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John and George tell Paul and Ringo to "hurry up" for posthumous reunion 0
sydalg 13.09.13 10:10am
Gareth Bale ‘too valuable’ to be risked in matches...

Carlo Ancelotti, manager of Real Madrid, has admitted that Gareth Bale, the most expensive footballer in the world, is now too valuable to play in matches. “The player is fully ensured - third...

Tripod 13.09.13 10:10am
MP's accused of playing the Family Fortune game

A major new MP’s expense scandal erupted in the press to over politicians employing family member in key support roles whilst paying then salaries only Championship footballers would dream of. The...

Scronnyglonkle 13.09.13 10:04am
Sun renames Royal Family Saxe-Coburg-Gotcha 0
sydalg 13.09.13 10:00am
Crematorium flashmob fails to become viral internet meme.

(VERY VERY SLIGHT RE-VERSION), Village vicar The Revd Pete Fraser is said to be devastated that his latest ‘viral’ video has failed to set the world of social media alight. The four minute clip...

Skylarking 13.09.13 9:45am
Fishmongers hail leader's "I have a Bream" speech 9
nickb 13.09.13 9:44am
Architects and Artisans wanted

Bored with your five bed detached Victorian mansion? The chic boutiques of the royal spa town no longer hold the appeal that first drew you to its quiet, leafy avenues? A bit of a show-off? What do...

Robopop 13.09.13 9:13am
Twitter to limit shares to 140 per buyer

More or less soon...

Coco 13.09.13 9:08am
Free in today's issue - your handy do-it-yourself facebook news feed

Save hours of time and tedium by creating your own facebook news feed. Just follow this simple step-by-step guide: Insert motivational tripe <here>, Insert picture of someone else's kids...

Sfox 13.09.13 8:18am
Voyager goes beyond the edge of the solar system, edge of Cameron's ego in view 0
gregle 13.09.13 8:04am
Prince William to become pointless 1
nickb 13.09.13 7:56am
Last Post for Royal Male as Prince William leaves RAF

Despite delivering a first class service for many years, the Royal Male known as Prince William is to be sold off by the Government. The RAF Search and Rescue pilot has completed his last posting on...

Midfield Diamond 13.09.13 7:53am
Aliens decare war on "weird naked people from the planet seventies" 0
phil_smith 13.09.13 6:24am
Psychics strike against 2016 pay freeze 3
sydalg 13.09.13 6:19am
TWITTER to become QUACK after floatation 0
Ian Searle 13.09.13 5:41am
Ian Searle
DIY proctologist admits being up his own arse. 0
Ian Searle 13.09.13 5:25am
Ian Searle
History Channel accused of always repeating itself. 0
Ian Searle 13.09.13 5:24am
Ian Searle
Man covered in tattoos needs more to express his stupidity 1
Dumbnews 12.09.13 10:37pm
Obama counts to four: declares thumb war

In an unprecedented act of unilateralism, president Barack Obama last night declared a thumb war. In an historic speech outside the white house the President stood fast behind the podium and began to...

doublepaulrice 12.09.13 9:52pm
Assad To Hand Over Poison Gas Which He 'Hasn't Got' Because Putin 'Asked Nicely

and absolutely not at all, of course, because the US has threatened strikes, says ever-truthful Assad...

Titus 12.09.13 9:31pm
Russia to join EU

Sources close to the European Commission president Jose Manuel Barroso confirmed last night that his prediction that UKip will win next year's European elections was designed to hasten the UK's exit...

Silver 12.09.13 9:18pm
Shock as creator of After Eight mints dies at 19:59 0
custard cream 12.09.13 8:10pm
custard cream
Sealed Knot society branches into Cyber wars to recreate DDOS attack on GCHQ

Members of war re-enactment cult The Sealed Knot are to recreate the famous Denial of Service digital attack on Britain's GCHQ. In a field outside Cheltenham, thousands of members will dress as data...

ronseal 12.09.13 7:27pm
NASA reveals Voyager now entering cold dark area devoid of atmosphere - Ventnor. 2
Al OPecia 12.09.13 7:23pm
Corporate Manslaughter leads to cheaper Season Tickets

While many sports' commentators assumed admission prices were determined by what percentage of Gareth Bale's body you owned, it transpires that the revenue needs of Football clubs are index-linked to...

Wrenfoe 12.09.13 7:22pm
Snow White to sue Mirror

Following revelations about phone hacking, nursery favourite Snow White announced her intention to sue the Mirror. In a statement released by her solicitors, she complained that for years she...

Coco 12.09.13 7:09pm
William prepares for life of listless idleness, starts talking to plants. 0
Al OPecia 12.09.13 7:05pm
Al OPecia
Dr. Phil authors book, 'Fix your life in a million simple steps' 0
Dumbnews 12.09.13 6:58pm
The beast

FOAD 12.09.13 6:56pm
Al OPecia
Church of Wales seeks new term to replace “bishopric”

Following today’s outbreak of equality, the Church of Wales is seeking a new, more inclusive, term to replace the old-fashioned “bishopric”. Rev Olwyn Thomas of Carmarthen, who led the...

Coco 12.09.13 6:19pm