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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
No one has ever used the word 'Youthquake'

Despite claims by the Oxford Dictionary that ‘Youthquake’ is a word, most teenagers agree that it is only a phrase to use, if you want to get ridiculed on social media. In fact it is one of a...

0
Wrenfoe 15.12.17 9:40am
Wrenfoe
Could discovery of Kepler-90 solar system be curtain-raiser to War of the Worlds

NASA’s euphoria at having discovered another solar system similar to that of our own has quickly turned to fear with the realisation that there could now be another Donald Trump somewhere out there...

0
Chipchase 15.12.17 8:33am
Chipchase
Doubled entry

OK..let's not waste it., Q : What do you get if you cross Paul Dacre with a shovel of shit, A : Two shovels of shit...

0
Gerontius 15.12.17 7:25am
Gerontius
Council accused of gentrification after Santa’s Grotto sold for redevelopment

Santa’s Grotto - a Lapland based business that specialises in making dreams come true - has been served notice by Camden Market Management confirmed lawyers., The Clause family, who have been...

0
Gerontius 15.12.17 7:25am
Gerontius
Catholic Church to sell indulgences for bitcoin

After nearly 500 years of commercial inactivity in the indulgence market, the Vatican has finally found a way of getting round the the vulgarity of selling salvation for hard cash. "Bitcoin...

3
sydalg 15.12.17 7:09am
Sinnick
Sleighly Mail, Proud of Our Elves?

[url=https://ia601508.us.archive.org/1/items/SleighlyMail-ProudOfOurElves/SleighlyMail.png]Sleighly Mail - Proud of Our Elves[/url] How d'you like my photoshop skillz!...

1
Benvoleo 15.12.17 7:06am
Sinnick
Moses blames election loss on "Commandments controversy" 0
sydalg 15.12.17 6:42am
sydalg
NHS provides meal vouchers for patients waiting in A&E ambulance parks

The NHS today launched an innovative pilot scheme for patients in hospital ambulance bays, whereby the patient receives a free meal voucher after waiting four hours for emergency admission. Hailed...

0
Catering Department 15.12.17 3:22am
Catering Department
Mickey Mouse Organisation to spend £39 Billion on Brexit

The EU has expressed 'disappointment' that Walt Disney has spent the same amount of money on buying the entertainment arm of 21st Century Fox when 'it could have funded the Brexit fees instead.' The...

1
throngsman 15.12.17 1:35am
Benvoleo
Scots ecstatic they can pay more taxes than the English

More taxes later...

0
Dodderer 14.12.17 11:47pm
Dodderer
Holy war being waged on behalf of horses by jijihadists 2
DavidH 14.12.17 11:34pm
Dodderer
Man with historic claim for fruitless palm tree tattoo on spine gets backdated 1
DavidH 14.12.17 11:18pm
Dodderer
Salma Hayek claims Weinstein threatened to kill her. He says he offered tequila. 0
dominic_mcg 14.12.17 9:25pm
dominic_mcg
'If homosexuality is now OK, I'll give it a try' says enightened Ray Moore.

In a desperate attempt to win a Senate seat, Republic and firebrand Judge Ray Moore has offered the Alabama public the chance for he and his potential constituents to give homosexuality a chance, and...

1
antharrison 14.12.17 6:56pm
Dick Everyman
IS AMERICA GREAT YET?

Just asking. Purely for information...

1
MzWibble 14.12.17 6:48pm
Dick Everyman
GRAFFITI SPRAY SURGEON SUSPENDED

A surgeon who sprayed graffiti on a patient’s internal organs has been suspended from his post pending a period of re-education., Dr Willy Butcher’s misdemeanour was detected when an X ray...

0
Terry Bunn 14.12.17 5:16pm
Terry Bunn
Brexit truce football match to be held in No-Mans-Land on Christmas Day

A temporary ceasefire for one day of the festive season to allow a game of football between the Brexiteers and the Remaininans has been announced. Both sides are expected to adorn the beautiful game...

1
Midfield Diamond 14.12.17 5:11pm
Chipchase
Boris to fill Peter Kay's tour dates

Following the disappointing and worrying news for his many fans that Peter Kay has had to cancel his upcoming tour, Boris Johnson has stepped into the breach and taken on the bookings to present his...

3
Chipchase 14.12.17 4:15pm
ron cawleyoni
Area 'the size of Wales' confirmed to exist to the west of England 0
NotNowCato 14.12.17 3:31pm
NotNowCato
Man finding thick-tipped orange marker pen says it's the highlight of his day 0
NotNowCato 14.12.17 3:23pm
NotNowCato
Angelesey "blown away" by plans for nuclear power station

One of the flattest and windiest parts of the UK was today celebrating the announcement of the construction of a new nuclear power station on it's coast, based on a Japanese design., Planned to...

1
MzWibble 14.12.17 2:57pm
Benvoleo
Sky News 'excited' to be working with new fantasy entertainment partner Disney 3
Chipchase 14.12.17 2:05pm
Chipchase
Purveyor of fantastical on-screen fairytales bought out by Walt Disney Company 0
Skylarking 14.12.17 1:06pm
Skylarking
Facing up to your post-political life in Alabama? Write for NewsBiscuit instead 0
A. L. Shaw 14.12.17 11:16am
A. L. Shaw
Hurricane Harvey Weinstein weighed 127bn tonnes

Scientists have managed to calculate the combined weight of all of Film Producer Harvey Weinstein’s molestations. Throughout the month of August alone he is alleged to have dropped 34 trillion...

0
Wrenfoe 14.12.17 11:11am
Wrenfoe
"I didnt mean Geri Halliwell!" says man who asked for Old Spice for Christmas

Hat tip to Loundshay...

0
NotNowCato 14.12.17 9:52am
NotNowCato
...........Fvrooooome !!.......... 0
ron cawleyoni 14.12.17 9:17am
ron cawleyoni
Doing TV ads ruined my life, says Head and Shoulders model

Ms Penny Woods, who spent the 70s and 80s starring in ads for the famous anti-dandruff shampoo, is suing the manufacturers Procter and Gamble for leaving her with a “schizoid scalp” which she...

1
sydalg 14.12.17 4:04am
*****
SB woz here. 0
ron cawleyoni 14.12.17 12:52am
ron cawleyoni
Salbutamol to sponsor new Asthmatics World Cycling Championships. 0
ron cawleyoni 14.12.17 12:50am
ron cawleyoni