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Blair Advises Invasion of Mars

Using a few hypnotic hand gestures borrowed from The Master in Dr Who, Blair stated to onlookers at Hyde Park Corner “History will prove me correct”. However he did later admit to the amazed...

1
Rumour Control 29.06.14 4:48pm
flash1189
Glastonbury audience to be 100% BBC staff by 2020

The BBC has reacted angrily to criticism of its plan to replace all Glastonbury spectators with BBC staff by 2020. “Most of these people are just hangers-on”, said a BBC spokesman. “They turn...

2
deceangli 29.06.14 4:19pm
Squudge
Parents seek advice from priest to help with son’s problem with imaginary friend

A couple from Durham have enlisted the help of their local parish priest in an attempt to resolve their son’s behavioural problems and his increasingly troubling relationship with an imaginary...

2
bookiesfriend 29.06.14 4:17pm
Squudge
Scientists detect difference between Labour and Conservative.

Scientists at NASA yesterday celebrated the success of the MAGENTA space telescope in one of the most ambitious projects to date: distinguishing the small differences in political hue that exist...

2
flash1189 29.06.14 4:16pm
Squudge
Doctor Whos that miss alien invasions to be named and shamed

More to follow...

1
apepper 29.06.14 2:12pm
Bigglesworth
Two Ryanair jets banned from all airports for 4 months after biting each other 0
beckfordburger 29.06.14 11:47am
beckfordburger
England dump Scotland, flirt with Denmark, keep Wales as a bit on the side.

Scandal rocked the United Nations common room today as England announced they were fed up of Scotland treating them like shit and messing them around. If Scotland wasn't prepared to commit then as...

2
Ironduke 29.06.14 11:35am
deceangli
ISIS Form Volunteer Units in the UK to Act as Weekend Warriors in IRAQ

Taking an example from the British MoD, ISIS are to form Reserve Units of 'The Brothers' in the UK, volunteers will fly out to Syria or Iraq on the Friday evening and return on the Monday morning. ...

0
Rumour Control 29.06.14 11:30am
Rumour Control
Alvis impersonator fools vintage car fans 0
nickb 29.06.14 10:54am
nickb
Man who bit part of England fan’s ear off located using Lobal Positioning System 0
beckfordburger 29.06.14 10:22am
beckfordburger
England Football Fan - Part Of Ear Bitten Off….

….You know who not to blame...

0
Jesse Bigg 29.06.14 6:53am
Jesse Bigg
Assquake in Hemel Hempstead as escaped prisoners with diarrhoea go on runs

“They just trotted out the back door, the little shits” said police spokesperson Hershey Montezuma...

0
farmer giles 29.06.14 6:18am
farmer giles
'Savile put his ring-finger inside me and turned a blind-eye'

MTF after breakfast...

2
Underconstruction 29.06.14 6:16am
farmer giles
Tory Recession Playing Havoc With…...

….."Dun Roaming" signs...

0
Jesse Bigg 29.06.14 5:47am
Jesse Bigg
Devious Cameron Blots Out North….

….For a little bit of southern sunshine...

0
Jesse Bigg 29.06.14 5:26am
Jesse Bigg
Hapless sperm donor recipients 'Take in on the chin'

[quote]More soon...

1
antharrison 28.06.14 10:38pm
Kevin the Swan
Traditionalists demand wearing of 'frilly undercrackers' at Wimbledon

After an embarrassing 'hiccup in the underpant department' this week, clarification has been issued to ensure that the bottoms of tennis players are clad in white. Traditionalists however, are...

1
Squudge 28.06.14 10:05pm
Kevin the Swan
Womack 'a bit shit' say population under 60. 0
MADJEZ 28.06.14 8:59pm
MADJEZ
Jimmy Savile had sex with England World Cup football for decades after it died 0
beckfordburger 28.06.14 7:35pm
beckfordburger
Messing about still core curriculum says OFSTED report

Messing and mucking about is still the most important part of the school curriculum for most pupils, according to OFSTED. 'It's my favourite,' said Brett (14) a pupil at Scunthorpe Comp,'though...

0
roybland 28.06.14 7:27pm
roybland
UKIP and Judean People's Front to for coalition against EU

what have the EU ever done for us? Apart from the transportation, road, business, trade, human rights, funding, education, peace etc...

1
ionb 28.06.14 7:11pm
riesler
Sperm Czar latest "no shortage, it's a problem of distribution". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 28.06.14 4:50pm
Al OPecia
'I thought we were voting for John Junkin' admits Carry On-loving Belgian PM

More soon matron...

1
Skylarking 28.06.14 4:49pm
Al OPecia
Strict bedtimes for young offenders may solve UK sperm shortage

The ruling by Justice Secretary Chris Grayling that from August all young offenders will have to be in their cells with lights out by 22:30 may solve the UK's sperm shortage says the British...

1
roybland 28.06.14 3:59pm
Wrenfoe
Satan cleared of all charges

The Crown Prosecution Service has denied accusations of incompetence after the Dark One was found not guilty this week on all charges. Satan's close friendship with the Prime Minister was,...

0
deceangli 28.06.14 3:53pm
deceangli
England World Cup squad to make cameo appearance in The Walking Dead 0
beckfordburger 28.06.14 1:54pm
beckfordburger
Armed Elvis impersonator caught in a trap. 5
Zen 28.06.14 12:52pm
Kevin the Swan
Satirists unsure which TV program to blame for Britain's sperm shortage...

Britain's satirists have been left stumped in their attempts to link a piece of popular television to the well reported UK wide sperm shortage. Nigella is of the air, and ITV's "this morning" has be...

0
Bigglesworth 28.06.14 11:27am
Bigglesworth
Rebekah Brooks to be twinned with OJ Simpson 2
deceangli 28.06.14 11:16am
deceangli
Cornwall police watching all fast food joints and pharmacies 0
sydalg 28.06.14 11:14am
sydalg