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Tesco concedes they thought last year was the year of the horse. More soon. 3
dominic_mcg 01.02.14 5:55pm
Squudge
Prince Philip sent abroad on tact-finding mission 1
sydalg 01.02.14 5:53pm
Squudge
'We wait until your mouth's full before asking how your food is’, admit waiters

Waiting-on staff across the UK have admitted today that they love nothing more than waiting until you’ve just shovelled half a quiche in your mouth before asking you if ‘everything’s okay with...

3
Jesus H 01.02.14 5:53pm
Squudge
Hollande's interpreter revealed as fraud

In an episode reminiscent of Mandela's memorial service, France's premier, Francois Hollande, was this week humiliated thanks to the interpreter provided by Cameron. Following an investigation into...

0
Plot126 01.02.14 5:19pm
Plot126
Long school days and fewer lunch breaks for pupils will improve prospects

In a new wave of sweeping educational change, pupils' timetables will be expected to mirror a normal working day in preparation for life after school. Starting at 8:30am, pupils as young as five will...

0
Plot126 01.02.14 4:32pm
Plot126
Ofsted Chair "Sleeps with the Fishes"

After the delivery of a minsterial attache case containing an 11lb tuna to the headquarters of Ofsted, it has been confirmed by sources at the Department of Education that the Chair of Ofsted, Labour...

1
blokefromstoke 01.02.14 2:04pm
blokefromstoke
Next G8 Summit, Star & Garter at Bermondsey

After a difficult ten minute meeting at Chequers with M. Hollande, David Cameron shouted F*** it, lets go down the pub !" After twenty minutes in the pub, Dave tweeted "Europe sorted, wot next my...

5
Starchy 01.02.14 2:01pm
blokefromstoke
Channel 4 announce 30th Feb broadcast for last of The Undateables 2
JudgementDave 01.02.14 2:00pm
blokefromstoke
Research reveals 50% of men don't know their wife's dress size

Other half unmarried. More soon...

0
JudgementDave 01.02.14 1:44pm
JudgementDave
Neanderthals extinct from 80-a-day smoking habit 1
JudgementDave 01.02.14 1:22pm
Al OPecia
Somerset Levels residents decide to move to new location.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/42651000/jpg/_42651399_tent_416_afp.jpg...

0
Al OPecia 01.02.14 1:15pm
Al OPecia
Report suggests meteorologists cheated on 'Dry January' 0
JudgementDave 01.02.14 1:10pm
JudgementDave
Vodka linked to 25% of Russian deaths and 100% of births 0
JudgementDave 01.02.14 12:57pm
JudgementDave
The Burgers Of Ham Still Trying To Encapsulate….

…the name of their hot meat product...

0
Jesse Bigg 01.02.14 12:43pm
Jesse Bigg
New. Sea-Side Supermarket To Put Exotic Fish…..

…On Continental Shelf...

0
Jesse Bigg 01.02.14 12:28pm
Jesse Bigg
Schumacher slips back into coma watching F1 highlights 3
custard cream 01.02.14 12:07pm
custard cream
Ukraine protestors threaten to execute Weird Al Yankovic.

No no it's true., [url=http://news.sky.com/story/1201992/ukraine-protesters-well-hang-yanukovich]Well hang Yanukovich[/url]...

0
MADJEZ 01.02.14 11:24am
MADJEZ
Unions - 'Bob Crow's mum should choose Labour leader'

Bob would have 'mere advisory role'. More to follow...

0
Electrelane 01.02.14 11:01am
Electrelane
Jim Davidson & Ben Elton joint comeback tour. Venues spontaneously burn down.

More ghastly shouty/sweariness at 1...

0
blokefromstoke 01.02.14 10:57am
blokefromstoke
Typo blamed,as government orders Army to level Somerset.. 6
Zen 01.02.14 9:16am
Al OPecia
February already wettest on record

More to follow...

0
apepper 01.02.14 8:34am
apepper
January Transfer Window sees a late bid for Amanda Knox

Italian football fans were delighted to see an audacious extradition offer being made for the American ‘off-the-shoulder striker’. The transfer deal is said to eclipse the $4m paid for Ms....

9
Wrenfoe 01.02.14 8:24am
Sinnick
Norman Smith Career Move

The BBC announced today that Norman Smith, the broadcaster's chief political correspondent, is to move to Cbeebies with immediate effect. A BBC spokesman said, "we feel that Norman's presentational...

0
Mike Turbine-Hamilton 31.01.14 10:19pm
Mike Turbine-Hamilton
Olypmpian hopefuls upset that least hopeful Olympians receive most press

http://www.theatlanticcities.com/arts-and-lifestyle/2014/01/mexicos-olympic-ski-team-one-guy-mariachi-suit/8258/...

0
Dumbnews 31.01.14 9:42pm
Dumbnews
President Hollande caught in the act

French public opinion was outraged to see covert footage of their president sampling "the forbidden fruit" in the snug of an English pub. A leading Bordeaux wine producer said "Mr Hollande...

0
Starchy 31.01.14 7:53pm
Starchy
Government to step in to deal with floods of tax returns

The government has been forced to step in to deal with an expected deluge of millions of last-minute online tax returns on 31 January. Troops will be on standby to ensure phone lines are kept open,...

3
Des Custard 31.01.14 6:47pm
Dumbnews
Osborne to be made Environment Minister

https://scontent-b-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/t1/1622684_10151815462840927_525979326_n.jpg Following his success in single-handedly turning around Britain’s ailing economy David Cameron has...

4
retiredoldgit 31.01.14 6:46pm
Squudge
Travis, Roach and Harris to star in new series of The Undateables

More follows....

1
Njinski 31.01.14 6:05pm
Ref Minor
Zimmerman To Box Black Ewok

Alamo, TX - Boxing promoter Damon Feldman announced today he has inked a deal for cult neighborhood watch leader George Zimmerman to box black dwarf actor Tony Cox in a celebrity boxing match to be...

0
deep trout 31.01.14 5:54pm
deep trout
Knox vows to go kicking and screaming. Much like her poor victim.

More whiny rich Americans soon...

0
MADJEZ 31.01.14 5:48pm
MADJEZ