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Tesco to sell dehydrated ice 0
Gary Baldy 3 years

Marketing Director John Frampton explained that Tesco have been selling convenience foods such as instant mashed potatoes and frozen omelettes for years. Indeed, they have been printing obvious...

Film star regrets red carpet treatment after being rolled on the floor 0
Ian Searle 3 years

sprinkled with Shake'n Vac and having the Dyson run over them...

English Brewers League lose legal fight against pub that sells foreign beers 0
bonjonelson 3 years
Knox, Knox, who's there? 0
RJWinter 3 years

Pizzaman!!!!!...

Man not yet concieved recieves Nobel Prize for work on time travel 3
RJWinter 3 years
EDU defends England 'quiet night in' 1
simonjmr 3 years

The England Drinkers (EDU) bosses have backed captain Mike Tavistock and his team-mates following tabloid allegations about a quiet night in, whilst they are in New Zealand for the Drinkers World Cup...

OJ Simpson to ghost-write Amanda Knox Book. 1
miked10270 3 years

Will also have cameo in forthcoming film...

Chas n Dave deny cashing in on tragedy with release of "Mertcha!" 1
nickb 3 years
Cut school leaving until the age of 14, suggests former inspector of schools 13
Screenie 3 years

The former Chief inspector of schools, Chris Woodhead, has put himself firmly back in the spotlight today by suggesting that children should be kept at school, 24/7, until the age of 14. ‘Kids...

Old time entertainers suffer from "pre-minstrel tension" 1
nickb 3 years

Maureen and Dave Jones from Worcester are worried. The couple, now in their seventies, were to perform "Mamie" in the style of Al Jolson including full black-face make up, for their local amateur...

Autumn Aspects 1
Drylaw 3 years

Well it's that time of the year when the trees change their hue and the leaves start to fall hence the expression "Fall" so often used by our American cousins. An increasing feature in recent...

Keith Richards releases 'Gimme Sheltered Accommodation' 0
nickb 3 years
Free pint with cheap Greek football at your local now. 0
Ostsee 3 years
iPhone4 users to become obsolete by midnight. 2
Ostsee 3 years
RMT threatens shite and go for commuters 1
vertical 3 years

Desperate to combat planned attacks on pensions, RMT boss Bob Crow says that some union hardliners have been receiving covert training in an ancient Korean martial art. No Kan Do (pronounded [i]no...

Odd job man hired by surrealist 3
nickb 3 years

anchovy pyjamas...

World's largest telescope completed; "May see light at end of tunnel." 0
apepper 3 years

The Atacama large milllimetre/submillimetre array (ALMA) in Chile is the largest, most complex telescope ever built. The director of the telescope has optimistic expectations: "ALMA will be able to...

Isaac Newton finally to receive Nobel Prize. Next time Archimedes. 0
Ostsee 3 years
OJ and Foxy Knoxy both 'strangely hesitant' about Match.com pairing 0
pere floza 3 years
Celebrity crime rate rises as Aktinson's daughter steals spotlight at film show 0
Ian Searle 3 years
Judges say no to hard Knox life 0
Ian Searle 3 years

Adding, "the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar"...

Paperboy Shortage Hits as All Teenagers Go to University 1
kga6 3 years

With university fees set to rise from next year, every child leaving school this year has applied for a place on any course offered, just so they don't miss out. Parent, Julia Smith says, "It's like...

England full time alcoholic blames IRB for blighting his career 0
kevinkp 3 years

England hooligan and bon viveur, mike cuteo, today lambasted the old codgers at the, International Rugby Board for demanding too much from england's full time internationally acclaimed, superstars...

Man dies after eating an Apple a day 3
Perks 3 years

A 19 year old man died yesterday, after being advised to eat an apple a day by his doctor. Wayne Chavley was rushed to hospital after consuming 2 iphones, 3 ipads and a macbook air over the course of...

Hull ex-offender's scheme shows making life easy for people cuts down crime 3
Screenie 3 years

The Hull initiative, instead of giving people their full punishment, provides them with free training, guaranteed employment in a range of social enterprises and a share in the companies profits....

SMEs look forward to ficticious billions from career-politician bullshitters 0
antharrison 3 years

Small and medium enterprises across the UK are said to be delighted that "Billions will be made available to us" thanks to David Camerona and George Osborne as they unveiled the Observver book of...

Apple to sue Kate Moss 0
Screenie 3 years

'She's thin, white and pleasing on the eye. I'm damn sure we did that first,' explained a spokesman...

R Kelly finally concedes that he probably can’t fly 7
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years

R&B singer, songwriter, producer and alleged kiddy-fiddler R Kelly has finally admitted after 15 years that he can’t fly. The American music star had repeatedly stated over the last decade and...

Elderly Smoking Pimp is disgusted at retirement home's Hoes-N-Pipe Ban 0
Perks 3 years
R Kelly to record album of Dr Seuss-inspired songs 0
bonjonelson 3 years

Noted American rap star R Kelly (real name, Robert Sylvester Kelly) is proving once again that he has a unique connection with young people by collaborating on an album of new material with the...