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Details have been released of the Tim Vine gagging order... First the skip joke

Then the one about the camper van...

1
Ian Searle 06.07.14 4:31pm
godly1966
London Bus and Tube Rides to be Paid by Direct Debit

Cash is only used by poor people and we want to keep the riff raff out...

0
Dun Dunkin 06.07.14 3:41pm
Dun Dunkin
Cycle track to be built at Silverstone to save on TDF and F1 OB costs

Similarly the next World Cup Final will be played on the Centre court at Wimbledon...

0
Ian Searle 06.07.14 3:00pm
Ian Searle
Absolute cunt leaps to Pietersen's defence in Strauss row 0
Spartacus 06.07.14 2:29pm
Spartacus
Anyone who doesn’t rape children is a perv, say academics 0
beckfordburger 06.07.14 2:21pm
beckfordburger
Tell Healthy People They Have Cancer, Suggest Ministers

Thousands of people are to be falsely diagnosed with cancer, under revolutionary new government rules to diagnose as many sufferers as possible. The policy, to be implemented in the next few years,...

2
Joe Bloghead 06.07.14 1:57pm
AReader
Burglar ‘Wasn’t Aware that Breaking into House Was Illegal

Inspired by Andy Coulson’s defence when charged with phone-hacking, accused burglar John Smith, faced with overwhelming evidence, has pled ignorance that his actions were against the law. Smith at...

0
Joe Bloghead 06.07.14 1:29pm
Joe Bloghead
Sex abuse probe widens, Archangel Gabriel charged with rape of "Mary". 2
Maverick 06.07.14 12:45pm
IABP 2
New Childhood Craze Loomz on the Horizon, warns Experts. 0
IABP 2 06.07.14 12:43pm
IABP 2
David Miliband readied for last minute substitution in Election shoot-out

Labour Party chiefs, inspired by Dutch manager Louis Van Gaal's last minute switch of goalkeeper in last night's World Cup quarter-final, are preparing a last gasp replacement of their own in the run...

0
cinnahmon 06.07.14 10:55am
cinnahmon
Ladbrookes confirm God had £100 on Neymar injury

Ladbrookes have confirmed that God walked into one of their betting shops on the Old Kent Road just minutes before kick-off and placed a £5 bet on Columbia to make it through to the World Cup...

0
Gerontius 06.07.14 10:46am
Gerontius
Bill Oddie is next, claims massive cock.

There was a new twist in the Yewtree saga today as details began to emerge of an undercover operation investigating a known 'bird watcher'. Bill Oddie, a once-popular children's presenter from the...

24
Kevin the Swan 06.07.14 10:33am
Yikes
Tour de France Cambridge to London stage to be started by Norman Tebbit

"Ready! Get on your bikes! Go find work!"...

0
AReader 06.07.14 9:01am
AReader
Kurds fear impending lemon shortage. 4
Maverick 06.07.14 8:53am
Squudge
Dutch goalkeeper criticised for diving. More soon. 0
edwardlaird 06.07.14 8:46am
edwardlaird
John O'Farrell wins as comedy writer puts minimal effort into contribution

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Fusce justo enim, hendrerit non diam et, porta egestas purus. Aenean vel enim vitae eros fermentum sollicitudin venenatis eu nunc. Maecenas...

2
AReader 06.07.14 8:39am
sponge finger
All reet, on yer bikes, the lot o' thee, says Yorkshirman. 0
Maverick 05.07.14 10:31pm
Maverick
Lingerie firm La Senza goes tits-up. 0
MADJEZ 05.07.14 10:21pm
MADJEZ
Fred - The Lust, The Passion, The Man

I get the feeling that people don’t fully appreciate Brazilian striker Fred’s value to the team, his team-mates, or really anyone who might have ever been in his presence. Those closest to the...

2
05.07.14 9:04pm
AReader
British Gas fined for mistakenly offering customers 'service'. 0
deskpilot3 05.07.14 8:47pm
deskpilot3
Isis leader Abu Bakr al-Bigdadi appears in first TV wrestling match.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b5/Shirley_%22Big_Daddy%22_Crabtree.jpg...

0
MADJEZ 05.07.14 7:52pm
MADJEZ
Rolf spends second night showing cellmate his didgeridoo skills. 0
MADJEZ 05.07.14 7:49pm
MADJEZ
Fellow prisoner's explored Rolf's back catalogue on first night in cells 0
antharrison 05.07.14 7:35pm
antharrison
ISIS in crisis over western vices. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 05.07.14 7:00pm
dominic_mcg
British prisons now 'most entertaining in the world' 6
Adrian Bamforth 05.07.14 5:52pm
clarksn
Rolf's Harris 'didn't make it through the night.' 0
Ted King 05.07.14 4:40pm
Ted King
Criticising someone for being Commons Speaker is unacceptable, says short guy 0
beckfordburger 05.07.14 3:29pm
beckfordburger
Got 5 years for jailbait, mate, got 5 years for jailbait

Straight to cell from the court, sport, straight to cell from the court, Think me career's through, Lew, think me career's through, No more didgeridoo, Blue, no more didgeridoo...

0
blacklesbianandproudofit 05.07.14 2:18pm
blacklesbianandproudofit
Crowds cheer as Queen Elizabeth slides majestically into the water 3
AReader 05.07.14 12:59pm
AReader
Glaswegian man arrested as wrong Queen Elizabeth belted with bottle of whisky

More to follow...

0
apepper 05.07.14 12:07pm
apepper