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Bolt wins 200m, Rawlplug wins Javelin 0
virtuallywill 3 years

more later...

UEFA Penalises Bulgarian FA After Crowd Direct Beluga Noises at White Players 0
mugwump 3 years
Saline contamination case, “just rubbing salt into the wound.” 0
beau-jolly 3 years
Fatality at steam fair following extractor fan joke. 0
beau-jolly 3 years

I'll get me oily overalls...

Frankie Boyle sent to Libya as Scotland's Goodwill Ambassador. More Soon. 1
Al OPecia 3 years
Kate Moss admits her career is wearing a bit thin 1
Qoxiivi 3 years
Woolly rhino “still a bit vague” 1
beau-jolly 3 years
Outrage! Radio 4's Any Questions is being chaired this week by a woman... 1
Awkward Facts 3 years

whose surname isn't Dimbleby. Surely some sort of copyright infringement...

Apple employee loses mind in bar. Will have to use iPod Nano instead. 0
Ostsee 3 years
E4 To Employ Schedulers After Canceling Friends 0
thesplodge 3 years

Other ideas on this - which one is best? E4 schedulers get off arses and finally begin work after 17 years! E4 buys all exclusive rights to air constant How I Met Your Mother 2011 Census confirms...

Daily Mail to be fitted with bile overflow, directly into Thames. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
Nick Clegg throws hat in ring as next Libyan President. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
Research shows typing opinions into a website makes them facts 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Nicorette to launch mentholated patches. 1
nickb 3 years
NASA Plan To Tackle Space Junk with Jet Propelled Giant Mexican Woman Robot 1
thisisall1word 3 years
September to be two months earlier in a radical shake up of the year 0
simonjmr 3 years

Whitehall And Met Office Mandarins have today announced that in a move to ensure "good" weather during the summer months, that April and September will moved. April will now take the place of June...

Michael Gove's old teachers gang up to kick the shit out of him. 0
antharrison 3 years
Ned Kelly definitely dead say scientists 4
Gerontius 3 years

The remains of Australian outlaw Ned Kelly removed recently from an unmarked grave have been positively identified by researchers using the latest DNA technology, 130 years after he was hanged for...

Jimmy Carr's "Laughter Therapy Tour" cures audiences all over the UK 1
JohnA 3 years
Liz Hurley wins bet for turning fat Aussie into suave twat 0
grottymonty 3 years

more beige slacks later...

Keira and Kate stand together: 'On average we have the perfect figure'. 0
martin2381 3 years
NHS management changes to be scrapped in favour of anarcho collectivism 0
grottymonty 3 years

Following the recent review of the Conservative reforms of the NHS funding structure, the Department of Health has confirmed that the new system will be based loosely on the early Spanish Anarchist...

Man finds himself in self-storage unit 2
beau-jolly 3 years
Non ce our fault say L’Oreal 1
Gerontius 3 years

The makers of L’Oreal anti-ageing beauty cream have recalled all remaining stocks from the shelves after some users of the product complained they had become targets for paedophiles and child sex...

Concern over salt levels in salt 4
rickwestwell 3 years

Following revelations that many popular foods such as bread contain too much sodium, scientists have discovered that a popular household food - salt - actually contains levels of salt well in excess...

Study says endlessly repeating the phrase 'engaging content' isn't very engaging 0
ronseal 3 years
Encourage looters to stay indoors all day by making them police says Think Tak 8
ronseal 3 years

The best way to make young men stay indoors all day not getting involved in any trouble is to give them a job in the police force, says a new report from Zeitgeist Think Tank. Zeitgeist researchers...

e.e.cummings grandson banned from internet writer's forum. 1
rebel not taken 3 years

g.g.cummings, grandson of e.e.cummings, has again been suspended from an internet writer's forum. His 'work' has continually been rejected because of it's odd typography, erratic punctuation and...

German holiday industry in panic after leading towel manufacturer goes bust 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years
New Torchwood scripts to be titled Doctor Who in hope to generate interest 0
simonjmr 3 years