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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Black people say that Mark Duggan only got the gun to practice for 2012 Olympics

another episode which shows why the majority of the UK hate the hand wringing libertarians - the guy had a gun in a taxi FFS - nobody disputes this. What's the firearms officer supposed to do when...

baron la croix 07.12.16 10:58am
Michael Gove’s pants could win 2017 Turner Prize

Mrs Michael Gove has revealed she will enter her husband’s pants for next year’s Turner Prize. ‘I have thought of entering his pants before, but for some reason I have never got around to it. ...

nickb 07.12.16 10:51am
Police To Closely Follow Suspected Stalkers & Observer Their Every Action 0
Titus 07.12.16 10:47am
Boris, Palin, Farage to appear in new C4 series: The Secret Life Of 52 Year Olds 3
immacagain 07.12.16 10:15am
Network Rail to have control of tracks at weekends and Bank Holidays only

The government has cited 'irreconcilable breakdowns' as the reason for taking the rail network's control of the tracks off it. 'It's been a stormy relationship,' said Transport Secretary Chris...

throngsman 07.12.16 9:16am
Supreme Court Rules That Declaration Of WW2 Was 'Invalid'

The British government has had to issue a formal apology to the Schicklgruber family and to the families of most of the leaders of Germany's Nazi party following a ruling by Britain's supreme court. ...

Titus 07.12.16 9:15am
PM Confirms That 'Have Your Cake & Eat It' Means 'Have Your Cake & Eat It. 4
Titus 07.12.16 9:09am
Schrödinger's children beginning to regret putting kitten on Christmas list 1
Smart Alex 07.12.16 7:52am
#Biscuitgate - Believe Nothing

True #Pizzagate is an imposter...

Dick Everyman 07.12.16 7:52am
Dick Everyman
Cuba Announces 'No Streets Will Be Named "Murdering Communist Bastard" ' 0
Titus 07.12.16 7:49am
Man fails to block carriage after checking behind him

A train commuter forced fellow passengers to navigate coach H relatively unfettered by looking the f*ck behind him, it has emerged. Selfish Colchester man Geoff Smith was given a penalty fair by the...

thatwasbeast 07.12.16 7:44am
World fears contagion as Putin shows symptoms of TSARS 1
immacagain 06.12.16 9:42pm
Al OPecia
PM will "publish Brexit Plan" and neither will Brussels. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 06.12.16 9:42pm
Al OPecia
goverment: Muslim women should integrate by becoming anti-muslim xenophobes

Earlier this week Louse Casey's report on Muslim women and British society, concluded that they need to integrate better and so become "more British" The government has responded to this by urging...

steve_l 06.12.16 9:33pm
Band on the Run finally apprehended after 43 years

One for the ticker bar...

ItsMeJack 06.12.16 8:41pm
baron la croix
Michael Fish to start delivering Government's post-Brexit financial forecasts.

One for the ticker bar...

ItsMeJack 06.12.16 8:39pm
Trump invites Nigel Farage to join Suicide Squad.

One for the ticker bar...

ItsMeJack 06.12.16 8:36pm
Jesus Christ 'mightily fucked off' with entire globe getting his birthday wrong

.. I wasn't born on 25 Dec - that is when some ignorant fuckwits thought the winter solstice took place.. and I'm not 2,017 either!...

baron la croix 06.12.16 7:45pm
Big country indicative of small penis says David Cameron - 2

H[i]ave made some small edits - with thanks to FOAD and Squudge for their suggestions.[/i] In a riposte to President Putin’s aide’s dismissal of the UK as a small country that nobody listens to,...

Wicked Lady 06.12.16 6:09pm
baron la croix
Rong ruum 0
Scroat 06.12.16 5:13pm
Ambitious plans for new 'Colossus of Rhodes' to straddle Cowes harbour

Arthur Prentice, a retired stonemason from the Isle of Wight, announced his intention to build a full scale replica of the Colossus of Rhodes across Cowes harbour. It's Herculean task, he admitted,...

baron la croix 06.12.16 5:09pm
baron la croix
GWR announcer finally vindicated as hundreds die in 'mind the gap' disaster

GWR announncer Simon Daniels chuckled with delight this afternoon when a carriage-load of Japanese tourists, too busy taking selfies of each other to bother listening to his health and safety...

baron la croix 06.12.16 4:59pm
baron la croix
US electorate win Turner Prize

More to follow...

apepper 06.12.16 4:18pm
BoE finds lost decade 'down back of sofa' 0
throngsman 06.12.16 3:56pm
Naughty refugee children to be sent to the Dubs Step. 0
Mr Glover Lover 06.12.16 1:44pm
Mr Glover Lover
Rail Reform 'Will, Regrettably, Be Delayed Owing To Signal Failure At Didcot' 1
Titus 06.12.16 1:40pm
Iroquois Pliskin
Trump tweets to complain about SNL mocking his constant tweeting

Oh wait, that actually happened...

YaBasta 06.12.16 10:59am
Blue Peter to bury Tim Peake in his capsule.

The UK has purchased the rights to bury Tim Peake’s mummified remains in the Blue Peter garden. Using his space capsule as futuristic coffin, Mr. Peake will be entombed with a few ‘lines’...

Wrenfoe 06.12.16 10:57am
Islington to be rebranded "Little Venice" 0
YaBasta 06.12.16 10:56am
Boris fails Key Stage 1 SATS - again 0
immacagain 06.12.16 8:21am