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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Marni Nixon Revealed As Voice Of Tina Turner, Aretha Franklin & Kathleen Ferrier

(She probably wrote this sub as well.) ...

9
Titus 27.07.16 5:03pm
Another Titus Sockpuppet
Owen Smith is a mown shite, says Countdown Conundrum enthusiast 0
Jodster 27.07.16 4:59pm
Jodster
Middle manager jokes about spanking that little bit too often

Colleagues of Rupert Underwood, a 43-year-old systems manager at the Swindon-based online credit processing firm Zentixx, have agreed unanimously that he makes supposedly ironic asides about BDSM far...

3
Oxbridge 27.07.16 4:35pm
Jodster
Record-breaking sales of Woman’s Weekly linked to the death of Victoria Wood

Sales of the British magazine Woman’s Weekly hit an all-time high in the second quarter of 2016, a sudden growth spurt which had experts everywhere utterly baffled, that is, until the Sales Data...

0
Jodster 27.07.16 4:33pm
Jodster
Middle manager jokes about BDSM ‘that little bit too often’

Colleagues of Rupert Underwood, a 43-year-old systems manager at the Reading-based online order fulfilment firm Zentixx, are demanding that disciplinary action be taken against him. They all agree...

5
Oxbridge 27.07.16 3:36pm
chrisf
Pizza Hut tie up with Manchester City now off the menu suggest executives

A long-planned sponsorship deal between Manchester City and Pizza Hut looked to be increasingly remote today, after new manager Pep Guardiola banned his players from eating pizzas and told them to...

0
chrisf 27.07.16 3:36pm
chrisf
John Hinkley prison release brought forward to coincide with Trump inauguration 4
Adrian Bamforth 27.07.16 3:35pm
Sinnick
Clinton 'as bad as Trump' say people who obviously haven't listened to Trump 0
Oxbridge 27.07.16 3:28pm
Oxbridge
Happiness is a mental illness, says Downer

Things are so shit that anyone experiencing happiness must either be clinically insane or a right sadistic bastard, says Dr Harry Downer, Professor of Psychology at the University of Luton. “My...

0
Jodster 27.07.16 3:00pm
Jodster
Bathroom scales 'should face perjury charges' say holiday-goers

All bathroom scales are compulsive and vindictive liars, it has been claimed. Scientists from the Institute of 'Are you f*cking kidding my fat-arse?' revealed the results of various polygraph tests...

0
thatwasbeast 27.07.16 2:51pm
thatwasbeast
Dogs protest at minimum wag proposals

It’s a familiar question. ‘How much is that doggie in the window?’ And predictably, that doggie is always identified by its rate of tail waggliness. Now though, Westminster has needled NUDL,...

3
nickb 27.07.16 2:23pm
Wrexfan
Weak leader God faces vote of no confidence after disastrous start to year 0
cinquecento 27.07.16 1:53pm
cinquecento
Brexit Latest: UK constipation sufferers hoping for "free movement" 0
thackaray 27.07.16 1:05pm
thackaray
"Commando" Hillary Clinton shows "crack" in Glass Ceiling; Perverts delighted. 1
thackaray 27.07.16 12:31pm
thackaray
Postman Pat delivers fatwah to Fireman Sam 1
UrNikko1965 27.07.16 10:47am
Sinnick
Black, but not been shot by cops yet? Write for NewsBiscuit while you wait 4
deceangli 27.07.16 10:46am
Sinnick
Kidnappers Tell Bernie Ecclestone 'Pay £28m Or We'll Free Your Mother-In-Law' 3
Titus 27.07.16 10:22am
nickb
Man conquering status anxiety through 5-year hire purchase deal on expensive car

A man is trying to conquer his status anxiety by means of car finance. 36 year-old Paul Denton is worried that he is falling behind his peers, and he hopes that a show of conspicuous purchasing power...

4
jonessgl 27.07.16 10:12am
Yikes
ISIS now a member of the British Franchise Association. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 27.07.16 9:57am
dominic_mcg
Royal Mint announces record profits

After years of printing bank notes and minting coins, the Royal Mint - producer of half the World's coinage, announced today that it has made a record profit this year. In other news, around 100...

2
ionb 27.07.16 8:59am
nickb
Bill Clinton: 'I did Not Have Sex With That Woman. Oh, THAT One, My Wife, Yes 0
Titus 27.07.16 8:34am
Titus
First they came for the whistleblowers and finally they nailed the Vuvuzelas

Pastor Niemoller has released a new aphorism, in a long awaited follow up to his acclaimed debut " and I said nothing". But Niemoller has surprised fans by completely changing direction with his new...

1
ronseal 27.07.16 8:14am
Titus
Russian Athletics on downer after state withdraws sponsorship for doping

Russian track stars were left disappointed today after the National Ministry of Sport indicated that they were cutting their lucrative sponsorship of the sport’s doping regime, with funding moving...

1
chrisf 27.07.16 8:08am
Titus
Cybercriminals may be about to get their first president 0
ronseal 27.07.16 5:47am
ronseal
Survey: Dutch men world's tallest. Congo-Brazaville men have biggest dicks

US women have biggest mouths...

0
Renrag 27.07.16 3:47am
Renrag
Aussies fly Muralitharan to Rio to advise javelin squad 1
Sir Lupus 26.07.16 11:41pm
Gary Baldy
Suspicion that Jeremy Corbyn is in fact Keyser Soze

Although to his acolytes, Jeremy Corbyn appears to be the direct descendant of a line which includes Gandhi, Clement Attlee and Nelson Mandela, some doubters are starting to have an inkling of an...

0
freeryda 26.07.16 8:40pm
freeryda
Speech plagiarism doubts as Michelle Obama 'honored to be in Sports Illustrated' 0
cinquecento 26.07.16 6:59pm
cinquecento
Mayor Of Rouen Says 'Will No-One Rid Me Of These Turbulent Jihadists?' 0
Titus 26.07.16 6:21pm
Titus
Pokémon hunters accidentally capture the Holy Ghost in pokéball.

The incident, which took place near a church, occurred as the hunters were looking for other imaginary beings. Church intent on continuing with holy binity...

0
dwolleba 26.07.16 5:57pm
dwolleba