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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Hilary still to endorse Hilary

Democrats have been left guessing which way Hilary Rodham Clinton will cast her vote, given the unpredictable nature of a two horse race; where one of the two horses has already been turned into glue...

Wrenfoe 28.07.16 12:54am
British satirical website in dramatic hostage-taking attack

Five stars or Titus gets it ...

Sockpuppet 28.07.16 12:33am
North Korea/UK Free Trade Area will float UK economy post-Brexit

PM Theresa May has put to rest fears of a UK recession with an announcement of lucrative trade deals tabled with “previously overlooked world players”. “It’s not just North Korea,” said...

Benvoleo 27.07.16 10:18pm
Church outrage as Cops kill pushers and Priests have no drugs to feed the kids 0
marlon bando 27.07.16 9:10pm
marlon bando
So-called Islamic State ‘just about ready for a break now’

With the school holidays in full swing IS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi today declared himself ‘just about ready for a break now. Speaking from his office in downtown Aleppo, al-Baghdadi said:...

Mandy Lifeboat 27.07.16 8:58pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Catholic Church vows to make ISIS feel guilty for things it hasn't even done. 0
dominic_mcg 27.07.16 7:22pm
Happiness is a mental illness, says Downer

Things are so shit that anyone experiencing happiness must either be clinically insane or a right sadistic bastard, says Dr Harry Downer, Professor of Psychology at the University of Luton. “My...

Jodster 27.07.16 6:14pm
Marni Nixon Revealed As Voice Of Tina Turner, Aretha Franklin & Kathleen Ferrier

(She probably wrote this sub as well.) ...

Titus 27.07.16 6:12pm
Record-breaking sales of Woman’s Weekly linked to the death of Victoria Wood

Sales of the British magazine Woman’s Weekly hit an all-time high in the second quarter of 2016, a sudden growth spurt which had experts everywhere utterly baffled, that is, until the Sales Data...

Jodster 27.07.16 6:04pm
Russian high jump cheat told to clear his desk


Gerontius 27.07.16 5:37pm
France sees UK as bigger enemy than ISIS 0
Dun Dunkin 27.07.16 5:33pm
Dun Dunkin
French show western unity by appointing Napoleon as brexit minister 0
Dun Dunkin 27.07.16 5:33pm
Dun Dunkin
Owen Smith is a mown shite, says Countdown Conundrum enthusiast 0
Jodster 27.07.16 4:59pm
Middle manager jokes about spanking that little bit too often

Colleagues of Rupert Underwood, a 43-year-old systems manager at the Swindon-based online credit processing firm Zentixx, have agreed unanimously that he makes supposedly ironic asides about BDSM far...

Oxbridge 27.07.16 4:35pm
Middle manager jokes about BDSM ‘that little bit too often’

Colleagues of Rupert Underwood, a 43-year-old systems manager at the Reading-based online order fulfilment firm Zentixx, are demanding that disciplinary action be taken against him. They all agree...

Oxbridge 27.07.16 3:36pm
Pizza Hut tie up with Manchester City now off the menu suggest executives

A long-planned sponsorship deal between Manchester City and Pizza Hut looked to be increasingly remote today, after new manager Pep Guardiola banned his players from eating pizzas and told them to...

chrisf 27.07.16 3:36pm
John Hinkley prison release brought forward to coincide with Trump inauguration 4
Adrian Bamforth 27.07.16 3:35pm
Clinton 'as bad as Trump' say people who obviously haven't listened to Trump 0
Oxbridge 27.07.16 3:28pm
Bathroom scales 'should face perjury charges' say holiday-goers

All bathroom scales are compulsive and vindictive liars, it has been claimed. Scientists from the Institute of 'Are you f*cking kidding my fat-arse?' revealed the results of various polygraph tests...

thatwasbeast 27.07.16 2:51pm
Dogs protest at minimum wag proposals

It’s a familiar question. ‘How much is that doggie in the window?’ And predictably, that doggie is always identified by its rate of tail waggliness. Now though, Westminster has needled NUDL,...

nickb 27.07.16 2:23pm
Weak leader God faces vote of no confidence after disastrous start to year 0
cinquecento 27.07.16 1:53pm
Brexit Latest: UK constipation sufferers hoping for "free movement" 0
thackaray 27.07.16 1:05pm
"Commando" Hillary Clinton shows "crack" in Glass Ceiling; Perverts delighted. 1
thackaray 27.07.16 12:31pm
Postman Pat delivers fatwah to Fireman Sam 1
UrNikko1965 27.07.16 10:47am
Black, but not been shot by cops yet? Write for NewsBiscuit while you wait 4
deceangli 27.07.16 10:46am
Kidnappers Tell Bernie Ecclestone 'Pay £28m Or We'll Free Your Mother-In-Law' 3
Titus 27.07.16 10:22am
Man conquering status anxiety through 5-year hire purchase deal on expensive car

A man is trying to conquer his status anxiety by means of car finance. 36 year-old Paul Denton is worried that he is falling behind his peers, and he hopes that a show of conspicuous purchasing power...

jonessgl 27.07.16 10:12am
ISIS now a member of the British Franchise Association. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 27.07.16 9:57am
Royal Mint announces record profits

After years of printing bank notes and minting coins, the Royal Mint - producer of half the World's coinage, announced today that it has made a record profit this year. In other news, around 100...

ionb 27.07.16 8:59am
Bill Clinton: 'I did Not Have Sex With That Woman. Oh, THAT One, My Wife, Yes 0
Titus 27.07.16 8:34am