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Climate activists applaud Trump



Climate change activists are applauding Trump for the tariffs he has imposed on imports to the US.


Activists have previously rounded criticised Donald Trump for scrapping green initiatives, promising to ‘drill, baby, drill’ for oil, and for refusing to accept that extreme weather is caused by climate change.  So why the change?


Climate activists are thrilled because steep tariffs on imports, especially from China and Asia, will reduce the import of fast fashion and cheap tat.   This in turn will reduce carbon emissions and global warming.


Economists estimate that global shipping will fall by between 11.456% and 14.232% and that global air freight will fall by exactly 12.232%.  Climate experts estimate that the resulting reduction in carbon dioxide emissions will be so great that America will be easily meeting its obligations under the Paris Agreement – if only it was still a member.


‘That is a massive drop in global Carbon Dioxide emission,’ said one expert.


‘Don’t tell Trump.’



Monster Raving Green Front set to sweep to power



Ignore any nonsense about the Popular Front for the People's Democracy, the Democratic People's Popular Front or the Popular Democratic People's Front winning the forthcoming elections.


It will be a walk-over for The Monster Raving Green Front.  Experienced commentators admit that they have no idea what policies or even general political orientation would be most popular with voters is at present, and the MRGF claim to have captured the mood of the electorate perfectly by having no idea what their own political orientation or policies are, either.


One leading political journalist has commented 'This is completely bonkers, and is therefore likely to be as accurate a prediction as that offered by any of my colleagues', provoking the response from Si Nicholl of the MRGF of 'This is completely untrue, and is precisely the opposite of what we stand for'.  This was immediately contradicted by a different spokesman from the party, who said 'Oh no it isn't - and we are completely united about this.'


'Well, fairly united.  Well, OK, slightly united.  At least, I think someone in the party agrees with it.  But at least we're consistent, and don't keep changing our minds.  Not at the moment, anyway.  At least, I don't think so.  By the way, you don't happen to know of any wealthy potential backers who're seeking a political party to promote their interests, do you?'



Trump to annex Narnia



‘By rights, Narnia is American, wherever it is,’ President Trump told reporters yesterday. ‘A lot of people have never ever heard of this place, but it’s strategically important. By the way talking about ‘never ever’, I have my people looking into the little known region of Never Neverland, which is rich in precious minerals and ruled by pirates, probably Muslim, so according to my WhatsApp we’ll be sending reconnaissance forces to bomb the hell out of them, but that’s top secret at the moment, so any scumbag journalists in this press briefing, report that if you dare.’


He continued ‘On the Narnia thing, we understand they control their borders through a city called Wardrobe, or Warsaw or some such, and the disturbing thing is it’s a place where they lure children for goodness knows what perverted commie practices. There’s talk of witches so I don’t need to say any more. We’re looking at other little-known lands which by rights belong to the USA. For example if there’s a Greenland there’s probably a Blueland and maybe a Yellowland, we shall see. And there’s a tiny country called Lilliput, so small it doesn’t appear on a map, if you can believe that.



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