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Husband fails to conceal adoration of University Challenge contestant. 4
Crayon 2 hours

Quiz fanatic Douglas Poulter was in hot water last night after an attractive female University Challenge contenstant left him dumb-struck for several starters for ten. The usually vocal know-it-all...

Brrr - it's turning to autumn, says your wife, still in bloody July 15
Oxbridge 5 hours

There is a bit of an autumn chill in the air, according to your wife, who has chosen the moment to launch you into an annual spiral of depression with uncanny accuracy once again. Your wife has a...

People in Crimewatch reconstructions "just actors", programme makers confirm 1
YaBasta 6 hours

The BBC today issued a statement confirming that the people shown apparently committing crimes in the "reconstructions" segment of its popular Crimewatch series are just actors, performing a...

Tracy Island to relocate to Chigwell 'as result of austerity cuts' 4
throngsman 6 hours

A spokesman for International Rescue, which was taken into government ownership by the last Labour government as it was considered 'too big to fail', has confirmed that it is being 'restructured and...

Thousands of migrants cross channel to vote in labour leadership 4
Dun Dunkin 6 hours
Salmond: ‘Second Bannockburn inevitable’ 2
Wrenfoe 8 hours

In his usual measured, non-inflammatory manner the ex-leader of the Scottish National Party has insisted he will soon retake Stirling Castle and shove a red hot poker ‘up the arse’ of David...

Sewel gives resignation speech in Lords dressed as a hooker. 0
Dun Dunkin 8 hours
Osborne puts on fishnets and visits King's Cross to highlight booming UK economy 0
Crayon 8 hours

[You know, like how he puts on a hard hat or high vis jacket then goes and prats about like a limp dick in front of obliging reporters at some Tory donor's lager factory or in a foreign owned...

Great British Bake Off return will lead to Great British Bugger Off: husbands 0
jp1885 9 hours
Old trouts on mumsnet panting at 'old sea dog' Corbyn 0
Dun Dunkin 10 hours
Man who shot lion 'still a twat with no mates' 1
Dun Dunkin 10 hours
Anne Summers release Lord Sewell push-up range 3
Iroquois Pliskin 10 hours
Norwegian committee announce new award - Nobel Prize for Corruption 1
Max Stars 12 hours

S. Blatter is the sole nominee...

Talking fish asks "Am I my brother's kipper?" 2
sydalg 12 hours
Cameron proud the UK spent 13 times more to bomb Libya than to rebuild it. 5
Dun Dunkin 13 hours

In Syria he wants to do more 'good'...

Super-Calais-Fragile-Logistics-Expats-Are-Attrocious 4
Idiot 13 hours

Maybe a couple of days too late...

Putin suggests Blatter for Nobel Prize. Satan puts forward Sauron for accolade. 0
GagReflex 13 hours
Mirren “bored” by “fascination” with looks. British public fascinated by board. 0
GagReflex 13 hours
Cosby plea to judge: “Can’t we mull this case over a drink?” 0
GagReflex 13 hours
Sewel responds to Sun allegations with contemptuous snort 3
sydalg 14 hours
Dyslexic meteorologists hoping for a better spell of wevver 0
Smart Alex 14 hours
Sewel stars with Bowie/Caitlyn in Vogue "gender agenda" cover story 0
Wrexfan 14 hours
Turkish buffer to be replaced by turkey buffet 2
Wrenfoe 14 hours

Having been criticised with their indiscriminate bombing of Kurdish forces, the Turkish military is to redirect their efforts against IS with a 'devastatingly unpleasant' all-you-can-eat offer....

Lords to be downsized. About 34B. 0
beckfordburger 17 hours
Druglord reveals prison escape was because he 'was missing wheatgrass smoothies' 1
Alexispn 18 hours

In a surprise statement, Mexican druglord Joaquín Guzman today revealed that his recent escape from Altiplano prison was primarily motivated by the the maximum security institution's failure to...

Playdough clean-up enters third week 4
jp1885 18 hours

A team of experts and volunteers at 79 Chillworth Road, Tavistock, are still struggling to cope with a major environmental clean-up, three weeks after a group of children were allowed to play...

Blatter: I'd feel safer if Putin was in charge of NATO 0
tomholder 18 hours
Lord Sewel deeply embarrassed about mismatched bra and pants. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 18 hours
Cameron Castigates Pervy Peer 1
The Saint 20 hours

"Cheap, tawdry and quite frankly a disgrace.", That was the how David Cameron described the revelation that Lord John Buttifant Sewel had been caught in ladies underwear snorting cocaine from the...

Undercover Policing report to be delivered in plain brown envelope. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 21 hours