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A Bad conductor

Button's recent "Incompetent Orchestra" sub reminded me of this joke.. There was once this second-rate orchestra led by a second-rate director. In the orchestra was this guy on the cymbals who...

3 Major Clanger 11.01.12 12:58pm
Ed Milligram

You have to admit, he's a bit of a lightweight...

5 Scroat 11.01.12 10:32am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Quality FP on synchronised swimming, immunis

Many "LOL" moments [last para seems to be right-justified - typo or symbolic ?]...

0 Sinnick 11.01.12 10:24am
Attention All Biscuiteers. If not already done, do read waylands tech savvy sub

for the laugh of the year so far. Honest, I've just read it again...

7 dvo4fun 11.01.12 9:58am
pere floza
What the f*ck is going on? - 2

Why does Anthony Arsehole-Thompson get let off with a caution for shoplifting in my local branch of Tesco? Signs in the store say Shoplifters will be prosecuted. If I pinched a bottle of wine and...

31 Scroat 10.01.12 5:30pm
High speed rail link to cost £16.4billion (£28billion first class)

More rail fares to follow...

0 apepper 10.01.12 3:44pm
ill give this a miss

2 godly1966 10.01.12 8:49am
Son of Barnabas
Happy Birthday Steven Hawkin

Now here's a funny thing. Hawking was "too ill" to attend a symposium to celebrate his 70th birthday so a recorded message was played instead. Does anyone else see a slight edge of irony in this?,...

9 beau-jolly 10.01.12 8:45am
Son of Barnabas

Whoops I have just accidently clicked on a banner add and purchased three Filipino women, I’ve only just sent back two Chinese women I accidently bought before Christmas the postage was a fortune...

3 godly1966 09.01.12 11:38pm
Does anyone else get the giggles from this Evening Standard headline...?

"Sex shop boss: Licences are a strain on our bottom line"...

0 kimllfixit 09.01.12 2:46pm
Clowns trying to find alternative employment

I can picture in my head a sitcom/film/sketch where a clown who never takes his costume off is trying to find a new job, or just going about every day activities. But I can't think where it was from...

9 Vertically Challenged Giant 09.01.12 8:29am
Honda hybrid vehicle

The new Honda hybrid is getting a lot of advertising on telly at the minute, but I'm not sure it's that practical. For starters, while the new fuel is carbon neutral, it can be hard to get hold of...

4 08.01.12 11:17pm
Football: Liverpool to consider appeal against verdicts in Stephen Lawrence case

Spokesman: The authorities appear to have completely ignored Lawrence's own role in the case and the verdicts seem to have been based purely on the evidence presented in court. Would you like a...

0 Gnome 08.01.12 12:59pm
Cameron opens mouth and inserts foot

One day he's going to say something shocking about Jews, I just know it. [url=]Dingus[/url]...

1 shitsu_tonka 08.01.12 7:37am
FP, both NiBs, and the first line of the ticker

Any chance of putting my first ever FP up as an archive one too so I can have the set?? Then I'll take a screenshot of the page and piss off for a bit to actually get some work done...

6 Vertically Challenged Giant 07.01.12 9:50pm
Well I never...

A pornographer named Peacock. What are the chances?,

1 John Ffitch-Rucker 07.01.12 6:47pm
Oi Rikkor, whither Iowa?

As I've said before all my other US friends are hikers who a) stopped noticing politics around the mid-eighties and b) would vote for T.R Roosevelt every time on the grounds he seems real outdoorsy....

6 shitsu_tonka 06.01.12 11:54pm
great FP, nickb!

Great idea, missed it completely first time round...

1 06.01.12 10:00pm
Yorkshire joke.

A man from Barnsley suffered with piles. He went to Boots and asked ‘do you sell arse cream?’, “Aye", said the assistant, “Magnum or Cornetto?”...

9 John Ffitch-Rucker 06.01.12 5:02pm
Al OPecia
The Fun Family Game that Whites Just Love to Play!

5 thisisall1word 05.01.12 9:27pm
The All New Jeni B

[url=]Eating pussy can be dangerous[/url]...

1 Sinnick 05.01.12 5:44pm
Sex and good grammar

Got this in my emails this morning and thought I'd share it. Sex And Good Grammar For all my grammatically correct friends. On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife., The...

1 Major Clanger 05.01.12 3:43pm
Midfield Diamond
I see the Met Office have issued an amber weather warning due to high winds.

Have I missed out on some national meteorological education programme? Should I (e.g.) take my roof down and store it somewhere?...

6 dvo4fun 05.01.12 12:32am
Police station thefts 'astonishing' "Greater Manchester Police was the worst hit, with thieves taking a £10,000 patrol car and £30,000 private vehicle. Among the more unusual stolen items were...

2 simonjmr 05.01.12 12:20am
Happy New Year Biscuit Barrel

I hope you are all painting your towns red, or whatever else befits your political allegiance. I have been in my pyjamas since 6.30pm, which is indicative of the wild NYE awaiting me. Ooooh,...

19 Mary Evans 04.01.12 1:48pm
Son of Barnabas
I`ve found christwire

[url=]Here.[/url] I dont think I would have twigged right off that it was a parody if I hadnt known from the redirect so nicely done is the satire. Hilariously, most of the...

0 the coarse whisperer 04.01.12 12:39pm
the coarse whisperer
am I the only one disappointed by the NB 'fish4dogs' banner ad..

.. which I assumed was promising a novel sporting activity...

0 cinquecento 03.01.12 12:41pm
I have an obnoxious braggart for a father-in-law.

please could you share your best tips for pissing him off? Believe me, the 'BMW erectile dysfunction' story was a great start...

26 Ironduke 03.01.12 12:13am
the coarse whisperer

How's your head?...

1 dvo4fun 02.01.12 7:13pm
Festive drinking.

OK what did you good folk drink over Christmas?, I must confess that I brought home a good bit of my stock and didn't get around to opening a lot of it. Possibly because I live in a pub and...

23 beau-jolly 31.12.11 4:31pm