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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 1 year
Dementia fears as burglars hit Hatton Garden safe three times in same week 0
sydalg 2 hours
King Cnut to make keynote speech at climate change conference - 2 35
throngsman 6 hours
Corbyn: NO to bombing but YES to lead crack 'Special Ops' team in Syria 4
SimonJJames 6 hours

Jeremy Corbyn announced today that he will vote against the bombing of ISIS targets in Syria. However, he has counteroffered to lead a crack special operations team in Syria handpicked as a...

Robinson Crusoe enjoys Black Friday ! 3
Sinnick 7 hours

(did I get away with it ?)...

Daniel Craig to play the next Luther 1
gaijintendo 7 hours
Hidden chamber in King Tutankhamun's tomb "probably full of porn". More soon. 6
dominic_mcg 7 hours
Overweight commuters to hand out "twat-shaming" cards on the Tube. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 8 hours
David Icke states Princess Charlotte cutest shape-shifting lizard he's ever seen 4
SimonJJames 8 hours

After Buckingham Palace released pictures of the infant Princess Charlotte, daughter of Prince Harry and the Duchess of Cambridge, David Icke was quick to proclaim her the cutest shape shifting...

Wednesday's Syria vote to be judged by X-Factor panel 0
SimonJJames 8 hours

In a bid to capture the attention of the youth of Britain, Wednesday's vote on whether the UK should join in the bombing of strategic targets in Syria will have their preceding debates assessed by...

World leaders discuss what to do with a tree at Climb It Talks. More soon. 2
dominic_mcg 8 hours
Faulty Amazon drone delivers Jeremy Clarkson to lesbian line-dancing finals 2
Dick Everyman 9 hours
What have principles go to do with it? 0
blacklesbian 11 hours

Hello Martin it’s Duncan here. Who? Duncan Battersby, the Conservative MP for the constituency next to yours. On yes, well what can I do for you? I’m ringing to ask you to vote with us on...

God to go on strike for 5 day working week 0
SimonJJames 12 hours

The Vatican today announced that a heavenly spokesman had come to them in a vision and announced that God, the almighty, is to strike for 48 hours in favour of a 5 day working week. "We have spoken...

Fellated by a dead pig? You may have been a victim of Tory bullying 2
Wrenfoe 14 hours

Helplines have been jammed with MPs and party activists suddenly remembering that 90% of their experience at elite private schools may constitute bullying – rather than good nature ‘joshing’...

75,000 moderates ready to fight ISIS within 45mins as soon as UK starts bombing 1
Dun Dunkin 14 hours
Failed Jihadists offered Dignitas alternative 6
Dick Everyman 14 hours

Jihadists who fail to complete their missions of martyrdom are to be offered an innovative new exit strategy designed by Dignitas, the world leader in assisted suicide. With four end of life choices...

Jeremy Corbyn To Arrange A 75% Vote 0
Titus 15 hours

Having promised that his party would respect the views of party members in any vote on air strikes against Daesh in Syria, the Labour leader says he will decide 'in due course' how to achieve this....

Disney acquires British Trade Union movement. 0
Adrian Bamforth 16 hours

Entertainment conglomerate Disney have bought the British Trade Union movement, in what is thought to be an attempt to recreate 1970’s conditions prior to the opening of the latest episode in the...

Corbyn, Shadow Cabinet agree to airstrikes on Parliamentary Labour Party 0
The Paper Ostrich 16 hours

Embattled Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has struck a last-minute compromise with his Shadow Cabinet that allows him to support UK government airstrikes, but only as long as they are against the...

George Osborne offers his arse to Christmas shoppers 4
throngsman 16 hours

"I know it's a difficult time of year - doctors, nurses, public servants (with the exception of elected public servants) enduring another year of zero or minimal pay rises, many private sector...

GMO crops "cause deformed crop circles", researchers say. 2
bonjonelson 17 hours

Could genetically-modified crops be behind the spate of badly deformed crop circles that have been recorded in recent years? Researchers from the University of Cirencester have published a report...

Davis Cup victory inspires the UK to rebuild its Empire 0
Wrenfoe 17 hours

Buoyed on a wave of nationalistic pride and sporting disbelief, the Lawn and Tennis Association (LTA) has set out a series of measures to re-establish the UK’s imperial might and grass-court...

David Gilmore quits guitar to focus on lasers for new Pink Floyd tour 0
gaijintendo 17 hours

"We've been shifting from sounds to lights gradually over the past 50 years, and I think the fans are ready for us to progress to a fully visible set"...

Dyslexic Dr Who fans excited about Cyber Man Day. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 19 hours
World leaders agree to walk home from climate talks. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 19 hours
Commons confusion as Gordon Brown demands 'British bombs for British people' 0
jimmydodger 19 hours
Davis Cup win takes 'The Joke' to another dimension 0
Oxbridge 19 hours

Great Britain's historic win over Belgium in the Davis Cup has led many theoretical physicists to speculate that a paradox is about to be created. This, they warned could be powerful enough to cause...

Sepp Coe denies any wrongdoing 0
farmer giles 20 hours

“I will go the extra mile to eradicate (my implication in) bribery, corruption and vested interests” said the record-breaking star, speaking from one of his many luxurious mansions. “You have...

Pro-life gunman proves that Americans do irony after all 8
throngsman 20 hours
Saudi Arabia, Qatar And Other Wealthy Muslim Countries ... 0
Titus 21 hours

accept more refugees than Europe. Nah, only kidding...