The NewsBiscuit Writers' Room
Everything on these pages has been submitted by readers of the site and appears here unedited. Potential front page stories as well as one-liners for the ticker bar are welcome, so if you would like to write for NewsBiscuit please post your article on this submission board and then attempt to give yourself maximum votes over and over again. The most prolific and successful contributors will be considered for the coveted title of 'Writer of the Month'.
|Topic — Add New »||Comments||Votes||Author||Freshness|
|Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room||0||Nice Admin Lady||4 months|
|Spineless, poisoness blob of mass stung by jellyfish||3||
|Government to extend life expectancy forecasts to toddlers||0||
Following on from the success of providing pensioners with an estimate of how long they may live, the government is extending the service to include toddlers. "While it has proven useful for...
|Rare snakes 'thin on the ground'||0||
||Smart Alex||1 hour|
|Jellyfish sting provides excuse for people to urinate on Cameron||0||
||Smart Alex||1 hour|
|Cameron incident upsets jellyfish, leaves ‘nasty taste in the mouth’...||1||
|Immediately after his espousal of Christianity, Cameron is stung by jellyfish||4||
Turns out there is a God after all...
|Cameron decides what this country needs is more religious claptrap.||0||
"Six days shalt thou labour for minimum wage and on the seventh thou shalt chillax" and other holy utterances out soon in paperback...
|Rutland mother of five 'gutted' that the earth didn't actually move for her||0||
|Aliens filmed petting on olympic swimming-pool sized asteroid||0||
Astronomers tasked with filming the near-miss of asteroid DA14 as it passed Earth have expressed delight and surprise at footage which clearly shows aliens engaged in heavy-petting., "Several frames...
|Ofsted shocked at 'unusual practices' at Hogwarts School||0||
||custard cream||7 hours|
Ofsted Head Sir Michael Wilshaw said inspectors were shocked at the 'unusual practices' they uncovered in a surprise inspection of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Academy)., "The first...
|Deadly quake wipes out Rutland, damage estimated at £20||5||
||custard cream||8 hours|
|Boost for Miliband, as invertebrate enjoys success against Cameron||0||
||Andy Gilder||10 hours|
|Farage denies existence of UKIP jellyfish training centre. More soon.||0||
|Jellyfish reminded me of Nick Clegg, admits PM||0||
|Cameron in sting. Orders poached salmon in aspic gets jellyfish. More soon.||0||
|NUT members delighted that leader spoke 'clearly and nicely' throughout address||0||
|Toads demand that toadstools be re-named.||0||
|Da Vinci portrait confirmed as a 'selfie'||0||
|Abu Hamza unable to play hooky in US courtroom||8||
Islamist preacher Abu Hamza, born Mustafa Kamal Mustafa, has appeared at the US federal court in New York this week, minus his scary bits. Hamza lost his hands doing something that 'went down a bomb...
|Easter Top Gear special 'Pope my Ride'||1||
The BBC are advertising (every hour on the hour), a blockbuster Top Gear special filmed on Good Friday, to be screened on Easter Monday with His Holiness Pope Francis as the star guest. During an...
|Pensioners helpfully told 'your days are numbered'||7||
Minister Steve Webb proposes that all of the UK's OAPs should be given a stark reality check in terms of life expectancy. Mr. Webb's understandable concern is that the elderly are unaware of their...
|Wanted Arab terrorists located by scent of their strong perfume||0||
|Supermarkets Admit Lamb Products May Contain Bush Meat.||0||
||Rumour Control||20 hours|
No Horse related Phenyl Butazone carcinogens this time then, only a slight risk of haemorrhagic fever...
|Snowden Asks Putin ‘Will the KGB cut my Balls off if I do not Co-operate’||0||
||Rumour Control||21 hours|
In the most unconvincing propaganda yet, Putin denies mass interception of communications in Russia, "nothing like that happens in this enlightened country free from police suppression and...
|London Marathon to be revamped as London Snickers||0||
|Last of the Mohicans - Diary entry: "Off to get a bowl cut"||0||
|Cut-Backs Affect Local Newsp||0||
|US Courts agree to deport Abu Hamza back to the UK||0||
|Cardiff complain to League that Palace knew in advance that they were shit||1||
Cardiff City have sent a 5-page letter of complaint to the Premier League arguing that their 3-0 defeat at the hands of Crystal Palace in early April should not stand. The Welsh club claim to have...
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