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Winter Fuel Allowance may help cull Elderly

Coalition Ministers had been concerned that the rising cost of energy prices and improved life expectancy, would prevent them reaching their austerity targets. Fortunately by adopting China’s...

1
Wrenfoe 09.07.13 12:21pm
Sinnick
Schools to make their own Goves using 3D printers

When state schools receive their new 3D printers the first thing they will be expected to do will be to make their own Michael Gove. The Goves are expected to be exact replicas of the Secretary of...

0
nickb 09.07.13 10:15am
nickb
Thousands Report Depression & Their Lives "Lack Purpose" Now Wimbledon Is Over 0
Titus 09.07.13 10:15am
Titus
Teresa May To Classify Masturbation As Class C Drug

Despite evidence from the goverment's own advisors, the Advisory Council on Self Abuse, whose reaearch suggests that hardly any cases of blindness and insanity can be directly attributed to...

3
Titus 09.07.13 9:53am
AReader
Wonga to Sponsor Labour Party

Payday loan company Wonga have agreed to sponsor the Labour Party after Ed Milliband has broken links with the Trade Unions. The party have hailed the deal to cover costs as liberating. Party...

1
andrewl81 09.07.13 9:31am
Titus
Ed Miliband 'will cure all diseases and bring world peace'

At a press conference today, Ed Miliband declared that he will cure all known diseases, and bring peace to every part of the globe. 'Let me make this quite clear,' he said. 'Finding a cure for every...

1
John Wiltshire 09.07.13 9:29am
Titus
Deposed Morsi to Be Replaced By Lewisi According To Colin Dexter 0
Titus 09.07.13 9:27am
Titus
Murray inspires new generation to talk in emotionless monotone

more later...

4
bumtrinket 09.07.13 9:26am
nickb
'Whole Life' Prisoners Who Lose Their Appeals May Get Their Sentence Doubled

according to Home Secretary Teresa May...

0
Titus 09.07.13 9:12am
Titus
Katie Hopkins: 'I won't let my children play with Hurricane Chantal'

http://edition.cnn.com/2013/07/08/world/americas/tropical-weather-chantal More soon...

0
Skylarking 09.07.13 9:11am
Skylarking
Convicts Complain That Being Detained In Prison 'Infringes Their Human Rights' 2
Titus 09.07.13 8:22am
Titus
Bin Laden targeted by Navy Seals after failure to pay speeding fine 0
custard cream 09.07.13 8:19am
custard cream
Djokovic quits tennis after ultimate humiliation of losing to a Brit 0
custard cream 09.07.13 8:15am
custard cream
Get Your Free Repica Designer Karennmillen8eight Here

Buy now while stocks last. When they're gone, they're gone. Free can of processed meat with each one, Buy one, get one free. 0% interest. Pay nothing for six months. Because you're worth it,...

2
Titus 09.07.13 8:12am
Titus
The Labour Party has put its union money “beyond use” Labour said Monday

“We are satisfied that the decommissioning represents the totality of the Party’s arsenal,” said Ed Milliband, who since 2010 has led efforts to disarm the outlawed Trade Unions. The material...

0
rogerg 09.07.13 7:27am
rogerg
Muslim Brotherhood of Man to release "Ay Ay Ay Moursi" as next single

yes I know its an old tune...

0
Scronnyglonkle 09.07.13 7:20am
Scronnyglonkle
Gracie Fields tribute act on morale boosting tour of Syria

When Lancashire drag queen Vera Vajazal (aka George Hailesworth) got wind of the situation in Syria, she decided it was time to attempt to lift people’s spirits in the midst of their adversity....

0
Dick Everyman 09.07.13 7:12am
Dick Everyman
Expert says typing opinions into a website makes you an Expert 1
Dumbnews 09.07.13 6:28am
Lindy Moone
Bamber appeal judges irritated at being rushed. "I'll have to hurry you."

Possibly more soon He may end up with a starter for life...

0
Not Amused 09.07.13 1:10am
Not Amused
'Fussy' dung beetles refusing to eat shit any more

To zoologists, they are nature’s great recyclers, the 5,000 or so species that feed on faeces and maintain the ecological balance of the deserts, farmlands, forests and grasslands of the world....

11
Oxbridge 08.07.13 11:56pm
Titus
Winning Wimbledon getting easier claims Daily Mail 3
Smart Alex 08.07.13 11:38pm
Titus
Revised BBC TV schedule for w/c 8 July

Wed 10 July: [list]Replay of Wimbledon final where Andy Murray defeated Novak Djokovic[/list], [list]Andy Murray’s life story – age 0 to 5[/list], [list]History of “The Joke” featuring...

3
Sinnick 08.07.13 10:50pm
Arthur
Cameron credits Murray win to Coalition Government

David Cameron has come forward, hot on the heels of Andy Murray's Wimbledon win, to state his belief that the [s]Scottish[/s] English sportsman's win should entirely be credited to the Coalition...

1
WatcherMark 08.07.13 10:37pm
Mr Target
People still falling for the 'oh it must have gone into my spam folder' lie

Scientists have revealed that around 74% of the population still believe it when someone says they didn't receive an email because it went into their spam folder. The new study published today...

0
andrewl81 08.07.13 10:28pm
andrewl81
DJOKOVIC impossible to beat, claims Scrabble champ. 8
Boutros 08.07.13 8:49pm
Boutros
‘I’m Sorry Marion’ says Weasel-Faced, Big-Nosed, BBC Presenter

Ageing, greying and almost certainly balding BBC Tennis presenter John Inverdale apologised for his insensitive remarks about Marion Bartoli yesterday, saying looks should not come into sports...

3
daneade 08.07.13 8:38pm
Lindy Moone
First wave of surgeons' golf handicaps published

Vascular surgeons have become the first of a new group of nine specialities to publish their golfing performance data, to include handicaps, driving distance, putting accuracy and average bar spend....

9
Boutros 08.07.13 8:37pm
Boutros
Snowden "spotted in crowd on Henman Hill". More soon.

http://l2.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/n19JWjWA1viS_1gBoiWGjA--/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7cT04NQ--/http://media.zenfs.com/en/blogs/sptusncaafexperts/Waldo4.jpg...

1
Al OPecia 08.07.13 8:22pm
Wrenfoe
PM calls on PM to knight Andy Murray

Prime Minister David Cameron is to lobby the Prime Minister for Andy Murray to be knighted. "I know it's the Prime Minister's decision, but who deserves it more?", said a puzzled looking Cameron...

1
apepper 08.07.13 8:19pm
Wrenfoe
Britain's credit rating plummets as BBC gives TV series to Count Arthur Strong 0
ronseal 08.07.13 7:16pm
ronseal