Topic — Add New » Comments Votes Author Last Comment
Man ‘angry’ as son comes 1,954,343rd in new ranking system

Dad of three Anthony Thomas has spoken of his anger today after he discovered his son, Michael, who he admits isn’t the sharpest spoon in the fridge, came an embarrassing 1,954,343rd in the UK’s...

2
Jesus H 17.07.13 1:04pm
sydalg
Chelsea offer a sack of spuds and a granny for Wayne Rooney

Chelsea today dramatically increased the pressure on Manchester United to sell Wayne Rooney, by offering him a sack of potatoes and the unlimited use of a granny. Rooney's spokesman said: 'Wayne...

2
John Wiltshire 17.07.13 12:47pm
Sinnick
Disneyland to allow shooting of costumed stereotype characters who get too close

Disneyland in Orlando, Florida has become the first theme park in the world where staff dressed as adorable, stereotype characters can be shot on sight if they ‘step too close’ or appear to be on...

15
Arthur 17.07.13 12:44pm
Sinnick
Hopes fade for NASA technicians without food or water

30 NASA tecnicians have again failed to successfully launch a vehicle on a run to the "butty van" due to adverse wind conditions. They hope to try again later in the day, but time is now running...

0
grottymonty 17.07.13 12:16pm
grottymonty
Simon Bates to be tried for crimes against humanity

Following a short but successful twitter campaign, Simon Bates was this morning arrested and taken to The Hague to stand trial for subjecting the nation to the misery and despair of "our tune" for...

0
grottymonty 17.07.13 12:00pm
grottymonty
Prince Charles ‘rough as a dog’s arse’ after pre-baby Royal bender

Prince Charles is said to be in a ‘stable but delicate’ condition today after a small measure of Barrogill Whisky to ‘settle nerves’ over the imminent arrival of his first grandchild turned...

3
Jesus H 17.07.13 10:54am
Squudge
Porn fans' outrage as film subtitles revealed to be faked

A new scandal has rocked the sex film industry as the subtitle writer for thousands of foreign videos has admitted he was just making it up as he went along and "hadn't the foggiest idea" what the...

0
sydalg 17.07.13 10:30am
sydalg
Man with 13 fingers insists he's "digitally enhanced", not inbred 0
sydalg 17.07.13 10:23am
sydalg
Man arrested in nudist colony for indecent concealment 0
sydalg 17.07.13 10:22am
sydalg
Actor Andy Serkis to name child after 2012 university boat race winning team 1
Smart Alex 17.07.13 8:36am
Oxbridge
America set to invade self after new oil reserves discovered 8
Squudge 17.07.13 8:34am
sponge finger
Police witnessed Ray Wilkins driving from side to side rather than forwards 3
Backup Brian 17.07.13 7:13am
Scronnyglonkle
Cutbacks mean UK only able to end the world on alternate Thursdays 2
blacklesbianandproudofit 17.07.13 7:11am
Scronnyglonkle
Rooney angry and confused after being asked to sign on the dotted line in pen 0
ginty 17.07.13 5:45am
ginty
Theologians reconsider merits of Holy Books with 1-star Amazon reviews 0
Dumbnews 17.07.13 5:02am
Dumbnews
Pope calls for prayers as God's "running out of ideas"

His Holiness the Pope has admitted that almighty God is scratching around for things to do and has turned to people to pray in some ideas. "In the past, some of his ideas didn't quite work out - do...

3
apepper 17.07.13 12:22am
Arthur
Fears rise in the U.S. of invasion by the U.S.

A steeper-than-expected rise in US shale oil reserves means that there is now a very real threat of a U.S. led invasion on U.S. soil. Pentagon chiefs have already identified local targets, as part of...

2
Wrenfoe 16.07.13 10:30pm
Arthur
Winnie the Pooh " a bit of a shit" recalls Christopher Robin 10
nickb 16.07.13 10:27pm
blacklesbianandproudofit
Bill Shankly's 'Life and Death' quote to quit Match of the Day for ITV

Gary Lineker could be forced to use a new quote about football, after Bill Shankly's More Important Than Life and Death quip is to jump ships for ITV. Under the Bosman ruling, the quip is a free...

2
ronseal 16.07.13 10:16pm
blacklesbianandproudofit
Poseidon's trident to be downgraded to 'spear'

Not content with halving the UK's Trident submarine fleet, the Lib Dems are proposing a wholescale reduction in all things thematically linked to the Greek pantheon. Henceforth the God of the Sea...

2
Not Amused 16.07.13 9:08pm
Wrenfoe
MCC hit squad sent in to get some runs.

I'm on a roll...

0
deskpilot3 16.07.13 8:54pm
deskpilot3
NHS hit squad sent in to tackle failing Government.

Nurse! The screens.!!...

0
deskpilot3 16.07.13 8:53pm
deskpilot3
George Zimmerman Living In Fear Of Possible Attack By Armed Vigilante 0
Textbook 16.07.13 8:38pm
Textbook
Unsuccessful Lord Chief Justice candidates suffering from penis envy. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 16.07.13 7:10pm
dominic_mcg
Jady Goody the Opera set to open in East Angular... 1
Tripod 16.07.13 6:59pm
Al OPecia
Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs is World's First Book and Weather Forecast

The European Center for Medium-Range Weather Forecasts (an actual thing) has forecasted clouds and a fairly great chance of meatballs for Friday in Central Italy. Meteorologists at ECMWF (the actual...

0
jmg16 16.07.13 5:17pm
jmg16
Apathy Society struggling, despite low interest rates. 2
bonjonelson 16.07.13 3:49pm
Lindy Moone
Severe hayfever sufferers angry at talk of a nosepipe ban 3
Not Amused 16.07.13 3:21pm
Not Amused
Businesses could retain customers by not treating them like cunts, says report

A new report has rocked the marketing industry to its foundations, by claiming that keeping customers is remarkably simple. If true, it would mean that marketing gurus, search engine optimisers and...

4
ronseal 16.07.13 2:55pm
ronseal
Man finds his dream date on a surreal palm tree 3
Smart Alex 16.07.13 2:38pm
Wrenfoe