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Struggling petfood manufacturer calls in the retrievers 2
charlies_hat 3 years
Man pisses disinfectant toilet block 360 degrees in single urination 29
Des Custard 3 years

Eric Sanders, 37, of Carshalton, was said to be cock-a-hoop yesterday after successfully propelling a disinfectant toilet block a full circuit round a urinal drainage hole in the course of a single...

Exodus of Poles prompts scaffolding firm collapse. 4
spoole2112 3 years
Objections to Polanski's Zurich Festival award "fucking minor" 0
Pagantroll 3 years
For faster delivery, FedEX planes to fly with their doors open 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Springboks furious about giraffes' high tackle 0
Pagantroll 3 years
Traffic Police investigating theft of their cars wheels "working tyrelessly". 1
seymour totti 3 years
Crocodile dundee to do random gender checks at Australian airports 2
Screenie 3 years
Autoglass to start repairing chips on shoulders. 1
Ian Searle 3 years
Cock and balls created on a 3D printer 0
simonjmr 3 years

Scientists today have announced a major breakthrough in 3D printer technology. It was generally expected that the research team at the Fraunhofer Institute in Germanywould announce that they had...

Some of Hollywood’s rising stars ask for The Caine 0
Gary Baldy 3 years

Nearly half of Hollywood’s budding stars have asked for the reappearance of The Caine. In a survey conducted by a social network website, the researchers found that almost a third of all...

Zombie fan disappointed at Zumba festival 0
Dick Everyman 3 years
Chaos as Climate change debunked. Planet has been ‘cleaned up for nothing’ 0
ubermoomin 3 years

At a high profile climate change conference today damming evidence was submitted that proved once and for all that climate change was nothing more than ‘foppish baboonery’ ‘I’ve looked at...

Lakeland and Anne Summers join forces to market Nigella's sex and kitchen aids 3
Ian Searle 3 years
Lineker Seeks Help For Crisp Abuse 5
Duff 3 years

BBC anchorman and former darling of England and Leicester City football squads, Gary Lineker, is today facing up to his biggest challenge yet. Bigger even than when he used to be dreadful at...

Plans for extended green belt shelved in favour of elasticated waist band 0
spoole2112 3 years

Following beaurocratic delays that prevented the extension of his green belt with a piece of crimson ribbon begining on time, one man community and local government minister Eric Pickles has claimed...

Gay planet discovered coming up behind Uranus 7
simonjmr 3 years
Government call to recycle teachers 0
Dick Everyman 3 years

A duel initiative by the Department for Education and the Environment Agency is proposing to recycle teachers in an effort to cut out hazardous waste in schools and to improve efficiency. In future,...

Germans delighted with Greek’s wooden horse gift 2
ianslat 3 years

German Chancellor Angela Merkel today expressed her thanks to Greece for their ‘generous and thoughtful’ gift of a giant wooden horse. ‘We love it’ she enthused. ‘We’re not sure what to...

Higgs-Bosun: scientists widen search to 'down the back of the settee' 1
writinginbsl 3 years

it might not be there at all...

Man who bequeathed favourite tattoo to his son leaves lasting mark on family 6
Runestone Cowboy 3 years

The estate of a man who left an extensive permanent tattoo to his eldest son is being disputed by his other children. The tattoo, which covered most of Mike Norden's back, was admired by all his...

Jailed expense scandal MP's "fair game" for hunting on release from prison 0
simonjmr 3 years
Some of James Murdoch's testimony may have been true. 0
apepper 3 years

In a new twist to the phone hacking scandal, former News International employees have revealed that an element of James Murdoch's parlimentary was neither fabricated nor evasory. Former legal...

New species of badger discovered with vital organs on the inside 16
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years

Scientists have confirmed that a badger recently discovered in Somerset is a previously unknown species, being dubbed [i]Meles meles[/i], and only distantly related to the [i]Meles Roadkillus[/i]...

Welsh tragedy, as Welsh mining tragedy justifies more Peter Hain TV interviews 1
dvo4fun 3 years

More soon. No doubt...

Teenagers 'would welcome prospect of being caned at school', says Gove. 1
SingingHinny 3 years
Tragedy for TV news as Welsh mining tragedy moves towards its tragic conclusion. 1
dvo4fun 3 years

More media vultures in danger soon...

Tories deny existence of working Welsh mine 0
ianslat 3 years
Health Minster Demands Tougher Eye Tests 9
nickb 3 years

Health Minister Andrew Lansley received a warm reception from opticians yesterday when he demanded eye tests become more difficult. Inspired by Michael Gove's call for harder GCSEs, Lansley hit...

UBS rogue trader blames ITV's 'Red or Black' 0
Boutros 3 years

Friends of arrested UBS trader Kweku Adoboli have put the blame for his alleged £2.1 billion trading losses squarely on Adoboli's obsession with Red or Black, the ITV game show that promises the...