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Olympic Torch now running on Emergency Credit 1
grumblechops 3 years

Olympic Officials today admitted they were caught "somewhat offguard" at how frequently they needed to top up the credit on the Pay As You Go gas card which was intended to keep the Olympic Flame...

Lloyds head of fraud receives £2.5M bonus for uncovering fraud 0
apepper 3 years

Jessica Harper, head of Fraud and Security at Lloyds bank, has received a 7 figure bonus. A bank spokesman explained; "I know this may seem excessive, but Ms Harper has uncovered a truly audacious...

Humperdink looks cert to be oldest contestant to get 'nil point'. 0
MADJEZ 3 years

Nominees sought for next years joke entry...

Saudi Arabian shoplifting rugby player having trouble with handoff 0
seymour totti 3 years
SpaceX Dragon successfully delivers junk mail to International Space Station 0
TerribleTim 3 years
£4m fake coin haul: 'We wuz just doin a bit of yer quantitative easin' officer.' 0
weematt 3 years
Lloyds former Head of Fraud says she was "just doing her job" 0
Sinnick 3 years
Student arsonists welcome priority schools building programme 1
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years

With the end of term just weeks away dissaffected student arsonists have broadly welcomed Education Minister Michael Gove's announcement that some schools are to be refurbished. Rick Woods, 16, of...

Minimum alcohol pricing could leave tramps ‘dangerously lucid’ warn experts 7
3 years

Experts have warned that government proposals to introduce a minimum price per unit of alcohol could have a devastating effect on the UK’s tramp industry, leaving vagrants facing levels of sobriety...

Tesco outsources checkout operators to India 8
3 years

In a bid to halt a decline in profits, Tesco has announced plans to outsource their checkout operators to India. Avoiding eye-contact with customers remotely via an uninteractive ‘tcsh’ screen,...

Chelsea Flower Show latest: Di Matteo's 'Bunch of Pansies' takes top honour 1
grumblechops 3 years

Hot on the heels of their Champions League success, the lads from Chelsea FC have once again opened their gardens to members of the public for their annual display of horticultural excellence. The...

Transport unions slam use of "baggage handler" as slang for exotic wanking. 0
Lemon difficult 3 years
This space intentionally blank. 9
Al OPecia 3 years
Mladic vows he will sing at Eurovision despite protests 0
nickb 3 years

Controversial crooner Ratko Mladic vowed he will represent Serbia at the Eurovision Song Contest with his powerful version of Killing me Softly. He told a packed press conference that he knows...

Adam Smith 'economical with the truth' 1
Underconstruction 3 years
Dating agency discovers God on its books 0
cinquecento 3 years

Lonely hearts agency is celebrating having signed up a major deity. Initially registered as Cowell666, His identity was revealed when staff investigated a number of complaints. ...

At Last – an Inguiry into Inquiries 0
jack 3 years

The government has announced the creation of a blue ribbon panel to investigate the sad state of Public Inquires. The government spokesman, Sir John Humpty, has indicated that the panel's brief will...

Tommy Cooper named as the new Fez of L'Oreal 0
Nails UK 3 years
Irony not lost as "How hard do you work?" feature tops BBC Most Read 0
grumblechops 3 years
Bi-sexuals keeps armpits fresh by Trimmingham 1
Underconstruction 3 years

More to follow...

Tesco winning back shoppers with 'Really S**t" range 0
Underconstruction 3 years

Global supermarket giant Tesco, are said to be winning the battle to regain market share, following the successful launch of their 'Really Shit' range., Head of Sales and Marketing, Fritha Two...

Greek recession could go on to have "more dips than a meze" 1
Underconstruction 3 years
Recession 'even better than thought', enthuses Robert Peston 2
3 years
Priority parking becomes most expensive paralympic ticket 0
Underconstruction 3 years
Greek tax system moves over to "Pay As You Urn" 0
seymour totti 3 years
MP's say calls for MI6 spy case to be reopened too late to be any help to victim 0
Scronnyglonkle 3 years
Carina Trimmingham loses fight with press, not to asscociated with Chris Huhne 0
Scronnyglonkle 3 years
16th century explorers warned over faulty Mappa Mundi 2
ianslat 3 years

Queen Elizabeth I has issued a warning to her explorers to take care when attempting to discover territories in the New World using the Mappa Mundi. The advice follows a number of incidents over the...

Prince Philip praises cripples and foreigners carrying Olympic Torch 3
virtuallywill 3 years

More, later...

***NEWSFLASH**** 9
The All New Jeni B 3 years

Inventor of remote control not dead, just down back of sofa...