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Words of Wisdom for the 21st Century

A procrastinator's job is never done Sticks and stones may break my bones but you are still a cunt Oil is the new god, and money is his profit A bird's bush on the hand is better than a kick in...

0 Psycadelic Squirrel 05.11.11 10:01am
Psycadelic Squirrel
Daily Mail confused as EU to cut bankers' bonuses

Daily Mail journalists have been left in turmoil by the EUs decision to restrict bankers' bonuses. "All we need now is to find out it was the idea of an asylum seeking single mother and our entire...

1 apepper 05.11.11 8:18am
He really does pop up everywhere..

3 Al OPecia 04.11.11 5:58pm
Simulated Mars mission ‘Real’ claim conspiracy theorists. 4 JETFAB 04.11.11 5:48pm
October Writer of the Month - Vertically Challenged Giant

Many congratulations to Vertically Challenged Giant whose story 'Waitrose withdraws 'essential' range after finding poor people in stores' was the most popular in October. VCG also scored four other...

26 editor 04.11.11 10:44am
Today's FP...

"winkles' - really?...

3 dicky37 04.11.11 9:32am
Scottish perverts happy to be called ‘British’ when it suits them...

11 John Ffitch-Rucker 04.11.11 7:11am
Footie-haters...please look away now

Match fixing in cricketwhat about pundit fixing in footie?, Just check out how many times Andy Townsend uses that annoying ‘little bit’ catch phrase of his during the next match.there are people...

8 Gerontius 04.11.11 12:32am
Bad news for batter makers North of the Border... and, they're off!...

12 Al OPecia 03.11.11 10:35pm
The All New Jeni B
Serious scientific research.

Since the pups joined our household I've been inadvertently conducting some research into the relative merits of tabloid and broadsheet newspapers. My findings are: Broadsheets are considerably...

6 The All New Jeni B 03.11.11 10:32pm
The All New Jeni B
"Authorities became suspicious when Mr Sanchez's fingerprints ..

were allegedly found on his death certificate" Fantastic.

1 Al OPecia 03.11.11 3:54pm
Greece sub looking for comments and a headline.

Political speculation in Greece has thrown up a surprise candidate to take over from George Papandreou. 'Euthenia', the ancient Greek Goddess and spirit of prosperity, has emerged as the bookies...

5 dvo4fun 03.11.11 1:09pm
We're all doomed, sorry.

Can't get a grip on this Carbon Balance business, I'm all for saving the planet as that's kind of a good thing long term, but my actions may be jepordizing the entire process., A friend of mine...

4 tedweasel 03.11.11 11:13am
Sometimes they make it too easy.........

I sometimes think those in the news do the hard work for anyone who wants to rib them This Gem a of statement was taken from [url=]this...

5 Perks 03.11.11 9:11am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Late to the party again...

On the off-chance that anyone is interested, I have finally cracked and started a Twitter account. @mrjohnofarrell if you want to find out fascinating information like what the news biscuit editor...

6 editor 03.11.11 8:38am
Writer of the Month - Cocktober. 3 rikkor 02.11.11 1:16pm
Al OPecia
I had a dream...

Martin Luther King can fuck off because the dream I had a few nights ago was much better: I was in the woods with my best mate (was best man at my wedding) and my parents’ old dog. Now, while this...

7 Qoxiivi 02.11.11 12:27pm
How many people on here consider themselves to be 'Aspiring comedy writers'?

As it is suggested NB is for, to provide an outlet for their work. And how many just write stuff for a bit of a laugh? I'm firmly in the second category...

9 Vertically Challenged Giant 02.11.11 9:02am
Funny FP, Perks

missed it before-made me laugh...

1 writinginbsl 02.11.11 8:52am
I wish I could do more with this

The anatomical term for a particular part of the elbow is 'anconeus'. I once wrote a critical article of the Royal College of Veterinary Surgeons maladminstered nurse training programme in a...

1 Ironduke 02.11.11 8:43am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Not even a blimmin' hat tip.


9 wallster 01.11.11 9:05pm
Priceless. The beast with six legs.

[url=]Behold! A six-legged beast![/url] One of the best defences ever surely. "M'lud, I'm certain she was a prostitute when I left the village...

1 Nick McCarr 01.11.11 12:11am
Government forced to act as Australians are stranded in Australia.

The Australian government has been forced to intervene in the Qantas dispute after thousands of Australians were left struggling to leave Australia., Government spokesman Colin Wogglepong stated;,...

0 JETFAB 31.10.11 8:37pm
Help!! - 23

Anyone got any spoof classified ads/Personals?, I've been doing a page for a local charity rag for 12 months but I'm drying up., Rewards available (actually not)...

62 tedweasel 31.10.11 8:15pm
Poundland wins Unesco seat vote

Unesco has granted Poundland a vote. This is seen as the first step towards full recognition as a country. The move has been opposed by 99p Land; "They think they're up market, but 99p Land is...

1 apepper 31.10.11 2:57pm
Al OPecia
"Once you get your head around gay horse sex..."

Not something you hear on Radio 4 every day...

2 Scroat 31.10.11 1:06pm
I have heard the chimes at midnight... - 23

Dear Auntie NewsBiscuit, I am now twenty years older than the youngest of the people who volunteer at my charity bookshop. I am surrounded by perky teenagers who make thirty-four feel like a hundred...

71 shitsu_tonka 31.10.11 6:32am
Fell asleep during Mock The Week last night...

pretty much dozed through Newsnight, but woke up during Burnistoun, then watched Women! (Vous les Femmes) Has anyone else watched it? Comedy sketch show written and performed by French women I...

7 ゴルゴ13 30.10.11 10:55pm
. 2 Dumbnews 30.10.11 10:09pm
Boost to industry as Daily Mail story manufacturing soars

British industry received a boost today when figures showed that the Daily Mail manufactured 120% more stories than last year. "The BBC AD/BC story just ran and ran", said a Mail spokesman, "after...

0 apepper 30.10.11 3:34pm