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Exclusive extracts of forthcoming diaries of the deputy PM.

Abridged and serialised only in Newsbiscuit., Monday., Got to work in good time. No sign of Dave, so I decided to visit Sheffield. Had bacon sarnie from Greggs. No one took photos., Tuesday....

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Robert Koch 03.06.14 1:06pm
Robert Koch
Qatar World Cup 2022: FIFA award bid investigation to Praia da Luz local police 0
beckfordburger 03.06.14 12:53pm
beckfordburger
Most Spaniards want return of 'the man in the Mickey Mouse hat'

http://zetaestaticos.com/extremadura/img/noticias/0/793/793050_1.jpg...

0
MADJEZ 03.06.14 12:52pm
MADJEZ
Police sniffer dog successfully finds other dogs arse. 2
MADJEZ 03.06.14 12:36pm
MADJEZ
Platini facing more snide remarks than a barrel of frogs 0
beckfordburger 03.06.14 10:54am
beckfordburger
Instagram uploads: 'Only kittens from now on please' 0
RobArmstrong 03.06.14 10:48am
RobArmstrong
Instagram denies topless policy critics have it on the rack 0
bookiesfriend 03.06.14 10:22am
bookiesfriend
Shock over Alton Towers visitor who paid full price.

A man who paid full price for an Alton Towers ticket has been detained for psychiatric reports. The man, who doesn't want to be named for fear of public humiliation, arrived unannounced with his...

6
Boutros 03.06.14 9:50am
Tripod
Apple to launch its new integrated app - Bolloxdrop

In an attempt to challenge Dropbox and WhatsApp, the computing multinational will now offer their own online storage solution for all your embarrassing online mishaps. Every ‘clanger’, shameful...

0
Wrenfoe 03.06.14 9:19am
Wrenfoe
‘Spanish Kim Jong-il’ dismissed as Chinese whispers by North Korea leadership. 0
beckfordburger 03.06.14 9:17am
beckfordburger
Man ‘goes off’ the internet and feels nostalgic about Teletext

Middle aged father of three, Michael Dennis, has caused consternation among his family and friends after announcing he is ‘no longer fussed’ about the internet. He informed journalists that he...

0
Mork 03.06.14 6:37am
Mork
Fight between oil and water will be immiscible says boxing promoter 0
Psycadelic Squirrel 03.06.14 2:05am
Psycadelic Squirrel
Scientific study concludes that lardies can't be arsed to turn lights off 0
Smart Alex 02.06.14 10:56pm
Smart Alex
Prince Charles proudly shows off new iPad to his Mum

Clued-up son introduces Queen to the nuances of 'like' and 'poke'....

7
pinxit 02.06.14 10:36pm
Squudge
Spain welcomes in the reign of King Two Carlos 0
bonjonelson 02.06.14 10:09pm
bonjonelson
Charlie ask Mama "Juan you gimme a proper job?" 0
irreverendJ 02.06.14 8:53pm
irreverendJ
I'll abdicate after 40 years, Cameron promises Clegg

massive hat-tip to Sydalg...

0
Squudge 02.06.14 8:10pm
Squudge
Queen irritated by Charles continually humming 'The Rain in Spain' 1
nickb 02.06.14 8:08pm
Squudge
Another Juan bites the dust 7
Psycadelic Squirrel 02.06.14 8:05pm
Squudge
Queen tells Charles to 'bally well shut up' about the 'reign in Spain' 2
Squudge 02.06.14 7:59pm
Squudge
Presidency Contest Resolved: Pope To Crown King Anthony I Of The European Union 0
Titus 02.06.14 7:57pm
Titus
Charles devastated - misheard "Juan has abdicated" for "One has abdicated"

Hat tip to Psychedelic Squirrel...

0
sydalg 02.06.14 7:45pm
sydalg
"I can't abdicate", Cameron patiently explains to Clegg 1
sydalg 02.06.14 5:58pm
Squudge
Thieves twoc tourer and trinkets while twerker at work. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 02.06.14 5:32pm
dominic_mcg
Scotland Supporters Club sends good luck message to England World Cup squad

The President of the Scotland Supporters Club has sent a message of goodwill to the England football squad ahead of the World Cup Finals in Brazil, the message from President Hamish Murray reads:,...

0
bookiesfriend 02.06.14 5:23pm
bookiesfriend
CIA men deny infiltrating beard, Fox denies beard is 'PR stunt for Homeland 4'

A covert operation inside the beard of Bob Bergdahl senior, father to the recently released POW Bob Bergdahl has been launched by the CIA, say leaked emails. According to the emails the CIA set up a...

0
nickb 02.06.14 5:18pm
nickb
Qatar latest: FIFA to conduct a second round of bribing. 2
weematt 02.06.14 4:46pm
weematt
Edinburgh trams set to deliver independence for Scotland

Alex Salmond has announced that the long-awaited arrival of Scottish independence will be borne by the newly-launched Edinburgh tram system, should the National Referendum in September decide in...

0
Midfield Diamond 02.06.14 4:40pm
Midfield Diamond
FIFA investigator advised to take 'a big empty holdall' with him to Qatar 1
RobArmstrong 02.06.14 4:12pm
bookiesfriend
Blow to England's World Cup prospects as Lee Nelson fails to make squad

England suffered an early setback on Sunday to its World Cup prospects when Lee Nelson failed to join the squad. The comic - and potential well good England centre-forward - managed to get into a...

0
roybland 02.06.14 3:44pm
roybland