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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Political parties to implement ‘sniff test’ to see if they’ve gone off

Use-by dates on political parties could be scrapped in a bid to stop people throwing away their votes says the Voters Standards Agency., Millions of votes are wasted every year on parties that have...

Gerontius 28.02.17 8:15am
Christianity Abolished After Pontius Pilate Admits He Opened Wrong Envelope 0
Titus 28.02.17 8:14am
Police thought tasered pensioner had a 'mobile missile launcher'

85 year old pensioner Ivy Grimshaw was tasered by Manchester police earlier today as she left the Arndale Centre. A spokesman said that the police unit had mistaken Mrs Grimshaw's walking frame for a...

poopscooper 28.02.17 6:43am
Nokia releases new pager, IBM releases new golf ball typewriter. 0
Maverick 27.02.17 11:48pm
Beardocalypse: millions ‘in peril’

The Department of Hair has revealed that the concentration of beards in the British population is approaching critical mass, creating a ‘singularity’ which could wipe out the reproductive...

deceangli 27.02.17 10:16pm
Price Waterhouse Coopers not getting the kind of publicity they were hoping for.

More crass incompetence soon...

deskpilot3 27.02.17 9:36pm
Nokia to bring back the K4 phone box.

Unbelievable battery life,but could do better on portability...

deskpilot3 27.02.17 9:35pm
Hamilton fastest on drive to work on first day of new Formula 1 season

Louis Hamilton left his house at 7:30 am and arrived at work at the Mercedes garage today a full hour before Valeri Bottass who was unable to start his new BMW until 8:00 am. Commentators wondered...

Bogbrush 27.02.17 8:28pm
IRB to change rugby laws to make sure England beat Italy by 70 points next time 0
Bogbrush 27.02.17 8:21pm
Scientists claim Mountain Rescue teams "ineffectual" at saving mountains

Noting that the Earth is at the end of an interglacial period that has seen the creation of many major mountains such as Mount Everest, named after the double glazing company, Mount Snowden, named...

throngsman 27.02.17 8:14pm
Pentagon to make code word for nuclear annihilation 141 characters long 2
Bogbrush 27.02.17 7:53pm
Cambridge Five
Warren Beatty hired to announce Labour's results in next election. 0
Maverick 27.02.17 6:13pm
Wrong campaign announced as winner of EU referendum

In an embarrassing mix-up, the Electoral Commission has confirmed that Remain actually won the EU referendum after the wrong name was announced on the night. Jenny Watson, chief counting officer for...

The Paper Ostrich 27.02.17 6:11pm
Scientists infer 8 Lib Dems from careful observation

Something about telescopes, laboratory conditions, time dilation...

Iroquois Pliskin 27.02.17 4:48pm
government claims welfare safety net still strong, 'just smaller'

With a decision to exclude 'namby-pamby' welfare claimants who 'just need their bumps straightening' the government has denied it's failing those with mental health problems. 'It's not like we're...

throngsman 27.02.17 4:47pm
Physics teacher admits pupils with iphone 7 not that impressed by pinhole camera 0
Bogbrush 27.02.17 4:38pm
Beckham in bid to oust Clarke as next ‘Father of the House’

With the sad death of 86 year old Labour MP Gerald Kaufman today, the title of ‘Father of the House’ was thought to be passing to veteran Tory MP Ken Clarke. However, it emerged from leaked...

poopscooper 27.02.17 4:21pm
Warren Beatty looking to do more comedy

Hollywood heart-throb Warren Beatty has revealed that he would be happy to entertain leading comedy roles, including 'Stand-Up' sets, after wowing the audience at the 2017 Oscars Ceremony with his...

Underconstruction 27.02.17 4:16pm
Mick's up at Irish Film Awards 0
Underconstruction 27.02.17 3:50pm
Calls For Enquiry Into Repeated Abuse Of Child Abuse Enquiry Chairwomen 0
Titus 27.02.17 2:21pm
Daesh Quietly Declares US A Caliphate While Everyone Obsesses Over Oscar Cockup 0
Titus 27.02.17 2:20pm
‘Stubborn stain’ just principled

A particularly tenacious furniture stain has refused to change in the face of irrefutable scientific evidence – sticking to the belief that prisons work, global warming is a myth and everything is...

Wrenfoe 27.02.17 1:41pm
Man who lost to Ed Miliband, now an expert on winning

With the sage advice of someone with his 'd$ck caught in his zipper', David Miliband has stepped forward to advise the Labour Party, he abandoned, on where they are going astray. Mr. Miliband was at...

Wrenfoe 27.02.17 11:26am
La La Land confirmed as winner of Stoke by-election

La La Land confirmed as winner of Stoke by-election...

Duncan Biscuit 27.02.17 11:22am
Iroquois Pliskin
New Oscars category - Best Performance of "No, I'm glad the other guys won"

Following the debacle at the 2017 Oscars ceremony, with La La Land mistakenly being awarded Best Picture before it emerged that Moonlight had actually won, it has been decided that future ceremonies...

YaBasta 27.02.17 10:45am
Corbyn says he'd fall on his sword - except for state of NHS

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has said he'd be prepared to fall on his sword - but only if the NHS was in a better state. In a speech to the Scottish Labour Party conference in Perth, Mr Corbyn said...

roybland 27.02.17 9:39am
Nuttall pledge to have 'six more goes' at becoming an MP

UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has promised his party that he is set to have six more attempts at becoming an MP. 'Following in the footsteps of Nigel,' Mr Nuttall told supporters,' I'm up for six more...

roybland 27.02.17 9:31am
Concern among women as man flu crosses the species barrier 1
Smart Alex 27.02.17 9:29am
Corbyn urges party to embrace Nokia 3310 future

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has urged party faithful to embrace a 'Nokia 3310' future. In a rousing speech yesterday to the Scottish Labour Party Conference in Perth, he said that just as Nokia...

roybland 27.02.17 9:22am
Nokia Announce Brilliant New Phone 'With Cord, So You Can't Lose It' 0
Titus 27.02.17 8:58am