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Man wakes to find new Tesco in right ear 1
Rizzo 3 years

Stephen Bath, a 44 year old Office Manager from Watford was astonished to find that a Tesco Metro Store had opened for business in his ear canal. After waking from a deep sleep suddenly by the sound...

Old man reminisces the time when ugly things today were cool 0
Dumbnews 3 years
BAFTA’s; No Sherlock? Shit! 0
Thor 3 years
James Naughtie dreading tomorrow's top news item. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
French election version of "Question time" to be titled "je ne sais quoi" 1
Scronnyglonkle 3 years

more who knows when...

Garth Crooks an "outstanding candidate" for England job, says FA chairman 0
clicktingstampz 3 years

The Football Association today dismissed criticism of its efforts to pick a new manager of the English national team, insisting an appointment would be made by “2020 at the latest”., FA chairman...

New lavatory endurance record set by boy with games console 1
Midfield Diamond 3 years

An 11-year old boy has beaten the previous record for sitting on a toilet after spending an entire weekend in the smallest room. Grabbing his Nintendo DS, Jack Connolly announced that he was...

Barcelona 'still haven't given the ball back' claims furious Abramovitch 1
Screenie 3 years

'They still refused to let us have the ball even after the match', fumed the multi-millionaire, 'although to be fair we did give them a bit of a head start; their coach was in the car park ready as...

Historians look for previous example of short-arse French leader tasting defeat 2
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years
Billionaires join forces to mine haemorrhoids 0
beau-jolly 3 years

A group of high profile billionaires, including film director and bottom plunger James Cameron and Google's chief executive Larry “Nobby” Page, have formed a company to mine haemorrhoids., Using...

CCTV catches Jeremy Hunt jumping up and down on Chinese pavement 0
Screenie 3 years
Amazon apoligises over mixed up order for 2 baskets 5
Rowly 3 years

Adding a basket to the basket can cause confusion, as Mrs T discovered., "These Rush Baskets are very nice, but I got a bit Hampered by the terminology of the ordering dept., I needed to order 2...

Alan Turing papers released by GCHQ show doodles of apples, flowers, and Hitler 4
Nails UK 3 years
Plans for Ackroyd mining annouced in South Yorkshire 0
Scronnyglonkle 3 years
Shakespeare recognised by digital marketing guru for his 'compelling content' 5
ronseal 3 years

The birthday of one of Britain's greatest writers of 'compelling content' has been marked by Tim Crowley, Britain's leading digital marketing creative. "I've no doubt that is Shakespeare was alive...

Weather "unusually average" claims met office 1
apepper 3 years

The UK is undergoing a record breaking spell of typical weather; "The weather hasn't been this typical since 1934, and that was unusually usual.", explained a met office spokesman...

Chelsea furious after UEFA blocks bid to park bus in front of goal at Barca 0
clicktingstampz 3 years

CHELSEA boss Roberto Di Matteo has blasted UEFA for blocking his side's bid to park a bus in front of their goal ahead of tonight's Champions League clash with Barcelona at the Nou Camp., Chelsea...

South Yorkshire villiage of Jump seeks link with Area 51 USA and Somerset Street 0
simonjmr 3 years

Following closely behind Perthshires Dull's attempts to twin with Boring in Oregon. Mike Cuthbert of Jump hopes that once the twinning has gone ahead the impoverised mining village can take...

French voters enter final fortnight of Bruni-Sarkozy marriage 0
The Paper Ostrich 3 years

The latest opinion polls in France have shown that Carla Bruni's marriage to struggling president Nicolas Sarkozy may have as little as two weeks left before the start of divorce proceedings. Just...

Russell Brand called, as public die of boredom at Leveson Inquiry 0
nostra da mouse 3 years
Home Secretary deports “fanatical” Abu Qatada to Geordieland 1
Yikes 3 years

Home Secretary Theresa May yesterday confirmed that fanatical Muslim cleric Abu Qatada has been deported to Newcastle. The move happened on Tuesday last week, with immigration officials whisking Mr...

Under pressure May to deport Timmy Mallett instead 0
ianslat 3 years

Under fire Home Secretary Theresa May has told the House of Commons that following their inability to deport Abu Qatada to Jordan the Government has commenced proceedings to deport Timmy Mallett to...

Met Office reveals 5
Rootin Tootin 3 years

that 2012 could be the wettest drought since records began...

Met. Office admit manipulating weather using reverse psychology 0
Psycadelic Squirrel 3 years
NASA plan to launch pasty into space denounced as "Pie in the Sky" 2
Sinnick 3 years
Firefighters fined for repeatedly flouting hosepipe ban 12
Mary Evans 3 years

A fire station in south-west London has become the first casualty of the hosepipe fines after continuing to breach the conditions laid down by the drought restrictions. ‘Despite numerous written...

Newham Council outsources Social Clensing to every other Tuesday 0
Scronnyglonkle 3 years
Tourettes Sufferers With Swear Boxes, To Link Up With Savings Bank..... 2
Jesse Bigg 3 years

'It's effing logical, in it!'...

New "Granny" Sat-Navs Also Able To Locate Keys....... 1
Jesse Bigg 3 years

.purses, TV controls and "What have I come upstairs for?"...

Rangers blue 'cos Whyte's in the red 4
charlies_hat 3 years