The old English tradition of Mandy Thursday
Mandy Thursday, also known as the Festival of St. Peter, has been celebrated in England since 1985, when Peter Mandelson was first appointed to a government post. That’s right – over 40 years ago! Mandy comes from the Latin word mandatum , meaning give me all your money. The Holy day is usually celebrated in London by the distribution of Mandy Money. Originally, Mandy Money was given out as special coins by the monarch, but more recently Mandy Money has been handed out as
More Epstein files released to distract from Iran
President Donald Trump is set to release a new tranche of documents from the Epstein files this week to distract the public from the war in Iran, which he initially started to distract the public from the Epstein files. Despite their incriminating nature, including one image allegedly showing the President floating in Epstein's pool on an inflatable banana, it's hoped the latest release will bump the Middle Eastern blunders off the front pages, at least for a few days. Speaki
That was a tough round of Gulf, admits Trump
'I thought I'd go for a round in that Persian Gulf,' Trump told a collection of attentive tee pegs. 'But boy, was it hard. Too many water hazards and sand traps. I gave it my best shot - about 15,000 shots with Tomahawk missiles and such like, but I just ended up getting stuck in the rough. 'I guess I'll have to do what I always do when I'm losing - pick up my ball and walk away, saying I won. I'll put it down on my scorecard as twelve under par. 'From now on, I'll be play
Trump making peace deal with his imaginary Iranian friend
'I've been holding talks with a high level Iranian, the very highest," Donald Trump told worried-looking reporters on the South Lawn of the White House. 'I call him Kebab. He agrees with everything I say, so we'll have a peace deal soon with Iran handing over all its oil and its nuclear fuel and letting me build a casino on the Persian Gulf. 'I'll be calling it the Trump Hormuz, in honour of my great victory there." Iran has said that in the real world no member of its govern
'Hatzolah? I thought it was Hezbollah!' says Netanyahu
Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu apologised today for the destruction of four ambulances in north London. The ambulances belonged to Hatzolah, a voluntary organisation that provides healthcare services for the local Jewish community. Unfortunately, it’s thought the IDF’s intelligence division confused them with Hezbollah. Netanyahu has apologised for the mistake, though he also pointed out that by the standards of IDF precision strikes, hitting London instead of Leba
NewsBiscuit Exclusive: The Trump False Flag Operation before it happens
Predicted to be one of the worst false flag operations in an already packed field of despicable actions, a big, beautiful “terrorist” incident will be manufactured later this year. Codenamed: Operation Justify The War. Expectations are low, and they will be barely met. A newly insured Trump Tower will have a newly insured Trump plane crash into it, really original. Never Forget Trump Tower merchandise will be available the day before in the Trump Store. A load of TrumpCoin wi
Crew of HMS Sitting Duck terrified they'll be sent to Gulf
"The PM's being badgered constantly by Donald Trump to send a warship to the Strait of Hormuz," said Commander John Doomed, skipper of the minesweeper Sitting Duck. "We're all worried that one day soon he'll buckle under the pressure and send us, since we're the only boat on hand in Portsmouth Harbour bigger than a fishing smack. "I shouldn't say this," continued the captain, sailing his vessel under a ladder, "but this has always been an unlucky ship - ever since the day we
Companies offered £3,000 to hire under-24s
The government is offering businesses a cash incentive to hire unemployed youngsters. The aim is to reduce the two million under-24s who are not in education, employment, or training (NEET). ‘It’s a great scheme,’ whooped a government cheerleader. ‘£3,000 is a massive bung. It will cover the extra costs of the minimum wage that we whacked them with at the last budget, and it will cover the extra costs of higher national insurance and lower national insurance thresholds. An
Trump declares that the Strait of Hormuz is "fake news"
"I never heard of it before," Trump told his audience at a rally in Ignoramus, Nebraska. "And none of my golfing buddies or sons in law ever heard anything about this Strait of Hormuz, either - and they're my Middle East experts. "But that might be because they're the kind of experts who shoot their mouths off first and look at maps after. "I hear people are saying that the Iranians has just invented this Hormuz place. They're saying to me: 'Sir, this is the dead Ayatollah s
‘Islambuster’ bouncing bombs set for Hormuz
President Trump is believed to be developing a range of bouncing ‘Islambuster’ bombs that will be used to clear a path through the Strait of Hormuz. His advisors, among them his Secretary of War, ‘Pistol Pete’ Hegseth, say the President got the idea when scrolling through the films on Air Force One. “The President found himself looking at the classics channel,” Hegseth said, “and he started watching The Dam Busters, a film he hadn’t seen since he was a schoolboy. ‘Hey Pete,’
