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God vows to stay awake during by election "to stop Lib Dems winning"

The Almighty has admitted “snoozing” during periods of the recently ended papacy “because he was bored with the arguments about cover ups over child abuse and the constant banging on about gay...

1
nickb 27.02.13 9:24pm
Titus
God denies Pope’s “sleeping” allegation - was watching lesbian sex instead

God today angrily denied allegations made by the Pope that there were moments “it seemed the Lord was sleeping”. He maintained his denial despite evidence emerging that he is omniscient, and thus...

0
Yikes 27.02.13 8:16pm
Yikes
Pope speaks of ‘difficult times’

The Pope spoke of difficult times today as a new survey revealed exactly what the public think about the Pope and Roman Catholicism, carried out in an anonymous town in the UK “Yeah, no-one...

0
Reg Herring 27.02.13 7:42pm
Reg Herring
Inspectors find traces of horse, snail and frog meat in top French restaurant. 0
AdrianJ 27.02.13 7:40pm
AdrianJ
Titanic Two 'too soon' say critics 0
Squudge 27.02.13 7:32pm
Squudge
Lesotho school children sad not to have heard Prince Harry's speech

or is that cruel?...

0
MikeF 27.02.13 7:30pm
MikeF
Australian billionaire to build Ned Kelly trousers

An Australian billionaire who financed the construction of a replica ocean going liner has said how he deeply regretted having the vessel built by a Chinese state owned company., Clive Palmer, who...

5
Gerontius 27.02.13 7:29pm
Squudge
Michael Le Vell charged with perjury, described self as an actor. 1
MADJEZ 27.02.13 7:25pm
Squudge
Madame Tussaud's allows waxwork Berlusconi to run in Italian elections

just a headline!...

0
rosege 27.02.13 6:55pm
rosege
Punter lost £2 on 'unmiraculous' seven-horse accumulator, announces Ladbrokes

A 58-year-old unemployed welder, Fred Stubbs, failed by a wide margin to get lucky at the races yesterday, when only one of the seven horses he backed in an accumulator romped home in first at...

7
Oxbridge 27.02.13 5:47pm
beau-jolly
Pope's resignation - now God's 'had enough'

God is said to 'have had it up to here' and is thinking of 'packing it in' following the resignation of Pope Benedict XVI and Cardinal Keith O'Brien. 'God's infinite patience is running out,' said...

0
roybland 27.02.13 5:24pm
roybland
Government Announce Use of Horsemeat Should Decline With Start Of Badger Cull

The Government announced today that it has acted quickly to address the public outcry over the detection of horsemeat in so many “Ready Meals”. Analysis by DEFRA has identified that as horsemeat...

0
Deimos 27.02.13 4:40pm
Deimos
‘FA Cup with Budweiser’ has been watered down say Premier League Clubs

An FA enquiry into why so many Premier League Clubs have already been knocked out of this year’s ‘FA Cup with Budweiser’ competition has concluded that the King of Cups is not as intoxicating...

0
Midfield Diamond 27.02.13 4:19pm
Midfield Diamond
Fish angry at dumping ban identified as cause of Pope's choppy waters.

Surely not the last bad fish poo joke...

2
Not Amused 27.02.13 3:59pm
Not Amused
Titanic 2 yada yada yada claims publicity seeking billionaire.

More in 10 years time....

2
MADJEZ 27.02.13 2:54pm
Titus
Charity appeal on behalf of the Allergy Society.

Every day millions of parents all over the United Kingdom are forced to send their children to school without an allergy. However help is at hand for just £10,000 we can send parents and their...

3
godly1966 27.02.13 2:50pm
godly1966
Whores meet to discuss food industry executives 0
Backup Brian 27.02.13 2:24pm
Backup Brian
Final speech as Man from Del Monte steps down.

http://media.skynews.com/media/images/generated/2013/2/27/223664/default/v2/evs-xtaccess-2013-02-27-cam-c-09h53m07s18-1-522x293.jpg...

0
MADJEZ 27.02.13 2:18pm
MADJEZ
Budweiser responds to 'watered-down' claims: "It's supposed to taste like that&q 5
Idiot 27.02.13 2:12pm
pinxit
Ikea suspendes wardrobe sales after test show traces of mahogony in chipboard. 0
Scronnyglonkle 27.02.13 1:49pm
Scronnyglonkle
Pope promises retirement party will be "biggest bash since the Borgias". 0
sydalg 27.02.13 1:08pm
sydalg
Conversation dries up through lack of rain

The absence of rainfall over the past few days is having serious consequences for people who have come to rely on the frequency of rain as their primary or only talking point. Men's hairdressers are...

0
roybland 27.02.13 12:50pm
roybland
The Pope Plans To Spend Retirement On Allotment

In an emotional farewell before thousands of Roman Catholics at St Peter's Square in The Vatican, Pope Benedict XVI told the faithful that after his retirement from the Papacy he intends to live out...

0
Jonny Shlep 27.02.13 12:37pm
Jonny Shlep
Benedict evicted from The Big Fathers House

In a speech to waiting fans, Benedict bellowed the gig had been a blast, and regretted nothing, not even the wearing of Dorothy's shoes...

0
Erlang 27.02.13 12:34pm
Erlang
Dignitas charter Titanic II for maiden voyage 0
antharrison 27.02.13 11:55am
antharrison
Sarah Jessica Parker tests positive for horse

Only days after Sir Ian McKellen was found to contain traces of goat, the world of stage and screen has been shocked again by the news that ‘Sex and the City’ star Sarah Jessica Parker has been...

3
Stan 27.02.13 11:36am
Scroat
John O'Farrell is only three miles away

But has he been out canvassing in your area..?...

0
Scroat 27.02.13 11:31am
Scroat
Pope confirms 'One man and his dog' appearance to test his shepherding skills 0
Not Amused 27.02.13 11:29am
Not Amused
'Who'll put up the bunting' asks town

A town is wondering who'll put up the town's bunting, since the one whose job it is has become ill. Rowcob in Cheshire has enjoyed the bunting services of council employee Ted Greeth for many years....

2
Mik Bulk 27.02.13 10:25am
PETA furious at destruction of Papal Seal 0
MikeF 27.02.13 9:42am
MikeF