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Stripy jumper wearing flood looters to be used as depth gauges

The Government has announced harsh measures for anyone caught looting flooded properties whilst wearing the traditional burglars uniform of a black and white stripy jumper, eye mask, and flat cap....

Bigglesworth 13.02.14 10:04pm
70's office worker to sue women who didn't find him 'cuddly'

"I remember it, like was yesterday" said a tearful Anthony Sithers, choking back the tears. "I'd gone into accounts to be friendly with some of the girls, as they tapped away at their adding machines...

Underconstruction 13.02.14 9:50pm
Next on the turntable, folks - Believe It If You Like - by The Band 0
Drylaw 13.02.14 9:29pm
Paddington stationary

Nothing soon. I'm sitting in a railway station, Got a ticket for my destination, But f'ing fgw aren't going there...

Not Amused 13.02.14 9:21pm
BBC4 to screen new Scandinavian crime drama 'The Giraffe' 0
Mandy Lifeboat 13.02.14 9:14pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Oedipus's relationship back on track after mother tells him he's adopted 2
sydalg 13.02.14 9:14pm
Cameron shows solidarity with flooded householders

In a very human moment, the Tory leader David Cameron showed a great solidarity and understanding with those whose houses had been flooded. The Prime Minister went on to say,"I understand very well...

ionb 13.02.14 9:05pm
custard cream
Sphinx riddles made easier, answers to be phoned in to premium rate number 0
sydalg 13.02.14 9:03pm
German man who had sex change suffers from Herr loss 0
sydalg 13.02.14 8:53pm
Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, to be reclassified as a period drama. 0
carlosmanwelly 13.02.14 8:46pm
Severe flooding floods flooding flood, water flooding rain flooding flooded

Severe floods floods floods, the UK flooding flooded flooding, flooding floods. Incompetent environment secretary Owen Floods flood 'Flooding flooding floods, flooding water water floods.' Flooding...

The Paper Ostrich 13.02.14 8:44pm
Lindy Moone
Hi, I’m Mike Read from radio 1, nothing to do with jimmy saville, who I detest

Mike Read from radio 1 t shirts are still available from the the Mike Read book of Mike Read...

farmer giles 13.02.14 8:40pm
farmer giles
"Everyone taking statins could be a real life saver" - drug company accountants

More to follow...

apepper 13.02.14 8:38pm
Dawlish track repair delayed due to cross whale 3
Underconstruction 13.02.14 8:37pm
Public shocked by celebrity with no sexual assault allegations 0
Dumbnews 13.02.14 8:14pm
Somerset Car Owner Charged With Diving Without Care And Attention 0
Titus 13.02.14 8:04pm
Court rules Hairy Cornflake "not a euphemism" 0
Ref Minor 13.02.14 7:59pm
Ref Minor
SNP confirm 'Irn Bru to be new unit of currency' if Scotland gains independence 0
custard cream 13.02.14 7:43pm
custard cream
Cameron says UK will be known as Untied Kingdom if Scotland leaves 0
custard cream 13.02.14 7:38pm
custard cream
Scientists prove link between global warming and hot air from Nigel Lawson .

Much, much more soon...

Al OPecia 13.02.14 7:21pm
Al OPecia
DLT found not GLT... 1
Tripod 13.02.14 7:08pm
Al OPecia
Dave Lee Travis says he's happy with verdict, before handing over to Simon Bates 0
Adrian Bamforth 13.02.14 6:35pm
Adrian Bamforth
Cosmetic surgery to get a facelift. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 13.02.14 6:29pm
Al OPecia
Lastest cosmetic surgery review considered flawed

Things are likely to go tits up...

Robert Koch 13.02.14 5:18pm
Robert Koch
Floods of Surrey commuter belt punishment from God for 'being a bit dull'

A leading theologian has caused controversy today by claiming that the flooding of commuter towns around London have been sent by God to 'wake the boring bastards up a bit'. The Right Reverend...

Electrelane 13.02.14 5:03pm
not every one is smiling over new botox laws

''we'll just have to grin and bear it'' a spokesperson said today...

Robert Koch 13.02.14 4:47pm
Robert Koch
Anything you can zoo... 0
Scroat 13.02.14 4:39pm
Brutus promises "full support" for Caesar's policy on knife crime 1
sydalg 13.02.14 4:33pm
Head of NHS remains tight-lipped over new Botox laws 0
Underconstruction 13.02.14 4:32pm
Shock as only one in five Satanists knows postcode of the beast 0
sydalg 13.02.14 4:29pm