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‎'PM announces new flagship scheme for university leavers, vagrancy'

David Cameron announced today that an exciting new opportunity was being launched to tackle the epidemic of youth unemployment, the coalition will be opening thousands of positions as hobos all over...

0 boleroscaramanga 05.07.12 6:02pm
boleroscaramanga
‎'Mcguinness set to play cruel practical joke on Queen at tomorrow's prom'

Marty Mcguinness having been bet ten dollars by his jape loving best pal Gerry Adams, has invited dowdy new girl Queen Elizabeth to the prom at stormont tomorrow. The plan is after a slow dance he...

0 boleroscaramanga 05.07.12 6:00pm
boleroscaramanga
‎'Shadow cabinet eat banker in party drug cannibal holocaust'

In a grizzly new twist to the ongoing banking scandal Ed Miliband and Ed Balls were found chewing on the hollowed out corpse of barclays chief Bob Diamond in the early hours of this morning. 'Ed and...

0 boleroscaramanga 05.07.12 5:58pm
boleroscaramanga
‎'Shock as Joey gets back together with Dawson'

Hollywood was in a frenzy last night after James Van Der Beek appeared outside Tom Cruise's ufo held a ghetto blaster above his head and started playing the hits of Dido whilst weeping uncontrollably...

0 boleroscaramanga 05.07.12 5:55pm
boleroscaramanga
Eric Sykes RIP 9 medici2471 05.07.12 4:20pm
shitsu_tonka
PLEASE Can we have the edit deadline lifted - 2

This six hour deadline is crazy, it's nowhere near enough – in fact, do away with it all together., Give folk the chance to edit their work whenever they like - the quality of subs would rocket.,...

31 Gerontius 05.07.12 4:03pm
Scroat
Worlds Largest Fondue...

[url=http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-south-scotland-18720454]You bring the bread[/url]...

0 The All New Jeni B 05.07.12 11:04am
The All New Jeni B
Higgs Boson is likely to be announced tomorrow morning by Cern ..

.. gives you a few extra hours to work out some new headlines...

8 Not Amused 05.07.12 10:54am
Not Amused
Archive sub today a gem from Paper Ostrich

National Trust’s multi-million electronic tagging project...

0 dvo4fun 05.07.12 9:21am
dvo4fun
50 shades of chav

posted by someone called thejollyroger on the Telegraph comments. Never mind 50 shades of Grey,, Here's 50 shades of Chav… Even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill those...

0 Thor 04.07.12 9:47pm
Thor
I'm not racist but...

Got some tropical fish today. Me: I'd like two Pakistani loaches, please., Pet Shop Chap: You can't say that! We call them Yo-Yo loaches., Me: Why?, PSC: Pakistani loaches is racist., Me: But...

19 shitsu_tonka 04.07.12 7:45am
cinquecento
Famous last words - 23

Not being morbid or expecting to need this anytime soon but have you ever concidered what you would like your last words to be?, The sad likelihood is that most people's last words are likely to be,...

61 beau-jolly 03.07.12 6:10pm
Al OPecia
Has Ed Miliband got a [new] scriptwriter?

I thought he was quite funny today. Come on - own up. It'll all come out eventually so why not make a clean breast of it now and save the rest of the class a lot of bother?...

0 dvo4fun 02.07.12 7:53pm
dvo4fun
Lovely Usain Bolt FP piece today

Much more like the imaginative and marginally surreal stuff of old. Good one Yikes...

3 wallster 02.07.12 7:26pm
dvo4fun
Wimbledon - There's a celebrity get me out of here.

Did you see the blood curdling sycophantic celebrity intro sequence at Wimbledon? Rugby, Soccer, Athletics, Cricket, Golf, Question of Sport celebrities and even the armed forces drooled over by Sue....

2 weematt 02.07.12 1:27pm
dvo4fun
Overheard at Tesco, Henley

"They haven't got any mint for the Pimms!" Not so much overheard, as the whole store heard her. Why, don't, you, just, do, us, all, a, favour, and [size=48]Fuck off![/size]...

13 Scroat 02.07.12 12:24pm
andhrimnir
50 shades

I've finally been drawn to wonder WTF is "50 shades of grey". So, wikipideia notes it is an erotic novel featuring BDSM. Still confused, I look up BDSM, to be told "not to be confused with DBMS...

3 Sinnick 02.07.12 8:06am
cinquecento
Pardon ?

Alan Shearer, at the end of the footie: "You have to remember that these players have an unbelievable amount of sex, I mean success". Just reporting...

0 Sinnick 01.07.12 8:59pm
Sinnick
Today I have purchased a new vaccum and food mixer

I'm a reasonable man, so I'm nipping off for a swift gentleman's wash before Mrs Duke pays her dues. Don't expect any sparkling prose from me for the rest of the evening...

5 Ironduke 01.07.12 11:20am
Gerontius
Know any good tax avoidance schemes?

With the K2 scheme coming under scrutiny I wondered if anyone had any other good wheezes to legally avoid paying taxes., I get around paying income tax by earning bugger all. I once had the brief...

19 beau-jolly 29.06.12 8:05pm
Ironduke
Piers Morgan brings worst ratings to CNN prime time slot in 21 years

A real headline from the Telegraph web site. Made me laugh anyway...

3 rustytruss 29.06.12 4:45pm
rustytruss
as the newly washed duvet of hope submerges slowly into the green pond of time..

i wished id used more clothes pegs (and not sited the pond under the washing line) *sigh*...

4 writinginbsl 29.06.12 9:05am
writinginbsl
Intelligent Life?

Just got this email: "Dear Alex, Intelligent Life is the luxury lifestyle and culture magazine from The Economist, now published six times per year. It covers the arts, style, food, wine, cars,...

8 29.06.12 9:04am
writinginbsl
Please, please make it tied-together bed sheets?!

[url=http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-18621232]Acme prison[/url]...

10 The All New Jeni B 28.06.12 8:29pm
allmyownstunts
Camford Bottom reopens and confuses drivers

[url=http://www.thisisdorset.net/news/9783081.VIDEO__Canford_Bottom_junction_reopens___but_drivers_are_left_confused/?ref=mr]I kid you not[/url], This is one of the most read and shared articles in...

7 beau-jolly 28.06.12 5:53pm
dvo4fun
I think that we should start collecting favourite online reviews.

Like this. http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R231U4ZG0YDNHD/ref=cm_cr_pr_viewpnt#R231U4ZG0YDNHD...

11 Al OPecia 28.06.12 2:04pm
Genghis Cohen
Crimestoppers

[url=http://www.cityoflondon.police.uk/CityPolice/Contact/]Barclays Thieves and Fraudsters[/url]...

1 medici2471 28.06.12 11:38am
nostra da mouse
Today's FP. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Hahahahahahahahahahaha...bonk.

(*sound of Maz falling off chair in giggling fit, wishing she'd had the facility of both hands to break her fall). Nice one, Wayland. You dirty little doughnut. My favourite train-related smut since...

4 Mary Evans 28.06.12 8:35am
Oxbridge
Grrrr - wrong room..... schoolboy error. 1 charlies_hat 27.06.12 10:32am
wallster
Capello is Rooney’s father

well that is what it appears like from today's side by side pic in Telegraph http://www.telegraph.co.uk/...

0 Yikes 27.06.12 9:08am
Yikes