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Murray blames poor form on the change from Scot to Brit ahead of Wimbledon 2
Scroat 3 years

"It happens every year. I can feel my whole body changing, like some sort of werewolf. It really does ruin my gameplan," Murray told reporters. "It feels like I've had some sort of personality...

Paul McCartney booked to play The Apocalypse 2
Rizzo 3 years

Fans of music and doomsday prophecies were celebrating last night after God confirmed that he had booked the former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney to be the closing act at the end of mankind. A...

Scientists access parallel universe where Ed Sheeran isn't inexplicably popular 6
Skylarking 3 years

Physicists say they are close to understanding one of the greatest conundrums of recent decades: why unremarkable Suffolk songwriter Ed Sheeran has achieved massive commercial success. The...

Mumbai man with broadband problems annoyed that helpdesk is located in Surrey 1
Smart Alex 3 years
Hosepipe ban scuppers Drunken Sailor song 1
nickb 3 years
Tories to pass new "tug your forelocks to bankers" act..... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

for all the wonderful things that bankers have done for us over the last few years., It makes you want to cry in your beer...

Lower French retirement age means Hollande out of a job in two years 0
Yikes 3 years

French President Francois Hollande admits lowering the retirement age to 60 was a “slight error” as he is due to turn 60 on August 2014, almost 3 years before his Presidential term expires....

Cheryl Cole sadly DOESN'T have a brain tumour. 0
MADJEZ 3 years

More shit songs soon...

Dutch workers with ADHD applaud Hollande retirement age cut 0
Yikes 3 years
Israel to build 300 giant middle fingers in occupied West Bank 1
grumblechops 3 years
Favorite songs most accurate predictor of person's age, claims scientist 25
Dumbnews 3 years
Kate, Duchess of Cambridge, moves 'one step closer' to appearing naked in public 1
roybland 3 years

The Duchess of Cambridge stunned onlookers on Wednesday by appearing for the service of thanksgiving at St Paul's Cathedral in a 'nude' frock by Alexander McQueen and a hat by Jane Taylor. The...

Venus finally finds self after rare trek across the sun 1
simonjmr 3 years
Queen in rift with Barlow as Coldplay tickets get a last minute ditch. 3
JohnSmith 3 years

The Queen's Jubilee Reporting Committee has gotten hold of material showing Her Majesty in a heated confrontation with Gary Barlow, the man put in charge of organising the entire shambles of a...

Unpopular co-worker grateful for LinkedIn invite from Russian hackers 0
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years
Gloria Mundy misses last Venus Transit due to Norovirus infection 3
Nails UK 3 years
Author Ray Bradbury to be cremated at temperature of Fahrenheit 451 2
V Riddoch 3 years
Austrian town of Fucking in twinning talks with German village of Blöjöb 2
Alan Sundry 3 years
Government can't cut childcare bureaucracy as not allowed scissors, say experts. 2
V Riddoch 3 years

More later...

Author Ray Bradbury to be cremated at temperature of Fahrenheit 451 2
V Riddoch 3 years
Queen ‘comes out’ as dyslexic after igniting Deacon in error 6
dvo4fun 3 years

Buckingham and Lambeth Palaces have presented a united front over the near-immolation of Stephen Wallace, the chubby Deacon of St Paul's Cathedral, at the Jubilee Concert yesterday. The Queen...

Following Transit across the sun, NASA gets Toyota Hi Ace for Mars mission. 0
Maverick 3 years
Daily Mail Jibe Sees Fry Set To Quit Twitter Yet Again 0
Duff 3 years

Racist homophobes' newspaper of choice, The Daily Mail, is at the centre of yet more Twitter outrage today, after it suggested in an article that the uncrowned King of the microblogging site, Stephen...

BBC to broadcast a day of 'gobshite' 0
roybland 3 years

The BBC's decision to broadcast James Joyce's Ulysees on Radio 4 throughout the day on 16 June has been denounced by listeners. 'Ulysees is recognized as a seminal work,' said a BBC spokesman. 'A...

Cliff put to death after slapping arse in front of monarch 0
Old Hat 3 years

Sir Cliff Richard has been taken to the gallows on Tyburn Hill and hung by the neck until dead, after slapping his arse in from of her majesty queen Elizabeth II. In a rousing display of musical...

Williams family rallies round after Venus in Transit incident 0
cinquecento 3 years
Hologram of Duke to insult guests at Jubilee lunch, says Palace. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
White Van Man Strikes Again In Transit On The Sun Sensation 0
Duff 3 years

Amateur stargazers and top astronomers alike are said to be amazed following a sensational once in a lifetime occurrence earlier today, when reports started to surface from the world's top monitoring...

Grandma (86) was refused a day off work to visit husband (90) in hospital 0
Mark66 3 years
"Britain's Most Psychedelic Chef" Coming To TV Soon 1
Textbook 3 years

A new spin on the popular reality cooking show is set to debut this season as Britain's Most Psychedelic Chef hits the air. Competitors will be expected to prepare a wide range of gourmet cuisine to...