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Guilty gynaecologist puts his hand up 6
Sinnick 09.06.14 5:38pm
FOAD
No Porking Road marking 'Not Spelling Mistake'

"People think we mispelt it. It's not No Parking it really is No Porking as we have problems with doggers around here"...

0
Dun Dunkin 09.06.14 5:21pm
Dun Dunkin
National mourning results in roars of laughter 1
Adrian Bamforth 09.06.14 3:57pm
Underconstruction
Tesco’s burger blamed for fall in police dog and horse numbers

Animal welfare groups are concerned that government spending cuts may have resulted in an ‘outsourcing’ of police animal units to the fast food sector. During the last year we have seen an 11.6%...

2
Wrenfoe 09.06.14 3:53pm
Underconstruction
Thank-you RIP Mr Rik Mayall

The young ones,, Darling we're the young ones,, And young ones shouldn't be afraid. To live, love, While the flame is strong,, For we won't be the young ones very long. Tomorrow,, Why wait...

1
Underconstruction 09.06.14 3:44pm
Adrian Bamforth
'Living in a Box' to re-form as 'Living in a Re-cyclable Box'

Doorway to Heaven etc...

0
Underconstruction 09.06.14 3:44pm
Underconstruction
Limbless female artist invents the Labia-Doodle 0
Underconstruction 09.06.14 3:41pm
Underconstruction
Harry Potter themed Boy Band "Wand Erection" to tour later this year 1
moanygit 09.06.14 3:24pm
bonjonelson
Cameron acts swiftly to deal with controversial 'anti-homeless spikes'

PM David Cameron has launched a ‘practical compassion’ initiative to deal with 'Tramp Studs', the controversial deterrents to rough sleepers in doorways. A crack squad of Indian fakirs have been...

1
pinxit 09.06.14 2:52pm
Sinnick
London sees spike in number of homeless 2
bookiesfriend 09.06.14 2:32pm
deceangli
Classics buff points out 'You can't have an Islamic Trojan Horse' 0
custard cream 09.06.14 1:18pm
custard cream
Roy Hodgson names Help the Aged as team sponsor.

‘I have been on the lookout for one of these in my size for a long time' said the manager yesterday, sporting his new rain proof jacket with large-print logo and woollen inner lining., With the...

0
Robert Koch 09.06.14 12:51pm
Robert Koch
Cameron relegates Gove to the naughty step 0
custard cream 09.06.14 12:38pm
custard cream
OFSTED to put Gove and May in Special Measures. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 09.06.14 12:21pm
Al OPecia
Four year Turing test ends after Clegg reveals he is a 13 year old boy 0
Not Amused 09.06.14 11:46am
Not Amused
Justin Bieber fails Turing Test

More to follow...

0
apepper 09.06.14 11:19am
apepper
Bespoke ruler manufacturer put on special measures. 1
Ian Searle 09.06.14 10:47am
AReader
Girls banned and pupils performing strange rituals: Ofsted Eton report published 0
Sir Lupus 09.06.14 9:49am
Sir Lupus
Piers Morgan praying his face is 'really, really evolved'

Professional cnut and celebrity botherer Piers Morgan has tweeted his concern regarding recent research which suggests that male facial anatomy has evolved just so it can 'take a punch'. 'What if...

0
RobArmstrong 09.06.14 9:47am
RobArmstrong
Hackney Marshes park-keeper begins picking up dog-shit (just in case)

With memories of the World Cup in South Africa 2010 fresh in his mind, Hackney Park-Keeper Alan Pike has begun collecting dog shit "Just in case 2018 is re-located". The 73 year old is convinced...

0
Underconstruction 09.06.14 9:05am
Underconstruction
I didn't want my son to end up talking to plants, says King Juan Carlos 2
sydalg 09.06.14 8:54am
Underconstruction
Biographer uncertain about Heisenberg's principles. 2
Maverick 09.06.14 8:52am
Underconstruction
Troys'r'us predict wooden horse will be xmas best-seller

High St giant Troys'r'us are hoping to storm the market and make their wooden horse the most sought after gift for extremists of all ages this Christmas. The game, which can involve up to 6 players...

0
Underconstruction 09.06.14 8:48am
Underconstruction
Nursing home veteran charged with desertion by Oak Tree Care Ltd

A 97 year old D-Day veteran is to be court-marshalled after walking out of the dining area of his Shropshire nursing home and travelling to France. Billy Sims, a former infantryman, faces a possible...

2
Underconstruction 09.06.14 8:47am
RobArmstrong
Man without 4G still making a fist of it

Although Jake Blades (20) can't receive 4G where he lives, he is still soldiering on. 'It's a real struggle sometimes trying to get by on 3G,' he admits, 'but I'm determined to make a fist of it.'...

0
roybland 09.06.14 8:39am
roybland
Mail Reports School Children in Oxted Forced to Wear Black Turbans.

The paper has today revealed that the Curriculum for Oxted Comprehensive included; maintenance of the AK 47, honour killing, stoning etiquette, spot the infidel classes and disguising suicide vests. ...

1
Rumour Control 09.06.14 8:34am
AReader
Jimmy Savile, photocopier salesman, sues Savile estate for loss of earnings

A photocopier salesman from Bradford has successfully sued the estate of the late Jimmy Savile after he was sacked by his employer LB Photocopiers. James 'Jimmy' Savile brought the claim after being...

1
bookiesfriend 09.06.14 8:32am
AReader
Qatar latest: FIFA to conduct a second round of bribery.

Repost alert! I am reposting this because it is still topical, I made an error in the original and a repost just got on the FP...

0
weematt 09.06.14 8:14am
weematt
Vatican City on standby for World cup

Doubts over Cameroon’s participation in the World Cup has forced organisers into alerting Vatican City’s wild-card team, known as the ‘Holy Ballers’, to pack their bags in anticipation of a...

1
Mork 09.06.14 7:17am
Oxbridge
Police Dogs Units to be Expanded to Include Poodles.

In an effort to combat the decline in numbers of police dogs and comply with diversity regulations, Police Dog training is now to be open to Poodles. Despite complaints from a number of hard line...

0
Rumour Control 09.06.14 5:52am
Rumour Control