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Close Encounters. 0
Ralphy Snoops 3 years

Sci-Fi fans should head for Sheffield University this week for a UFO conference focusing on ‘abductees’ - people who have met aliens and have returned to describe the experience. These include a...

Teachers to strike over public sector strikes 3
Perks 3 years

The National Union of Teachers has announced it will ballot members on strike action over the proposed national strike action by other public sector workers. The NUT has come to the conclusion that...

Surgeons Succeed in Joining Twins Together 16
RJWinter 3 years

In an operation lasting nearly 30 hours, surgeons have succeeded in joining the identical twins Sue and Jane Grover together., Cases of non-joined twins are not rare at all and often call for really...

'No fat chicks' certificate urged for films that feature doughnuts 1
3 years
Basildon's housewives braced for clothes peg shortage 3
roybland 3 years
Dale Farm situation described as 'tents' 4
SpankyMonkey 3 years
Tennis strike may affect UK weather 0
Screenie 3 years

Chaos theory experts predict that the possible tennis strike if timed correctly, in conjunction with the 140,000 people not gathering in one place in Somerset, could lead to perfect weather for the...

Tennis players may strike, says Murray. World wide apathy breaks out. 0
arthurminnit 3 years
Amusing section of James Cordon stand up routine 'just a funny five minutes' 4
Screenie 3 years
Barack Obama Bananarama Llama Farmer Drama 2
Chris Niven-Brady 3 years

US president Barack Obama is reported "unfazed" after a llama, presented to him by ex-Bananarama singer Jacquie O'Sullivan - who now owns her own llama farm in Stroud, Gloucestershire - escaped...

Cayman Island Charity 'grateful' for £1m donation from Rupert Murdoch 0
pinxit 3 years
Home Office to phase out full-facial passport photos for gimps 6
Gary Stanton 3 years

The Home Office is to waive the rule which insists on a full-facial photograph where the applicant is a leather-clad sex slave habitually used to peering through a mask. The proposed moves follows...

Royal Break-up: Wills "not good enough for my Kate" says Dad 1
Drylaw 3 years

A stunned world reeled last night as Michael Middleton, father of the Duchess of Cambridge, confirmed recent rumours of a royal rift. Speaking to reporters outside his Berkshire home, Mr Middleton...

Obituary: David Bowie’s ‘Laughing Gnome’ dies after a short illness. 1
Stan Laurel 3 years

The King of Rockery’n’Roll, Gnorman the Gnome, famed for his seventies hit single ‘The Laughing Gnome” with David Bowie has died after a short illness. He was 2 foot 6. Although the duet...

16 Certificate urged for films containing mopeds 0
3 years
Married conjoined twins to have trial separation 4
jp1885 3 years
Met Office to start naming drizzle 2
grottymonty 3 years

In an effort to sex up the weather forecast, the Met Office will begin issuing names to weather fronts containing drizzle. Weather Squadron Leader Wincey Willis went on to predict that "Drizzle...

Energy Secretary Chris Huhne to make it easier to transfer speeding tickets. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Man travels from future to confirm time travel is not possible 0
Chris Niven-Brady 3 years

Scores of scientific theories were laid to rest yesterday when physicist Brian Furrowes arrived from the year 2121 to confirm that time travel is not possible. Furrowes, 52, who will be born in...

Student re-united with missing rugger-sock 2
Dick Everyman 3 years

Bangor University student Thomas Llewellyn, who feared he had lost one of his best rugger-socks, is delighted to be re-united with it following a cleaning mission beneath his bed. Student Halls’...

Suicidal schizophrenic "couldn't live with himself any longer" 0
spoole2112 3 years

More later...

Twins seperate surgeons in theatre melee 0
spoole2112 3 years

A potentially life threatening scuffle between two eminent scalpel wielding neurosurgeons was halted today by plucky twin hospital cleaners and former nightclub bouncers Vince and Clive Savage. The...

Man has bargain £90 rowing machine sent straight to council recycling facility 5
antharrison 3 years

When the email from Groupon arrived offering a half-price York R510 rowing machine, Mile Richards was ecstatic "I've always wanted one to go along with the weights bench, cross trainer and cycling...

unesco to declare basildon farm world heritage site 1
4ty2 3 years
32% rely on smartphone to cross road 6
Des Custard 3 years

A report has revealed that almost a third of the population are now unable to walk to the shops or cross a busy road without the aid of a smartphone. When older types of mobile device are taken into...

Shelling continues near pea packaging plant 1
tedweasel 3 years

Unconfirmed reports from sources within Bird's Eye of intensive shelling throughout the night at it's strategic Grimsby site, more to follow...

Man sues church for not being molested 0
RJWinter 3 years

A Brighton man, who wishes to remain unnamed, is suing the church on grounds of sexual discrimination and neglect., In a recent interview he said "It is not fair, I was neglected, I just had to...

.'red rum ton yletinifed' htaed niaCcM 1
SpankyMonkey 3 years
Call for all graphic images to be banned from films. 0
spoole2112 3 years

Researchers from Wetwang University, East Yorkshire, have called for graphic images of any kind to be banned from all films. After years of time consuming and very expensive research, boffins at the...

Teenage girls in tears, as rumours of imminent Eurozone break-up spreads 3
simonjmr 3 years