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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Beach Deaths Soar as Kracken is Released 0
silly billy scotland 25.08.16 9:57am
silly billy scotland
'It is what it is' man proved wrong

After hearing designer Rob Shepherd say 'it is what it is' for the 10,000th time, his colleagues have taken to pointing out that in most cases, it can be a lot more or indeed a lot less than what it...

0
Bravenewmalden 25.08.16 9:52am
Bravenewmalden
PROXIMA CENTAURI ABANDONS PLANS TO COLONISE EARTH!

"Apart from 'NewsBiscuit' and 'Mrs Brown's Boys', there is no evidence of intelligent life."...

0
silly billy scotland 25.08.16 9:51am
silly billy scotland
Extremists to bunk with Fletcher

Prisoners advocating Islamic State will now be placed in a 'special unit' under the watchful, yet benevolent eye, of Norman Stanley Fletcher. Having been instrumental in reforming 'young Godber',...

3
Wrenfoe 25.08.16 9:25am
Adrian Bamforth
Wizard academy looking for new staff 0
NotNowCato 25.08.16 8:31am
NotNowCato
Shock as thermometer records hottest day of the year....

Parts of the UK are currently at a "national emergency" red alert, as the prolonged hot spell has become severe. The average threshold temperature of 30C by day and 15C overnight has been with us for...

0
Bagger 25.08.16 8:29am
Bagger
Proxima Centauri bids to promote 3020 Olympic Games

'Provided Britain promises not to win all the medals yet again'...

0
sockpuppet 25.08.16 8:27am
sockpuppet
Life discovered on Proxima Centauri, ISIS vows to slay those infidels. 1
Maverick 25.08.16 8:22am
sockpuppet
KATIE HOPKINS LEAVES VOICEMAIL FOR HERSELF IN FAILED PUBLICITY STUNT HELL 1
Fergus Fungus 25.08.16 8:19am
sockpuppet
Italians blame earthquake on thin crust 3
Underconstruction 25.08.16 8:17am
sockpuppet
Trump supporters disgusted that French bloke given platform. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 25.08.16 7:58am
Al OPecia
Daily Mail readers complain that "Gold Medals are much easier nowadays"

The Daily Mail letters page has been flooded with complaints about the record number of gold medals won by British athletes. "The youth of today have it far too easy; in my day, the 1500m was a much...

1
apepper 25.08.16 7:55am
Al OPecia
UK public queuing up to do dressage after Olympic triumph

Criticisms that the Olympics only serve to enrich a small number of elite athletes and deliver no pull-through benefit in mass sports participation are set to be firmly rebuffed as dressage clubs...

2
cinquecento 25.08.16 6:58am
Smart Alex
Paralympics latest: Putin puts athlete-maiming programme on hold. 0
deskpilot3 24.08.16 10:35pm
deskpilot3
Owen Smith to tax food banks in surprise economic policy pledge 0
Fergus Fungus 24.08.16 10:07pm
Fergus Fungus
KATIE HOPKINS LEAVES VOICEMAIL FOR HERSELF IN FAILED PUBLICITY STUNT HELL 0
Fergus Fungus 24.08.16 10:05pm
Fergus Fungus
Bank made entirely of food "completely unsustainable" warns Mark Carney 0
Fergus Fungus 24.08.16 10:04pm
Fergus Fungus
Corbyn & Smith agree policy: a referendum on rail nationalisation 0
sockpuppet 24.08.16 9:59pm
sockpuppet
Disappointing falafel proof that railways should be re-nationalised says Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn has claimed that the uninspiring falafel wrap he bought on the Virgin train he took to Newcastle earlier in the month is further proof that the British rail network should be returned...

0
bookiesfriend 24.08.16 8:45pm
bookiesfriend
4 x 100 metre cling film approved for Tokyo 2020 0
Underconstruction 24.08.16 8:23pm
Underconstruction
Frenchman celebrates Armageddon with four-horse menu of the apocalypse 0
Smart Alex 24.08.16 7:02pm
Smart Alex
Borders worst invention ever claims reluctant gardener 0
Smart Alex 24.08.16 6:47pm
Smart Alex
British towns come of age with triple-barrelled names

Cities, towns and even small villages across the UK have joined in a new craze of giving themselves updated triple-barrelled names of the kind enjoyed by Kingston-upon-Thames or even more. Among the...

4
Oxbridge 24.08.16 6:20pm
Sinnick
Farage and Trump to reunite, several years after journey from Proxima Centauri 0
Sinnick 24.08.16 6:13pm
Sinnick
Nuns to go topless on French beaches

The town of Cannes has insisted that in order maintain secularism all 'hot women of faith' will be stripped by armed police - who will then administer scented lotions to the dulcet tones Sacha Distel...

0
Wrenfoe 24.08.16 6:02pm
Wrenfoe
Corbyn pioneers sitting on the floor as a new Olympic sport

More, unfortunately, almost certainly later ...

0
sockpuppet 24.08.16 5:46pm
sockpuppet
Branson: Hard to find seat at table in ‘ram packed’ government contracts market

Sir Richard Branson lashed out today at the ‘ram-packed’ market for lucrative government contracts to provide healthcare and rail services, leaving him with the almost daily nightmare of...

3
chrisf 24.08.16 5:06pm
chrisf
Isle of Wight village proves that bottom spankers live longer

People who strike buttocks for erotic pleasure typically outlive those who don’t, says Dr Sidney James, Professor of Posterior Studies at the University of Portsmouth. A case study of the Isle of...

0
Jodster 24.08.16 3:50pm
Jodster
Virgin to employ floor managers in place of guards

Hat tip to dominic_mcg...

0
sockpuppet 24.08.16 2:44pm
sockpuppet
Corbyn floored by press conference train questions. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 24.08.16 2:43pm
sockpuppet