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Mars probe excites chocolate faithful 0
nickb 3 years

A finger of fudge used to be enough, but in today’s fast moving world of chocolate branding, an eye on the news has helped marketing men sit up and listen. Which is why the recent NASA expedition...

Dyson Airblade use to blame for recent downpours 0
simonjmr 3 years

A report published this morning blames the recent downpours on the increasing use of Dyson Airblades in the nations washrooms and public conveniences. Michael Perch of the Met Office and author of...

Space Race "impossible" proclaims delighted troll - "you can't run in a vacuum&a 0
SpankyMonkey 3 years

What the hell's happened to my last punctuation mark?...

"Wombles put me off" claims Murray "oh, and Federer played better" 0
simonjmr 3 years

Andy Murray and his mum Judy have today provided prove that the fictional imaginary Wombles of Wimbledon were to play for Andy's unexplained defeat to the boring Swiss Federer. "Whenever I was in a...

Sir Steve Redgrave: "I live In Constant Fear Of Being Found Out" 2
Duff 3 years

5-time Olympic gold medallist, Sir Steve Redgrave, has revealed today that he lives in constant fear of being "found out as being nothing special and a very lucky so and so to boot," despite the...

M&S rebrand as Spencers & Marks to boost sales of grey shaded clothes 0
charlies_hat 3 years
John Terry "Not Scottish". 6
The All New Jeni B 3 years

With nod to Perks...

Andy Murray fitted with dog’s tail to help express his emotions 5
Nunnion Splendacular 3 years

In an attempt to counter criticism that Andy Murray hides his emotions, Britain’s tennis no.1 has been fitted with a large, shaggy tail, operated remotely by his brain. Leading veterinary...

Rare steaks on the menu as vegetarians finally call an end to protest 14
The Masked Frog 3 years

It's been over 50 years since the first dinner party was ruined by someone saying, "I can't eat this I'm vegetarian", a protest then taken up by millions of people worldwide and which came to an...

Tom Cruise now casting for Marriage Impossible 4 2
gregle 3 years

Still waiting for Katie Holmes to peel off a rubber mask and reveal her true evil identity...

Katie Holmes gets custody of Suri, Tom Cruise gets the spaceship 1
Yikes 3 years

Fears of a messy divorce have receded as Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have reached a settlement. While precise details are confidential, Holmes is believed to have got sole custody of Suri and...

London LGBT parade to be called, "50 shades of Gay" 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Science news 0
speccyneil 3 years

Scientists at Small Hadron Collider announce successful combination of apple and blackcurrant...

Rooftop missile launchers threaten to strike during Olympics 7
charlies_hat 3 years
Murray in tears, gutted: runners up prize is only £575k 0
Mark Gregory 3 years

Federer gets £1.15m...

Iran conducts test of long-range tickling stick 1
Long Distance Clara 3 years

The official news agency of Iran confirmed yesterday that the nation’s powerful Revolutionary Guards had conducted their first successful test of a giant, inter-continental tickling stick. The...

Deja Vu as studio announces 'Groundhog Day' sequel again 10
Mr Target 3 years

Columbia Pictures yet again announced to the Hollywood industry press that a sequel to the classic feel-good comedy [i]Groundhog Day[/i] is already in the works and set for release in early 2013....

Federer reveals, his broken leg not as painful as yesterday 1
rustytruss 3 years

but flu much worse so he's going back to bed...

John Terry Admits Sarcastic Defending 0
custard cream 3 years
Maplins to open holiday camp for nerds 0
nickb 3 years

"It's synergy, that's what it is" said Northampton Maplin's manager Steve Hardy, the man behind the first ever electrical component superholiday discount centre. "Two names synonymous with fun and...

Met Office Warns Wet Summer May Threaten Riots 1
daneade 3 years

Britain’s washout summer is threatening to derail August’s scheduled week of looting and burning. Months of unseasonal rain has seeped through the hard crust of bitterness and rage in London and...

Woman defies advice and enters Maplins without a man 3
grumblechops 3 years

A 46 year old woman from Brighton has been found tired and dehydrated in a branch of Maplins, where she has been trapped since wandering in on Saturday afternoon and asking for help to choose an...

Six injured in Tottenham’s first Pitbull Run 10
Nails UK 3 years

At least six people were injured during the Pitbull Run in the inaugural Tottenham Riot festival, officials have reported. The injuries appeared to be fairly minor, although one man told reporters...

Ryanair announce south of jet stream surcharge 1
yussle 3 years
Taxi ‘5-10 minutes away’, minicab firm tells Antarctic explorers 5
Skylarking 3 years

Renowned explorers Dean and Jonny Monkton have roundly condemned the minicab company A-Z Cars for a ‘downright inconvenient’ delay in picking them up from their Antarctic encampment. The...

John Terry calls character witness. 'Ee don't mean no offense' says Alf Garnett. 0
MADJEZ 3 years

[list]More soon...

Confusion over British Wimbledon victory as most thought Jimmy Carr had won. 0
MADJEZ 3 years

HMRC to look into £1million prize money. More soon...

Moodys ratings agency awards Duracell bunny triple A status 0
custard cream 3 years
RBS to remain Scottish indefinitely 1
Des Custard 3 years
Osborne identifies banking's inherent problem 3
Teddy 3 years

Chancellor George Osborne conceded today that changing the culture of British banks would be an extremely difficult task, admitting in an appearance before a Commons Select Committee that, ‘by...