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Pit-stop mechanics banned from garage forecourt 0
Zadok the second 3 years

The entire Williams team of pit-stop engineers have been banned from using a BP garage in Tiverton following several instances of very very fast anti-social behaviour. Garage manager Glen Allen made...

'Speed dating night was mainly just amphetamine abuse', claim customers 0
Immunis 3 years

more later depending on how busy I am at work today...

Brighton bus driver 'even knew my name' says movie-star pig 0
antharrison 3 years
'Top Totty' ale banned from Commons bar, 'Knobhead' still available 0
Scroat 3 years
New dating site submits your profile to every other dating site 1
Dumbnews 3 years
Mini names new car the Paedo in PR gaffe 1
Immunis 3 years
BNP accuse 'Asian population' of causing pensions crises 0
quango 3 years

Demands are for Government to release White Paper on how to resolve the issue...

First Great Western to cancel trains to keep passengers warm during cold snaps 2
Not Amused 3 years

First Great Western announced today that they will be investing in cancelled trains and removed carriages in an effort to keep their passengers warm during cold weather this February and March. A...

Slightly colder weather 'a godsend' say forecasters 0
roybland 3 years

The slightly colder weather reaching the UK this week is 'a godsend' to weather forecasters, according to the Met Office. 'We've had to put up with very mediocre weather conditions this winter,' a...

Pubic wigs evaluated on 2
Smart Alex 3 years
Shock as Masterchef aired without Coldplay in the background 2
kimllfixit 3 years
Redknapp admits to lip movement when lying 0
simonjmr 3 years

Or did he ? More soon...

One week on: Many Chinese still putting 'Year of the Rabbit' on cheques 12
Smart Alex 3 years
Space to be made for 'beneficial immigrants' by recycling white trash 0
pere floza 3 years
Terry to consider Tax Evasion when professional Racist career over 0
tedweasel 3 years
'Abridged Too Far': Directors cut no longer makes any sense... 0
Smart Alex 3 years

Hat tip to Charlie's hat...

Simon & Garfunkel release 30 second classic 'Abridged Over Troubled Water' 7
charlies_hat 3 years
Facebook user who clicked ‘share’ button saddled with $20M portfolio 0
jp1885 3 years

A self-confessed social networking addict is twenty million US dollars in the red today, after repeated use of the Facebook ‘share’ function saw her accidently pledging to buy hundreds of...

Prince William's new dog's name is a tribute to the Dambusters speculation 3
simonjmr 3 years

After it was announced yesterday that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have bought a puppy, speculation has mounted that the as yet unveiled name of the dog is a tribute to 617 Squadron. More soon...

BBC claim gangs of tax payers kidnap "travellers" and force them into work 0
medici2471 3 years
Groundhogs and Prairie Dog populations at threat from Meerkats 0
simonjmr 3 years

Following the near extinction of Red Squirrels at the murderous hands of their Grey brothers shocking news follows that indigenous populations of Groundhogs (the traditional heralds of spring) and...

Greg Torode suffers coronary after wannabe chef serves omelette 1
grottymonty 3 years

Masterchef's smug foodie Greg Torode was today in hosiptal following a massive coronary brought on by the stress of a dish served by a contestant. A spokesperson for the show explained,"he had just...

Woman said to have done the same job for sixty years never actually had a job 2
roybland 3 years

Claims that a Windsor woman has done the same job for sixty years have been challenged on the grounds that she has never had a job. Employment lawyer Adam Simons said that shaking hands with people...

Olympic opening ceremony to include ritual stripping of Ovett's OBE, urges Coe 2
pere floza 3 years
Diane Abbott to replace John Terry as England captain 0
Long Distance Clara 3 years

The Football Association has finally bowed to pressure and removed John Terry from the role of captain of the England football team, replacing him with Labour MP Diane Abbott. Mrs Abbott is expected...

Science decoder of 'internal voices' lands man in legal trouble 1
simonjmr 3 years

A 21 year old Cambridge student, who volunteered for scientific research, has found that he has lost several friends, and is even facing criminal charges of sexual harassment. Researchers at have...

"Too Much Sex On The Telly, Luv...." 2
Jesse Bigg 3 years

"Let's do it on the radio for a change, eh?"...

Sky Sports to launch new 4D service called ‘actually going to the match’ 7
ianslat 3 years

Sky TV bosses have today launched a new sports coverage service called ‘actually going to the match’. ‘Actually going to the match is raising the bar of realistic viewing experiences’...

Insurance brokers forced to call in pest control after meercat infestation 2
jp1885 3 years
Polo club aims for wider audience by allowing pantomime horses 5
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years

Royal Leamington Spa Polo Club is attempting to bring the sport of polo, traditionally an upper class activity, to a wider section of society by allowing players to compete on pantomime horses....