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John Terry closes in on European Father of the Year title 0
Yikes 3 years

Fans of British parenting look like having something to celebrate as John Terry seeks to breakthrough to the next level and claim the European Father of the Year title. Terry, an ex-winner of British...

Gary Barlow turns down lucrative offer to be resident singer on Dragon Capsule 0
rustad 3 years

A spokesperson for Space X, the commercial space exploration wing of India's Tata Motors, today confirmed that they had failed in their bid to obtain Gary Barlow's signature on a multi-million dollar...

Pensioner To Play Left-Back at Euros for Footballing Reasons 3
daneade 3 years

Roy Hodgson today called up 79 year old Bert Cooke to the England Euro 2012 squad today, purely for ‘footballing reasons’ he said completely lyingly. 79 times capped England legend Rio Ferdinand...

Ministers pretend to boycott Euro 2012 'to get out of games' 1
V Riddoch 3 years

Government ministers have wriggled out of attending Euro 2012 by 'protesting' about Ukraine's jailing of former prime minister Yulia Tymoshenko, according to a secret recording of a Cabinet meeting....

Man paints lines on grass, dons boots and puts up nets for 'footballing reasons" 0
ronseal 3 years
England footballers to play badly as protest 1
apepper 3 years

England's footballers are planning their own protest over the hosting of Euro 2012. "We're contractually oblidged to play, so we've decided to leave the tournement as soon as possible by being as...

Cheryl Cole Unlikely Humanitarian Saviour 0
Textbook 3 years

Cheryl Cole's fame may be of questionable merit to many members of the intellectual community, but that may change after her recent visit to Somalia, where in mere moments she raised living...

Roy Hodgson found in hotel room with hookers and drugs 'for footballing reasons' 0
Alan Sundry 3 years
Prayers Being Offered For Stricken TV Royal Anchors 0
Duff 3 years

A frantic race is on this evening to find an urgent cure for a virus that's wreaking havoc throughout the UK's media community. The infection named, [i]Chronic Sycophantosis[/i], believed to be a new...

Dejected Clinton cards buyer returns home with £35million worth of weasel balls 0
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years
Olympic ladies' soccer tickets unsold "for footballing reasons". 0
nickb 3 years
Hitler confirms invasion of the Sudetenland for 'footballing reasons' 2
Alan Sundry 3 years
Psittaphobic Chinaman has cleft palate 1
cinquecento 3 years
Queen ‘As Fit As Kate Middleton’ 0
Mark Gregory 3 years

As celebrations for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee took place in all parts of the Uk over the bank holiday weekend, politicians and famous people have queued up to pay tribute to our monarch. David...

PM in Merkel gaffe storm 0
Miss Hegas 3 years

Latest: PM David Cameron was caught in a diplomatic storm after his latest round of Euro-crisis summitry with German Chancellor Merkel, when overheard muttering 'Two World Wars and one common...

Austerity Cuts See An Am-A-Drama Ding-Dong At The BBC 0
Duff 3 years

During these past two years we've all become accustomed to the concept of "Austerity Britain" and nowhere are the cuts biting harder and deeper than at the BBC. Budgets have been trimmed back so...

'Lease this pub' now the most popular pub name survey reveals 5
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years

A comprehensive survey of pub names has revealed the changing face of British pubs. The Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA) survey has showed how a whole host of new names has burst on the scene,...

MOD shocked at sponsorship deals for the British Army 0
Mart1054 3 years

Following a series of cuts and funding problems the MOD was shocked today to find some of the oldest regiments are being merged and sponsored. From November this year - The Gordon Highlanders will...

Ray Bradbury to be buried on monday 2
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years

a joke so obscure I've only put it up to tease...

The real Nick Clegg found washed up on a beach in Oregon 0
Not Amused 3 years

It has been confirmed that a man who was found washed up on an Oregon beach is the real Nick Clegg. The leader of the Liberal Democrats disappeared just over two years ago in a Tsunami of public...

Weather and River Event Spoil BBC Presenter Jamboree 2
l0w 3 years

Weather and River Event Spoil BBC Presenter Jamboree - 'But we are proud of what we achieved' say BBC. A once in a lifetime opportunity for BBC presenters to massage their egos, celebrate their...

Researchers invite you to meat the veg. 1
wallster 3 years

A team of researchers at the University of Hertfordshire have finally succeeded in creating the world's first meat based vegetables. The project was undertaken as a means to combat food shortages...

Rio Ferdinand left out of drug tests for not turning up reasons 0
ronseal 3 years
Malaysians admit they meant to buy Battersea dogs home 1
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years
Sensation as Queen harnesses Jubilee fever to stand for election 3
Stan 3 years

Buoyed by a wave of patriotic fervour, an invigorated Queen has seized the moment and announced that she will throw her crown into the ring and stand for election as Head of State in order to silence...

Semantic fundamentalist researchers successfully split infinitive. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Future editions of The Guardian to end all paragraphs with "Whatever." 0
Textbook 3 years
New Jeans Test For Foetuses Divides Fashion Community 0
Duff 3 years

The fashion community is today divided following the announcement of a new test that has been developed and can be applied to unborn foetuses; one that will enable designers to see just how good, or...

Murray blames poor form on the change from Scot to Brit ahead of Wimbledon 2
Scroat 3 years

"It happens every year. I can feel my whole body changing, like some sort of werewolf. It really does ruin my gameplan," Murray told reporters. "It feels like I've had some sort of personality...

Paul McCartney booked to play The Apocalypse 2
Rizzo 3 years

Fans of music and doomsday prophecies were celebrating last night after God confirmed that he had booked the former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney to be the closing act at the end of mankind. A...