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Beckham and Fergusson will seek to bring order to the galaxy. 0
sredni vashta 16.05.13 7:55pm
sredni vashta
Clerical error results in Lulu becoming compulsory in South African Universities

more later...

1
Wrenfoe 16.05.13 7:53pm
sredni vashta
Beckham retires from football and re-signs for LA Galaxy 5
Backup Brian 16.05.13 7:20pm
The All New Jeni B
Labour deemed "unfit for work" by ATOS. More soon.

In the interest of balance...

0
Al OPecia 16.05.13 7:04pm
Al OPecia
Scout Master told by Priest "you're not the only one without friends, you know". 0
Al OPecia 16.05.13 7:02pm
Al OPecia
Coalition Government deemed "unfit for work" by ATOS. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 16.05.13 6:43pm
Al OPecia
Diane Abbott grows penis to aid research into masculinity

Having identifying that there is a "crisis of masculinity in Britain" due to the pressures that rapid economic and social change have placed on masculine identity, shadow health minister Diane Abbott...

7
Dick Everyman 16.05.13 6:38pm
Al OPecia
Geologists Say 'Yes', A Definite UK Tilt Towards South.....

As A New Cafe In Newcastle Gets 5,000 Job Applications. (No kidding)...

1
Jesse Bigg 16.05.13 5:37pm
Jesse Bigg
Diane Abbott to undergo penis-ectomy, “to see what it’s like being Michael Gove” 0
Tripod 16.05.13 5:31pm
Tripod
Heavy foot fall to blame for shoe factory collapse 3
victimms 16.05.13 4:38pm
victimms
Sally Bercow and the Finger of Blame

In her latest novel, JK Rowling returns to her usual genre to depict a make-believe world of despicable cruelty and shameless corruption, peopled by ruthless, semi-human creatures devoid of any moral...

0
Crooked Man 16.05.13 4:20pm
Crooked Man
Beckham to become the face of "Old Spice" on his retirement

that's enough now...

0
Not Amused 16.05.13 3:39pm
Not Amused
“Unexpected item in bagging area” – man arrested

A Droitwich man, arrested today for gross indecency in a supermarket, might be the first flasher ever to be caught by an automated check-out machine. Albert William Shanks, a 53 traffic warden, was...

0
Lenny Bee 16.05.13 3:16pm
Lenny Bee
Smoking cigarettes could be dangerous - Trading Standards

Officers from Lincolnshire Trading Standards have announced a clamp down on the sale of illegal cigarettes that do not self-extinguish, on the grounds that they could be dangerous for consumers. "We...

3
Bertrand Twisted 16.05.13 3:07pm
beau-jolly
Literary classic to be renamed in response to public pressure

Publishers Simon & Schuster have announced that F. Scott Fitzgerald's novel "The Great Gatsby" is to re-named "The Distinctly Average Gatsby" after a lukewarm response from both public and...

0
Bertrand Twisted 16.05.13 2:53pm
Bertrand Twisted
Beckham retires from football. No-one notices.

also see: Cardiff slut walk, actors' strike..et al...

0
beau-jolly 16.05.13 2:38pm
beau-jolly
Sewage workers fired for 'going through the motions'

no more soon...

0
Not Amused 16.05.13 2:31pm
Not Amused
Government appeal to counterfeiters to help with "quantitive easing"

The government have decided to encourage the so-called "private sector" to increase the amount of currency in the economy; a technique known as "quantitive easing". A government spokesman explained;...

0
apepper 16.05.13 2:06pm
apepper
Gove: Stop treating them like children

Education Secretary Michael Gove scrutinized kindergarten education practices, following his recent denouncement of cartoons as study help for students preparing for their GCSEs., Mr Gove voiced his...

0
16.05.13 2:05pm
'Plain cigarette packaging will improve back-of-fag-packet plans': Cameron

David Cameron has today announced that they will be reinstating their plan for plain cigarette packaging in an attempt to improve the quality of Conservative party policies. 'Sod the health of the...

1
ianslat 16.05.13 1:41pm
Golgo13
1 yr anniversary of Blockbusters destruction celebrated by Netflix 0
Backup Brian 16.05.13 1:17pm
Backup Brian
"Flash Cam!" Tory Party gets out of control

Prime Minster David Cameron was less than amused to discover, opening his daily Newsbiscuit, that his home had be ransacked by an opportunistic group of “ne'er-do-wells”. Instead of relaxing on a...

2
Wrenfoe 16.05.13 12:42pm
beau-jolly
"We should have f**ked more," regret world's greatest songwriters.

A new survey of leading songwriters from the last 50 years by Rolling Stone magazine reveals startling insights into how the greatest lyricists of our times now thoroughly regret the lack of...

9
Bertrand Twisted 16.05.13 12:08pm
Bertrand Twisted
Scientist baffled as bread lands butter side up

More soon.. It's just happened.you can't get more topical than that!...

2
brianflan 16.05.13 12:03pm
brianflan
Leaving Scotland 'not exactly a punishment' says Keith O'Brien victim 3
Idiot 16.05.13 11:52am
sillybugger
1976-style summer predicted as solar scientists observe 'enormous flares' 4
Idiot 16.05.13 11:50am
sillybugger
Nature does not abhor a vacuum after all.

Mother Nature has revealed she has "nothing particular against vacuums, and I do wish people would stop saying I abhor them." Speaking through a Newsbiscuit contributer, she continued, "I'll tell...

8
Boutros 16.05.13 11:48am
Boutros
Job Applicant Turned Down Due to Lack of Walking Experience

A Masters student was yesterday turned down for a role as a meter reader due to his lack of professional walking experience. Mark Pye 43, an ex Chief Petty Officer in the Royal Navy, who is...

8
brianflan 16.05.13 11:42am
brianflan
Farm forced to close because "well out of order". 0
sredni vashta 16.05.13 11:37am
sredni vashta
Pompous Broadsheet Papers Enjoy Excuse To Put Agelina Jolie's Tits On Front Page 3
Titus 16.05.13 11:02am
Yikes