The NewsBiscuit Writers' Room
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Everything on these pages has been submitted by readers of the site and appears here unedited. Potential front page stories as well as one-liners for the ticker bar are welcome, so if you would like to write for NewsBiscuit please post your article on this submission board and then attempt to give yourself maximum votes over and over again. The most prolific and successful contributors will be considered for the coveted title of 'Writer of the Month'.
Check the following links for info: Guidelines for writers, Writer of the Month, Help with posting.
| Topic — Add New » | Comments | Votes | Author | Last Comment |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room | 0 | Nice Admin Lady | 02.12.13 11:19pm Nice Admin Lady |
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| Man briefly thinks 'oh, FFS' when hearing about Charlie Gard A Shropshire man was today in hiding after finding himself spontaneously thinking 'oh for fuck's sake' when hearing a news item about the plight of little Charlie Gard. The momentary thought, no... |
8 |  |
Bravenewmalden | 26.07.17 4:44pm Al OPecia |
| Student describes Pesto as ‘transformative’ Martin Cabrera, 20, has declared himself the ‘new Jamie Oliver’, having found out that Pesto is more than just a mysterious jar hidden behind some out-of-date kidney beans. Martin further wowed... |
0 | |
Wrenfoe | 26.07.17 4:34pm Wrenfoe |
| LGBTQ doesn't stand for Let's Get Bombing Those Quranists, concedes Trump. | 0 | |
dominic_mcg | 26.07.17 4:28pm dominic_mcg |
| Britain To Go Back To Horse And Cart From 2040 The Government today announced ambitious plans to ban modern road transport and go back to the horse and cart by 2040. With average driving speeds in London down to just 7 inches a minute, motorways... |
0 | |
daneade | 26.07.17 4:04pm daneade |
| Danish police arrest ‘mad Prince Hamlet’ in double murder mystery It was the mystery that had everything: love, intrigue, murder, insanity and feuding, all at the highest levels of society. Now, all of Europe is stunned to learn that police in Elsinore have... |
0 | |
Oxbridge | 26.07.17 3:48pm Oxbridge |
| BMW to build Flintstone cars at Oxford plant. A fully human powered version of the world famous Mini is to be built at the BMW plant in Oxford., A spokeswoman for BMW, Hannah Barbera, said that this will not be a brand new car, but a redesigned... |
0 | |
dominic_mcg | 26.07.17 3:44pm dominic_mcg |
| London Cocaine Dealers Announce Post-Brexit Frankfurt Move. In a move that sent shockwaves through the City of London, and bankers lunging for their speed-dials, London’s ‘Big 5’ cocaine dealing groups announced they had chosen Frankfurt as their new... |
0 | |
daneade | 26.07.17 3:37pm daneade |
| Mike Ashley to hold future business meetings on a Corsair just off Hispaniola | 0 | |
DavidH | 26.07.17 3:15pm DavidH |
| Low sperm counts trigger the quarter-hourly 'milking' of Jagger and Rees-Mogg I'll leave you with that image... |
4 | |
DavidH | 26.07.17 3:13pm Wrenfoe |
| LA trader arrested for importing 'Snake and Onion' crisps without onion | 0 | |
DavidH | 26.07.17 2:57pm DavidH |
| Trump compromises and sends all transgender troops to Syria. More soon. | 0 | |
dominic_mcg | 26.07.17 2:23pm dominic_mcg |
| 1,299,999 US military personnel apply for gender reassignment | 0 | |
DavidH | 26.07.17 2:11pm DavidH |
| 'No red carpet for Trump' warns Mayor of Wolverhampton The Mayor of Wolverhampton has warned that should Donald Trump’s State visit to the UK include a detour to Wolverhampton, he will not get any red-carpet treatment. Speaking from his Civic Hall... |
1 | |
Dick Everyman | 26.07.17 2:10pm Oxbridge |
| Liam Fox throws up in pub fireplace Following Sports Direct boss Mike Ashleigh’s drinking escapade and subsequent high court victory, Liam Fox has decided to follow suit by vomiting into the fireplace of The Golden Ball Public House... |
0 | |
Landfill | 26.07.17 11:44am Landfill |
| Woman Briefly Appears to Have a Moustache Again Local dental hygienist Wendy Bennett spent a solid thirteen seconds under an unfortunate lighting arrangement which created the firm impression she had a thin moustache. Bennett, who is naturally... |
0 | |
No Refunds | 26.07.17 10:54am No Refunds |
| Theresa May pledges not to mock the Gordon Brownies at Girl Guides' Jambouree | 0 | |
Dick Everyman | 26.07.17 10:24am Dick Everyman |
| Desperate suicidal woman pulled back from brink by 'U Ok hun?' facebook message. | 0 | |
NotNowCato | 26.07.17 10:08am NotNowCato |
| National Dental Association reveal all toothpastes are exactly the same product The National Dental Association have revealed that all toothpastes are exactly the same paste, just sometimes coloured differently. In a series of revelations, Dentists have said the best advice for... |
3 | |
richmitch | 26.07.17 9:12am Oxbridge |
| John Gummer volunteers his grandchildren to eat chlorinated chicken. More soon. | 4 | |
dominic_mcg | 26.07.17 9:09am Oxbridge |
| Student debt is ‘character building’ According to the tabloids, owing £90,000 before you have left home now tops Maslow's hierarchy of needs – just above feeling bloated, spam email and hangnail. University students need to stop... |
7 | |
Wrenfoe | 26.07.17 9:08am Oxbridge |
| Test card girl paid less than male clown toy. | 10 | |
JETFAB | 26.07.17 9:07am Oxbridge |
| Southern Rail release hostages after receiving 71% approval ratings Hundreds of people who have been held hostage on the Brighton line for the last three months are to be released after friends and relatives agreed to give some positive reviews on their service. ... |
2 | |
apepper | 26.07.17 9:05am Oxbridge |
| Electric cars: concerns about whether flexes will be long enough | 0 | |
maxine jones | 26.07.17 8:45am maxine jones |
| Transfer spending dangerous, says man who has spent billions Spendthrift football manager Jose Mourinho has come out fighting today, branding football transfer spending as ‘dangerous’ and ‘unsustainable’. Mr Mourinho, known for his frugality in the... |
0 | |
MarkMaguire_ | 26.07.17 8:44am MarkMaguire_ |
| Surge in sales of ride-on petrol lawnmowers predicted | 0 | |
maxine jones | 26.07.17 8:43am maxine jones |
| Sperm count study 'reached premature conclusion' ..more to come... |
0 | |
cinquecento | 26.07.17 7:06am cinquecento |
| Government announces plans to reduce UK male sperm count to zero by 2040. "This will have major benefits for the environment", claimed Michael Gove... |
0 | |
Mick Turate | 26.07.17 6:28am Mick Turate |
| Women who don't eat breakfast more likely to die unmarried claims cereal giant The world's leading producers of breakfast cereal have revealed that young women and girls who don't have at least one bowl of their product each morning will almost certainly be left on the shelf... |
0 | |
Jonny Shlep | 26.07.17 4:27am Jonny Shlep |
| From 2040 all new UK vehicles to be pulled by Icelandic strongmen | 0 | |
DavidH | 26.07.17 12:16am DavidH |
| BMW buy Oxford and move it to Germany More to follow... |
0 | |
apepper | 25.07.17 11:23pm apepper |
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