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"You can't win anything with kids" says Glasgow swimming commentator Alan Hanson

hat tip to bookiesfriend...

2
beckfordburger 29.07.14 7:04pm
IABP 2
OKCupid admits it did put Cheryl Tweedy & Ashley Cole together as an experiment.

The dating agency admitted deliberately setting people up with bad matches. This has gone on for many years. Other bad matches include Heather Mills and Sir Paul McCartney, Jordan and the last 20...

0
IABP 2 29.07.14 6:58pm
IABP 2
Bankers: 'Criminal Fraud Is Not Really Criminal Or A Fraud, If You're A Banker'. 0
Titus 29.07.14 6:27pm
Titus
Tattooists 'Concerned' about Government Immigration Policy

Paul Dates, Chairperson of the British Tattooists Society, has expressed concerns about the immigration restrictions announced today. 'What Mr Cameron needs to realise,' he said to a press...

0
throngsman 29.07.14 6:18pm
throngsman
Clegg hopeful LibDem fracking licence unearths some votes

The Liberal Democrats revealed today that the party had applied for a fracking licence. Party Leader, Nick Clegg explained, "Our support since we went into coalition with the Conservatives and...

0
cinnahmon 29.07.14 5:52pm
cinnahmon
'I'd have made podium if it wasn't for those medalling kids' says ageing swimmer 3
bookiesfriend 29.07.14 4:27pm
beckfordburger
Cameron orders stable doors to be locked at all UK immigration points 1
beckfordburger 29.07.14 3:46pm
IABP 2
Liam Neeson warns illegal immigrants: we will find you and send you home

Oh alright, it was Cameron really. Standing in front of a mirror and pointing a finger...

0
Landfill 29.07.14 3:37pm
Landfill
Bank robberies with starter pistols causing much confusion in Glasgow 0
sydalg 29.07.14 3:03pm
sydalg
Exorcised girl "misses panoramic view" 0
sydalg 29.07.14 3:01pm
sydalg
Mint laxative warning ignored by Kettering man

As an inveterate reader of packaging, 37-year-old Kettering warehouseman Keith Markup always knew that excessive consumption of mints could produce laxative effects. But these days, he says, he just...

4
Bravenewmalden 29.07.14 2:39pm
beau-jolly
New 'folding towels' test for immigrants

Immigrants will soon have to pass a new stiff test on towel folding as a condition of living in the UK if the Conservatives win the next general election. There might also be a test on soft towel...

0
roybland 29.07.14 1:33pm
roybland
UK Sanctions Against Russia To Include 'Downton Abbey' Rationing

In a move clearly aimed at the Russian people's patience with Vladimir Putin, the UK is to enact a series of cultural embargoes and sanctions against Russia. It was highlighted that the first of such...

0
SimonJJames 29.07.14 1:19pm
SimonJJames
Gherkin skyscraper put up for sale

Sesame Bun extra...

0
Dun Dunkin 29.07.14 12:19pm
Dun Dunkin
Chinese Claim Cure for Homosexuality

"No one in our labour camps is homosexual any more"...

0
Dun Dunkin 29.07.14 12:17pm
Dun Dunkin
Sticky End For Those Who Become Insolvent 0
Dun Dunkin 29.07.14 12:14pm
Dun Dunkin
Brits Going to Help IDF Blow Up Gaza 'Not a problem' 0
Dun Dunkin 29.07.14 11:21am
Dun Dunkin
Justice served as £218 million fine to be paid by Lloyd's guilty customers

"For the journey"...

0
AReader 29.07.14 10:23am
AReader
Scottish youth to vote 'yes' after Scotland hit gold in Men's Pairs Lawn Bowls

The youth of Scotland now look ‘almost certain’ to vote ‘yes’ in September’s historic referendum, following the country’s inspiring success at Men’s Pairs Lawn Bowls at the Commonwealth...

0
Jesus H 29.07.14 9:44am
Jesus H
Fracking License detector vans roll out on British roads from today.

Fracking license detector vans have hit the streets of Britain following a campaign of letters sent to every household warning that a license is required to do fracking. Those not in possession of a...

0
IABP 2 29.07.14 9:44am
IABP 2
Solar panels most effective in caves, facing Mars, say scientists 0
beckfordburger 29.07.14 9:38am
beckfordburger
Russia phones National Bullying Helpline

In the weepy small hours of the weekend, the peoples of the Russian Federation jammed phone lines with complaints of harassment and online bullying by members of the UN. In a week that has seen the...

1
Wrenfoe 29.07.14 9:24am
Titus
Lying to steal money is 'not a crime' say UK Bankers

Too Big to Fail means Too Big To Jail...

1
Dun Dunkin 29.07.14 9:08am
Titus
August reminds teachers how much they love teaching

As their second week of holiday looms, ink stains fade and the Prozac leaves their system most teachers are reminded just how rewarding their job is if only they could phase out their students. As...

5
Wrenfoe 29.07.14 6:58am
throngsman
House of Lords defines "revenge porn" as Ann Widdicombe selfie 0
Sinnick 29.07.14 6:56am
Sinnick
Seven seconds of exercise too much effort

A recent pilot study of pensioner's health has raised fears that scientists are competing to offer the public effortless routes to eternal life. The new claim that six seconds of exercise 'can...

4
Wrenfoe 29.07.14 6:53am
rogerg
MP David Ruffley Very Sorry To Resign But You All Asked For It

The Bury St Edmunds MP today announced he was to step down after he had been put under pressure after accepting a police caution for a common assault on his former partner earlier this year. He...

0
SimonJJames 28.07.14 10:04pm
SimonJJames
Military aggressively investing in hashtag technology 0
Dumbnews 28.07.14 8:28pm
Dumbnews
England expected to medal in Misuse of Nouns event of Commonwealth Games

More to follow...

0
apepper 28.07.14 6:59pm
apepper
Special K women in court on suspicion of theft

A gang of beautiful women appeared in court today facing charges of theft and trespassing. The women of mixed origins were nabbed last week at a barn in Kent where Police found them feasting on their...

2
Robopop 28.07.14 6:57pm
Robopop