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English student’s possession sparks mass hysteria

Universities across the country were placed on high alert today following the possession of a student during an English lecture. A Bournemouth University spokesman described how, during a debate...

10
Dick Everyman 11.11.13 5:21am
FOAD
Poverty could disappear if we gave G4S the contract to look after it, says IDS 1
ronseal 10.11.13 11:17pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Luvvies cock a hoop as British actor chosen for latest fake moon landing 0
ronseal 10.11.13 10:26pm
ronseal
Welsh hold 4 minutes silence. 2 in Welsh and 2 in English.

Myrwe synnw...

3
MADJEZ 10.11.13 8:28pm
Dick Everyman
David Cameron to apologise to Guy Fawkes for "barbaric" execution

Prime Minister Cameron says "Remember, remember the fifth of November, so let's all grow a moustache like Guy's. Not the ladies of course, unless they want to wear a false one which they are quite...

1
vulture1 10.11.13 8:09pm
deceangli
JFK killed by Professor Mustard with the lead pipe from the grassy knoll.

Newly opened archives prove. More soon...

0
MADJEZ 10.11.13 7:40pm
MADJEZ
Screwfix.com was never a dating site, says owner. More soon. 2
dominic_mcg 10.11.13 7:15pm
Titus
JFK "Still Dead" 4
deceangli 10.11.13 7:14pm
Titus
Poppies remember the millions cut down in their prime to be worn by humans. 0
MADJEZ 10.11.13 6:02pm
MADJEZ
Typhoon Survivors hunt for food 'like Zombies' 0
vanhellsink 10.11.13 5:33pm
vanhellsink
Aldi to launch special 'just like Waitrose' section

Aldi, the leading supermarket discounter today announced plans for a special zone for former Waitrose customers. Robert Martin, Head of Special Projects explained the thinking behind the new...

0
custard cream 10.11.13 4:50pm
custard cream
Thought Police to be disbanded after schools fail to teach students to think...

more soonor anyone with the ability to think is more than welcome to take over...

0
hardev 10.11.13 1:05pm
hardev
‘Stupify’ launches new online ‘anti-music’ app

A new programme aims to remove all the boring music from your online collection, then tell your Facebook and Twitter friends what you’ll never listen to again, and suggest they delete it too. Tim...

0
CulchaVulcha 10.11.13 12:44pm
CulchaVulcha
Archbishop Tutu complimented on the Braai Des Made 1
Sinnick 10.11.13 12:24pm
Dick Everyman
Big Brother: Watching but unseeing

A Dorset lawyer has been left outraged and humiliated by the new advertising system at his local Tesco garage. Derek Farmer from Dorchester, made the daily trip for his post-work Mars Bar, and was...

22
KateWritesStuff 10.11.13 11:39am
KateWritesStuff
Philippines launches mission to Mars 0
medici2471 10.11.13 11:23am
medici2471
Tesco face scanners hacked by Lidl – red faces all round

A Lidl Christmas Magic brings a smile to shoppers’ faces. Every Lidl helps...

2
farmer giles 10.11.13 11:23am
farmer giles
Neighbours complain Trappists have Cage's 4'33'' blaring on speakers till 4 a.m. 9
sydalg 10.11.13 11:22am
CulchaVulcha
'Remembrance, remembrance remembrance' - Wombles salute their fallen

An elite cadre of Wombles took part in the British Remembrance Sunday Parade at the Cenotaph, yesterday, marching proudly to a military version of their famous signature tune. It is the first time...

2
nickb 10.11.13 11:18am
CulchaVulcha
Russians set fire to space: Isle of Wight Brigade to act

A Russian astronaut accidentally set fire to space, Saturday, after flouting international regulations on naked flames above the stratosphere. It was initially thought the blaze was related to the...

0
nickb 10.11.13 11:08am
nickb
Racism to distance itself from F.A

Racism has announced it plans to “class itself up,” by distance itself from the Football Association. A spokesman for racism told of mounting shame and anguish amongst the racist community as...

3
TobiasBV 10.11.13 11:07am
Jesus H
World War I "faked by US government", claims academic

Remembrance Day was created to boost sales of poppy companies with close ties to senior figures in the American government, a leading academic has claimed. Professor Philip Norman, of Trinity...

3
jamsieoconnor 10.11.13 9:21am
Dick Everyman
Homeopathic Newspaper Contains Nothing, But This Is Printed On Recycled Paper 3
Titus 09.11.13 7:09pm
A.A.Arkwright
Satellite Set To Crash Down On Earth

A one-ton research satellite will crash to Earth on Sunday night..hopefully it's satnav will locate Number 10 Downing Street OK!...

0
vanhellsink 09.11.13 6:20pm
vanhellsink
Secret Santa ‘defends freedom’

Sir Iain Lobban has responded to criticism that Government Communications Headquarters (GCHQ) has undermined democracy, freedom and gone over budget with anonymous workplace gifts. The televised...

4
Wrenfoe 09.11.13 5:26pm
Dick Everyman
Lord Vader announces Redundancies on Death Star.

Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, First General of the Imperial Forces and Destroyer of Alderaan today announced extensive job losses and "restructuring" on the Death Star. Head of Human Resources Moff...

3
blokefromstoke 09.11.13 5:24pm
Dick Everyman
Nick Clegg 'disappointed' with Stormtrooper role offer at Star Wars auditions

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has admitted to being 'slightly disappointed' today after being offered the role of '112th Startrooper from the left' at the first of a series of Star Wars open...

2
Jesus H 09.11.13 3:35pm
Jesus H
Blockbuster to open new flagship store in Ventnor 0
bonjonelson 09.11.13 2:09pm
bonjonelson
Torturer laments demise of industry...

Abdul Mohammed Kadifery, known as the Smiling Butcher to his colleagues has decided to take the early retirement package from the Syrian Government after new Health and Safety regulations where...

0
hardev 09.11.13 1:37pm
hardev
Ofgas: 'No connection between 2+2 and 4'

Following an extensive investigation, Ofgas has concluded that there is no connection between the sum 2+2 and the number 4. A spokesman said that they had looked at it very carefully, and found that...

3
John Wiltshire 09.11.13 12:40pm
Titus