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Rugby Refs New Scrumdown Orders:"Crouch,Hold,Engage,Collapse." 0
Drylaw 3 years
Paranormal Games will happen “ in people’s dreams” say organisers 0
nickb 3 years

This year’s paranormal games will avoid the nightmares of terrorist threat, expensive building projects and traffic gridlock by taking place in spectators’ dreams, according to a statement made...

Apple to replace entire product range with new smugness voucher. 0
the coarse whisperer 3 years

Tim Cook, Apple's new CEO, today a radical new direction for the innovative technology company by replacing their electronic products with a voucher granting the bearer one unit of unbearable...

911 minute silence replaced with seconds copy & paste a glib message on Facebook 0
MADJEZ 3 years

Rememberance day considering following suit so as not to interfere with peoples shopping. More soon...

WWII Buffs Excited As Hitler's Mixtapes Discovered 1
Textbook 3 years

Every historian longs for the discovery of journals or letters from the hand of a key historical figure and today the historical community was buzzing with news of the discovery of Hitler's mixtapes,...

Greenwich admits 'stilling using Essex man's bowel movements' 2
Steve Wilson 3 years

Greenwich meantime have today admitted it has never actually been unable to understand sub atomic time keeping technology and has, for the last thirty years, be taking it's timing from the regular...

Obama Insists He Is Not Out Of Touch, Urges Scientists To Invent Power Rings 2
Textbook 3 years

(headline continued) Like Green Lantern's. During his national address last night, Barack Obama was expected to unveil details of his much-demanded scheme to bring job growth back to America. But it...

Actually pleasure just makes you fat, Perle de Lait manufacturers admit 0
Oxbridge 3 years
NASA Accused of Faking Moon 1
Tourmaline 3 years

While NASA have been celebrating the successful launch of its twin Grail probes to map the Moon, Tea Party spokesman Al Hillman has accused the agency of perpetuating “damaging lies and conceit”...

Controversy As Batman Outsources Jobs To Lesser Superheroes 2
Textbook 3 years

Commissioner Jim Gordon was in a tight spot last Thursday night as criminal leaders Black Mask and Great White Shark conducted a major gang war in the streets of Gotham City. Gordon switched on the...

Too many people "sitting up late and writing pointless submissions" - new report 0
Al OPecia 3 years

Yawn. Must get some sleeping tablets...

Go Figure! Dame Kiri Te Kanawa Signs Suprise Iceland Deal 2
Duff 3 years

In a stranger than fiction twist of fate top opera songstress, Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, has signed a deal to star in frozen food chain Iceland's next advertising campaign. The Kiwi star, and favourite...

Paralympic tickets to be sold on last-come first-served basis 0
Runestone Cowboy 3 years
Objet Trouvee Landscaping wins award for Camp Constant designers 7
vertical 3 years

http://tinyurl.com/3d89dx5 Essex Landscaping Weekly judge Jules DaCosta heralded award winning designers Mary O'Flynn, Connor Hooligan and Michael Flaherty as 'rigidly uncompromising in their...

Ipad leds 2 deteriation in typin skils 5
Textbook 3 years

Usors of deivces sch as the iphon and ipad ar infruieted by the tinny litle keyboard you hav to use to tipe on. "It"s reallly herd to do it oprperly" siad on user.!I make hepsa moer missttake then...

Vanessa Redgrave has her drive tarmacked for free 5
greg various 3 years

“We did it by way of a thank you.” Said Dale Farm traveller Mick O’Ruff, who can trace his Romany ancestry back to before he was born. “It was hard work, getting them limestone slabs up but...

Simon Cowell Drafted In To Revive BBC's Ailing Proms Festival 0
Duff 3 years

In a move that's surprised classical music fans everywhere it has been announced pop Svengali and media megalomaniac, Simon Cowell, has been brought in and is to run the BBC's Promenade Festival from...

Check-a-Trade contractor loses 9.9 rating after West Coast blackout 0
vertical 3 years

http://tinyurl.com/6d6jxhe, Jose Hernandez of US federally approved contractors Dewey Cheatem & Howe Energy Services was named as the incompetent responsible for a massive power outage in...

Advertising Standards slam ITV for running England Rugby "Highlights" 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years
Essex Council seeks eviction of time traveller site. 2
Milo Shame 3 years

A village in rural Essex has asked its local council to move on an encampment of time travellers who have taken up residency without the proper permits. Speaking to local reporters, Farmer Reg...

Dwindling Reserves of Puns ’No Laughing Matter’ 2
TokyoTomato 3 years

The Earth's known reserves of puns are being depleted at an alarming rate, alleges a new report published today by the Pugwash Institute. It concludes that unless new reserves of puns can be found,...

Porsche 'close to signing' a big sponsorship deal for 10th anniversary of 9/11 3
dvo4fun 3 years

More money making schemes later...

Ant & Dec's new show, Black and Blue, looking for violent criminal contestants 2
Iamthestig 3 years
Lying on his death bed 1
Big Mamas 3 years

Sir George Spiffing,last of the great English eccentric explorers last words were,Ive been publicaly subjected to ridicule,Ive spent all my life savings,Ive traveled all the worlds railways,Its cost...

Saudi Arabia Reveals Ban On Celebrating Easter Is Because Chocolate Bunnies Melt 0
Textbook 3 years

Everywhere And Cause A Huge Mess In Middle Eastern Weather. More soon...

Egyptian anti-tobacco campaign in jeopardy after they smoke another Embassy 0
virtuallywill 3 years

more later...

Robbie Savage paired with sheep on Strictly Come Dancing. 0
rebel not taken 3 years

Robbie Savage has admitted that he only signed up to appear on Strictly Come Dancing so he could get close to fit women without landing in trouble with the missus. The ex-footballer told his...

In bid to improve Islam’s image, Pakistan re-brands Islamabad as Islamagood' 0
virtuallywill 3 years

Thanks to Qoxiivi and Dumbnews for the sub-editing...

Islamabad to be renamed Islamagood in push to improve the image of Islam 14
virtuallywill 3 years

Islamaimage...

UKIP outline plans for Bigot Society 2
greg various 3 years