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Welcome to the NewsBiscuit Writers' Room 0 Nice Admin Lady 02.12.13 11:19pm
Nice Admin Lady
Florence mis-sold extended warranty for The Machine by Currys. 0
MADJEZ 28.07.16 7:55am
MADJEZ
Middle manager jokes about spanking that little bit too often

Colleagues of Rupert Underwood, a 43-year-old systems manager at the Swindon-based online credit processing firm Zentixx, have agreed unanimously that he makes supposedly ironic asides about BDSM far...

4
Oxbridge 28.07.16 7:52am
Oxbridge
Marni Nixon Revealed As Voice Of Tina Turner, Aretha Franklin & Kathleen Ferrier

(She probably wrote this sub as well.) ...

14
Titus 28.07.16 7:52am
Oxbridge
North Korea/UK Free Trade Area will float UK economy post-Brexit

PM Theresa May has put to rest fears of a UK recession with an announcement of lucrative trade deals tabled with “previously overlooked world players”. “It’s not just North Korea,” said...

1
Benvoleo 28.07.16 7:38am
sockpuppet
British satirical website in dramatic hostage-taking attack

Five stars or Titus gets it ...

1
Sockpuppet 28.07.16 7:29am
sockpuppet
Hilary still to endorse Hilary

Democrats have been left guessing which way Hilary Rodham Clinton will cast her vote, given the unpredictable nature of a two horse race; where one of the two horses has already been turned into glue...

2
Wrenfoe 28.07.16 5:50am
Wrexfan
Church outrage as Cops kill pushers and Priests have no drugs to feed the kids 0
marlon bando 27.07.16 9:10pm
marlon bando
So-called Islamic State ‘just about ready for a break now’

With the school holidays in full swing IS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi today declared himself ‘just about ready for a break now. Speaking from his office in downtown Aleppo, al-Baghdadi said:...

0
Mandy Lifeboat 27.07.16 8:58pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Catholic Church vows to make ISIS feel guilty for things it hasn't even done. 0
dominic_mcg 27.07.16 7:22pm
dominic_mcg
Happiness is a mental illness, says Downer

Things are so shit that anyone experiencing happiness must either be clinically insane or a right sadistic bastard, says Dr Harry Downer, Professor of Psychology at the University of Luton. “My...

1
Jodster 27.07.16 6:14pm
sockpuppet
Record-breaking sales of Woman’s Weekly linked to the death of Victoria Wood

Sales of the British magazine Woman’s Weekly hit an all-time high in the second quarter of 2016, a sudden growth spurt which had experts everywhere utterly baffled, that is, until the Sales Data...

1
Jodster 27.07.16 6:04pm
sockpuppet
Russian high jump cheat told to clear his desk

truebiscuit...

0
Gerontius 27.07.16 5:37pm
Gerontius
France sees UK as bigger enemy than ISIS 0
Dun Dunkin 27.07.16 5:33pm
Dun Dunkin
French show western unity by appointing Napoleon as brexit minister 0
Dun Dunkin 27.07.16 5:33pm
Dun Dunkin
Owen Smith is a mown shite, says Countdown Conundrum enthusiast 0
Jodster 27.07.16 4:59pm
Jodster
Middle manager jokes about BDSM ‘that little bit too often’

Colleagues of Rupert Underwood, a 43-year-old systems manager at the Reading-based online order fulfilment firm Zentixx, are demanding that disciplinary action be taken against him. They all agree...

5
Oxbridge 27.07.16 3:36pm
chrisf
Pizza Hut tie up with Manchester City now off the menu suggest executives

A long-planned sponsorship deal between Manchester City and Pizza Hut looked to be increasingly remote today, after new manager Pep Guardiola banned his players from eating pizzas and told them to...

0
chrisf 27.07.16 3:36pm
chrisf
John Hinkley prison release brought forward to coincide with Trump inauguration 4
Adrian Bamforth 27.07.16 3:35pm
Sinnick
Clinton 'as bad as Trump' say people who obviously haven't listened to Trump 0
Oxbridge 27.07.16 3:28pm
Oxbridge
Bathroom scales 'should face perjury charges' say holiday-goers

All bathroom scales are compulsive and vindictive liars, it has been claimed. Scientists from the Institute of 'Are you f*cking kidding my fat-arse?' revealed the results of various polygraph tests...

0
thatwasbeast 27.07.16 2:51pm
thatwasbeast
Dogs protest at minimum wag proposals

It’s a familiar question. ‘How much is that doggie in the window?’ And predictably, that doggie is always identified by its rate of tail waggliness. Now though, Westminster has needled NUDL,...

3
nickb 27.07.16 2:23pm
Wrexfan
Weak leader God faces vote of no confidence after disastrous start to year 0
cinquecento 27.07.16 1:53pm
cinquecento
Brexit Latest: UK constipation sufferers hoping for "free movement" 0
thackaray 27.07.16 1:05pm
thackaray
"Commando" Hillary Clinton shows "crack" in Glass Ceiling; Perverts delighted. 1
thackaray 27.07.16 12:31pm
thackaray
Postman Pat delivers fatwah to Fireman Sam 1
UrNikko1965 27.07.16 10:47am
Sinnick
Black, but not been shot by cops yet? Write for NewsBiscuit while you wait 4
deceangli 27.07.16 10:46am
Sinnick
Kidnappers Tell Bernie Ecclestone 'Pay £28m Or We'll Free Your Mother-In-Law' 3
Titus 27.07.16 10:22am
nickb
Man conquering status anxiety through 5-year hire purchase deal on expensive car

A man is trying to conquer his status anxiety by means of car finance. 36 year-old Paul Denton is worried that he is falling behind his peers, and he hopes that a show of conspicuous purchasing power...

4
jonessgl 27.07.16 10:12am
Yikes
ISIS now a member of the British Franchise Association. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 27.07.16 9:57am
dominic_mcg
Royal Mint announces record profits

After years of printing bank notes and minting coins, the Royal Mint - producer of half the World's coinage, announced today that it has made a record profit this year. In other news, around 100...

2
ionb 27.07.16 8:59am
nickb