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ITV Commission Ben Elton to Write Big Screen Version of 'Only When I Laugh' 0
SJM 02.05.13 8:07pm
SJM
Death toll in Somalia increases as Spice Girls’ Musical closes

Violence has broken out again among clan-based warlords in Somalia, as news spread that the musical “Viva Forever!” was to close in June. Twenty years of civil war, had been halted while the...

0
Wrenfoe 02.05.13 8:06pm
Wrenfoe
Pope announces "this town isn't big enough for the both of us" 0
Adam Lewis 02.05.13 7:38pm
Adam Lewis
People who forget passwords 'not suffering from Alzheimer's' say doctors

People who forget their computer and mobile phone passwords may not be suffering from the early stages of Alzheimer's according to doctors. 'It may just be a sign that someone forgot to write it...

0
roybland 02.05.13 7:33pm
roybland
Overzealous police arrest Street star following cockroach complaint 1
medici2471 02.05.13 5:56pm
Vanburger
TV presenter misunderstood the phrase "Jeux sans frontieres", says his defence. 1
dominic_mcg 02.05.13 5:39pm
Wrenfoe
One half of rap duo dies. His former partner is said to be Kross. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 02.05.13 5:38pm
Wrenfoe
Unnamed celebrity questioned over historical self-abuse allegations

Police in Greater Manchester are questioning a 93 year old man in relation to an alleged series of self-abuse incidents which took place in the 1940’s. It is understood that the man was arrested...

9
Dick Everyman 02.05.13 5:17pm
Dick Everyman
"It takes a thief to catch a thief" boasts Yewtree Officer

(more later)...

0
Wrenfoe 02.05.13 5:15pm
Wrenfoe
BBC to give equal opportunities to bullies

The BBC announced today that it is introducing a new policy concerning bullying. 'We have looked carefully at our policy,' said a spokesman, 'and we realised that our current bullying policy...

0
John Wiltshire 02.05.13 2:33pm
John Wiltshire
Stuart another in the haul, will play ball after all

As a rule the press can have a ball with nothing at all, but on Stuart Hall to add to the haul, another story another fall. With his back against the wall, 'No need to stool,' say's Stuart Hall, 'I...

0
Vanburger 02.05.13 2:18pm
Vanburger
Amanda Knox wins plaudits in new Star Trek movie

Sci-fi blockbuster Star Trek “Into Darkness” has received beaming reviews from the world press, not least for mysterious villainess played by Amanda Knox. Ms Knox gives a stand-out performance...

4
Wrenfoe 02.05.13 2:17pm
Wrenfoe
Signed edition of sex offenders register expected to raise fortune at auction 3
sredni vashta 02.05.13 1:59pm
Oxbridge
Cat claims "just cleaning my paw" and not a NAZI salute 0
simonjmr 02.05.13 1:50pm
simonjmr
Stuart Hall to host new series of It's A Nonce Out

Far too many more soon...

0
The Nage 02.05.13 1:17pm
The Nage
George Osborne replaced by Bert the chimney sweep

In a cabinet shake-up, chancellor George Osborne has been replaced by Bert the chimney sweep from Mary Poppins. In a statement from Number 10, David Cameron said: 'If George Osborne thinks that the...

0
John Wiltshire 02.05.13 12:59pm
John Wiltshire
'Watch it, poor people', warns financial regulator

The financial regulator has issued a threat to poor people, who are really asking for it, being poor and everything. A spokesperson said: “Most of the poor are living off benefits, which is...

0
monkeyrepublic 02.05.13 12:43pm
monkeyrepublic
Victims of school bullying urged to fight back with poetry

A leading authority on English literature has suggested a revolutionary approach to battling school bullies - the recitation of poetry. Professor John Barking of Hay-on-Rye University says that the...

1
sredni vashta 02.05.13 12:04pm
sredni vashta
UKIP launch investigation into 'normal' candidate

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has ordered an urgent investigation into how their candidate for West Wiltshire, Dave Morgan, appears to be perfectly normal. 'He has a lovely wife and two lovely children,...

0
John Wiltshire 02.05.13 11:43am
John Wiltshire
Amanda Knox to visit Meredith Kercher's grave - buys hob-nailed dancing boots

No more soon - or ever, we hope...

0
John Wiltshire 02.05.13 11:32am
John Wiltshire
UKIP cuts ties with Pepsi

In move designed to distance themselves from the carbonated soft -drink manufacturer, Nigel Farage (UKIP Leader) was forced to disavow Pepsi’s latest advertising campaign. Pepsi, a long term...

2
Wrenfoe 02.05.13 11:29am
Titus
Corrie stars Michael Le Vel and Peter Adamson to appear as character witnesses. 3
MADJEZ 02.05.13 11:16am
MADJEZ
Wealthy pensioners urged to "cut back on portraits"

The Department for Work and Pensions today issued guidelines considered by opponents to be the second wave of an attack on universality of benefits for people of pensionable age. "We think it is...

0
johnnydobbo 02.05.13 10:57am
johnnydobbo
The Rovers Returns to it's roots and renamed The Yewtree

Historical acts performed by Historical actors...

6
Vanburger 02.05.13 10:48am
raudus
Greeks to stage “Fifty Shades of Grey” the Musical

In response to tough austerity measures under way in Greece, trade unions have decided to stage a 24 hour musical extravaganza based on E.L James’ erotic trilogy. Cashing in on the economic...

4
Wrenfoe 02.05.13 10:43am
Wrenfoe
Hall clarifies: “pernicious, callous, cruel and above all spurious” means true 0
Yikes 02.05.13 10:12am
Yikes
In Business: Joe Dixon of Spondoolica Group

Joe Dixon is CEO of Spondoolica Group, whose mission statement reveals that they “seek to empower the people of Britain, boost consumer confidence and stimulate the sustained customer-led economic...

3
Sir Lupus 02.05.13 10:08am
Sir Lupus
UKIP campaign for Primark to build "British sweatshops for British workers" 0
Sir Lupus 02.05.13 9:58am
Sir Lupus
Surviving workers suggest Primark pay compensation upfront as "decent wages" 0
Sir Lupus 02.05.13 9:57am
Sir Lupus
Ronnie O’Sullivan retires, un-retires, retires again during mid-session interval

Enigmatic reigning World Snooker Champion, Ronnie O’Sullivan, today retired, changed his mind and then reverted to his original decision again during the 10-minute break between sessions in his...

4
Long Distance Clara 02.05.13 9:39am
Wrenfoe