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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Warren Beatty hired to announce Labour's results in next election. 0
Maverick 27.02.17 6:13pm
Wrong campaign announced as winner of EU referendum

In an embarrassing mix-up, the Electoral Commission has confirmed that Remain actually won the EU referendum after the wrong name was announced on the night. Jenny Watson, chief counting officer for...

The Paper Ostrich 27.02.17 6:11pm
Pentagon to make code word for nuclear annihilation 141 characters long 0
Bogbrush 27.02.17 5:06pm
Scientists infer 8 Lib Dems from careful observation

Something about telescopes, laboratory conditions, time dilation...

Iroquois Pliskin 27.02.17 4:48pm
government claims welfare safety net still strong, 'just smaller'

With a decision to exclude 'namby-pamby' welfare claimants who 'just need their bumps straightening' the government has denied it's failing those with mental health problems. 'It's not like we're...

throngsman 27.02.17 4:47pm
Physics teacher admits pupils with iphone 7 not that impressed by pinhole camera 0
Bogbrush 27.02.17 4:38pm
Beckham in bid to oust Clarke as next ‘Father of the House’

With the sad death of 86 year old Labour MP Gerald Kaufman today, the title of ‘Father of the House’ was thought to be passing to veteran Tory MP Ken Clarke. However, it emerged from leaked...

poopscooper 27.02.17 4:21pm
Warren Beatty looking to do more comedy

Hollywood heart-throb Warren Beatty has revealed that he would be happy to entertain leading comedy roles, including 'Stand-Up' sets, after wowing the audience at the 2017 Oscars Ceremony with his...

Underconstruction 27.02.17 4:16pm
Scientists claim Mountain Rescue teams "ineffectual" at saving mountains

Noting that the Earth is at the end of an interglacial period that has seen the creation of many major mountains such as Mount Everest, named after the double glazing company, Mount Snowden, named...

throngsman 27.02.17 4:07pm
Mick's up at Irish Film Awards 0
Underconstruction 27.02.17 3:50pm
Beardocalypse: millions ‘in peril’

The Department of Hair has revealed that the concentration of beards in the British population is approaching critical mass, creating a ‘singularity’ which could wipe out the reproductive...

deceangli 27.02.17 2:47pm
Calls For Enquiry Into Repeated Abuse Of Child Abuse Enquiry Chairwomen 0
Titus 27.02.17 2:21pm
Daesh Quietly Declares US A Caliphate While Everyone Obsesses Over Oscar Cockup 0
Titus 27.02.17 2:20pm
‘Stubborn stain’ just principled

A particularly tenacious furniture stain has refused to change in the face of irrefutable scientific evidence – sticking to the belief that prisons work, global warming is a myth and everything is...

Wrenfoe 27.02.17 1:41pm
Man who lost to Ed Miliband, now an expert on winning

With the sage advice of someone with his 'd$ck caught in his zipper', David Miliband has stepped forward to advise the Labour Party, he abandoned, on where they are going astray. Mr. Miliband was at...

Wrenfoe 27.02.17 11:26am
La La Land confirmed as winner of Stoke by-election

La La Land confirmed as winner of Stoke by-election...

Duncan Biscuit 27.02.17 11:22am
Iroquois Pliskin
New Oscars category - Best Performance of "No, I'm glad the other guys won"

Following the debacle at the 2017 Oscars ceremony, with La La Land mistakenly being awarded Best Picture before it emerged that Moonlight had actually won, it has been decided that future ceremonies...

YaBasta 27.02.17 10:45am
Corbyn says he'd fall on his sword - except for state of NHS

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has said he'd be prepared to fall on his sword - but only if the NHS was in a better state. In a speech to the Scottish Labour Party conference in Perth, Mr Corbyn said...

roybland 27.02.17 9:39am
Nuttall pledge to have 'six more goes' at becoming an MP

UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has promised his party that he is set to have six more attempts at becoming an MP. 'Following in the footsteps of Nigel,' Mr Nuttall told supporters,' I'm up for six more...

roybland 27.02.17 9:31am
Concern among women as man flu crosses the species barrier 1
Smart Alex 27.02.17 9:29am
Corbyn urges party to embrace Nokia 3310 future

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has urged party faithful to embrace a 'Nokia 3310' future. In a rousing speech yesterday to the Scottish Labour Party Conference in Perth, he said that just as Nokia...

roybland 27.02.17 9:22am
Nokia Announce Brilliant New Phone 'With Cord, So You Can't Lose It' 0
Titus 27.02.17 8:58am
Swimming pool turd insists he is not to blame for humiliating defeat

A turd found floating in a swimming pool in Cumbria insists he is not to blame for turning people away from swimming in the pool. The 67 year old turd said he was disappointed with the negative...

Gerontius 27.02.17 8:43am
Woman paid $90 to kill Kim Jong-nam makes North Korean rich list. More soon. 2
dominic_mcg 27.02.17 8:41am
New series of Ant and Dec's takeaway puts the turd back into Saturdays 2
Smart Alex 27.02.17 8:40am
New DNA evidence confirms that Marley did, in fact, shoot deputy.

A breakthrough in forensic science has enabled Trenchtown CID to finally solve the decade’s long mystery over who shot the deputy. Flamboyant calypso singer, Bob Marley, was jailed in 1973 for...

poopscooper 27.02.17 8:38am
Couple plan 'holiday of a lifetime' outside their car

With Spring in the air, Brenda (68) and Bert (69) Simmons are preparing for what will be for them the holiday of a lifetime. 'We usually get in the car and drive down to the beach car park,'...

roybland 27.02.17 8:36am
Oscar Ceremony Wins 'Best Script' Award With Brilliant Plot Twist

More and more and more for ever, on this one. Such as 'Oscar Judges Confirm Victories For Trump, Brexit, Corbyn and Nuttall' or 'Greece Bails Out German Economy After Audit By PwC'...

Titus 27.02.17 8:35am
Corbyn 'emotional' as tragic Kaufman death offers 100% unloseable by election 0
cinquecento 27.02.17 8:35am
Aardman's 'The Wrong Film' wins oscar. 0
No Beard 27.02.17 8:04am
No Beard