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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Northerners have R number replaced by butter-spreading analogy

As everywhere, except the lucrative Blackpool Illuminations, in the north is now incurring tighter Covid restrictions, an insider from the embattled Department of Health disclosed: “Northerners...

DavidH 24.09.20 7:02pm
Walter Eagle
US democracy: when people can overthrow government without a shot being fired 0
SteveB 24.09.20 6:52pm
Blow to Brexit plans as Kent declares UDI and applies to join the EU.

M20re to follow I also thought the lorry park to be built on Nigel Farage's driveway would be enormous fun...

AReader 24.09.20 6:48pm
Prime Minister’s not a viable job, says Chancellor

I Rank Sushi Sorry Sir Lupus - just seen yours - bit similar...

Mirthless Evil C 24.09.20 6:43pm
Mirthless Evil C
Taxpayer to cover full salary for Johnson's unworked hours. 0
Al OPecia 24.09.20 6:31pm
Al OPecia
Scottish students confined to pubs 1
Myke 24.09.20 6:28pm
Al OPecia
I'm lying in state too, says Trump 0
Myke 24.09.20 5:41pm
Judge apologises as black barrister 'accidentally' given 25 years in prison 0
Myke 24.09.20 5:33pm
Netanyahu Offers Johnson Trade Deal in Dirty Laundry.

More and more soon...

granger 24.09.20 4:10pm
Boris's world-beating multi-billion Covid systems beaten by small Finnish dog

[A more obscure story, so here's some background for those who sometimes wonder if I'm totally making left field shit up (which I sometimes am)] ...

SteveB 24.09.20 4:05pm
Kent access permit to be renamed Universal Kent Ingress Permit. 0
Mick Turate 24.09.20 2:52pm
Mick Turate
Sunak hopes his job is viable now. 0
Sir Lupus 24.09.20 2:44pm
Sir Lupus
Whitty/Vallance briefings jazzed up by Tarzan announcing the A-RRRhua numbers

.More yodelling news later...

Mirthless Evil C 24.09.20 2:06pm
Mirthless Evil C
West Country Ooh R number on the rise

Lockdown beckons...

Mirthless Evil C 24.09.20 1:58pm
Mirthless Evil C
Police unsurprised by man who overdosed on liquorice saying it takes all sorts 3
oshaughnessy 24.09.20 1:51pm
Shareholders aghast at putting this Winter's 3 month holiday on hold. 0
Al OPecia 24.09.20 1:49pm
Al OPecia
Covid-19: traffic light system to be replaced by slow-moving roundabouts 1
beckfordburger 24.09.20 1:45pm
We're all in this together! Bankers and cleaners to get 22% of their wages 2
Myke 24.09.20 1:44pm
Reports 'a clue' spotted in Downing Street remain unsubstantiated

Reports circulating this morning that a clue was spotted going through the front door of 10 Downing Street so far remain unsubstantiated. Despite a procession of ministers leaving following a...

Chipchase 24.09.20 1:44pm
'Skyfall Off the Back of a Lorry' panned by movie critics and MI5 0
Myke 24.09.20 1:24pm
Rare 1880s Irish whiskey to go under the hammer. Estimated to be worth £0 after 0
Paul L 24.09.20 10:58am
Paul L
Pinewood Studios announces plans for "Kent Smokey and the Bandit" 0
Mick Turate 24.09.20 10:53am
Mick Turate
BoJo confused "Prime Minister" with "Amazon Prime"

Just thought he didn't have to pay anything for delivery...

Mirthless Evil C 24.09.20 10:48am
Mirthless Evil C
Shortage of pissed customers "devastating" for late night kebab sales. 0
deskpilot3 24.09.20 10:20am
"Yee-haw! We've Got Ourselves A Convoy!", Kent-ucky Rednecks Delight

Following years of domination by colonial masters in Westminster, victory by the Medway Marauders in the Civil War has given the newly seceded Confederate State of Kent-ucky it's first taste of...

Walter Eagle 24.09.20 10:10am
ron cawleyoni

With the UK government attempting to slip through a bill which will indemnify politicians and military personnel from retrospective prosecution for torture, the film industry has cried, 'Hey, no...

SteveB 24.09.20 10:04am
Ann Widecombe’s house opened to the public as terrible warning from the present

[i][Hat tip to MaxPower][/i] The National Trust is to open Ann Widdecombe’s house to visitors, as part of a move to be ‘open and honest’ about properties with ‘links to outdated practices...

Filthy Rich 24.09.20 9:54am
Al OPecia
Surgeon admits delays in critical Human Centipede surgery due to Covid

A senior surgeon at the troubled West Midland Psycho Trust has revealed that dozens of essential life-changing procedures involving freakishly attractive young people didn't get the green light, due...

oshaughnessy 24.09.20 9:52am
Johnson Told The Truth - There Is No Border Down The Middle Of The Irish Sea

It's down the middle of the M20...

Walter Eagle 24.09.20 9:45am
Walter Eagle
Kent to make Boris pay for new Border Wall. 0
ron cawleyoni 24.09.20 9:41am
ron cawleyoni