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Male contraceptive pill "too late for Jeremy Clarkson's father" 0
apepper 3 years

Scientists have successfully developed a male "pill". "Obviously, this could be a huge breakthrough in population control.", explained one doctor, "But sadly too late to prevent some calamities."...

Tim Cook, Apple's CEO, 'f***ing furious' at reports he's not as scary as Jobs 0
roybland 3 years

Accusations that he's not as big a bastard as Steve Jobs has sent Apple's CEO Tim Cook into what Apple insiders are calling the scariest rage tsunami since Jobs beat the shit out of an erring Apple...

Leaders behind the breakup of Soviiet Union and former Slavic states... 0
Smart Alex 3 years

finally admit that it was all a callous attempt to secure more voting rights at Eurovision...

UK loses Eurovision, "somebody else's fault" says Cameron 0
ionb 3 years

As the UK's results in Eurovision slumped again, Cameron says "we've got a strong song, but unless Greece gets its act together then its nil points for us" Vince Cable retorted earlier this morning,...

Greece set to host 2013 Drachmavision contest 1
Skylarking 3 years
Government hails success of 'Topless Jobless' scheme 1
Perks 3 years

The government has today hailed the success of it's 'Topless Jobless' legislation that it launched last Monday. The new law means men who have never been in employment must walk around city centres...

Queen Sells Up to Back Jubilee Campaign 1
Iggy Pop-Barker 3 years

In an unprecedented act of royal generosity, the Queen is to mark her Diamond Jubilee by selling her extensive range of palaces and other properties and donating the proceeds to the Jubilee Debt...

Jessica Ennis sets new world record for ‘snatch ads’ revenue 4
Des Custard 3 years

Jessica Ennis, British gold medal hopeful for the Olympic heptathlon, has today signed a record sponsorship deal for so-called ‘snatch ads’. Agent Alison Sanders explained that the ads are...

Temperatures Hotter Than A Topless Lucy Pinder Says Experts 2
Hooch 3 years
Tongue-tied MP's admit they were afraid to ask "where the Warsi rent went" 0
VictorMeldrew 3 years

more soon. By better writers...

If you want Greece to win 0
BigV 3 years

If you want Greece to win dial 09015 22 22 16 to bankrupt the country...

Eurovision Song Contest won by a dancing dog act. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Medical professionals baffled as mystery vomiting disease sweeps UK 18
JohnA 3 years

Doctors across the UK have become increasingly concerned as a new mystery illness which causes sudden vomiting has spread across the UK in the past few weeks. "We did think that it was a norovirus...

Confusion for Twins bemused by Martial Arts and Marital Arts training. 1
dvo4fun 3 years

“I’d seen an advert in the post office window for a beginners’ course in Kama Sutra at Marlow Community Centre." says Ron Twomey "It was a new one on me and all I knew it wasn’t the same...

Buntin' Redikulas 0
HenryMJUK 3 years

Somerset County Council seek, county wide, emergency powers to close all roads which have installed street lighting, until “risk assessment” completed following request to hang lightweight...

Rebellious teenager claims to be first UK victim of ‘honour grounding’ 4
Gary Stanton 3 years

Jennifer Coster, aged 15, has appeared in public for the first time since the end of April alleging she is the first UK victim of a so-called ‘honour grounding’ conducted by her vengeful parents...

Muslim Brotherhood of Man to enter Eurovison 27
Scronnyglonkle 3 years

Egypt has sensationally entered the Eurovision Song Contest this weekend, Egyptians have been polled on their favourite musical number, although as ever the traditional Eurovision tactical voting was...

Vatican “hard on crime” as it jails Pope’s butler for borrowing paper 2
Yikes 3 years

The Vatican trumpeted its zero tolerance approach to crime as the Pope's butler, Paolo Gabriele, was taken into custody for the serious offence of borrowing pieces of paper that show what the Vatican...

Houmous,  tsatziki shortages caused double dip recession says Greece 0
nickb 3 years

Hat tip to er, someone who did a dip joke. Please claim reward...

Tooth Fairy to seek help after admitting "compulsive hoarding" tendencies 4
grumblechops 3 years

The Tooth Fairy today broke down in tears as she admitted she was seeking help for 'pathological orthodontic hoarding tendencies' - a condition which has seen the mythological pixie collect and store...

Crowd gathers at Blackfriars bridge on news of dispatch of Vatican banker 5
medici2471 3 years
Hunt deploys Clinton defence "I never had financial relations with that Murdoch" 0
dvo4fun 3 years
"None of the Above" Gains Global Poll Lead 0
simjel 3 years

In what is considered to be an embarrassment for Political parties and Governments around the world, polling orgnaisations have admitted that they have conclusive data showing that voters in the...

Man Who Has Fathered 30 Children By 11 Different Women Begs Judge For A Break. 0
3 years

A 33 year old Knoxville, Tennessee man has asked a judge there to 'give him a break' in paying his alimony to 11 women with whom he has fathered 30 children (This is true). Desmond Hatchett, who...

Porn actors now having to work longer and harder claims union 1
LittleSpender 3 years
Olympic Torch now running on Emergency Credit 1
grumblechops 3 years

Olympic Officials today admitted they were caught "somewhat offguard" at how frequently they needed to top up the credit on the Pay As You Go gas card which was intended to keep the Olympic Flame...

Lloyds head of fraud receives £2.5M bonus for uncovering fraud 0
apepper 3 years

Jessica Harper, head of Fraud and Security at Lloyds bank, has received a 7 figure bonus. A bank spokesman explained; "I know this may seem excessive, but Ms Harper has uncovered a truly audacious...

Humperdink looks cert to be oldest contestant to get 'nil point'. 0
MADJEZ 3 years

Nominees sought for next years joke entry...

Saudi Arabian shoplifting rugby player having trouble with handoff 0
seymour totti 3 years
SpaceX Dragon successfully delivers junk mail to International Space Station 0
TerribleTim 3 years