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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Russian high jump cheat told to clear his desk


Gerontius 29.07.16 12:22am
North Korea/UK Free Trade Area will float UK economy post-Brexit

PM Theresa May has put to rest fears of a UK recession with an announcement of lucrative trade deals tabled with “previously overlooked world players”. “It’s not just North Korea,” said...

Benvoleo 29.07.16 12:20am
Anarchy “gone too far”, say ‘redundant’ anarchists

After recent political turmoil, anarchists are calling for calm to address concerns that they’ve become superfluous. “Without us lifting a finger the Party leaders are gone, the economy is in...

Benvoleo 29.07.16 12:17am
Labour to trial driverless political party 5
Underconstruction 29.07.16 12:08am
Church bears the Brunt of terrible news reporting. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 28.07.16 7:46pm
Nothing as good as it used to be, says report

Everything is now shit and isn't half as good as it was before, everyone over the age of 30 has confirmed. 'It's a world gone mad" said builder, Darren Haines. 'When I was young, packets of football...

thatwasbeast 28.07.16 6:26pm
Accidentally plagiarised a joke? Have a go at writing a sub for NB instead. 0
sockpuppet 28.07.16 4:32pm
Woman who washed pussy at 60 degrees 'hung out to dry' 0
Underconstruction 28.07.16 11:12am
Teenage girls 'too ghastly to fantasise about', complain ageing pervs

Britain faces a new crisis as a result of the so-called ‘ladette’ culture. For, according to a study of men in their 40s and 50s, the nation’s teenage girls are all such grotty, pie-scoffing...

Oxbridge 28.07.16 10:15am
Kremlin denies doping Donald Trump 0
farmer giles 28.07.16 9:40am
farmer giles
Heaven running out of virgins, God tells IS. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 28.07.16 9:20am
British satirical website in dramatic hostage-taking attack

Five stars or Titus gets it ...

Sockpuppet 28.07.16 9:01am
Currys mis-sold extended warranty on The Machine claims Florence. 0
MADJEZ 28.07.16 7:55am
Middle manager jokes about spanking that little bit too often

Colleagues of Rupert Underwood, a 43-year-old systems manager at the Swindon-based online credit processing firm Zentixx, have agreed unanimously that he makes supposedly ironic asides about BDSM far...

Oxbridge 28.07.16 7:52am
Marni Nixon Revealed As Voice Of Tina Turner, Aretha Franklin & Kathleen Ferrier

(She probably wrote this sub as well.) ...

Titus 28.07.16 7:52am
Hilary still to endorse Hilary

Democrats have been left guessing which way Hilary Rodham Clinton will cast her vote, given the unpredictable nature of a two horse race; where one of the two horses has already been turned into glue...

Wrenfoe 28.07.16 5:50am
Church outrage as Cops kill pushers and Priests have no drugs to feed the kids 0
marlon bando 27.07.16 9:10pm
marlon bando
So-called Islamic State ‘just about ready for a break now’

With the school holidays in full swing IS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi today declared himself ‘just about ready for a break now. Speaking from his office in downtown Aleppo, al-Baghdadi said:...

Mandy Lifeboat 27.07.16 8:58pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Catholic Church vows to make ISIS feel guilty for things it hasn't even done. 0
dominic_mcg 27.07.16 7:22pm
Happiness is a mental illness, says Downer

Things are so shit that anyone experiencing happiness must either be clinically insane or a right sadistic bastard, says Dr Harry Downer, Professor of Psychology at the University of Luton. “My...

Jodster 27.07.16 6:14pm
Record-breaking sales of Woman’s Weekly linked to the death of Victoria Wood

Sales of the British magazine Woman’s Weekly hit an all-time high in the second quarter of 2016, a sudden growth spurt which had experts everywhere utterly baffled, that is, until the Sales Data...

Jodster 27.07.16 6:04pm
France sees UK as bigger enemy than ISIS 0
Dun Dunkin 27.07.16 5:33pm
Dun Dunkin
French show western unity by appointing Napoleon as brexit minister 0
Dun Dunkin 27.07.16 5:33pm
Dun Dunkin
Owen Smith is a mown shite, says Countdown Conundrum enthusiast 0
Jodster 27.07.16 4:59pm
Middle manager jokes about BDSM ‘that little bit too often’

Colleagues of Rupert Underwood, a 43-year-old systems manager at the Reading-based online order fulfilment firm Zentixx, are demanding that disciplinary action be taken against him. They all agree...

Oxbridge 27.07.16 3:36pm
Pizza Hut tie up with Manchester City now off the menu suggest executives

A long-planned sponsorship deal between Manchester City and Pizza Hut looked to be increasingly remote today, after new manager Pep Guardiola banned his players from eating pizzas and told them to...

chrisf 27.07.16 3:36pm
John Hinkley prison release brought forward to coincide with Trump inauguration 4
Adrian Bamforth 27.07.16 3:35pm
Clinton 'as bad as Trump' say people who obviously haven't listened to Trump 0
Oxbridge 27.07.16 3:28pm
Bathroom scales 'should face perjury charges' say holiday-goers

All bathroom scales are compulsive and vindictive liars, it has been claimed. Scientists from the Institute of 'Are you f*cking kidding my fat-arse?' revealed the results of various polygraph tests...

thatwasbeast 27.07.16 2:51pm
Dogs protest at minimum wag proposals

It’s a familiar question. ‘How much is that doggie in the window?’ And predictably, that doggie is always identified by its rate of tail waggliness. Now though, Westminster has needled NUDL,...

nickb 27.07.16 2:23pm