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Fracture clinic to have Snap Inspection 0
Perks 3 years
Man Utd and Chelsea set to go head to head for 'the next next next Pele' 3
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years

14 year old Sao Paulo academy player Junior dos Santos Riviero Lima da Estrada Flagrinho, better known by his nickname Bob, is said to be the subject of interest from both Manchester United and...

Mind-blowing sex warning: Over-exertion between the sheets can wipe your memory 0
witless 3 years

I have forgotten the punch line...

Tom Jones finally admits 'sometimes it is unusual' 0
dicky37 3 years

[More soon]...

Fuel-starved families driven to beg under coal-ition 8
Clarky 3 years

‘Got any loose coal, mister?’ – that’s the cry echoing round our city centre streets, as the coalition government’s tough green energy measures begin to take their toll on consumers. With...

River Thames runs dry for two miles near London, Mayor to blame claims Panorama 0
witless 3 years

Panorama has described the running dry of a section of the river Thames near Woolwich as "a rather serious situation. There is water in the river two miles upstream so it's just flowing down and...

DNA database gaping hole to be filled by Lollipop Ladies 1
witless 3 years

A shocking 11,266,000 motorists, OAP’s and one legged jay hoppers are missing from the national DNA database, it emerged last night. The convicts, all of whom are at liberty, may have been able to...

Silence of the New Zealand Lambs heralds product placement for older films 24
vertical 3 years

Digital compositing now allows sponsored products to be inserted into Hollywood classics. Major studios say commercial titles will soon include The Sound of Sony Music, Birds Eye's Big Chill,...

Adverterror campaign brings mugging to your armchair 0
Newsquelch 3 years

It started fairly innocuously with a barely sane looking John Lydon suggesting he “prefers Country Life to sniffing safety pins” but in these more volatile economic times, it’s become ever more...

Zoo workers training NHS nurses 2
roybland 3 years

Zoo workers are helping to train NHS nurses in the UK, the health secretary Andrew Lansley has announced.,  , Mr Lansley said that some zoo workers could fairly be described as 'angels', so...

Apple admit to accidentally haunting millions of iPhones in latest update 0
gaijintendo 3 years

The iOS update to version 5 was tainted with the spirits of former FOXXCON employees who were suicided for leaking trade secrets. Hmm. I feel like a socialist with a fold-able table and a loud...

OCD lottery winners hand back £1m of £101m 'to make it tidy' 4
Clarky 3 years
New Blockberry helps you look stylish while not taking any calls 0
ronseal 3 years

. There's a joke in there somewhere....

Blackberry outage leaves millions feeling unimportant 3
Dumbnews 3 years
RyanAir to offer no frills colostomy surgery to frequent flyers 4
witless 3 years

Keen to upstage Virgin Rails plan to encourage rush hour travellers to cuddle, shy and retiring boss Michael O'Leary has suggested taking out all but one of the toilets on his planes, to increase...

IKEA recalls catalogue after failing to point-out Swedish children not included 3
antharrison 3 years

Furniture giant IKEA today recalled its 2012 catalogue after many potential middle-class purchasers were disappointed to discover that the five and six year old child extras used to give depth to the...

News just in via Blackberry - Queen Victoria’s coach crashes in Blackwall Tunnel 2
witless 3 years

being pursued by paparazzi...

Steve Jobs to upgrade Moses' tablets. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
Campaign for Better English calls for Water Regulator to be renamed "FromWat" 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years
Genitally ingested alcoholic beverages blamed for an increase in minge drinking. 10
wallster 3 years
Dr Conrad Murray appointed head of NHS Reforms 0
apepper 3 years

Michael Jackson's doctor, Conrad Murray has been appointed head of the controversial NHS reforms. "He's really impressed me", said Health Secretary Andrew Lansley, "and he seems just the man to push...

Closet Agoraphobic Finally Comes Out 0
kga6 3 years

Tony Bateman, trainee assistant stationary cupboard organiser, has finally been coaxed from his cupboard refuge after a 7 hour stand-off with colleagues at the HR department of Bedford Hospital. "We...

Facebook changes delights stalkers 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Fox To Inquiry: Did You Chaps Ever See "Fight Club"? It's A Bit Like That 0
Textbook 3 years
Bomber's plan descibed as 'absolute pants' 0
spoole2112 3 years

More later...

Poll shows Hitler more popular than man who created "Go Compare" adverts 5
JohnA 3 years

Please, the blasted adverts are just insurance comparison websites, one after the other...

Lunatic fringe bomb Barnet shop - police comb through wreckage 1
vertical 3 years

might need a trim. Going anywhere nice this weekend?...

Homeopathic sex therapist tells man to give his wife 0.000000001 3
Runestone Cowboy 3 years
London rioters in jail being retrained as stock takers 0
witless 3 years

easy for them to pick up claims Liberal think tank after dismissing recycling operatives idea...

Gay Lifestyle Magazine asks Do Trans Fats cause gender confusion? 0
vertical 3 years