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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Toddler found 'staring into the void'

A toddler from a middle class home has been found gazing into the abyss, it has emerged. 3 year-old Jack Turner has displayed palpable symptoms of existential angst, despite not having started his...

jonessgl 22.10.16 5:09am
Prime Mover
Panic as sharks reinfest custard after 40-year absence 0
immacagain 21.10.16 11:12pm
Britain "swamped" with Hard Brexit porn

It has been revealed that, in the wake of Britain's exit from the European Union, "Hard Brexit" pornography has been doing the rounds amongst groups of "out" voters, particularly within UKIP and...

andyiong 21.10.16 10:55pm
Shock as Russians pass south-east England without buying some of it 0
immacagain 21.10.16 10:37pm
Reopen chimneys to provide work for Calais piccaninnies, says Boris 1
immacagain 21.10.16 10:33pm
"London is finished," declares Mayor

Shere Khan, the Mayor of London, has declared that the city "will soon be finished". "Londoners are sick to death of road works, massive new vile office towers with unfinished-looking pinnacles,...

immacagain 21.10.16 10:23pm
Waiter, Alf Resco, 68, eaten alive in tragic gastropub garden mix-up 0
immacagain 21.10.16 10:22pm
Russian booze cruise nears Calais 2
Smart Alex 21.10.16 10:17pm
Jean Alexander funeral to feature 3 duck flypast 6
chrisf 21.10.16 9:24pm
Prime Mover
Government pardons itself over gay men

The British Government has announced it will pardon itself for historically persecuting gay and bisexual men. In a statement, the Ministry of Fear admitted today it was "wrong" to have harassed,...

immacagain 21.10.16 9:18pm
Smart Alex
Mosul resists Grammar Schools

Fighting intensified around the occupied city, as Iraqi and Kurdish fighters attempted to bring selective education to this Islamic State (IS) stronghold. Although some IS leaders have fled, there...

Wrenfoe 21.10.16 8:33pm
The man on the train

The man on the train looked to be in his early fifties, he wore a wore a dark blue pin-striped suit and had a large leather suitcase perched on the seat next to him. He tapped a number into his...

baron la croix 21.10.16 8:24pm
Southern Trains' suspicious package was agreed by the RMT union. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 21.10.16 7:10pm
7 year Canada-EU negotiation followed by failure "ideal model for Brexit"

More to follow...

apepper 21.10.16 6:23pm
Women 'still facing discrimination', say typical uptight feminists

Despite extensive legislation and numerous court battles, women are still being discriminated against at work. Urgent action is needed to redress the balance. Such was the conclusion of a new...

Oxbridge 21.10.16 5:39pm
Iroquois Pliskin
Knights who say Ni successfully deter Russian warships from British coastline 1
Jodster 21.10.16 5:36pm
New Trident sub 'named The Jeremy Corbyn, for shits and giggles' says MoD 0
cinquecento 21.10.16 5:35pm
Philip Green could also be stripped of his Philip

A parliamentary Sub Committee has secretly looked into the possibility of taking away Sir Philip Green’s given name as well as his knighthood, leaving him with the name Green and nothing else. ...

nickb 21.10.16 5:29pm
Britain to send remains of Dunkirk flotilla to Barents Sea

Great Britain is to show Vladimir Putin who's boss by sending anything we can float to the Barents Sea, the government has said. Michael Fallon said that "enough is enough" as Russia's Northern...

Iroquois Pliskin 21.10.16 5:27pm
Iroquois Pliskin
Paleo Dieters Gutted after Stone Age People Found Scarfing Vole

Hipsters, faddy-eaters and those for who developing a spontaneous intolerance to gluten wasn’t quite enough of a culinary ball-ache are set to have a good long hard look at themselves after...

S-Bahn 21.10.16 4:02pm
Moscow deploys fleet to protect Russian-speaking people in Knightsbridge 0
Smart Alex 21.10.16 3:08pm
Smart Alex
Pub landlords insist on dental checks for customers

More to follow...

apepper 21.10.16 3:03pm
Russian Navy perorms "Brexit" ceremony. 0
Al OPecia 21.10.16 3:03pm
Al OPecia
Nukie McNuke-Face heads down the Channel 3
cinquecento 21.10.16 2:54pm
Ref Minor
Russian ships seeking Crimean War rematch in Channel 1
sydalg 21.10.16 2:48pm
Disposable nappy inventor buried in landfill

Innovator Valerie Hunter-Gordon has died aged 94, with her final resting place being under 50,000 metric tonnes of biodegradable ‘baby poop’. In a final act of irony, her body will be swaddled...

Wrenfoe 21.10.16 1:16pm
Sir Lupus
Horse party denies ‘trotskyist infiltration’

“It’s all a load of pony and trap” said a ‘neigh’bour “We are going to win this election at a cantor” said a donkey. “We are gonna kick ass” said an elephant. “With the name of...

farmer giles 21.10.16 12:48pm
farmer giles
Mazher Mahmood latest victim of 'Fake Screw'

Sun reporter Mazher Mahmood, today jailed for 15 months for tampering with evidence, has already fallen victim to an elaborate 'sting' perpetrated by Pentonville Prison's 'Fake Screw' Bill Carter....

Bravenewmalden 21.10.16 10:52am
Age of Calais child migrant vouched for by his five kids 0
cinquecento 21.10.16 10:48am
'Lesser of two weevils' tipped for presidency of Biscuit Marketing Board 0
cinquecento 21.10.16 10:40am