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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 1 year
'So we've made a few mistakes,' say German psychologists 2
Renrag 52 minutes

'Doesn't everybody?'...

Election manifestos released in unbranded packs with graphic health warnings 0
cinquecento 1 hour
Pro-Clarkson hackers threaten to stop BBC by bringing down Astra satellite. 0
deskpilot3 1 hour

By firing a Corsa at it...

Sexual Offence waiting times at Oxford A&E set to increase say NHS 0
throngsman 1 hour
Suicide bomber ‘disappointed’ by post-martyrdom virgin provision... 2
Nomad 2 hours

Abdul was just 17 when he turned himself into a human bomb in a crowded marketplace. He was defending Islam against the infidels - the law of averages suggesting there might indeed be infidels...

UKIP pledge to restore Marathon and Opal Fruits 21
bonjonelson 2 hours

The UKIP Election Manifesto has pledged to restore the British Marathon and Opal Fruit brands as part of their campaign to reverse what they call a "foreign conspiracy [to] rebrand all our beloved...

Commuter turf war erupts as suitcase draggers clash with Coffee Cup spillers 8
ronseal 2 hours

A bitter turf war could erupt on London's train platforms, as tensions rise between rival factions. London's commuter network is a brutal rat race, and travellers have to join gangs in order to...

Pistorius hired as consultant on cockpit safety procedure 2
Underconstruction 2 hours
Green Party urge Britons to vote Labour to ensure Katie Hopkins leaves country 11
Philip Kendall 4 hours

The Green Party's Natalie Bennett has urged her supporters to vote Labour in the coming election following former reality TV star and professional hate-pedlar Katie Hopkins' announcement that she...

Blair named as Middle-England Peace Envoy in ongoing Clarkson row 8
Squudge 5 hours

The government confirmed today that Tony Blair is to take on the weighty responsibility as mediator in the Clarkson Crisis before the UK descends into all-out civil war. Supermarket shelves are...

Police admit: "We failed to stop pilot's plot to move Clarkson off front page" 0
sydalg 5 hours
Sex offenders hit hard by minors' strike 0
sydalg 5 hours
Ryanair launch cheaper Single- Pilot flights - "odds on you'll get there" 0
maxey 6 hours
Mafia hitman over-reacts when told to 'take the dog out'... 1
Nomad 6 hours
Fox News blames muslims after hearing UK parliament has been 'dissolved'. 0
Bravenewmalden 6 hours

Chief Fox News Reporter writes: First they destroyed the World Trade Centre using aircraft. Now it seems the evildoers of Muslim lands have used a cocktail of obnoxious chemicals to physically...

Gene for gullibility discovered… 0
Nomad 6 hours
Heinz and Kraft merge to make some kind of 'pink sludge'‏ 0
Wrenfoe 6 hours

In becoming the world’s third-largest food company, Heinz/Kraft have set their goal on developing ‘an unsightly but delicious blend of tomato and processed cheese’. Kraft shares have soared by...

Mogadishu School of Gynaecology 'making extensive cuts' 0
pere floza 7 hours
Katie Hopkins to leave UK if Labour wins; Cameron concedes defeat 0
Oxbridge 7 hours
Zayn leaves 1D to persue career as Scrabble word 1
apepper 7 hours

More to follow...

Self employed man to ask himself to reapply for his job on zero hours contract 0
ronseal 8 hours

After reading an impressive article in Fortune magazine, Barry Shrimpton has decided to make drastic changes at work. Inspired by the advice of Todd J Hoffman III, the global marketing evangelist...

Confused audience walks out of Opera in middle as Fat lady was singing 5
ronseal 8 hours
As Election Approaches Cameron Seeks To Bolster Rights For Squatters 0
One Man And His Laptop 8 hours
3 blind mice, GM trial halted 1
throngsman 8 hours
Election To Be decided By which Party brings Back Clarkson. 0
Dun Dunkin 9 hours
Advert! Why not enter a medically induced coma for the next six weeks... 0
deskpilot3 18 hours

and miss the whole dreadful election campaign in its entirety. And get Nectar points!...

Job ad - come and "work" for us in the Public Sector! 2
Simon Pinkerton 19 hours

Your local council has a number of employment opportunities, so why not apply today? It will be six months before you hear anything anyway, so what is there to lose? Why should you choose a position...

Met Office predicts storm of 'Death of Laddism" articles as Loaded & Top Gear 4
ronseal 20 hours

The closure of a lad mag and the demise of a car programme could cause the conditions for a perfect media storm, warn the Met Office. Social climate change experts have warned certain men to stay...

Hate filled luvvies want man sacked from programme they don't have to watch - 23 84
ronseal 20 hours
Captain Slow too late to assassinate Clarkson. 0
Crayon 23 hours

A top-secret file leaked from the BBC has revealed that amiable but bumbling WWII lady-boy and undercover Top Gear presenter James May botched and fluffed his way through a long-running series of...