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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Delivery company trials new “couldn’t be arsed to deliver your package” leaflet

Delivery company “White Van Logistix” have announced they are redesigning the leaflets that their drivers leave behind when they are unable to make a delivery “to bring an unprecedented degree...

1
Sir Lupus 24.02.17 12:44pm
Bravenewmalden
Approval for new tick box design 'merely a formality'

The government announced today that the search for a new design for a standardised tick box is 'just a matter of going through the motions'. Head of HM Stationery Office Simon Morris said that the...

2
Bravenewmalden 24.02.17 12:37pm
Sir Lupus
A grateful Theresa May nominates Corbyn for knighthood in Queen's Honours 1
cinquecento 24.02.17 12:34pm
Sir Lupus
Avoid airports' advice to Corbyn

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is being advised to avoid air travel in the light of yesterday's by-election results. 'We have advised Jeremy that airports should be avoided for the immediate future,' ...

0
roybland 24.02.17 11:44am
roybland
Leicester FC sack Corbyn

After an improbable leadership victory last season, the Premiership's strugglers have chosen to part company with 'the bearded wonder'. This is despite Corbyn having defied critics and bookies to...

0
Wrenfoe 24.02.17 11:37am
Wrenfoe
Oi, did you spill my pint? asks Internet hard man. The answer may surprise you

Internet hard man Nobby Chiswell was looking for an outlet for his pent up anger. And he spotted a target, and worked out the right angle for disguising his aggression as righteous indignation. But...

0
ronseal 24.02.17 11:11am
ronseal
Proposal to lay off Red traffic light men will ‘cost lives’ say RMT

A proposal by local councils to axe Red traffic light men and operate Green traffic light men only pedestrian crossings will jeopardize public safety and cost lives according to the RMT. For their...

0
poopscooper 24.02.17 11:11am
poopscooper
Radio telescopes scanning Trappist-1 planets report complete silence 0
beckfordburger 24.02.17 10:50am
beckfordburger
Exhibit of Diana's Bellybutton Fluff to Open to Public

A gallery showcasing Princess Diana’s collection of bellybutton fluff opens today at Kensington Palace. The exhibit will trace the princess’s gross body-garbage-hoarding from the time she was...

0
S-Bahn 24.02.17 10:37am
S-Bahn
Referendum held over whether Paul Nuttall should leave Stoke-on-Trent 0
Adrian Bamforth 24.02.17 10:29am
Adrian Bamforth
New solar system actually just reflection in mirror

Following a big announcement about a brand new solar system that looks exactly like ours, a NASA official has admitted they were actually just looking in the mirror. “We had moved our telescope...

3
Marie Maurer 24.02.17 10:00am
Bravenewmalden
Fall in number of nets coming to UK last year 1
chrisf 24.02.17 9:43am
Sir Lupus
Nuttall to resume surgical career

Paul Nuttall, whose Uncle Barry invented cheese, will today announce his intention to leave politics to return to paediatric oncology. The move will dismay many in UKIP, who apparently revered Paul...

1
deceangli 24.02.17 8:38am
Titus
Truthful Statement At Last From Nuttall: 'I'm Not Going Anywhere'

TruesBiscuit ...

0
Titus 24.02.17 8:07am
Titus
'We Won Stoke' Announces Nuttall's Press Office

Further completely reliable & accurate announcements soon ...

0
Titus 24.02.17 8:02am
Titus
Vicious Outburst Of Sunshine Named 'Felicity' Set To Devastate Britain Today 0
Titus 24.02.17 7:59am
Titus
Disaster For UKIP In Stoke As Their Vote Only Rises 2% While Labour's Falls 2%

and they beat the Tories into third place yet again ...

0
Titus 24.02.17 7:51am
Titus
Prince Charles To Sell Condoms To Squirrels 0
Titus 24.02.17 7:47am
Titus
Copeland: Labour 'Killed By Toxic Nerve Agent'

[I [i]think[/i] I heard that right] ...

0
Titus 24.02.17 7:10am
Titus
Dyslexic Korean assassin kills Swiss psychiatrist 0
sydalg 24.02.17 7:04am
sydalg
House of Lords balances budget by selling methane to British Gas

Manufactured in-house of course...

0
Renrag 24.02.17 5:31am
Renrag
Golden anniversary couple still sleep cheek-to-cheek

But now they face in opposite directions...

0
Renrag 24.02.17 5:26am
Renrag
Austrian dictator warned: three Reichs and you're out 1
sydalg 23.02.17 11:19pm
Smart Alex
Supermarkets to curb obsesity by making entrances 2ft 6in wide 0
NHS 23.02.17 10:35pm
NHS
What a..'Carry on Claudio'...."Infamy Infamy they've all got it in for me" 0
ron cawleyoni 23.02.17 10:32pm
ron cawleyoni
Wall Street volatile amid fears of Class A price rises 0
Mexico 23.02.17 10:22pm
Mexico
NB Editor Tones Down FP From 'Trump Is Complete Cunt' To 'Trump Is Bit Of A Cunt 0
Titus 23.02.17 9:58pm
Titus
Man completes his 'ten a day' with Terry's Chocolate Orange 0
Smart Alex 23.02.17 9:57pm
Smart Alex
Extent of Leicester social care crisis exposed as old man booted from care home 0
Mandy Lifeboat 23.02.17 9:31pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Dyslexic judge lets West Yorkshire man keep licence despite having had 62 pints 0
Smart Alex 23.02.17 9:27pm
Smart Alex