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Hospitals told to expect more cuts in self harming units. More soon. 2
dominic_mcg 3 years
Man suspended for carrying banana through office 21
Qoxiivi 3 years

Tony Vail, an accounts assistant from Harrow, is facing sexual misconduct charges for carrying a banana through his office in what his victims describe as ‘a sustained campaign of implicit explicit...

Online journalist redundancies mean many headlines are not being 6
bonjonelson 3 years
EU supports M25 campaign for “anti-clockwise” to be known as ”the other way” 1
Gary Baldy 3 years

Roadworks (the M25 supporters group) have convinced the EU that the M25 is shown in a poor light when half of it is referred to in such an aggressive way. They argued that the term...

Greetings Card's Accessory Salesman of the Year hailed for 'pushing the envelope 3
ronseal 3 years
Amanda Knox to be burned at the stake after losing appeal 0
Waggys Dog 3 years

Judges agree with prosecutors and demand "Burn, burn, burn the witch!"...

World record traffic queue – Caravan Club delighted 2
Midfield Diamond 3 years

The congestion on the A30 at the weekend has landed Mr. Alan Collingwood in the record books. It was his caravan that held up a world record 176 cars as he trundled his way slowly back from the West...

Greeks announce end of economic crisis-government will 'take in lodger' 0
writinginbsl 3 years
Pickles vows to strengthen Green Belt... 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years

after his black leather one gave up under the strain...

Tory Conference: Pickles announces burger subsidy, to appeal to wider audience. 0
kga6 3 years
Lunch boxes to contain meat and two veg, government decrees 0
Clarky 3 years
Danish rasher message targets fatties 0
Clarky 3 years

As well as a ‘fat tax’, the government of Denmark is introducing a new system for marking bacon. Instead of having ‘Danish’ written all over it, the message will now read, 'Put me down, you...

New manager pledges to return Nottingham Forest to Divison 3 'imminently' 21
Mr Payne 3 years
Wenger targets top seventeen finish... 0
spoole2112 3 years

With Arsenal's current run of bad form continuing, Arsene Wenger has conceded that soon, the only reason he will need to visit Europe, is to catch up with elderly relativesadding wryly that some of...

O.J. Simpson to play Michael Jackson's doctor in biopic of singer's death 0
JayGee 3 years
Man is still left pondering if he's an Americano drinker 0
roybland 3 years

After weeks of self-analysis and soul searching, IT consultant Bill Mason (24) is still left pondering if he's a cappuccino or an Americano man. He explains that he's always been a regular size...

New Kate Moss cosmetics to be sold by the gramme 3
dvo4fun 3 years

More soon (but possibly not)...

Alma telescope identifies unexplained particles on Peter Crouch's head. 1
spoole2112 3 years

In a departure from its quest to resolve the mystery of the Cosmic Dawn, the world's most complex telescope has inadvertantly stumbled accross the answer to another question that has baffled top...

Pound Shops near you are now dealing in Euro Bonds 0
Tom55 3 years

Consumers in Liverpool and Hull already own 15% of the total number of EU bonds on issue. A spokesman for Pound Shops (UK) said, "We realized that major stakes in EU states are now affordable to the...

NEWCASTLE COUPLE SCOOP £10 ON LOTTO 9
delightfullyodd 3 years

IT was celebrations all round in the North East of England last night as Newcastle couple Kevin and Donna-Marie Hannaway matched 3 numbers on the Lotto main draw and won £10. Kevin,(32) and...

Scorsese's Ringo Starr epic to be a DVD extra on George Harrison documentary 0
Iamthestig 3 years
Chancellor Osborne "We're the party of small businesses" is to start with Nissan 0
dvo4fun 3 years
No early tax cuts, claims George Osborne; We don't get up till after lunch. 0
Screenie 3 years
Government unveils plans for a dribbling, incontinent workforce 0
suepersonic 3 years

The government have unveiled their plans for a dribbling, incontinent workforce by removing the statutory retirement age and raising the state pension age to 95 The upper classes have welcomed the...

Wally with the Brolly ends Reign 1
Midfield Diamond 3 years
Council houses to be frozen once more this year 3
spoole2112 3 years

Following an upturn in hypothermia related deaths in late 2010, Chancellor Gideon Osborne has announced plans to freeze council houses for a second year in succession, a move that he hopes will...

Workers on minimum wage welcome new-style £50 note 0
roybland 3 years

Workers who are paid the minimum wage have warmly welcomed the newly designed £50 note to be introduced next month. 'It'll make life so much easier for me,' said care worker Jane Bradbury....

New Kate Moss cosmetic line fees not to be sniffed at say City experts. 0
dvo4fun 3 years
Redundant wedding-cake factory workers ‘break down in tiers’. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years
Restaurant called couple at home to ask 'is everything still all right?' 11
roybland 3 years

As John and Nicola Williams prepared for bed, they were astonished to get a phone call from the restaurant where they'd dined earlier that evening. 'I was just about to get into bed, when the phone...