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British Transport Police granted powers of deodorisation

The British Transport Police (BTP) is to be granted full powers of deodorisation, Chief Constable Andrew Trotter announced today. From May, Transport officers will be equipped with industrial...

AdrianJ 25.04.14 3:19am
Cornishman joins Englishman, Scotsman, Welshman & Irishman walking in to a bar.

I shall await the very first recorded incitement to racial hatred prosecution due to dissing the Cornish...

AdrianJ 24.04.14 10:50pm
Adrian Bamforth
Cornish Pasties get protected species status with Haggis and Leeks 0
camz 24.04.14 10:48pm
West threatens to "tell Russia's Dad on him". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 24.04.14 10:09pm
Al OPecia
Hitler gets postumous History Channel Lifetime Achievement award 0
camz 24.04.14 10:08pm
Cornish ivory price hits new peak

News that the Cornish people are to be a ‘protected’ species has led to a sharp spike in the price of Cornish ivory, raising fears of increased poaching. The Cornishman joins the panda, the white...

deceangli 24.04.14 10:03pm
Adrian Bamforth
CBI suspends its CBeebies membership in retaliation 1
camz 24.04.14 8:53pm
Unemployed loser mocks David Moyes sacking

A Bristol man who dropped out of school at 14, has never had a job or a girlfriend, lives with his parents and can't spell has admitted spending the last couple of days poking fun at the former...

ianslat 24.04.14 8:32pm
Fears for UK numeracy grow as satirical website editors unable to count to ten 4
blacklesbianandproudofit 24.04.14 8:16pm
Man trips over "elephant in the room"

"He never saw it coming" say his friends...

vulture1 24.04.14 8:11pm
The Devil authors new book, "Managing your demons" 0
Dumbnews 24.04.14 8:11pm
God turns down Man U manager role because of 'unrealistic expectations of fans'

Speaking at a packed press conference this evening The Almighty admitted that although he could guarantee that Manchester United would win next season's Premier League, Capital One Cup, FA Cup and...

blacklesbianandproudofit 24.04.14 7:53pm
Concern grows over Filipino ladies inability to spot sad middle aged losers 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 24.04.14 7:08pm
Jamaica Inn parrot disciplined after mumbling "Who's a shitty boy then?" 1
Underconstruction 24.04.14 6:56pm
Kevin the Swan
Three Billy Goats Gruff sought in Jeremy Clarkson slaying 1
nyarlathotep 24.04.14 6:52pm
Rolls Royce Corniche vandalised, police seeking dyslexic xenophobe 0
Underconstruction 24.04.14 6:32pm
Ecclestone "Schumacher made me bribe banker" 0
Underconstruction 24.04.14 6:13pm
Ecclestone to face charges after complaints from Hairdressers' Union. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 24.04.14 5:36pm
Muslim women asked to contact police if their sons start talking like Tony Blair 0
Al OPecia 24.04.14 5:18pm
Al OPecia
BBC diversity dept concede Jamaica'n patois experiment a failure 0
Backup Brian 24.04.14 4:39pm
Backup Brian
Duncan-Smith claims victory as benefits cheats turn to drug/gun/sex-trafficking 1
beckfordburger 24.04.14 3:45pm
West warns Islamic leaders over Tony Blair

Western leaders have warned their Islamic counterparts to put aside their differences over conflicts throughout the world and focus on the threat of Blairite extremism. The warning comes as Tony...

James Pluside 24.04.14 2:17pm
Farmer in court for ploughing another farmer's furrow without permission

ooo missus...

camz 24.04.14 1:55pm
Cadbury deny Savile behind jingle "A finger of fudge is just enough..." 6
Squudge 24.04.14 1:51pm
Thailand apologises for calling Clarkson a wanker. Wankers accept the apology. 0
Not Amused 24.04.14 12:23pm
Not Amused
First Saudi woman to get pilot's licence told which building to aim for 0
Adrian Bamforth 24.04.14 12:14pm
Adrian Bamforth
Clarkson slopes off in disgrace. 0
MADJEZ 24.04.14 11:47am
Cornish Secedes from Union, Welsh to provide Aid

Less than 24 hours after being granted UK minority status, Cornish independence party Mebyon Kernow have announced the county has seceded from Great Britain with immediate effect and can now be...

james_doc 24.04.14 11:44am
Drama As Man. United Throws Moyes Out Of Pram

[hat tip to camz]...

Titus 24.04.14 11:40am
'I am standing up' Ecclestone tells German judge 0
bookiesfriend 24.04.14 10:35am