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Cameron and Hague to get the Risk board out

The Prime Minister and Foreign Secretary, having been caught flat-footed by recent geopolitical changes in Iraq, Syria, Eastern Europe, Western Europe and virtually everywhere else, have embarked on...

BigWill 30.06.14 7:12am
Independence Dispute Solved By Complete Swap Of Entire Scots And NI Populations

There - sorted! Do I win a Nobel peace prize for this, please?...

Titus 29.06.14 9:57pm
I entered politics due to mid-life crisis, admits Cable

Business Secretary Vince Cable admitted yesterday that his entire political career has been based on a vague impatience and dissatisfaction with his life when he hit forty. "There I was, chief...

BigWill 29.06.14 9:50pm
Emin to mass-produce ‘My Bed’, Warhol-style

Controversial artist Tracey Emin has announced plans to mass-produce one of her most famous artworks. ‘My Bed’, created in 1998, features stained sheets, cigarette packets, discarded condoms and...

farmer giles 29.06.14 9:25pm
Harrison Ford's hat speaks about close call with descending door

'Harrison saved me that day, pulling me to safety at last minute as the door came down with little regard for himself.' This is the latest of several occasions in which the star's wide-brimmed sable...

Adrian Bamforth 29.06.14 8:08pm
Metallica's performance "rusty", say drenched festival-goers. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 29.06.14 7:29pm
Anne Summers Flash Sale a big hit 0
custard cream 29.06.14 7:16pm
custard cream
BBC News Civil War claims first casualty

The nascent civil war at BBC World News claimed its first victim last night. Caretaker Tony Benson, 39, suffered two broken legs, a punctured lung and massive arterial bleeding after being beaten...

BigWill 29.06.14 7:10pm
Fears that Savile may have been advisor to Cameron

Details were emerging last night that Jimmy Savile may have been more criminal than anyone had previously imagined. The latest allegation is that he may have 'advised' David Cameron. A police...

Squudge 29.06.14 5:33pm
Yewtree alerted as Paxman claims Newsnight made by 13-year-olds 0
farmer giles 29.06.14 5:11pm
farmer giles
70s music ‘more traumatic than sexual abuse’ say victims

Operation Yewtree is to broaden its scope from sexual abuse to “all forms of abusive behaviour against children, including crap music” following disclosure that millions of teenagers listened to...

deceangli 29.06.14 4:58pm
Blair Advises Invasion of Mars

Using a few hypnotic hand gestures borrowed from The Master in Dr Who, Blair stated to onlookers at Hyde Park Corner “History will prove me correct”. However he did later admit to the amazed...

Rumour Control 29.06.14 4:48pm
Glastonbury audience to be 100% BBC staff by 2020

The BBC has reacted angrily to criticism of its plan to replace all Glastonbury spectators with BBC staff by 2020. “Most of these people are just hangers-on”, said a BBC spokesman. “They turn...

deceangli 29.06.14 4:19pm
Parents seek advice from priest to help with son’s problem with imaginary friend

A couple from Durham have enlisted the help of their local parish priest in an attempt to resolve their son’s behavioural problems and his increasingly troubling relationship with an imaginary...

bookiesfriend 29.06.14 4:17pm
Scientists detect difference between Labour and Conservative.

Scientists at NASA yesterday celebrated the success of the MAGENTA space telescope in one of the most ambitious projects to date: distinguishing the small differences in political hue that exist...

flash1189 29.06.14 4:16pm
Doctor Whos that miss alien invasions to be named and shamed

More to follow...

apepper 29.06.14 2:12pm
Two Ryanair jets banned from all airports for 4 months after biting each other 0
beckfordburger 29.06.14 11:47am
England dump Scotland, flirt with Denmark, keep Wales as a bit on the side.

Scandal rocked the United Nations common room today as England announced they were fed up of Scotland treating them like shit and messing them around. If Scotland wasn't prepared to commit then as...

Ironduke 29.06.14 11:35am
ISIS Form Volunteer Units in the UK to Act as Weekend Warriors in IRAQ

Taking an example from the British MoD, ISIS are to form Reserve Units of 'The Brothers' in the UK, volunteers will fly out to Syria or Iraq on the Friday evening and return on the Monday morning. ...

Rumour Control 29.06.14 11:30am
Rumour Control
Alvis impersonator fools vintage car fans 0
nickb 29.06.14 10:54am
Man who bit part of England fan’s ear off located using Lobal Positioning System 0
beckfordburger 29.06.14 10:22am
England Football Fan - Part Of Ear Bitten Off….

….You know who not to blame...

Jesse Bigg 29.06.14 6:53am
Jesse Bigg
Assquake in Hemel Hempstead as escaped prisoners with diarrhoea go on runs

“They just trotted out the back door, the little shits” said police spokesperson Hershey Montezuma...

farmer giles 29.06.14 6:18am
farmer giles
'Savile put his ring-finger inside me and turned a blind-eye'

MTF after breakfast...

Underconstruction 29.06.14 6:16am
farmer giles
Tory Recession Playing Havoc With…...

….."Dun Roaming" signs...

Jesse Bigg 29.06.14 5:47am
Jesse Bigg
Devious Cameron Blots Out North….

….For a little bit of southern sunshine...

Jesse Bigg 29.06.14 5:26am
Jesse Bigg
Hapless sperm donor recipients 'Take in on the chin'

[quote]More soon...

antharrison 28.06.14 10:38pm
Kevin the Swan
Traditionalists demand wearing of 'frilly undercrackers' at Wimbledon

After an embarrassing 'hiccup in the underpant department' this week, clarification has been issued to ensure that the bottoms of tennis players are clad in white. Traditionalists however, are...

Squudge 28.06.14 10:05pm
Kevin the Swan
Womack 'a bit shit' say population under 60. 0
MADJEZ 28.06.14 8:59pm
Jimmy Savile had sex with England World Cup football for decades after it died 0
beckfordburger 28.06.14 7:35pm