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McGuiness to reporters : When I said I hated the Queen, I ment Bohemian Rhapsody 0
Scronnyglonkle 3 years

more later...

Fixed Penalty Camera to be installed in Parliament Square to gain U-Turn revenue 1
DroleNoel 3 years
Pornstar 'Big' Ben accidently adorned with actual Olympic rings 'Prince Albert' 0
thackaray 3 years

More piercing news one liners later...

Queen's apology to McGuinness : "Mason's Grip" only meant in fun 0
Drylaw 3 years
Bexley Man Discovers 50,000 Coin Hoard In Large Jar In His Shed 1
daneade 3 years

The archeological world was abuzz today as news filtered through of the discovery of a huge hoard of 1 and 2p coins in a shed in Bexley. Long-time Bexley resident Ted Johnson made the discovery in...

Queens complains that she asked for a Guinness not a McGuinness 0
Mark66 3 years
Bishop resigns after hugging woman in bikini 0
apepper 3 years

"I shouldn't have worn it", admitted the Bishop, "but when you wear a dress for a living, it just seemed so natural."...

Prison sex study finds secret 'penal colony' instances between some inmates 0
charlies_hat 3 years
McGuinness due to meet Queen on return from Oldham 0
medici2471 3 years
Metal Detector Geeks Win The Right To Say ‘Fuck You’ 0
daneade 3 years

Two metal detector saddos in Jersey today won the right to tell all the people who’ve slagged them off as sad losers to Go And Get Fucked. Until today Reg Mead and Richard Miles had wasted the...

X Factor contest to choose future Monarch will end 'culture of entitlement' 0
rufioriggs 3 years

Prime Minister David Cameron has today outlined proposals to make the royal family ‘more of a meritocracy’., Talking of the 'great scenes' at the jubilee, Cameron asked – “Wouldn't it be...

Queen & McGuinness both plan to cross their fingers behind backs 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Queen & McGuinness to say 'make up make up never ever break up' 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Cameron refuses to condemn individual tax evading tory party donors. 2
arthurminnit 3 years

did someone mention philip green?...

Ballerina quartet to adopt a four tutu formation. 8
weematt 3 years
Germany accused of buying Euro 2012 as indebted competitors fall by the wayside 0
simonjmr 3 years
Voluntary Financial Advisors "count for nothing" 0
seymour totti 3 years
Bedford residents boycott of spaghetti hoops enters second day 5
grottymonty 3 years

Following on from England's defeat by penalties and the anti-Italian disturbances last night in the town centre racial tensions are high in Bedford today...

Rush of middle-aged men volunteer to study sex in prisons 0
ironbridgeboy 3 years

The prison authority has been inundated by middle aged men volunteering to study sex in prison. A spokesman said that they had received many requests to study lesbianism in the prison kitchens and...

Housing benefit to be cut for people having sex in prison. 0
ironbridgeboy 3 years

more sex please, we're British...

Hairdressing hit by pun shortage 1
apepper 3 years

British hairdressers are struggling to expand as they've run out of punning shop names. "To be honest, we've been scraping the barrel for a few years now - 'Hairitage', 'Hair Today', 'Do Yer Nut' - I...

Discovering the dark truth of life on housing benefits. 3
Miss Hegas 3 years

In a sign of how our desparate age of austerity is pitching ordinary working people against each other, we spoke with a man, currently of no fixed abode. We'll call him David. David, 46, comes...

Jersey votes to become part of Argentina 0
Denis Dijon 3 years

More to follow...

The world wakes up to the sadness that Justin Bieber is still alive 0
simonjmr 3 years
Former Vestal Virgin snatched 1
medici2471 3 years
Tight-fisted Djokovic sports UNIQLO tops because "they are two for £7.99". 0
Boutros 3 years

Tennis superstar Novak Djokovic wears UNIQLO clothing on court because "I hate parting with money", he revealed today. The secret scrooge, who shops on Ebay for his socks, his shorts and his...

App shows phone call content gets ever more banal as day goes on 1
Nails UK 3 years

Data recently compiled by Apple's iPhone app, Eve’sDropper, shows that people all over the world start their day with high-powered, meaningful conversations and then progressively descend into...

Internet Trolls demand faster connectivity beneath bridges 2
grumblechops 3 years

A spokesman for the Troll community today called on the government to improve network connectivity in their natural habitat, claiming data transfer speeds achievable beneath bridges often fall...

Obituary: Michael ‘Mickey’ Tiddler 3
Duff 3 years

Wartime music hall legend, Michael “Mickey” Tiddler, has passed away at home earlier today peacefully in his sleep following a short illness. Tiddler loved throughout the country for his amazing...

David Cameron is a posh cunt. 11
arthurminnit 3 years

err, not funny, just an observation...