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Vatican apologises for 'Francis the Fist' typo 0
LensCap 14.03.13 11:03pm
Cheltenham Handicap Stakes

Small meaty pieces for your vegatables...

Nosey 14.03.13 10:13pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
One U-turn too many, Cameron lost in own colon. 1
olddoc 14.03.13 10:10pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
UK is "Pothole Central" and thats' official.

But a bold new plan by the Ministry of Roads and Taxes might save the day. "It would take years and billions" said a spokesman "to fix all of them the usual way by dolloping in some lukewarm tar. But...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 14.03.13 10:07pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Vatican Industries unveils all new iPope

Fans of Vatican products gathered from all over the world in St Peter's Square, to be the one of the first to see the eagerly anticipated new model of Pope, unveiled by Vatican Industries. Despite...

Rizla 14.03.13 9:36pm
Small shop franchise to offer cut price female hygiene products

From now on it's SPAR for the curse. Oh dear, Oh dearOh dear...

A.A.Arkwright 14.03.13 9:11pm
Isle of Wight "too untidy to be left like that"

Say the Government.Plans are afoot to move it nearer the mainland to make the area look "neater and more British" A trusted Whitehall source said "Look, we can't go on with that awful untidy gap...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 14.03.13 9:11pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Cameron and "that report" by Lord Leveson

We spoke to Prime Minister Cameron's office today, the line was bad and we didn't get all of what they said but an aide did confirm that they all think he is "a anchor". They also denied being...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 14.03.13 8:54pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Pope Francis - the first 24 hours.

Our reporter caught up with His Holiness as he and many Cardinals celebrated with a few pints down the "Choirboy and Priest" in downtown Rome. He raised his head from the table and blessed the entire...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 14.03.13 8:43pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Woman Speak Explained No 27

If you are out together and she says "I need a Rimmel Counter" you might expect to have to buy her some strange device that er counts rimmels - but no. She only wants some lipstick!!...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 14.03.13 8:32pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
NewPope: Homosexuals, contraception still evil; Paedophiles must take more care 0
LensCap 14.03.13 7:14pm
New Pope to serve probationary period while CRB check clears. 0
custard cream 14.03.13 6:43pm
custard cream
New Pope found to contain 10% horse DNA

Vatican source have announced that as a matter of precaution they have tested the Argentinian Pope, in line with all other meat imports. They first became suspicious when the notoriously frugal...

funnyhaha 14.03.13 6:14pm
Old duffers refuse to die young in 'Generation War'.

Scientists have discovered that the older you are, the less likely you are to die young. In a special report entitled 'Generation War' facts have emerged which will resonate throughout the entire age...

crab-b-b 14.03.13 5:54pm
Actual Size
Oldham to be dismantled, brick by brick, and sold on eBay... - 2

Oldham, a small, unpleasant town in Lancashire whose principal exports are black puddings, pissheads and paedophiles, is to be demolished, says a government spokesman today, as a warning to other...

Tripod 14.03.13 3:47pm
Embarrassment as new Pope admits ‘I can’t speak a word of Latin’

Pope Francis has faced controversy on his first day in office, after admitting that he doesn’t know a single word of Latin. ‘To be honest, I’ve been winging it for years’, he explained. ...

TheNewsWalrus 14.03.13 3:41pm
Midfield Diamond
Great British Menu loser gets "Pah!" for the course

so so Neat-o...

beau-jolly 14.03.13 3:33pm
Sea to be re-branded as end to end beach facing global ocean solution 0
ronseal 14.03.13 2:49pm
Apparently its "Steak & BJ Day" today

Unfortunately its more likely to be Beans and leave-my-tits-alone-I'm-trying-to-watch-the-only-way-is-essex Day in my house...

Rootin Tootin 14.03.13 1:20pm
baron la croix
Pope Francis proposes radical solution to sex scandals as castrati re-introduced

Newly elected Pope Francis has a radical solution to the church's child sex scandals with the return of castrati to the choirs around the world. A Vatican spokesman explained: "Any priest found to...

apepper 14.03.13 1:00pm
Queen's problem finally diagnosed - it's 'old age'

Doctors at the London hospitals treating Her Majesty the Queen are getting increasingly annoyed the attitude of the woman they refer to only as ‘ER’, as in “ ’er over there”. “We have...

baron la croix 14.03.13 12:30pm
baron la croix
World in shock as Jim Bowen elected Pope 0
reforse 14.03.13 12:26pm
US golfer gets unexpected hole-in-one 0
Scroat 14.03.13 12:18pm
Pope commissions new 'Maradona & child' painting for Sistene chapel

more soon, (Satan made me do it)...

Squudge 14.03.13 11:53am
Midfield Diamond
Pope claims "Malvinas are Argentinian, and I'm infallible so nuh-di-nuh to you!" 0
Smart Alex 14.03.13 10:12am
Smart Alex
Vatican announce new line of 'Frankie Say' t-shirts. More soon...

MADJEZ 14.03.13 10:05am
Vatican claims ownership of the Malvinas

Its not about the oil, mind...

Rootin Tootin 14.03.13 10:04am
Rootin Tootin
Abu Qatada incensed at not being Pope

Speaking from his luxurious London home he slammed the Conclave for not chosing him. " It's discrimination" he said " Why even the second word of my job title is Preacher but they still didn't choose...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 14.03.13 9:47am
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Arrested Geology Prof says he was only "collecting feldspar for the course".

No more soon...

Al OPecia 14.03.13 9:42am
Al OPecia
"Going a tad too far" as BBC Pope election pundit uses Hawk-eye and Telestrator 7
thackaray 14.03.13 9:30am