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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Charlie enacts swingeing cuts as control of Wonka Factory control moves to him

On news of the sad death of Willy Wonka, Charlie Bucket, now CEO of Wonka industries, announced huge and wide ranging cuts to the off-the-wall company. At 0900 this morning he gave this statement,...

2
SimonJJames 30.08.16 11:13am
SimonJJames
Nottingham man enraged by his new shirts

Nottingham man enraged by his new shirts “They don’t do this with any other garment,“ raged irate Nick Warren of Nottingham. “I needed some new shirts and bought three for the price of two...

3
Nick Warren 30.08.16 11:13am
Sir Lupus
Adam, Eve and the Snake all appeal Apple ruling

More later but contributions on this theme welcome...

0
Sir Lupus 30.08.16 11:05am
Sir Lupus
Police officers with facial tattoos to wear burkhas whilst on duty. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 30.08.16 10:15am
dominic_mcg
X Factor: Judges’ comments 'must comply with principles of rhetoric' says Cowell

Simon Cowell has announced a crackdown on poorly constructed judges’ comments on X Factor, after revealing that he has sought the advice of classical Greek philosophers Plato and Aristotle to turn...

1
chrisf 30.08.16 9:37am
Wrexfan
Theresa May scores some grass

The Prime Minister Theresa May spent her Bank Holiday Monday adjudicating a lawn-mowing competition...

2
Prime Mover 30.08.16 8:20am
silly billy scotland
'Twenty diabetes foot amputations every day', blamed on postcode lottery

Postcode Lottery ticket sales plummet...

0
silly billy scotland 30.08.16 8:05am
silly billy scotland
Gene Wilder's family get nothing

Good day sir...

0
Adrian Bamforth 30.08.16 8:05am
Adrian Bamforth
'UK needs more women lorry drivers', say gigolo migrants stuck in Calais 0
silly billy scotland 30.08.16 7:28am
silly billy scotland
Paulo, Paulo, Lama Sabchthani! 0
Ironduke 29.08.16 11:14pm
Ironduke
10 minute consultations 'a real drag'

The British Medical Association (BMA) has criticised the Health Secretary's truncated care as an 'interminable bore', which becomes no more than a longwinded chat, punctuated with small-talk and...

7
Wrenfoe 29.08.16 10:49pm
Ironduke
Corbyn To Nationalise NB & Appoint Paulo As Minister Of Humour 0
Titus 29.08.16 10:37pm
Titus
Branson Complains Of Inability To Get A Seat At Labour Conference

States intention of proving his point by publishing a video of himself not attending ...

0
Titus 29.08.16 10:36pm
Titus
No-One Gets Ripped Off & Economy Stabilises As Banks Take A Holiday 1
Titus 29.08.16 10:30pm
Sir Lupus
Newsbiscuit to be re-branded as Torybiscuit or Titusbiscuit.

Too many tired old anti-Labour/anti-Corbyn slurs.I'm happy to read a range of contributions but feel that previous originality has deteriorated into too much partisan propaganda. Don't expect...

23
paulo 29.08.16 10:22pm
Ironduke
TV audiences ‘want more cunt jokes’ says BBC

With gags about ‘clitoris allsorts’, ‘Vulva estate cars’ and Grace Brothers asking for more ‘female ejaculations during staff meetings,’ the new series of Are You Being Served shows...

2
nickb 29.08.16 9:55pm
FlashArry
A Corbyn government would ban jokes about Corbyn, says Corbyn

. more Paulo bait later....

0
cinquecento 29.08.16 9:50pm
cinquecento
So many Pokémon related crimes that police pick and choose which ones to solve.

More soon. There's a joke in there somewhere...

3
dominic_mcg 29.08.16 9:47pm
Titus
Inventor of luminous anorak stripped of night hood

More to follow...

1
apepper 29.08.16 9:31pm
Sir Lupus
Mary Berry apologises to Church after comments about deep fat friars. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 29.08.16 9:28pm
chrisf
'Early sign to spot Parkinson's Disease comes too late for us'...

claim thousands of over-50s who purchased poor-value insurance plans promoted by Michael...

3
silly billy scotland 29.08.16 7:51pm
jonessgl
France wants new migrant deal with UK before transfer window closes. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 29.08.16 7:17pm
dominic_mcg
Physicists 'uncertain' if Schrödinger's cat collided with Mrs Slocombe's pussy. 3
silly billy scotland 29.08.16 7:17pm
Smart Alex
Med Diet Better Than Statins, for Women Wishing to Grow an Italian Moustache 0
silly billy scotland 29.08.16 5:51pm
silly billy scotland
'Lightning Strike Kills 300 Reindeer'. Donner and Blitzen held for questioning. 0
silly billy scotland 29.08.16 5:40pm
silly billy scotland
'Stick in the Mud' Hen Party Overjoyed to See Cox on Lifeboat 0
silly billy scotland 29.08.16 4:34pm
silly billy scotland
An advertisement feature? Is there a place for this sort of thing?

Kids Ferry Trips to Hades! 1 x £2 Coin Per Child! Daily Crossings from Liverpool! Testimonials:, ‘Perfect for the school holidays!’, ‘Just the thing for our little Tommy. He didn't want...

0
Jodster 29.08.16 2:33pm
Jodster
A Corbyn govt would 'erase Branson from all historical record' says McDonnell 0
cinquecento 29.08.16 2:00pm
cinquecento
Bloody Saga Louts want Age of Criminal Responsibility raised to 97.8 years. 1
silly billy scotland 29.08.16 12:31pm
Wrexfan
BBC 'Revival' Sitcoms Prove Popular with Antiques Roadshow Viewers 0
silly billy scotland 29.08.16 12:06pm
silly billy scotland