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Man hit for second time by locomotive suffering from repetitive train injury 1
Smart Alex 3 years
Abramovich vows to get tough with successor to Villas-Boas .. 0
Gourd Almighty 3 years

Following the announcement that Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas has been sacked, the owner of the club, Roman Abramovich, has told a press conference : "Under-achievement is not what I'm paying out...

Bankers raise mortgage rates in revenge for not getting their bonuses. 1
Ian Searle 3 years

A spokeswoman for the banking industry said, "We'll get you and your little dogs too." Houses are expected to drop soon...

New policy announced to tackle teenage sobriety 0
Nathaniel S White 3 years

Government officials have announced a radical new plan to ensure that the nation’s position as the 'Drunk of Europe'is maintained following shocking figures showing an increase in teenage sobriety....

Germany denies starting the Occupy movement, in 1938 0
virtuallywill 3 years

No more later...

ISS astronaut owns up to flushing whilst in orbit over UK 0
Nails UK 3 years

Meteorite, my a**e...

Ex workmate at Clyde shipyards the last person to find Billy Connolly riveting 0
Smart Alex 3 years

Surely been done before but couldn't find anything on the interweb thingy...

Millions of Britons confused by ‘great big bright burny thing’ in the sky. 0
Perks 3 years

Millions of Britons have reported seeing a ‘great big bright burny thing’ in the sky. The object was seen yesterday and prompted thousands of below average IQ scorers to call the police, air...

'Happy Marriages transgress God's laws' says elderly Christian pedant 0
yussle 3 years
Yodafone denies owing billions in back-taxes to Jedi Council. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years
Credit Ratings: who really gives a FF? 0
Nails UK 3 years
Meteor 'God's anger' over gay marriages warns seventy-three-year old celibate 0
roybland 3 years

A fireball witnessed over Britain on Saturday night is a warning from God over David Cameron's plan to allow gay marriages, warns the most senior Roman Catholic cleric in the country. Cardinal Keith...

BBC accused of bias in celebrity dressmaking show 0
Nails UK 3 years
Frank Carson dies for the very last time.... 1
Jammydodgers 3 years

no more soon...

Decorator admits waiting to apply second coat was 'like watching paint dry' 0
Smart Alex 3 years
Catherine and Pippa agree to "Lez it up a bit" to help ailing newspaper industry 1
antharrison 3 years

HRH the Duchess of Cambridge and her sister Pippa are reported to have responded positively to a suggestion, from Daily Star owner Richard Desmond, to assist the ailing british newspaper industry by...

Cruise Captain 'not wearing glasses' whilst knobbing Moldovan dancer court hears 0
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years

probably need to replace 'whilst knobbing' with 'during fumble'...

Poor Numeracy "Blighting the lives of billions" (or should that be millions?). 1
Al McHogan 3 years

How noughty can you get?...

Vatican's "Bring your daughter to work Day" a dismal failure. 1
Al McHogan 3 years
Julia Gillard to remain squawking harridan in charge of distant colony 14
The Paper Ostrich 3 years

Australian prime minister Julia Gillard has won a leadership stoush among Labor MPs in Canberra, cementing her position as a squawking harridan in charge of the distant colony. Ms Gillard clobbered...

Suicide bomber's family: "It's how he'd have wanted to go." 0
hughesroland 3 years
Costa Cruises suspect sabotage by newly formed Starbucks Shipping Co. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Troops express relief as plot to bring James Blunt to Afghanistan is thwarted. 4
Haywood Manley 3 years

British forces in Afghanistan breathed a collective sigh of relief today as details emerged of a failed Taliban plot to deploy singing turd James Blunt against servicemen and women on the front line,...

Thatcher diagnosed with Crone's disease 0
dvo4fun 3 years

more later or "Thatcher diagnosed with old Crone's disease" or perhaps neither...

Chelsea FC: cost and timescale of title-winning side makes it 'unfeasible' 0
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years
Head of Forestry Commission given the chop 1
JohnA 3 years

Stop me if you've heard it before...

Scottish independence could cost English salad growers up to £2.30 0
apepper 3 years

If Scotland achieve independence, the English salad growing industry will suffer. "I sold a lettuce to a guy in Stonybridge in 1983 and a case of tomatoes in 2001 - although that was for the audience...

Xmas truce football match ruined by racist chants, say players. 0
Lemon difficult 3 years

​Papers realised today by the National Records Office detail how players the 1914 Christmas truce football match expressed their bitter disappointment in the watching fans chanting racist abuse at...

Ed Miliband found on Mars breathing sulphur through an orange 8
3 years

Political pundits have rounded on Ed Miliband for being 'out of touch', 'aloof' and 'clearly not of this Earth'. The criticism comes after a NASA probe spotted him standing in a crater on the red...

Feminists Up In Arms About Up In Arms Comment. 7
freemycatfish 3 years

Feminists around the country were said today to be furious that allegations have been made by the Men's Movement that becoming a feminist could lead to females so hating men, that they would be...