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Grateful Queen says “thank Christ I didn’t have to watch that on the BBC." 0
Thor 3 years
Britain joins together to look at Pippa Middletons arse, this time on a boat. 0
MADJEZ 3 years

Lord Coe suggests using it for the Olympic opening ceremony. More soon...

Nation to take rest of week off after suffering 'Gary Barlow fatigue'. 0
MADJEZ 3 years

A lot more of him soon...

Safer Rollercoasters Partnership denies cameras are 'money-raising scheme' 1
simonsellick 3 years

The operators of Blackpool’s Pleasure Beach today denied an accusation that the recent installation of automatic facial recognition (AFR) cameras on the flagship rollercoaster amounted to little...

Nazi climate change denier thwarted by job application Diversity form 0
ronseal 3 years
Octogenarian women advised not to silently stare at people 0
roybland 3 years

Elderly women are being advised not to fix people with a steely stare while remaining silent. 'We are particularly keen to warn women in their eighties as they are the most likely group to adopt the...

Thousands of Jubilee street parties followed by hundreds of Jubilee punch-ups 0
Nails UK 3 years
Parkinson's Society welcomes continuing popularity of Shakin' Stevens 0
roybland 3 years
"They Saved Thatcher's Fanny" Film Causes Huge Controversy 0
Textbook 3 years

The new film "They Saved Thatcher's Fanny", despite repeated pleas from the iconic British leader's family and caregivers, has finished shooting. The American production depicts a team of scientific...

New Iphone App "Find Cheryle Cole's Arse" Big Hit 0
Textbook 3 years

Cole apparently quite concerned about new app that gives users directions to her posterior...

BBC's ‘Olympic Hyperbole' shortfall fears after Jubilee weekend 6
dvo4fun 3 years

Wall to wall coverage of the Queen’s Jubilee Thames Flotilla has run down the BBC’s useable stock of vacuous comments. Much commentary was by News24 staff, trained in the art of high-volume...

Queen opens new floating Chinese restaurant on Thames 0
Haywood Manley 3 years

Well that's what it looked like to me...

Queen's canal boat holiday marred by 1000 rubberneckers. 2
MADJEZ 3 years

Her Majesty the Queen has abandoned her planned Jubilee holiday claiming the public just won’t leave her alone. After 60 years on the throne she had asked for the minimum of fuss and for her and...

Boris Johnson tells Queen, Next Years Jubilee celebrations will be even better 0
Scronnyglonkle 3 years
Job applicant rejected for lack of tattoos 0
Dumbnews 3 years
South London racist reports "pub choice nightmare" in Union Jack bunting mayhem 2
Mr Target 3 years

Racists up and down the country are wasting valuable drinking time, wandering in and out of multi-racial pubs, confused by the mainstream use of patriotic bunting in Britain's high streets....

Boris Proposes River Congestion Charge 1
Alan Hutchinson 3 years

Lord Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, is to introduce a congestion charge on the River Thames after thousands of boats caused Bank Holiday chaos. Johnson stated that he had to introduce the charge...

Ben Fogle arrested for rowing past Royal barge shouting "Toss-oars!" 0
woodymellor 3 years
Topical satirists struggle to find anything in the news this weekend. 0
woodymellor 3 years

Topical satirists up and down the land have been close to tears this weekend, without any obvious targets for their biting wit featuring in the news. "It's just never been this bad before", said a...

Guardian concedes "Queen's pregnant" headline should read Queen's Pageant. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Fears as captain of Queen's Jubilee Boat revealed to be Francesco Schettino 0
quango 3 years
Horoscopes for June 11
seymour totti 3 years

Aries, An awkward moment at the team brief on the 12th. Your boss asks you to say something that will break the ice and, after a short pause, you blurt out "Fat Penguin". Taurus, On the 4th, you...

'1000 boat pile-up' as lead government tug does unexpected u-turn 0
Perks 3 years
UK (plc) to 'outsource' the royal family 1
Perks 3 years

The Chancellor of the Exchequer has announced that, in a move to keep costs down, UK (plc) will outsource the Monarchy from April 2013. A family has been chosen in China to take the role from The...

Royal Family to be "outsourced to India". 2
Al OPecia 3 years

I a suprise move George Osborne announced today that the Royal Family will be disbanded and their duties out-sourced to the lowest bidder operating out of Bangalore. There will be a move of all Head...

"Bad weather didn't dampen street party spirits" agree fucking idiots eveywhere 2
antharrison 3 years

Despite unceasing rain turning the red, white and blue icing on cakes into a turd-coloured goo, fucking idiots across the country agree that the poor weather did not detract from the enjoyment of the...

Charles and Camilla to give-up weather forecasting 1
antharrison 3 years
Queen's 70th anniversary entertainment to focus on synchronised swimming 0
antharrison 3 years
London barge driver "Had that Queen and Prince Phillip in the back of my boat" 0
antharrison 3 years
Queen asks to be excused Olympics 'as it'll be totally naff you just know it' 0
MADJEZ 3 years