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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Hillary Clinton announces "a lorra lorra laffs" if she's elected president.

She will also see about sorting out Donald trump with a blind date, which she will reveal with her trademark "Surprise surprise!"...

Prime Mover 29.07.16 9:50pm
Prime Mover
Australian asks girlfriend 'Did the Earth move for you?'

More tectonic shifts soon...

Smart Alex 29.07.16 9:09pm
Smart Alex
Scooby Doo to be re-named Scooby Does everywhere other than Norfolk 0
Underconstruction 29.07.16 9:00pm
Hinkley Point to be fueled by presidental assassination attempts 0
Adrian Bamforth 29.07.16 8:40pm
Adrian Bamforth
Hordes of asylum seekers at Japanese embassy claim persecution, ball attacks

The Japanese asylum seekers claim to have been subjected to repeated incidents of persecution by individuals with smartphones as well as attacks and subsequent imprisonment in red and grey coloured...

dwolleba 29.07.16 8:13pm
Pope leaves 3 star review for Auschwitz visit ("a bit of a downer")

More to follow...

apepper 29.07.16 7:28pm
‘Several large potholes’ found in Rio Olympic velodrome cycling track

“This is wheely unacceptable” said a spokesperson “we just seem to be going round in circles with one disaster after another. After gearing up for this for four years we are now having to put...

farmer giles 29.07.16 6:55pm
Nothing as good as it used to be, says report

Everything is now shit and isn't half as good as it was before, everyone over the age of 30 has confirmed. 'It's a world gone mad" said builder, Darren Haines. 'When I was young, packets of football...

thatwasbeast 29.07.16 4:34pm
Teenage hacker ‘passes Donald Trump’s tax returns to President Obama’

The hacker, who is believed to be Mexican, also passed Hillary Clinton’s ‘missing’ 33,000 emails to Donald Trump. “Hey, I like Mexicans now! Burritos and fajitas all round! Did I ever tell...

farmer giles 29.07.16 4:00pm
farmer giles
Lloyds Bank rejected by Horses

As news breaks of yet more questionable moves from the Lloyds Banking Group, Horses everywhere are worried that their good reputation which they have worked so long and so hard to protect is being...

Jodster 29.07.16 3:58pm
Greendale no longer has its own postman, Royal Mail confirm

no more post soon No more post or cats soon...

Not Amused 29.07.16 3:20pm
Not Amused
Anarchy “gone too far”, say ‘redundant’ anarchists

After recent political turmoil, anarchists are calling for calm to address concerns that they’ve become superfluous. “Without us lifting a finger the Party leaders are gone, the economy is in...

Benvoleo 29.07.16 2:48pm
Sir Lupus
Delay of Hinckley Point electricity deal was a 'lightbulb moment', says May 0
Loundshay 29.07.16 2:14pm
So-called Islamic State commits so-called murder of so-called innocent victim

Apparently the BBC believes that prefacing any lie, deception or untruth with the words 'so-called' makes it acceptable. 'We know that so-called Islamic State is desperate to acquire the status and...

sockpuppet 29.07.16 1:29pm
Scooby Doo team expose climate change tricksters

A two-man, two-woman, one-Great Dane team of young Americans has exposed the belief that the Earth’s climate is growing warmer as a result of man-made emissions of greenhouse gases, thus...

Oxbridge 29.07.16 1:03pm
UK unclear energy policy 'confused'.

Hat tip to dominic_mcg ...

sockpuppet 29.07.16 12:57pm
So-called Islamic State ‘just about ready for a break now’

With the school holidays in full swing IS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi today declared himself ‘just about ready for a break now. Speaking from his office in downtown Aleppo, al-Baghdadi said:...

Mandy Lifeboat 29.07.16 12:22pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Husband's 'Ain’t No Sunshine When She's Gone' vow upsets double negative pedant

A seemingly innocuous attempt to participate in the popular ‘7 day song challenge’ went badly wrong for Telford hand-drier sales rep Steve Vickers yesterday, after his wife, Samantha, stumbled...

chrisf 29.07.16 11:42am
Vishnu accused of starting arms race. More soon? 0
Maverick 29.07.16 11:40am
Heaven running out of virgins, God tells IS. More soon. 2
dominic_mcg 29.07.16 11:37am
Nuclear protesters told to 'get a half-life' 1
Underconstruction 29.07.16 11:35am
Australia to move closer to Britain following Brexit

(More-or-less TrueBiscuit) 'The Geocentric Datum of Australia, the country's local co-ordinate system, was last updated in 1994. Since then, Australia...

sockpuppet 29.07.16 11:31am
Neighbour's concern for Mrs Mangel as milk is left on doorstep 0
Underconstruction 29.07.16 11:21am
Groundhog sees shadow and warns of driverlesss political party jokes 0
Underconstruction 29.07.16 11:09am
UK nuclear plant deal, not new or clear. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 29.07.16 10:49am
Taking drugs to become an Olympic event 0
Dun Dunkin 29.07.16 9:10am
Dun Dunkin
Republicans & Democrats both adopt slogan 'Trump knows nothing about politics' 0
sockpuppet 29.07.16 9:03am
Alcohol ban at airports ‘just for passengers’ promise airlines

Alcohol ban at airports ‘just for passengers’ promise airlines, Airlines have been quick to stress that any alcohol ban imposed at UK airports would be for passengers only and would not include...

Gerontius 29.07.16 8:14am
Labour to trial driverless political party 7
Underconstruction 29.07.16 8:10am
Third Heathrow runway found already built, but hidden in the long grass 0
sockpuppet 29.07.16 8:06am