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Cable 'impartial' about whether he viewed BSkyB bid with open mind. 2
Boutros 3 years

Business Secretary Vince Cable has told the Leveson Inquiry he is "not rushing to judge" whether he kept an independent mind when assessing News Corporation's 2010 bid for BSkyB. Mr Cable said "most...

June 21st declared 'National BUPA day' 0
tedweasel 3 years

Hard up NHS doctors are under so much financial pressures that many are forced to take up additional consultancy work in the lucrative private sector, the BMA reported today...

Euro and Chocolate Euro reach parity 0
gaijintendo 3 years
Mitt Romney secures Republican nomination to lose presidential re-election 2
medici2471 3 years
Honeymoon period over as Mark Zuckerberg suffers 20% drop in intimate relations 1
Yikes 3 years

Mark Zuckerberg is threatening to sue his advisors after an overhyped wedding failed to live up to his expectations causing a considerable reduction in sexual congress. “The immediate aftermath of...

Indignant Suspected Rapist Learns System Has Gall To Ask Him To Stand Trial 0
thisisall1word 3 years

Despite being world famous and really really believing in freedom of information, the suspected rapist Julien Assange today was told he must face trial for rape. "This is a blow for famous suspected...

Tesco speed checkout by stopping sale of unexpected items 1
apepper 3 years

Supermarket giant Tesco has come up with an innovative scheme to increase the efficiency of self-checkout systems; they no longer stock unexpected items. "Research has disclosed that most delays were...

Sinister group target London for exploitation event 9
A Wagonload Of Monkeys 3 years

Reporters have discovered that a group of wealthy individuals based in Switzerland are arranging to race men from ethnic minorities against each other for their amusement and entertainment this...

Brits have a negative body image because they're fat bastards, research finds 1
roybland 3 years

More than half the British population suffers from a negative body image, an inquiry by MPs has heard. The inquiry also found that half the British population are fat bastards. 'The conjunction of...

GPs vote to strike but surgeons favour deeper cuts 0
nostra da mouse 3 years
"There's Wally!" the latest dumbing down of children's literature. 3
Boutros 3 years

Parents and teachers have expressed surprise and concern about the popular "Where's Wally" books being added to the GCSE list of Set Texts. Sid Finch, who's son Rubin will study GCSE English from...

Footballer spit and gob statistics to be available for Euro 2012 2
Midfield Diamond 3 years

The wait to see which players produce the most spittle, and who has the biggest average volume per gob, is almost over. A new software package, due to be launched in time for the European...

Cheryl Cole 'Isn't Very Important' shock. 1
TheNewsWalrus 3 years

There was widespread shock across the country today when it was suddenly discovered that whether Cheryl Cole mimed on 'The Voice' or not doesn't really matter. A spokesman for the BBCs flagship...

Duchess of Cambridge shames austerity Britain by wearing frock for second time 4
roybland 3 years

The Duchess of Cambridge yesterday demonstrated her thrifty side at a Palace garden party by wearing the £1,200 Emilia Wickstead frock she wore two weeks ago at the Queen's Jubilee lunch at Windsor...

“We’re going for Gold” say London 2012 drug cheats 2
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years

With just over 50 days to go to the start of the London Olympics, leading laboratory scientists have declared themselves as set fair for Olympic glory. Speaking from outside his underground lab,...

Cameron gaffe storm : Mistakes interpreter for new French PM 0
Drylaw 3 years
Fury as Daily Express reports on news story 4
TheNewsWalrus 3 years

There was widespread outrage across the county today as it emerged that the Daily Express recently put an actual news story on its front page. The story, a sober, balanced and thought provoking...

Derbyshire man has 'Britain's most pointless job title' 2
TheNewsWalrus 3 years

A Derbyshire man was celebrating last night after winning this year’s award for Britain’s most pointless job title. Derek Hill, 48, won the flagship prize for his role of ‘Principal Technical...

Discovery of Jesus’s personal file reveals bereavement leave scam 5
Yikes 3 years

In a stunning development, archaeologists have found Jesus’s personal file from his job as an evangelical carpentry tutor with the Jerusalem Nailers. Initial indications are that Jesus’s “Mr...

Beach Boys reunion scuppered by Coastguard's red flag warning. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Plumber criticised for refusing part in adult movie 2
Perks 3 years

A plumber from York has been widely criticised by the adult film industry as well as men up and down the country by refusing to take part in a porn film. Unlike him, the incident came after a call...

Fears Prince Charles may disrupt Jubilee floatila by swimming into the Thames. 0
Ian Searle 3 years
Juan Kerr, the Spanish Master Baker is fed up of people laughing at his name. 0
Ian Searle 3 years
Radioactive fish get glowing school report 0
Psycadelic Squirrel 3 years
"Coal house would have been luxury" says Harry Potter 0
Scroat 3 years
Stray dog chased 1700km by Chinese restaurateurs 6
medici2471 3 years
Andy Murray fails in bid for French Open 0
nostra da mouse 3 years
Obama Defeats Romney in Hollywood Version of 2012 Presidential Election 0
3 years

LOS ANGELES – In a classic Hollywood ending that left audiences cheering and wiping tears from their eyes, President Obama triumphed over his Republican rival Mitt Romney in the 2012 U.S....

Anti GM crop protesters mistakenly picket Vauxhall dealership 5
Scronnyglonkle 3 years
‘Make our day Muzzos,’ says Olympic Security Chief. 0
daneade 3 years

Olympic Security Chief Sir Peter Anderson admitted today he’s dying to blow some ‘Johnny Muzzo chaps’ to kingdom come during the Games. Confident security at the Games was ‘tighter than a...