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Diamonds, obviously not.... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years
Schoolchildren to be taught "upto 18" 1
DorsetBoy 3 years

Today Education Minister Michael Gove announced the next stage of his radical overhaul of British schools by unveiling plans to teach children all the numbers upto 18. Parents will be expected to...

My hips DO lie: admits Shakira 2
Chris Hitchcock 3 years

Colombian songstress Shakira has admitted to deceiving fans with the lyrics of her hit song ‘hips don’t lie’, ‘I’ve lost count of the amount of the times my hips have bull shitted’ said...

LIE BORE: Bank deceit explained by Robert Peston 0
Des Custard 3 years
Hitler steps down. "He did the right thing" says George Osborne 0
dvo4fun 3 years
Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle to release 'Diamond Alights' 0
V Riddoch 3 years
"Lazy" Phelps only targeting 7 golds 0
grumblechops 3 years
Thatcher, Thatcher, Economy Snatcher. 6
Al OPecia 3 years
Prisoners start being released into an 'HMP gift shop' 7
Perks 3 years

In an attempt to re-balance the public finances, the government have announced plans to help ensure crime does pay. Prisoners who finish serving their time in all UK jails, will be released from...

Shocking Reason Behind Tom Cruise Divorce 0
btaylor 3 years

Rumors have been swirling all week about the reasons behind the Katie Holmes-Tom Cruise divorce. In an exclusive interview, Holmes tells us the truth in her own words: I was horrified when I...

Mr Softee to head inquiry into banking standards 1
nickb 3 years

David Cameron has defended his decision to set up an inquiry into banking under Mr Softee, widely known for his long experience in financial sector regulation and his delicious soft ice cream cones....

Village fights to lose its Barclays. 10
Boutros 3 years

In just a year the village of Nether Whitwipe on the edge of the Snipsdale forest has seen the closure of three pubs, the post office, the dry cleaners, the village school, a store where the old...

Government leaked media strategy reveals new 'diversion' tactic 1
Miss Hegas 3 years

In a Downing Street memo leaked this morning, the Prime Minister's Office is considering over-turning decades of media management thinking and adopting a surprising new 'diversion' tactic. In fact,...

Man shot in Devizes solicitors 0
BillyBitzer 3 years Is this cockney rhyming slang or is journalism getting worse by the day?...

NewsBiscuit contributor exorcises angst from soul with unfunny contributions 0
Miss Hegas 3 years

Contributor O, who requested to remain anonymous, confessed that her contributions weren't exactly rib-ticklers, but they helped her get things off her chest. And didn't make her feel as dirty as...

New "Face of Colonic Irrigation" sought after Gillian McKeith resigns 1
simonjmr 3 years

The Colonic Irrigation Society of the UK (CI SUK) today passed a motion removing "Dr" Gillian McKeith as the face of Colonic irrigation. "Frankly we couldn't put up with her faxe qualifications,...

Robert Peston fitted with solar panels and flywheel to stop mid-sentence silence 0
antharrison 3 years

BBC bosses have confirmed that correspondent Robert Peston has been fitted with solar panels and a flywheel in an attempt to stop him appearing to enter embarrassing silences whilst mid-sentence....

Healthy seaweed pizza 'no threat' says Pizza Express 0
roybland 3 years

Pizza Express says it is 'unfazed' by the launch of a healthy seaweed pizza by a Scottish nutritionist. 'We researched the market and found that seaweed was an interesting new ingredient', said...

Governmemt raises maximum welfare benefit cap to £33m 0
roybland 3 years

The maximum amount a family can receive in welfare benefits a year has been raised to £33 million, Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has announced. The cap was set at £26000 but Mr...

Police called after bondage party descends into fistycuffs. 3
wallster 3 years
Greece to adopt eight day week 0
grumblechops 3 years

In an attempt to show the EU it is serious about solving its economic woes, new Greek Prime Minister Antonis Samaras has announced the radical policy of adopting an eight day week. Every day of the...

Homeopaths claim to have found "a minute fragment" of the Higgs Boson particle 0
nickb 3 years
Bowel cancer screening centre "a pile of shite" say critics 0
nickb 3 years
Banks downgraded from bastards to Clarksons 0
nickb 3 years
Bob Diamond and James Murdoch short-listed for post at GlaxoSmithKline 0
weematt 3 years
Sales of Veet plunge as UK women prepare to join “La Barbe”. 0
weematt 3 years
"Jeremy Kyle Roadshow" to offer door-to-door chav baiting 0
grumblechops 3 years

TV judgementalist Jeremy Kyle is set to offer his services door-to-door as he and the team spend the summer visiting the housing estates of Britain in a tour bus. "Traditionally we waited for people...

I Bought My Computer, But Bill Gates Still Owns It. 0
3 years

I bought my computer, but Bill Gates still owns it. At least that's the way it seems., I bought my Sony Vaio Mini (which I am happy with except for its unfortunate affiliation with the a fore...

Bob Diamond partial 'Murdoch-Amnesia' shock "I forget where I left my integrity" 0
dvo4fun 3 years

more soon. Hope you've all got your beer in for his appearance at Westminster on Wednesday...

Match fixing scandal at London inter-bank 5 a side football tournament 0
charlies_hat 3 years