New plans to 'improve' school for SEN children
As schools struggle to fund staffing, appropriate facilities and resources for the increasing numbers of SEN children in mainstream schools, the Education Secretary has unveiled her latest sensible, well thought out and definitely non discriminatory idea to educationalists.
Autumn budget to pause all national inquiries
Faced with a bad financial situation, the Chancellor is expected to put all National Inquiries on hold for twelve months. This will save loads of money.
Revealed: Horizon computer system runs prisoner releases
"After a thorough investigation into our pathetic tendency to release hundreds of prisoners a year by mistake," a spokes-revolving door for the Prison Service told reporters, "we have narrowed the problem down to our computer system.
Under Reform, only British heroes will count
With the news that the hero who put his life in danger in the Huntington attack is a Muslim Algerian immigrant, Reform Ltd has stated it will have a policy of 'true British heroes only' when they come to power.
Hunt on for alleged sex offender ousted from HMP Royal Lodge
"We issued express orders to staff at Royal Lodge to turf out this inmate and deport him to secure accommodation in our category C Sandringham establishment," said a spokes-sceptre for Buckingham Palace.
Nadine Dorries ‘hasn’t yet realised’ that men only pretended to find her fascinating
Political groupie and Brand Ambassador for vodka Nadine Dorries has decided to have ‘one last fling’ at becoming a Dame. Many thought her political career was over when she announced that she was leaving the House of Commons, though she bravely continued drawing the salary for a year so we wouldn’t feel abandoned.
A and E outsourcing trial 'successful' despite deaths
West Streeting today hailed his new trial of outsourcing of A and E patients as an unqualified success, apart from the deaths and medical complications.
Andrew relaunches career as rock star
In a move aides describe as “possibly even dafter than the Emily Maitlis interview”, the artist formerly known as Prince Andrew has decided to relaunch himself as a rock star.
NATO celebrates victory over Russia - again
Military chiefs have completed quite the contortion by patting themselves on the back while giving themselves a reach around.
No plans to stop giving Royals undeserved honours and titles
"We've stripped Andrew of about 20 titles and honours since 2022, including being Vice-Admiral of the Fleet, Colonel in Chief of several regiments and a member of the Most Honourable Order of the Garter," said a spokes-stooge for Buckingham Palace.
