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Crisis averted as England shirt sponsors Umbro change logo to a poppy 0
pinxit 3 years
Frankie confesses, "I thought it was Keith Richards week". 0
Smart Alex 3 years

More lines soon...

No evidence of civilised life amongst aliens claims White House 2
Midfield Diamond 3 years

The US government has formally denied that it has any acknowledgement of civilisation beyond its borders. The announcement came in response to the We The People website, which initially promised to...

Theresa May blames "Blame Culture" for Border agency failures 0
simonjmr 3 years
Adele's throat surgery will improve her elocution, claims consultant 0
simonjmr 3 years

Adele has had throat surgery to stop an ongoing condition that caused her to cancel tour dates for the rest of the year. "Her enunciation will improve a thousand fold, and hopefully she will no...

OpCapita pay £2 for the wrong comet 0
Bumbledore 3 years

The management of OpCapita were today dismayed to find that while they thought they were buying the comet retail company they had in fact bought the comet that is currently whizzing away from the...

Controversial scenes as Bad Boy Beethoven is booted off X-Factor 3
Stan 3 years

There were astonishing scenes last night as Ludwig Van Beethoven, arguably the most talented X-Factor contestant since Darius Danesh, was voted off the show after losing out in a controversial sing...

Borders Director "May's intervention responsible for book chain's collapse" 0
simonjmr 3 years
Veterans of the 10/12/10 student demos to sell poppys "Lest we forget" 1
simonjmr 3 years

The NUS today has commissioned a set of commemorative "poppy's" that can be sold in high streets up and down the UK remembering the 2010 student demonstrations. The distinctive red poppies will also...

Human Pencil Case Dies From Lead Poisening. 0
mattupchuck 3 years

'nuff said...

Sir Bruce confirmed as the face of 'Dignitas UK' franchise launch. 8
Bryan with a Y 3 years

come on. I'm new to this, should I bother ?...

Prime Minister accused of waiving competence checks on his Home Secretary 0
Long Distance Clara 3 years

No.10 was embroiled in a fresh scandal today as it emerged that Prime Minister David Cameron may not have performed adequate checks on the individual he appointed to control the nation’s borders....

Theresa May Resign 0
bonjonelson 3 years

obvious but someone had to...

All Milan strip clubs told to reserve an area for Berlusconi's 'leaving drinks' 0
JD 3 years

All Milan strip clubs told to reserve an area for Berlusconi's 'leaving drinks'...

Berlusconi apologises to Miss China for election failure 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Ah no, just ignore me 0
ianslat 3 years
U.K Government To Privatise The Country's Oxygen 2
mattupchuck 3 years

The government today is expected to push through legislation which would would hand over control and day to day running of the country’s oxygen to the highest bidding private company. “This much...

FIFA ban John Terry from wearing his alternative white poppy 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Berlusconi to dedicate life to the rehabilitation of fallen women. 1
cueball 3 years
Cameron relaxes checks on Border Agency to relieve pressure on May 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Report says people still at risk from scams and .asks £50 for more details 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Sex 'n' drugs 'n' rock'n'roll has no place in the X factor says Cowell 0
simonjmr 3 years
Santa Claus to step down: markets respond positively 2
Des Custard 3 years

Stock markets have responded positively to news that Toyland's Prime Minister Santo Nicalosi, better known as Santa Claus, or Sugar Daddy Christmas to his closest female admirers, is to step down...

There's no historical evidence of Sartre's existence claims Sentamu 0
tedweasel 3 years
Man arrested for not having Facebook account. 12
DavidBlame 3 years

A 37 year old Brighton man was held overnight by police yesterday after being arrested for not having a Facebook account., Sussex Police confirmed today that the man, who was questioned for over 16...

Burlesconi resignation leaves satirists in turmoil 1
apepper 3 years

The world of satire has been thrown into chaos by the resignation of Silvio Burlesconi. "First Sarah Palin and now this, if it wasn't for Boris Johnson, I don't think I could carry on.", said one...

Metropolitan Police posts plastic bullets to protestors 0
nickb 3 years
X Factor contestant confesses "I wasn't on a journey, just in a singing contest" 0
dvo4fun 3 years
Now lawyers vow to seek prosecution of Michael Jackson’s plastic surgeons 2
Stan 3 years

Following the successful conviction of Michael Jackson’s doctor, Conrad Murray, by a Los Angeles court, prosecutors have confirmed that they are intending to bring the pop star’s plastic surgeons...

Barking dog employs writers to produce "new material" 0
Nick McCarr 3 years

woof woof woof woof woof woof howwwwl!...