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X-Files to sponser new margarine called "I Want To Believe It's Not Butter" 1
seymour totti 3 years

Reaches for coat to exit in a hurry!...

Police hope new technology will improve dangerous driving conviction rate. 0
gaijintendo 3 years

The Nearshire Constabulary have found that video evidence has not improved their conviction rates, but actually hampered it. But road squad hope that a new addition to their cars will help convict...

Bert Weedon Dead 0
Bonaparte Shandy 3 years

Radiohead to play 30 minute freeform electronic jazz version of 'Bobby Shaftoe' at funeral...

Qatada Hands in Last Minute Note from Mum 0
oblongscone 3 years

Celebrity (alleged) terrorist Abu Qatada has handed in a note to Theresa May from his mother explaining she is withdrawing permission for him to visit Jordan. Home Secretary Mrs May promised today...

Protests threaten to make F1 race interesting 1
Lucy4 3 years
After a stuttering start, The King's Speech to close in West End. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
King's Speech play stutters to an early halt. Same old same old say critics. 0
weematt 3 years
Telco announces automated helpline for victims of automated cold calls 0
Clarky 3 years

An enterprising communications company has introduced a new phone service, aimed at those who never receive ‘real calls’ on their landlines, only automated ones. HassleComs International has...

Liverpool to Remember Pompei 3
Bonaparte Shandy 3 years

Following the successful act of rememberance of the Titanic disaster through 48 hours of giant-sized marionette dock-side puppetry, Liverpool city council are to commemorate the AD79 destruction of...

Government believed to have been using Diminished Reality App for 2 months. 0
weematt 3 years

augmentation later...

“I’m the best damn thang you eva had” Breivik tells court 0
Old Hat 3 years

Unhinged Caucasian rights activist and part-time Black Panther, Anders Breivik, has told the Norwegian court that he is “the best damn thang they [i]eva[/i] had”, in a prolonged outburst of...

"We'll raise fuel duty while you're watching Bolt win 100 metre final" - MP 0
clicktingstampz 3 years

The Government plans to announce a 30p-a-litre rise in fuel duty at the exact moment Usain Bolt crosses the finish line in this summer's Olympic 100-metre final., It is one of a series of bold bad...

Couple banned for having '69 pets', RSPCA found hoard of mouthwash. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Plastic surgeon discovered in wrong bin. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Theresa May ‘even tried Cillit Bang’ to remove Abu Qatada 9
Qoxiivi 3 years

Home Secretary, Theresa May, today admitted the desperate lengths to which the Government has gone in its ongoing battle to remove Abu Qatada. ‘Obviously, we started out with standard judicial...

Bottled Burkina Faso Spring Water to be the new trend. 0
Tomfinger 3 years

a must when jogging across the Sahara...

Scientists won't let you have a go of their sonic screwdriver 0
Old Hat 3 years

Millions of Britons awoke to the news, this morning, that science had finally made itself useful and invented some really cool shit. Researchers at Dundee university have created a machine that uses...

Are you a Luddite? Download our free iPhone app to find out! 0
grumblechops 3 years
Bradford to compete on Ask The Family 0
cinquecento 3 years
2012 London marathon to be conducted by public transport 2
Yikes 3 years

Organisers have dropped a bombshell by announcing that all competitors in Sunday’s London marathon will have to complete the run by double decker bus, in a move inspired by pioneering British bus...

Anglian Water rebrand as Angolan Water 0
charlies_hat 3 years
F1 drivers ask "What muppet put a Grand Prix near Manama?" 0
weematt 3 years
Breadknife voted best thing before sliced bread. 0
weematt 3 years

Hat tip to Stephen Wright who raised the question...

RSPCA condemns BNP calls to 'punch Abu's cat harder' 0
Perks 3 years

I know, i know. As my mum used to say, 'if you don't have anything funny to say, then say nothing at all'...

Andre Breivik, Charlie Sheen And Ted Nugent Kick Off Their 'Three Maniacs' Tour 0
rfreed 3 years

Andre Breivik, the Norwegian extreme right wing mass murderer, Ted Nugent, the Detroit 'Motorcity Madman' (in so many ways more than the original intent) and Charlie Sheen, the 'Platoon Psycho', will...

Breivik, Hitler, And Churchill in rock, paper, scissors stalemate 0
Smart Alex 3 years
Plastic Surgeon Admits He Avoids Bonfire Night 1
GillsImp 3 years

A leading Harley Street Plastic Surgeon claims to hate the 5th of November. Apparently he begins to melt...

Tobacco giant holds sponsored cigarrette burning to help cancer research 1
ronseal 3 years

On saturday employess, stakeholders and partners of the Big Tobacco company are holding a giant fund raising campaign that could raise millions for cancer research. They're asking every man, woman...

Abu Qatada to be deported "piece by piece" 4
apepper 3 years

Controversial cleric Abu Qatada is to gradually removed from the country. A spokesman explained; "One hand and eye have gone already, more bits will follow as and when."...

Attenborough ‘Finishes’ Lemon in Mortal Kombat 6
Old Hat 3 years

Celebrity Muse and part-time skank wrangler, Keith Lemon, has been comprehensively ‘finished’ in Mortal Kombat by non-promiscuous naturalist, sir David Attenborough. The encounter, which took...