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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Reading Festival a Massive Disappointment, complain Librarians 6
Jodster 30.08.16 1:28pm
Kim Kardashian ‘asset stripped’ by tight-arsed billionaire 0
farmer giles 30.08.16 1:22pm
farmer giles
‘All fathers are motherf*ckers’ says motherf*cking mummy’s boy 0
farmer giles 30.08.16 1:21pm
farmer giles
Mo Farrah demands knighthood 'to avoid queuing at airports '. A nation responds:

'If that wee, skinny, jumped-up Somalian shitebag tries to jump the queue at Glasgow Airport, he'll be competing in the Paralympics. He can go take a running f'...

silly billy scotland 30.08.16 1:17pm
silly billy scotland
Mark Chapman Denied Parole for Crime Against Humanity

'You fired 6 bullets, and not one of them hit Yoko. That's completely beyond redemption'...

silly billy scotland 30.08.16 12:31pm
silly billy scotland
Charlie enacts swingeing cuts as control of Wonka Factory moves to him

On news of the sad death of Willy Wonka, Charlie Bucket, now CEO of Wonka industries, announced huge and wide ranging cuts to the off-the-wall company. At 0900 this morning he gave this statement,...

SimonJJames 30.08.16 11:46am
Chocolate billionaire, Charlie Bucket, changes his name to 'Bouquet' 0
silly billy scotland 30.08.16 11:46am
silly billy scotland
Police officers with facial tattoos to wear burkhas whilst on duty. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 30.08.16 11:35am
silly billy scotland
Adam, Eve and the Snake all appeal Apple ruling

More later but contributions on this theme welcome...

Sir Lupus 30.08.16 11:33am
Microsoft claims Macintosh is also a bad Apple 0
satire1 30.08.16 11:33am
Nottingham man enraged by his new shirts

Nottingham man enraged by his new shirts “They don’t do this with any other garment,“ raged irate Nick Warren of Nottingham. “I needed some new shirts and bought three for the price of two...

Nick Warren 30.08.16 11:13am
Sir Lupus
X Factor: Judges’ comments 'must comply with principles of rhetoric' says Cowell

Simon Cowell has announced a crackdown on poorly constructed judges’ comments on X Factor, after revealing that he has sought the advice of classical Greek philosophers Plato and Aristotle to turn...

chrisf 30.08.16 9:37am
Theresa May scores some grass

The Prime Minister Theresa May spent her Bank Holiday Monday adjudicating a lawn-mowing competition...

Prime Mover 30.08.16 8:20am
silly billy scotland
'Twenty diabetes foot amputations every day', blamed on postcode lottery

Postcode Lottery ticket sales plummet...

silly billy scotland 30.08.16 8:05am
silly billy scotland
Gene Wilder's family get nothing

Good day sir...

Adrian Bamforth 30.08.16 8:05am
Adrian Bamforth
'UK needs more women lorry drivers', say gigolo migrants stuck in Calais 0
silly billy scotland 30.08.16 7:28am
silly billy scotland
Paulo, Paulo, Lama Sabchthani! 0
Ironduke 29.08.16 11:14pm
10 minute consultations 'a real drag'

The British Medical Association (BMA) has criticised the Health Secretary's truncated care as an 'interminable bore', which becomes no more than a longwinded chat, punctuated with small-talk and...

Wrenfoe 29.08.16 10:49pm
Corbyn To Nationalise NB & Appoint Paulo As Minister Of Humour 0
Titus 29.08.16 10:37pm
Branson Complains Of Inability To Get A Seat At Labour Conference

States intention of proving his point by publishing a video of himself not attending ...

Titus 29.08.16 10:36pm
No-One Gets Ripped Off & Economy Stabilises As Banks Take A Holiday 1
Titus 29.08.16 10:30pm
Sir Lupus
Newsbiscuit to be re-branded as Torybiscuit or Titusbiscuit.

Too many tired old anti-Labour/anti-Corbyn slurs.I'm happy to read a range of contributions but feel that previous originality has deteriorated into too much partisan propaganda. Don't expect...

paulo 29.08.16 10:22pm
TV audiences ‘want more cunt jokes’ says BBC

With gags about ‘clitoris allsorts’, ‘Vulva estate cars’ and Grace Brothers asking for more ‘female ejaculations during staff meetings,’ the new series of Are You Being Served shows...

nickb 29.08.16 9:55pm
A Corbyn government would ban jokes about Corbyn, says Corbyn

. more Paulo bait later....

cinquecento 29.08.16 9:50pm
So many Pokémon related crimes that police pick and choose which ones to solve.

More soon. There's a joke in there somewhere...

dominic_mcg 29.08.16 9:47pm
Inventor of luminous anorak stripped of night hood

More to follow...

apepper 29.08.16 9:31pm
Sir Lupus
Mary Berry apologises to Church after comments about deep fat friars. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 29.08.16 9:28pm
'Early sign to spot Parkinson's Disease comes too late for us'...

claim thousands of over-50s who purchased poor-value insurance plans promoted by Michael...

silly billy scotland 29.08.16 7:51pm
France wants new migrant deal with UK before transfer window closes. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 29.08.16 7:17pm
Physicists 'uncertain' if Schrödinger's cat collided with Mrs Slocombe's pussy. 3
silly billy scotland 29.08.16 7:17pm
Smart Alex