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Free in today's issue - your handy do-it-yourself facebook news feed

Save hours of time and tedium by creating your own facebook news feed. Just follow this simple step-by-step guide: Insert motivational tripe <here>, Insert picture of someone else's kids...

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Sfox 13.09.13 8:18am
Sfox
Voyager goes beyond the edge of the solar system, edge of Cameron's ego in view 0
gregle 13.09.13 8:04am
gregle
Prince William to become pointless 1
nickb 13.09.13 7:56am
AReader
Last Post for Royal Male as Prince William leaves RAF

Despite delivering a first class service for many years, the Royal Male known as Prince William is to be sold off by the Government. The RAF Search and Rescue pilot has completed his last posting on...

2
Midfield Diamond 13.09.13 7:53am
AReader
Aliens decare war on "weird naked people from the planet seventies" 0
phil_smith 13.09.13 6:24am
phil_smith
Psychics strike against 2016 pay freeze 3
sydalg 13.09.13 6:19am
Arthur
TWITTER to become QUACK after floatation 0
Ian Searle 13.09.13 5:41am
Ian Searle
DIY proctologist admits being up his own arse. 0
Ian Searle 13.09.13 5:25am
Ian Searle
History Channel accused of always repeating itself. 0
Ian Searle 13.09.13 5:24am
Ian Searle
Man covered in tattoos needs more to express his stupidity 1
Dumbnews 12.09.13 10:37pm
blacklesbianandproudofit
Obama counts to four: declares thumb war

In an unprecedented act of unilateralism, president Barack Obama last night declared a thumb war. In an historic speech outside the white house the President stood fast behind the podium and began to...

0
doublepaulrice 12.09.13 9:52pm
doublepaulrice
Assad To Hand Over Poison Gas Which He 'Hasn't Got' Because Putin 'Asked Nicely

and absolutely not at all, of course, because the US has threatened strikes, says ever-truthful Assad...

3
Titus 12.09.13 9:31pm
Ironduke
Russia to join EU

Sources close to the European Commission president Jose Manuel Barroso confirmed last night that his prediction that UKip will win next year's European elections was designed to hasten the UK's exit...

0
Silver 12.09.13 9:18pm
Silver
Shock as creator of After Eight mints dies at 19:59 0
custard cream 12.09.13 8:10pm
custard cream
Sealed Knot society branches into Cyber wars to recreate DDOS attack on GCHQ

Members of war re-enactment cult The Sealed Knot are to recreate the famous Denial of Service digital attack on Britain's GCHQ. In a field outside Cheltenham, thousands of members will dress as data...

4
ronseal 12.09.13 7:27pm
nickb
NASA reveals Voyager now entering cold dark area devoid of atmosphere - Ventnor. 2
Al OPecia 12.09.13 7:23pm
FlashArry
Corporate Manslaughter leads to cheaper Season Tickets

While many sports' commentators assumed admission prices were determined by what percentage of Gareth Bale's body you owned, it transpires that the revenue needs of Football clubs are index-linked to...

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Wrenfoe 12.09.13 7:22pm
Wrenfoe
Snow White to sue Mirror

Following revelations about phone hacking, nursery favourite Snow White announced her intention to sue the Mirror. In a statement released by her solicitors, she complained that for years she...

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Coco 12.09.13 7:09pm
Coco
William prepares for life of listless idleness, starts talking to plants. 0
Al OPecia 12.09.13 7:05pm
Al OPecia
Dr. Phil authors book, 'Fix your life in a million simple steps' 0
Dumbnews 12.09.13 6:58pm
Dumbnews
The beast

https://www.evernote.com/shard/s304/sh/2b69ec44-eae5-400e-9828-42ff8f0227b5/13e707e1395e28a0e1c2379dae060f00/res/0f64ae09-e2f7-4e75-8ae6-b53ec0baa84f.jpg?resizeSmall&width=832...

1
FOAD 12.09.13 6:56pm
Al OPecia
Church of Wales seeks new term to replace “bishopric”

Following today’s outbreak of equality, the Church of Wales is seeking a new, more inclusive, term to replace the old-fashioned “bishopric”. Rev Olwyn Thomas of Carmarthen, who led the...

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Coco 12.09.13 6:19pm
Coco
Family overjoyed as England fan wakes from 48 hour coma 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 12.09.13 6:12pm
blacklesbianandproudofit
Gelatinous Blobfish Psychrolutes Marcidus Sues After Being Named World's Ugliest

"It's bad enough looking like that" said counsel for the fish in court today "without people pointing and shuddering. My client has been forced to leave his home and friends, and seek refuge several...

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Titus 12.09.13 6:02pm
Titus
Surprise As Mirror Accused Of Phone Hacking - 'Didn't Know They Still Printed It 0
Titus 12.09.13 5:25pm
Titus
Welsh Church to vote on sheep bishops. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 12.09.13 4:57pm
dominic_mcg
Fears Prince William Military Exit will see him Drunk, Homeless by 2015

Prince Williams plans to leave the British Military has sparked fresh concerns that he could be living on the streets within 2 years. Anxious colleagues believe that the prince lacks the strong...

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thisisall1word 12.09.13 4:43pm
thisisall1word
God confirms that only atheists will go to heaven

In a move likely to cause some consternation amongst the World's religions, God has announced that only atheists will get to enjoy the eternal joy, and slight irritation at being proved wrong, of...

2
apepper 12.09.13 4:35pm
Gålgö13
Assad not afraid of airstrikes. 'We've had time to hide everything now'. 0
MADJEZ 12.09.13 4:31pm
MADJEZ
Atheists reassure the pope that he can go to hell 3
Backup Brian 12.09.13 4:30pm
Titus