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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Stewart Lee says he will quit Britain if ‘Tumbleweed Tax’ goes ahead.

Northern funny man Stewart Lee (48) has threatened to quit the UK if the Government’s so called ‘Tumbleweed tax’ is introduced in this year’s budget. The controversial proposal by the...

poopscooper 01.03.17 6:14pm
Papal Warning

Don't eat a cake of Pan today, peeps, it is an ommortal degradation of Sin after you die you will be tossed over Satan's fiery stoves by his tall white fluffy-hatted minions in a little oil after a...

Amasulem 01.03.17 6:12pm
Baggage handling - what the airlines don't want you to know

We are all familiar with turning up at the airport, placing our suitcases on a conveyor and then trusting that it will arrive safely at our destination. But how many of us have considered what...

Smart Alex 01.03.17 5:36pm
Smart Alex
French presidential security corps receives CV from John Hinckley 0
sydalg 01.03.17 5:33pm
Philip Green Pays £363M For Knighthood 1
Titus 01.03.17 5:22pm
Dominic Raab denies being lovechild of Greg Davies and Rik Mayall

(even though he is)...

farmer giles 01.03.17 5:19pm
Shot waiter insists "I know nothing" 2
sydalg 01.03.17 5:18pm
New golf rules to clarify penalties for use of mobile phones while driving

. [No doubt those familiar with the game where the ball waits for you could improve or embellish this - feel free]...

Midfield Diamond 01.03.17 5:13pm
Midfield Diamond
Diane Abbott in bid to be named Britain’s tallest man.

With the recent sad death of Britain’s tallest man, Neil Fingleton, the race is now on to nominate who should next fill the role. However, speaking on the Daily Politics, Labour MP Diane Abbott...

poopscooper 01.03.17 5:13pm
Spate of thefts close Walkers crisp factory, grey haired man in his 50s sought.

MADJEZ 01.03.17 5:12pm
Astronaut David Bowman reviews MC Escher woodcut - 'My God, it's full of stairs' 0
Smart Alex 01.03.17 5:09pm
Smart Alex
‘Kinder, gentler’ Trump postpones Armageddon until Friday

After a speech to Congress described by some commentators as ‘kinder, gentler’, it appears that President Trump has put off until Friday his promise of Armageddon. Some Republican senators...

roybland 01.03.17 4:58pm
State funeral to be held in Washington D C after death of Democracy

With the nation in mourning following the death of Democracy, the United States is to hold an official State funeral in its honour. Speaking to an empty room at a White House press conference this...

Dick Everyman 01.03.17 3:11pm
Dick Everyman
Man 'comfortable' after heroic display of public toilet etiquette

A Saffron Waldon man was said to be 'comfortable but traumatised' after a dogged attempt to stick to established norms and expectations of behaviour when in a public convenience. Tony McGough, 34,...

chrisf 01.03.17 3:00pm
Passengers on flight delayed by mouse just thought pilot was taking the Mickey 0
Major Tom 01.03.17 2:49pm
Major Tom
David Moyes phones wife on way home to get six points 1
Duncan Biscuit 01.03.17 2:26pm
Sex Ed. rebranded as the ‘Prevent Agenda’

Preventing ‘you know what’ is set become compulsory in all England's schools, with all acts of radical sexualisation reported to MI5. Teachers will be required to be on the lookout for the...

Wrenfoe 01.03.17 2:25pm
Brexit and Trump supporter gives up being a cock for Lent.

The nation breathed a huge, collective sigh of relief as news broke that Bob Cafferty from Northwich had agreed to stop being an utter bell end until Easter. It might just be for a short while but...

Barry Van Hire 01.03.17 2:18pm
Barry Van Hire
New ‘healthy option’ lentil-flavoured crisps launched 0
farmer giles 01.03.17 1:43pm
farmer giles
Pope urges priests to give up paedophilia for Lent

“Aw, come off it pope” said a priest, “everybody knows we have to massage choirboys’ balls till their voice breaks”...

farmer giles 01.03.17 1:42pm
farmer giles
New golf rules introduce tunnels, ramps and windmills

More good walks spoiled soon...

Scroat 01.03.17 1:16pm
BBC to screen Dixon of Dock Green prequel 0
Scroat 01.03.17 1:08pm
Tim Farron to give up anonymity for Lent 0
Major Tom 01.03.17 1:04pm
Major Tom
Early warning signs of heart attacks 'being missed'

Early warning signs may have been missed in up to one in six people who died of a heart attack in English hospitals, a study suggests. A study of all heart attack admissions and deaths between 2006...

UniversalExile 01.03.17 12:48pm
Driver Txts 'fk ive jst bn nkd o bllsk' But Says 'Wot, me officer? Nah, never! 0
Titus 01.03.17 12:34pm
Alan Carr and Paul O'Grady must get wild camping permits before Scots TV show 0
roybland 01.03.17 12:32pm
Man's explanation to parents of "the red button" enters tense third week

John Erskine of Southampton is bracing himself for what he hopes to be a final third week of explanation of what the BBC means by "Pressing the Red Button". "It's been a topsy turvy ride with many...

apepper 01.03.17 11:31am
Hollande cop admits he "got carried away" when stationed in book depository 0
sydalg 01.03.17 10:58am
Boozed-up roofer ends up in gutter after night on the tiles 0
farmer giles 01.03.17 10:26am
farmer giles
Pope urges Christians to give up religion for Lent 0
farmer giles 01.03.17 10:25am
farmer giles