2
ubermoomin 3 years

Ed Milliband's address to the party conference was interrupted today as the conference hall was stolen mid speech by an unruly collection of locals. 'Ed was in fine form,' Stated one conference...

Been done before. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years
Stuart Hall on operational readiness alert as Knockout Stages approach 0
simonjmr 3 years
Nodding dog captivates Labour Conference for hours 0
simonjmr 3 years
Wes Craven's new movie in financial turmoil, cast and crew slashed 0
simonjmr 3 years
Miliband's promise to "break closed circles" puts Olympic branding in turmoil 0
Perks 3 years