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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Brexiteers still undecided on venue for piss-up

Britain's increasingly uptight Brexiteers are calling on the government to hurry up and finally organise the piss-up in a brewery that they voted for over two-and-a-half years ago. However, many of...

12
Crayon 21.01.19 9:07am
Titus
Brexit and the Wall: UK and US Compete in World Stupidity Championship

Citizens of countries around the globe have been asked to vote for a Eurovision-style scoreboard to determine which country is the world’s biggest laughing stock at present. The UK and US have both...

4
Kimia Etemadi 21.01.19 7:50am
Sinnick
Motion to skin a cat reaches impasse upon discovery of more than 1 way to do it

The black cat was convicted by a 52 to 48 majority of villagers after it was blamed for killing chickens, turning milk sour, the evil eye, bringing plague, and "walking about like he fucking owns the...

2
Benvoleo 21.01.19 5:57am
Candide
WORLD ECONOMICS: Trump’s wall threatens US electorate with cocaine price rise. 1
Newsdesk 21.01.19 12:27am
MzWibble
Second Referedum Ballot Form Revealed

Please number your preference in order, with '1' as your first choice etc. Or the other way round if you prefer - your choice, it's a free country, thanks to those noble champions of democracy /...

0
Titus 21.01.19 12:26am
Titus
Trump snookered 1
Guido Drapatolli 21.01.19 12:21am
MzWibble
Fox: Remainers trying to kidnap Brexit I've rightfully stolen.

Marks for anyone who gets the reference...

0
Benvoleo 21.01.19 12:02am
Benvoleo
A crap deal is better than a shit deal.

Which is better than a poor deal or a bad deal...

29
MzWibble 20.01.19 11:47pm
MzWibble
'Schrödinger's Catch' EU Deal Proposed: In & Not In At The Same Time

Just need a transition period before opening the box, and a backstop to prevent anyone from ever being able to open it anyway. Hat-tip to apepper ...

0
Titus 20.01.19 11:26pm
Titus
Boris proposes bridge between Birmingham and Switzerland

Boris Johnson has proposed building a bridge between "the workshop of Britain - Birmingham - and that other great non-EU country; Switzerland." Mr Johnson went on; "This will get rid of all the hold...

3
apepper 20.01.19 11:18pm
Titus
Scientists unsure how many ways to skin Schrödinger's cat

Hat tip to Benvoleo for the train of thought!...

0
apepper 20.01.19 11:09pm
apepper
The key to solving Brexit: Was the Glorious Revolution an invasion?

Historians have surprised the political stage by announcing a rare intervention: They have come to a conclusion with immediate relevance to the modern world. Professor Marcus Dustius Tomius revealed...

0
MzWibble 20.01.19 10:31pm
MzWibble
Tony Blair delighted to have calmed the Brexit debate

After appearing on BBC Radio 4 in an in-depth interview on the Brexit crisis, ex Prime Minister Tony Blair was said to be 'delighted' that his words have apparently calmed the crisis. "I am always...

4
MzWibble 20.01.19 10:24pm
MzWibble
There's so little going on in the UK that Liam Fox gets on the news. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 20.01.19 9:13pm
dominic_mcg
Mike Ashley plans to buy the UK. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 20.01.19 9:10pm
dominic_mcg
That guy who always wears shorts has pushed you too far

You've finally been pushed too far by that guy who lives down your road. The one who wears shorts all year round irrespective of the weather. He's now top of your your list of complete tossers,...

2
Chipchase 20.01.19 9:08pm
Sir Lupus
BBC under fire for sexism and racism in Celebrity Mastermind

The BBC has been accused of racism and sexism in its treatment of contestant Diane Abbott MP on Celebrity Mastermind. She chose to answer questions on what she called "the magical world of numbers",...

1
YaBasta 20.01.19 8:28pm
Titus
Ladbrokes To Open Book On Next Country To Follow Britain Out Of EU

More later - please form an orderly queue ...

3
Titus 20.01.19 6:29pm
MzWibble
Indiana to change name to more politically correct Aboriginalana

State capital to become Fuckyoupalefaceopolis. The position of Governor will be retitled Big Chief Sitting Bullshitter. Black market ticket sellers at the annual car race (the Inca 500) will...

0
Renrag 20.01.19 4:25pm
Renrag
Astronomers excited by 'super blood wolf moon', the Korean super hero. 0
dominic_mcg 20.01.19 2:28pm
dominic_mcg
29th March? Sorry, meant February. 30th February. 5
throngsman 20.01.19 1:48pm
Benvoleo
Remainians Still Convinced That It's Easier To Polish A Turd From The Inside

More, for ever probably ...

7
Titus 20.01.19 1:46pm
Al OPecia
Norfolk woman loses no-claims bonus. 0
Newsdesk 20.01.19 1:21pm
Newsdesk
Trump perturbed about Rocket Ronnie. 0
ron cawleyoni 20.01.19 1:18pm
ron cawleyoni
Smart Tories DesperateTo Have Another General Election While Corbyn Leads Labour 0
Titus 20.01.19 1:06pm
Titus
Leave Means Leave Sightly, Just A Little Bit, With Conditions, Eventually, Maybe

Just to make sure that absolutely everyone is dissatisfied, but all of them equally so. Yay! Ain't democracy wonderful- misgovernment of the people, by a few of the people, for even fewer of the...

3
Titus 20.01.19 12:32pm
Titus
Madam Tussauds says making waxwork of May unnecessary "we'll just wheel the real

one in and leave her in a corner, surrounded by wet paint". More soon...

0
Al OPecia 20.01.19 9:42am
Al OPecia
Scottish pupils in hospital after “fresh vegetables” incident.

Five pupils were hospitalised after suspected raw vegetables incident at a school in Glasgow. The pupils were taken to the local infirmary, while six others were treated with lard and later sent home...

7
dominic_mcg 20.01.19 9:30am
Al OPecia
Profitable Blue Monday Expected by Harmonica Salesman

Harmonica Salesman Buddy Christie said January is traditionally a good month for the industry, with a peak in sales on Blue Monday, but this month sales have been high throughout, aided by Brexit....

0
SarahTipper 20.01.19 9:15am
SarahTipper
US Still Ahead Of Britain In 'Chaos' Championship, Even Without Brexit

Mind you, still got a long way to go to catch up with Zimbabwe, Somalia and Yemen ...

0
Titus 20.01.19 9:09am
Titus