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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Can it be a total loony eclipse, asks everyone?

As the US prepares for its first total solar eclipse for 38 years, the whole world is asking whether the promise of a blackout from a huge, raging orange orb can be made more permanent, please. ...

1
chrisf 20.08.17 9:31pm
chrisf
DEATH finally rectifies "Jimmy Hill" error. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 20.08.17 9:28pm
Al OPecia
Sioux say '10 little Indians' is racist slur, demand original title be restored 2
Renrag 20.08.17 9:18pm
Titus
First Big Ben and now the sun! No more Tory cuts, says Corbyn. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 20.08.17 9:16pm
Titus
Eclipse Of The Sun: Readers Advised To Buy The Daily Mirror Or The Star Instead 0
Titus 20.08.17 9:04pm
Titus
Sun To Be Partially Switched Off For Essential Maintenance Work

The British Organisation for Lighting, Leisure and Other Crucial Kinds of Stuff (BOLLOCKS) has issued a warning that the sun will be operating on reduced power in much of Britain for several minutes...

0
Titus 20.08.17 8:59pm
Titus
Solar Eclipse Will Be Late And Over-Budget Admits Government

"Problems with eclipse all due to Brexit" claim Remainians . "We'll be able to enjoy our own British eclipse and not be forced to share an EU one" say Brexiteers...

0
Titus 20.08.17 8:49pm
Titus
Comedian Jerry Lewis dies in Vegas... not for the first time.

Badum tisch. I'll get my coat...

0
MADJEZ 20.08.17 7:51pm
MADJEZ
Trump confused about who's the hero in Indiana Jones movies

Donald Trump has said he found the classic [i]Indiana Jones and the Lost Ark[/i] "overrated and confusing". "There was violence on both sides but a lot, so much violence, from the guy in the hat. He...

0
apepper 20.08.17 7:47pm
apepper
Trump cancels eclipse to avoid a political distraction. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 20.08.17 7:39pm
dominic_mcg
All new statues to have detachable heads, says Trump. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 20.08.17 5:50pm
dominic_mcg
Viagra customers looking forward to hard Brexit. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 20.08.17 5:28pm
dominic_mcg
Forsyth autopsy reveals body riddled with palladium. 4
Maverick 20.08.17 2:54pm
Wrenfoe
Builder speaks out after 'wolf-whistle gone wrong'

Bristol bricky, Dave Soames, has spoken for the first time today about the dangers of catcalling women who walk past building sites. 'It was only supposed to reinforce my social position as "one of...

7
KateWritesStuff 20.08.17 11:32am
KateWritesStuff
New SI Unit Announced

Jacques Bouillon, president of the General Conference on Weights and Measures, today announced the introduction of a new SI unit describing the degree of loathsomeness displayed by an individual or...

19
Mike Turbine-Hamilton 20.08.17 10:45am
*****
North American White Supremacist to lose endangered species status 0
WWF 20.08.17 10:38am
WWF
Trump will keep firing people until he "finds the problem"

Donald Trump has explained the high turnover of White House staff - he's determined to find source of the insanely daft nonsense that keeps coming of the Oval Office. "I think I'm getting close, so...

5
apepper 20.08.17 8:36am
jimmydodger
Calls For Britain to Restore Pounds, Shillings & Ounces Following Brexit 2
Titus 20.08.17 8:08am
throngsman
Brucie finally Beats the Clock for Big Ben...more Forsyth Saga soon. 0
ron cawleyoni 20.08.17 7:06am
ron cawleyoni
Rare 6th century pedant was actually found in a meadow, not a field. More soon. 3
dominic_mcg 20.08.17 7:03am
Dick Everyman
May farted with disappointment when election result became clear: Tory insider

A source close to Prime Minister, Theresa May, has revealed that she broke wind as news of her impending humiliation at the polls became clear last June. The anonymous insider told The Daily...

0
Jonny Shlep 20.08.17 3:39am
Jonny Shlep
Police shooting of terrorists is violence on both sides 2
@realDonaldTrump 19.08.17 10:39pm
@realDonaldTrump
We Have Proof Duke Of Edinburgh Murdered Brucie Says Daily Express

Hat tip to dominic_mcg...

1
Titus 19.08.17 9:20pm
ron cawleyoni
Nicholas Parsons Expresses Sadness At Learning Of Brucie's Premature Death 7
Titus 19.08.17 8:58pm
throngsman
Fans confused as Jodie Whittaker is named the new Bruce Forsyth. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 19.08.17 8:39pm
dominic_mcg
Updated version of Scooby-Doo announced

Hanna-Barbera Productions announced today it has given the green light to an updated version of classic children's series Scooby-Doo. In the opening episode, clean cut young Americans Ivanka...

0
YaBasta 19.08.17 6:38pm
YaBasta
And on the conveyor belt tonight....... 5
Duncan Biscuit 19.08.17 2:48pm
riesler
Engineers trying to fix Steven Hawking's pronunciation of "Hunt"

Engineers are struggling to correct Steven Hawking's voice synthesizer. "It's an odd problem.", conceded one engineer. "It only occurs when Professor Hawking talks about Jeremy Hunt...

0
apepper 19.08.17 2:25pm
apepper
Barrymore arrest crisis extends to TV cop shows

Following the court decision to allow former TV presenter Michael Barrymore access to substantial compensation as a result of a procedural error in arresting him, TV chiefs have ordered a full review...

1
throngsman 19.08.17 2:04pm
chrisf
Didn't he do well? 2
cinquecento 19.08.17 1:20pm
beau-jolly