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Higgs Boson Fails To Improve World 0
daneade 3 years

A week after being discovered the Higgs Boson has failed to improve anyone’s life in any way whatsoever. Devastated scientists at CERN have admitted they got a bit carried away with the discovery...

Dunblane cafe replaces Swiss roll with "Scottish Crumble" 0
JohnA 3 years
Usain Bolt "dead cert for gold in the Olympic Invisible Archery competition" 0
JohnA 3 years

Bradley Wiggins denies taking drugs - “the Olympic athletes bought the lot” 0
Yikes 3 years

Bradley Wiggins’ first day in the yellow jersey in the Tour de France was marred by insinuations his improved showing was due to performance enhancing drugs. Wiggins used the post-stage press...

Britain's Andy Murray wins first set, Scotland's Andy Murray loses next three 1
Oxbridge 3 years

More next year...

Royal box gets a soaking as Murray holds his own 0
medici2471 3 years
Duff Crumbles And Files Copy Based On "The Joke" 5
Duff 3 years

Scottish No.1 tennis player Andy Murray has had his nationality recategorised from British to Scottish with immediate effect, following his abysmal performance in the Men's Singles Final today at...

Scotsman arrested in Wimbledon following tear up after mens final 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Little Boy who cried 'Wolf' found working in marketing 0
ronseal 3 years
Relief as Ice Age 5: Extinction announced for release next summer 1
quango 3 years

The final sequel is a necessary evil...

Millions relieved to drop "Scottish heritage" after Murray loses final 0
kimllfixit 3 years

As workers return to the office after a weekend of sporting misery, millions of people were finally able to remove the little Scottish flag from their desks and go back to being English., On leaving...

South Korea increases blubber targets; Murray cancels tour of East Asia 0
cinquecento 3 years
Scottish delicatessen removes Swiss cheese from sale 3
JohnA 3 years

"It's gone rather hard" said the owner "and our customers complained of a bitter aftertaste"...

Rabbie Burns, Billy Connolly, Alex Salmond, Sean Connery, Robert the Bruce... 2
Ironduke 3 years

Lulu, Rob Roy, William Wallace, Sheena Easton - can you hear me, Sheena Easton? Your boy took one hell of a beating! Your boy took one hell of a beating!...

Food rationing to end on Isle of Wight 0
DorsetBoy 3 years

Food rationing on the Isle of Wight could be over by Christmas. Government officials were startled to learn the wartime measure has continued on the remote island and former Hampshire province long...

Duff Said To Be "Gutted" At Murray Defeat 5
Duff 3 years

Newsbiscuit contributor, Duff, is said to be gutted at Andy Murray's four set defeat at Wimbledon earlier today. Speaking to anyone prepared to listen he said, "Well undoubtedly this does allow us...

Duff Sharpens Pencil In Readiness To Use "The Joke" - 2 32
Duff 3 years

There is tension across all of Newsbiscuit today about who will get the best take on "The Joke" as Andy Murray prepares to attempt become the first 'British' finalist in the men's singles at...

England's cricket team defy national expectations and stuff the Aussies 0
JohnA 3 years

and frankly the Aussies are lucky to get nil...

Google To Lease Storage Space In People's Heads To Handle Massive Internet Data. 3
3 years

Internet giant Google has come up with a solution to its data storage problems. The exponential growth in the use of the Internet has caused many of the top web site facilities to experience...

John Lydon to run for MP in forthcoming by-election 1
Mark Gregory 3 years

John Lydon, formerly Johnny Rotten, lead singer with punk rock group The Sex Pistols, who recently appeared on Question Time, is to stand as a candidate for the forthcoming Bromley by-election. ...

Andy Murray downgraded from British to Scottish. 2
monty 3 years

More in another 74 years...

Murray reverts to being shit at tennis 0
antharrison 3 years
99.6% of British population think Federer looks gay with that headband. 2
MADJEZ 3 years

More unbiased opinion soon...

Triumphant weekend for Murray........ as veteran returns to F1 commentary team. 0
MADJEZ 3 years

More soon .. unless I'm very much mistaken...

Appointment of 2 times Wimbledon runner up as coach pays dividends 0
button 3 years
Man convicted of taking range eggs without paying claims innocence 0
button 3 years
Emotional Murray forfeits all rights to Scottishness 0
Haywood Manley 3 years
Dublin woman on mollusc cruelty charges dies before case comes to court 2
nickb 3 years
Home Office revoke Andy Murray's British Passport 1
Perks 3 years
Silverstone to invest in a sliding roof for 2013 2
dvo4fun 3 years

more later...