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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 12 months
May in passport warning to supermarket fighters 2
Bob Crumpett 40 minutes

Theresa May has issued a strong warning to British citizens travelling to foreign supermarkets to fight over discounted goods., In a statement to the Commons, the Home Secretary said "the rise of...

Cameron introduces yellow star badges for EU immigrants. 1
Crayon 44 minutes

The Prime Minister has announced the introduction of a bold new measure to identify and deter the increasing number of Europeans who come into Britain only to abuse the welfare system. All EU...

Chaos on Newsbiscuit as baying mob fight over cheap jokes 2
Underconstruction 47 minutes
Ferguson shops say "business as usual" on Black Friday 0
vulture1 2 hours

more cheap jokes soon...

Under Cameron's anti-EU immigrant worker plans... 0
ionb 2 hours

Nigel Farage's wife will be deported from the UK and not allowed to claim UK child benefit...

David Mellor and Andrew Mitchell to bring out Christmas duet 3
Squudge 2 hours

more soon <hands baton to the editorial team>...

Black Friday chaos as shoppers at Ann Summers put all their basques in one exit 5
Adrian Bamforth 4 hours
Premier League match abandoned after no-one brings a ball. - 2 36
bonjonelson 4 hours

Last night's Premier League fixture between Manchester United and Crystal Palace was abandoned after it turned out that neither team had brought a football with them. "We're very upset", Palace...

Buy Nothing Day campaign splits in promotional T-shirt crisis 5
Sir Lupus 5 hours

With just three weeks to go until the 29th November Buy Nothing Day, anti-consumerism campaigners are embroiled in vicious infighting over a range of clothing designed to promote the day. “We just...

Twats go panic shopping on account of a 'black' day they never heard of before 6
Oxbridge 6 hours
Riots as US runs out of bullets 20
Wrenfoe 7 hours

At 1.36 Eastern Standard Time the United States of America officially declared that they had run out of ammo. The ensuing chaos has seen riots and looting in twelve major cities, as a bewildered...

Black Day shopper brings home broken arm. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 8 hours
Ferguson police look forward to another black Friday. 1
MADJEZ 8 hours
Tesco ‘Gladiator’ Sale – up to 60% off for survivors 4
deceangli 8 hours

Tesco have announced plans for customers to fight to the death in special arenas in exchange for significant discounts. ‘We got the idea from Black Friday’, said a spokesman. ‘At first we were...

Pesticide retailers report record Blackfly Day sales 0
Midfield Diamond 8 hours
Boris gets tough on wheelie-suitcases 0
Arjan K 9 hours

Boris Johnson’s popularity has soared after banning wheeled suitcases from the London Underground, the first in a series of measures aimed at making the city’s public transport more efficient. ...

Johannesburg struggles to dispose of 30,000 misspelled ‘Blick Friday’ signs 0
Iroquois Pliskin 9 hours
Man who refused Oxfam donation visited by goat of xmas past 0
Sir Lupus 9 hours

H/t to ronseal...

Non-sheep agree this is a very Black Friday for the UK 0
Iamstillthestig 9 hours
Fisherman celebrates amazing Black Friday'd Eel 0
Iamstillthestig 9 hours
Riots in the Ottery St. Mary Cancer Relief Shop. 3
Ian Searle 10 hours

Crowds of three people had been gathering since five to ten this morning, attracted by the price of crochet toilet roll holders being slashed to just 20p...

Black Friday: Cameron demands compulsory queueing rules for EU migrants 0
Nowherefast 10 hours
Offer Wales Round-Table and Medieval Court says Carwyn Jones 0
Iroquois Pliskin 11 hours

“Wales should be given similar mythical powers to Scotland” argues First Minister Carwyn Jones, as Scottish Parliament prepares to receive more hastily-promised devolutionary authority from...

Sales spree day renamed "Black Eye Friday". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 11 hours
Scotland to be allowed to choose their own plot directions in EastEnders 4
bonjonelson 11 hours

In yet another concession towards Scottish nationalist feelings, Westminster has announced that from Summer 2015 Holyrood will be able to take control of plot and character development in the version...

10% off all Black Friday tick 0
Boutros 11 hours
Dyslexic to be visited by three goats over Xmas 0
ronseal 12 hours
Left wing blogger gets LinkedIn skills endorsement in Comparing People to Hitler 8
ronseal 13 hours
White Stuff celebrates Black Friday by selling 50 Shades of Grey 0
Ian Searle 13 hours
Counseling Offered To Those Depressed Who Didn't Find a Bargain 1
Dun Dunkin 13 hours

"People traumatised at 'missing out' as the best bargains vanished from shop shelves can get a 1 to 1 with a therapist who will regress them into their past lives to discover the root of their...