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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
NHS cured - Chancellor to spend £2.8 billion on bigger waiting rooms 4
Ian Searle 23.11.17 2:56pm
A. L. Shaw
Unlikely tale in my pocket.

Sensivtive motor mechanic Geoff Carson said “I’ve been servicing and tending to his cars On an off for the best part of forty years, not once has he made a tentative friendly enquiry How’s...

2
ron cawleyoni 23.11.17 2:33pm
ramblesid
Saying Espresso with an ‘X’ won’t damage your health

Scientist have confirmed that mispronouncing up to three cups of artisan coffee a day, has no noticeable impact on your health - but it will make you look like ‘a bit of a d$ck’. Likewise calling...

0
Wrenfoe 23.11.17 2:27pm
Wrenfoe
RSPB raps Rita Ora over egg freezing. 0
Dick Everyman 23.11.17 2:27pm
Dick Everyman
Neo Nazi town to aim for European capital of culture 2021.

A Neo-Nazi town nestled in middle England has announced it’s putting itself forward for the prestigious award. “We’ve got lots of cultural and festive events going on”, the town mayor noted...

0
Ben Ben 23.11.17 2:12pm
Ben Ben
Caesar death probe still not ready to drop "lone knifeman" theory 2
sydalg 23.11.17 2:11pm
*****
“Brexit I” boxed set out now. More soon. 0
Newsdesk 23.11.17 2:08pm
Newsdesk
Man left confused after estate agent’s flat visit ‘nothing like in those films’

A man has expressed shock after a woman’s attendance at his home for a valuation of his property failed to follow the plot of some dodgy internet porno. “Dressed appropriately, she just got on...

0
Benvoleo 23.11.17 12:46pm
Benvoleo
Mladic gets mlife 0
sydalg 23.11.17 12:37pm
sydalg
Couple £9 better off after the Budget would have preferred an NHS. More soon. 5
dominic_mcg 23.11.17 11:57am
riesler
Insert Name Accused of Sex Crimes - template set to boost newsroom productivity

A new publishing template for the news industry could take scandal breaking productivity to a new level of frenzy. "Reputation shredding is only a mouse click away," said Dave Dudgeon, the chief...

1
ronseal 23.11.17 11:47am
Titus
Streets Of Harare Thronged With Grief-Stricken Mourners

Wailing uncontrollably and gnashing their teeth, weeping mourners rent their clothes and tore their hair in paroxysms of desperation and misery misery as they flooded in their countless thousands...

2
Titus 23.11.17 11:13am
Titus
Howls Of Outrage As Boring Budget Leaves Nothing Significant To Whinge About

Less later ...

1
Titus 23.11.17 11:09am
Titus
Daily Mail to go '100% made-up'

Deconstructed toilet roll, popular with xenophobes, homophobes, racists and bigots alike, The Daily Mail, has announced that from next Monday's print run that it will go '100% made-up', bringing to...

1
Chipchase 23.11.17 11:05am
Titus
Reader's Digest finally enters porn market

The American publishing giant is to issue abridged versions of porn videos in the easy to digest format that is the company's hallmark. "We're aiming at the busy client who doesn't have time to...

0
sydalg 23.11.17 10:37am
sydalg
Abominable Coalman located from carbon footprint 0
DavidH 23.11.17 10:33am
DavidH
Man limbers up for 2 months bullshitting about Ashes

A Retford man was said to be as ready as he could be for the forthcoming Ashes series, despite having a very limited grasp about even quite basic cricketing concepts, it was confirmed today. Peter...

4
chrisf 23.11.17 9:31am
Midfield Diamond
Britain’s Schoolboy Union demands the return of “Wankie” to Geography lessons.

One for the 37+ers...

3
UrNikko1965 23.11.17 9:30am
umfuli
Chancellor raises Personal Allowance to street value of £11,850 0
DavidH 23.11.17 8:36am
DavidH
First-time buyers to get stimulus package in Budget sex-trade boost 0
DavidH 23.11.17 8:35am
DavidH
Christmas Market Added Tax raised to 300% 0
DavidH 23.11.17 8:35am
DavidH
Automated checkouts to cheer up the elderly by being more chatty

In an effort to make shopping less miserable for older people, automatic till systems are to become more friendly and welcoming in their interactions. The initiative follows a survey which indicates...

4
Midfield Diamond 23.11.17 8:34am
DavidH
Top Tories to star in remake of The Singing Ringing Tree

The beleaguered Tory Party is believed to be working with HBO to produce a remake of the iconic 1970s weird TV serial, The Singing Ringing Tree. Retitled,The Magic Money Tree, it will see Theresa...

3
Chipchase 22.11.17 10:37pm
FlashArry
National Union of Gentlemen of the Road to strike after White Cider Tax hike. 0
dominic_mcg 22.11.17 9:28pm
dominic_mcg
Boris 'goes ape shit' over white cider tax

Boris Johnson has flown into a violent rage after discovering that chancellor Richard Hammond has increased tax on his secret weapon. By being half-cut at all times, Boris comes across as jovial,...

0
Newscat 22.11.17 8:57pm
Newscat
Isle of Wight council to trial passengerless cars by 2025. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 22.11.17 7:28pm
dominic_mcg
Clamour growing for removal of Stanley Johnson from this year's I'm a Celebrity

Hot on the heels of Internet 'vlogging sensation', Jack Maynard, being removed from this year's I'm a Celebrity jungle camp, for previous homophobic and racist tweets, calls are growing for Stanley...

0
Chipchase 22.11.17 6:39pm
Chipchase
Chancellor Aims To Reduce Rough Sleeping By Increasing Tax On White Cider 0
Titus 22.11.17 6:21pm
Titus
New Tesla Roadster Can Reach 60 Mph '2.1 Seconds Before It Even Starts To Move'

It will also have a range of 620 miles, which will enable potential buyers to reach the end of the queue without having to refuel on the way. Elon Musk has also announced the launch of a new...

0
Titus 22.11.17 5:57pm
Titus
UN tribunal finds Phil Collins guilty of Genesis 0
cinquecento 22.11.17 5:15pm
cinquecento