Tourism bosses have expressed 'dismay' at the grubby, unphotogenic nature of so many murders nowadays, with many not even suitable for a 10 part podcast.

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An A level Mathematics paper leaked online has questions about student loans - unnerving those students answering.

Every hospital will site a new ward on unused roof space or in a car park. The 'outdoor ward' initiative will give patients the benefit of natural sunlight and fresh air.

In an audacious plan to revive his flagging popularity, the Prime Minister has announced that from tomorrow morning, all parent and child parking spaces, along with the ones allocated to the disabled, will become SUV only parking spaces. We asked for clarification about the motivation for this move, but the civil servant we spoke to told us if we could ask her again in a few hours time, she'd be able to lets us know whether it was more than her job's worth to answer honestly.

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A semi-literate Rochdale man has broken his silence over the heartbreak of failing to be selected as a Reform candidate in the local elections.

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In a bold move to modernise the Royal Family, plans have been drawn up to turn the entire institution into a data centre.

Aries You will get a big birthday surprise this month. Let’s just say that a Supermax prison isn’t the safest place in the world. Taurus You better wake up and smell the coffee, you punkass bitch, or someone’s gonna put a cap in your ass. Gemini You think that you’re the capo di tuttu capo in this territory, Donnie, but your craziness is affecting business with other outfits. Time to consider putting your feet up, let the kids run the show. Improve your golf handicap. Cancer

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Nicola Sturgeon joined the SNP at 16, immediately specialising in constitutional law and improvised armoured van construction.

In response to a recent survey which identified that only 4% of the names of new species recognise women, a parasitologist has identified a new creature to be called susanisa heartlessmoneygrabba. Professor Wilkinson claims that he was simply addressing the gender bias, and the name of the newly-discovered species of blood-sucking organism has nothing to do with his acrimonious divorce. Professor Wilkinson went on to explain that susanisa heartlessmoneygrabba begins life as a