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Chocolate coins to become legal tender over festive period 0
nickb 3 years

In a crowd pleasing gesture from the treasury, UK chocolate currency will become legal tender until the end of the holiday period. But in a move designed to irritate Brussels, chocolate Euros will...

Bible rewritten to make it ‘easier to follow’ 17
3 years

Christianity has become the first major religion to update its literature to suit modern, busy lives. ‘Bible On: Just Try to be Nice’ is expected to top the best-seller list, and has been hailed...

Scarborough Borough Council apologises for being repetitive. 0
malgor 3 years
Wikileaks set to Release Nice and Naughty Lists 4
Zirguit 3 years

Wikileaks are set to cause more trouble tomorrow as they prepare to release who has been bad and who has been good on to the web. The whistle-blowing website will not reveal the source of the data...

Prince Philip's Ooh Matron remarks starting to wear a bit thin 0
Drylaw 3 years
Sober man treated in A&E on Christmas Eve, claims NHS. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Airline fury as government force them to think of new way to rip-off people 4
apepper 3 years

Airlines, theatres and local government have reacted with fury at the reduction of charges for using credit or debit cards. "Our whole business model is based on charging £6 for things that cost us...

Terry apologises for calling Ferdinand 'black' still thinks he's a c**t though. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Man with mistletoe on belt buckle at office party "comic genius" say colleagues. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Divorcing Couple Play Football on Christmas Day - 2 34
Quaz 3 years

In a touching gesture of Christmas spirit, divorcing couple Joe and Paula Western decided to set aside their differences on Christmas day, starting with a rendition of “Silent Night” before...

Innocent smoothie drunk by guilty roughian 0
nickb 3 years
Diana to blame for Philip heart scare claims Al-Fayed. 0
MADJEZ 3 years

More Daily Express conspiracies soon...

"Prince Philip's heart operation a complete success", Palace announces sadly 0
JohnA 3 years
Woman painted by Picasso now laughing on other side of her face 0
Smart Alex 3 years
Tributes pour in as Old MacDonald 'buys the farm' 0
Immunis 3 years
Government claims economy improving as seagull puts deposit on new car 0
Smart Alex 3 years
Economy saved as Chancellor finds sixpence in Christmas Pudding 0
Major Clanger 3 years
A Puppy is not just for Christmas. Jamie Olver makes his last till New Years Day 1
Username 3 years
Quality Street hit by xmas riots 1
nickb 3 years, The street synonymous with family values, community celebration and low cost dental caries...

Innocent, law-ignoring scrap metal dealers targeted by ruthless sculptor gang 10
Clarky 3 years

Police have declared war on a ruthless gang of sculptors who are targeting scrap metal dealers in the South East, after a replaceable heap of metal junk was stolen overnight from a yard in Billericay...

Incomplete Headlines Strike Agai 3
Immunis 3 years
Foreign nurses in Cambridge unexpectedly given Christmas off 0
Perks 3 years
Recovering George Michael leaves cottaging hospital. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Prince Philip has breast implant removed 0
apepper 3 years

Cover story slips...

Man with stocking fetish arrested for trespassing 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Alphaghetti pulled from shelves after found to contain MRSA and TB 2
Smart Alex 3 years

Lab still checking for BSE...

Straight man in gay sauna admits he "felt a bit of a dick" 2
grumblechops 3 years
Plato cannot believe it's not butter. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
Cheeselets in surprise resurgance. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
DFS sale signals green shoots of economic recovery 3
Boutros 3 years

In a surprise move, sofa retailer DFS announced today they are all set to buck the national trend of economic doom and gloom. The peddler of softwood, foam and velour seating confirmed that plans are...