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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Phillip Green to be stripped of chest hair, mullet.

A Commons select committee will decide whether former British Home Stores boss Phillip Green should be stripped of his trademark chest hair and mullet. It’s the first time a judicial ruling on a...

2
nickb 26.07.16 5:35am
deceangli
Labour Party To Re-Brand As 'Political Solutions'

Concerned by its falling popularity with consumers despite a recent huge increase in the number of its shareholders, the Labour Party is reported to have hired marketing and PR consultants...

0
Titus 26.07.16 12:34am
Titus
Natalie Bennett Denies Buying Her Party From Sir Philip For £1 0
Titus 25.07.16 11:51pm
Titus
Tougher sentences sought for hate-crime as tongue-twisters “much harder to say"

Sentences for ‘hate-crime’ should be tougher. Long, verbose, unpronounceable prose full of alliteration, sibilance, diphthongs and ‘th’ sounds are “much harder to say, so much harder to...

1
Benvoleo 25.07.16 11:45pm
Titus
Marni Nixon Revealed As Voice Of Tina Turner, Aretha Franklin & Kathleen Ferrier

(She probably wrote this sub as well.) ...

0
Titus 25.07.16 11:41pm
Titus
Philip Green first public figure to be recognised for a Shitehood 2
ronseal 25.07.16 10:13pm
chrisf
Blanket ban for Russian smoke-signalling team 3
cinquecento 25.07.16 10:12pm
chrisf
English FA Admit to Long-term Usage of Performance-Inhibiting Drugs

"Don't look at the team and brand them failures : these guys are selfless guinea-pigs in the fore-front of medical research, bettering mankind's pharmaceutical understanding" Hot on the heels of the...

8
FlashArry 25.07.16 9:49pm
chrisf
I.S. - a sorority pledge 'too far'

As a spate of random terrorists pledge their support with jihadist 'pranks', many are asking is it worth all this death and destruction just to hang out with the cool kids. Some suggest that...

0
Wrenfoe 25.07.16 9:02pm
Wrenfoe
September 2016: MP un-un-un-un-un-resigns and can't work out if she's working

More to follow...

0
apepper 25.07.16 7:49pm
apepper
6:45 from Euston arrives 10 minutes late - ISIS claims responsibility 4
Caiaphas 25.07.16 6:22pm
Iroquois Pliskin
Duvet Manufacturers Welcome Blanket Ban

Or 'Russians Freeze To Death At Night Following Blanket Ban'. Except that the lack of a ban has now buggered all the jokes ...

0
Titus 25.07.16 6:19pm
Titus
Labour Promises To 'Send The Boys Round To Sort Out' Anyone Who Issues Threats

More comradely dialogue soon ...

0
Titus 25.07.16 5:28pm
Titus
Russia calls for drinking vodka to be an Olympic event

The first male to insert his penis into a potato will be the next ‘dictator’, said state–controlled media outlet Pravda, which is Russian for ‘The Truth’. Nothing to do with The Sun...

0
farmer giles 25.07.16 5:17pm
farmer giles
Syrian refugee suicide bomber to be deported "in installments"

More to follow...

1
apepper 25.07.16 5:06pm
Titus
Green awarded "Hero of Capitalism First Class only Class that matters Medal" 0
Al OPecia 25.07.16 4:38pm
Al OPecia
Nice terrorist kills 84

Can someone make this work, please? ...

9
Opinion Poll 25.07.16 3:20pm
FlashArry
Philip Green's face 'the unacceptable face of capitalism'

In the wake of the BHS pensions scandal Philip Green's face has come in for extreme criticism, as top physiognomists studying his facial features have claimed that it was always clear that he was a...

0
andyiong 25.07.16 2:17pm
andyiong
Shot guest at Swinger party did not like double penetration 0
marlon bando 25.07.16 1:48pm
marlon bando
Hilary Clinton chooses Michael Caine as running mate. 1
MADJEZ 25.07.16 1:32pm
marlon bando
Scantily clad supermodels head to Scotland after Lynx released into the wild. 3
dominic_mcg 25.07.16 1:30pm
marlon bando
After machete attack Kebab shop in Germany says there are two new openings 0
marlon bando 25.07.16 1:29pm
marlon bando
Dover queues ideal time for summer read of chilcott report 1
Dun Dunkin 25.07.16 1:25pm
Iroquois Pliskin
Police letting Nice terrorist through the blockade takes the Biscuit 0
marlon bando 25.07.16 1:21pm
marlon bando
Poundland refusing to issue refund for BHS 0
cinquecento 25.07.16 12:47pm
cinquecento
Dismay as IKEA exit turns out to be much more difficult than anticipated 5
Sir Lupus 25.07.16 11:14am
nickb
New ITV Detective Drama hero will clean up streets, hard drive

The world of TV Detective shows looks set for a new hero, with the release of ITV’s prime-time Autumn schedules today. A major new fictional drama will follow the trials and tribulations of a...

4
chrisf 25.07.16 11:03am
nickb
Cricket team renamed "Stan" now that "Paki" is politically incorrect. 1
Maverick 25.07.16 10:20am
Oxbridge
'Boycie' Green Sold BHS To 'Del Boy' Chappell Says Report 0
Titus 25.07.16 7:11am
Titus
Lawyers reveal the group to most benefit from Brexit: Lawyers

Lawyers nationwide are celebrating after the part of the public that hate them the most unanimously voted for a decades long subsidy of the legal industry until all practitioners can shit gold. ...

2
Benvoleo 24.07.16 10:58pm
Benvoleo