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Torture instrument makers report record Xmas profits after '50 Shades Effect'

British military implements-of-torture manufacturer for over 450 years, Screech & Matlock, who saw a crippling drop in sales when lucrative government contracts with Egypt, Libya and the USA were...

0
pinxit 13.12.12 5:25pm
pinxit
UK Govt.sets decorating expenses record by paying £2.2m rendition claim

more soon http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/thereporters/robertpeston/westbrom170.jpg...

4
custard cream 13.12.12 5:24pm
Gaz
Dawn French arrested in Operation Rowntree 0
antharrison 13.12.12 5:21pm
antharrison
I wish it wasn’t Christmas every day, admits Wizzard

Rajinder Laxmai, a bullock cart driver from the slums of Goregaon, northern Mumbai, has announced plans to build up his brand recognition in order to win market share. This will be the heart of his...

1
Alan Sundry 13.12.12 5:19pm
Oxbridge
Villagers looking forward to eating ethical Xmas goat

Villagers from the tiny community of Ruritania in Eastern Europe say they can’t wait to eat the goat donated as an ethical Christmas gift by the Spencer family from Sittingbourne. “Every...

3
Darkbill 2.0 13.12.12 4:56pm
beau-jolly
Cartoon characters caught up in Operation Yewtree

NEAT-O, A 58 year old former cartoon character from Dundee is to appear in court on Monday charged with operating a brothel and living off the earnings of prostitution., Jasmine Le Ferret, once...

1
Gerontius 13.12.12 4:56pm
The All New Jeni B
Indian bullock cart driver to invest more in personal brand equity

Bharat Maheshwari, a bullock cart driver from the slum region of Bandra Kurla to the north of central Mumbai, has announced plans to build up his brand recognition in order to win market share. This...

4
Oxbridge 13.12.12 1:34pm
custard cream
Indian bullock cart driver to invest more in personal brand equity

Roy Wood, lead singer of the 1970s glam rock band Wizzard, has apologised for his role in ensuring that is now Christmas every day. Today, 38 years to the week since Wizzard hit Number Two in the...

1
Alan Sundry 13.12.12 1:07pm
Boutros
Savile Video Sales Sluggish

"We can't give 'em away," says Super Screen video shop manager Len Gumley as he contemplates shelves stacked with copies of Jimmy Savile's Christmas Kids Spectacular. "The Best of Jim'll Fix It...

0
Drylaw 13.12.12 12:23pm
Drylaw
Heroin addicts to retrain as acupuncturists

The Health Secretary has announced today that heroin addicts and ex-heroin addicts will be offered the availability to retrain as acupuncturists due to their extensive experience with needles. Plans...

0
simonjmr 13.12.12 12:04pm
simonjmr
Police helicopters detect ‘little white men’

West Midlands Police has reported several sightings of little white men during night time helicopter patrols across the region. The figures have been seen jumping over back garden fences or hiding...

3
Dick Everyman 13.12.12 10:28am
Dick Everyman
Coastguards left "confused and disillusioned" by move to Birmingham

Maritime rescue heros are reportedly upset and disillusioned by the closure of shore-based facilities - especially those who have been reposted to the new coastguard facility in Perry Barr,...

3
Boutros 13.12.12 10:21am
Dick Everyman
Ministers defend decision on fracking as 'A therapeutic enema for Mother Earth' 3
pinxit 13.12.12 9:40am
Dick Everyman
In bid to restore student vote, Lib Dems release video game for Christmas...

http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/walkingclegg.jpg...

7
pinxit 13.12.12 9:28am
pinxit
How Come, Santa Dishes Out The Prezzies....

Then gets the sack?, It's not bleeding obvious to me...

1
Jesse Bigg 13.12.12 9:27am
HenryMJUK
Media discover 'fracking' sounds a bit rude

The UK media suddnely became interested in the controversial drilling technique of hydraulic fracturing when they realised collectively that the more common name for the technique - fracking - sounds...

0
johnnydobbo 13.12.12 9:26am
johnnydobbo
Indian bullock cart driver invests in brand equity

Rajinder Laxmai, a bullock cart driver from the slums of Goregaon, northern Mumbai, has announced plans to build up his brand recognition in order to win market share. This will be the heart of his...

5
Oxbridge 13.12.12 9:00am
Oxbridge
Sign of the times?

And we all thought that it was necessity that spawned invention? Maybe it should be austerity The number of people changing their names by deed poll is up 500% on 2011, which was itself a record...

3
D161TAL 13.12.12 8:44am
D161TAL
Folk scene hails Jeth Barley, and instrument made from own lung

England's blossoming folk scene is hailing a new hero, who has revolutionised traditional music by making an instrument from his own vital organs. Jeth Barley And His Musical Lung is selling out cow...

9
13.12.12 7:31am
Idiot
Fed Up Of Christmas's In December?

Then join the "Swap With An Ozzie Club" mate!...

1
Jesse Bigg 13.12.12 7:09am
Dickens or Shakespeare
No 'MANdate for gay marriage' claim

no more soon...

4
custard cream 13.12.12 6:15am
Squudge
Operation Yewtree keeping their notes in a Phile-O-Fax

No more savile jokes again soon...

1
Not Amused 13.12.12 6:14am
Squudge
Isle of Wight to get Ceefax

more in 4 years...

4
Bourbon 13.12.12 6:03am
Squudge
Wizzard apologises for making it Christmas every bloody day

Roy Wood, lead singer of the 1970s glam rock band Wizzard, has apologised for his role in ensuring that is now Christmas every day. Today, 38 years to the week since Wizzard hit Number Two in the...

4
Oxbridge 13.12.12 5:49am
Squudge
Lucky Old Ken Dodd......

Always in front of the game...

2
Jesse Bigg 12.12.12 11:40pm
Jesse Bigg
Commercial Moon trip franchise awarded to Ryanair

Consumers have expressed fears of expensive "extras" as it was revealed that commercial flights to the Moon will be run by Ryanair. "$500 million sounds fair enough.", said one potential customer....

0
apepper 12.12.12 3:42pm
apepper
Wizzard apologises for his part in making it Christmas every day

'I do feel guilty sometimes, especially when I see all the mountains of tat infesting every shop and all the tacky TV ads for Chinese made-tat before the cricket season is even over,' says Roy Wood,...

6
Oxbridge 12.12.12 2:47pm
beau-jolly
I wish it wasn’t Christmas every day, admits Wizzard

Roy Wood, former lead singer of the glam rock band Wizzard, has apologised for the role he played in ensuring that it is now Christmas every day of the year. ‘Yeah, I’m really pissed off, but how...

2
Oxbridge 12.12.12 2:46pm
Oxbridge
New Communications Data Bill requires all conversations to be remembered

A redrafting of the Communications Data Bill will require everyone in the UK to make a verbatim record of every conversation they have, noting the place and time and cross referencing it to the...

4
beau-jolly 12.12.12 2:42pm
beau-jolly
World to be saved if God & Satan can find venue for wedding.

After years of what they have called "living in denial" God and Satan have finally buried the hatchet and declared their undying love for each other. During a trip to the Thor’s Helmet Nebula,...

2
Gaz 12.12.12 2:21pm
Gaz