Israel was being comforted by friends last night after the rest of the Middle East appeared to have forgotten its Sixtieth Anniversary. ‘It’s like they just don’t care’ said Israel. ‘This was a special one and we were hoping that for one year they could remember and get it right without being prompted. We’d been dropping hints all week, but you know, sometimes I think they seem to barely recognize we even exist.’

The Singapore government has announced plans to impose the death penalty for anyone caught using a sense of irony within its hallowed borders. Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong delivered a patriotic speech on national television in which the new measures were announced. One watching journalist commented ‘Oh that’s really going to work, that is’, and was immediately led away by police.