Hitler may have read Mein Kampf

The Trump government has drawn up a list of radical literature that must be banned or at the very least rendered in crayon so the President can read it. His spokeswoman explained why Mein Kampf was on the list: 'We don't know who wrote it. But we do believe Hitler read it. He was clearly influenced by it or, at very least, the Spark Notes.

'What we do know, is that it was a bad book, meant for bad people and nowhere near has good as Trump: The Art of the Deal, available for $9.99, at all good retail outlets.

Maybe the author wrote more - we don't know. What? He's dead? Shot? Jeez everyone's a critic. Goddamn cancel culture.'

https://pixabay.com/photos/books-shelves-door-entrance-1655783/

https://www.newsbiscuit.com/

Elon Musk to investigate who blocked Mike Waltz’s toilet

White House officials have said they will set ‘the best technical minds’ they have on investigating an embarrassing blockage in the National Security Advisor’s crapper.

‘I take full responsibility but I don’t know how it got in there’ explained Waltz at a hastily convened press conference, where he appeared to be wielding a plunger and was dressed in damp overalls.

The toilet facility commissioned and maintained by Mr. Waltz, in Mr. Watlz’s office for his own personal use suffered a significant malfunction or ‘code-brown’ earlier this week, leaving the Trump administration both red-faced and scratching their ar…heads over who is to blame.

‘He’s doing a big job’ said the President on Thursday of Waltz, ‘the biggest job in fact; they say his jobs are the biggest actually, so maybe there’s a glitch with the plumbing, Mexican plumbing I heard....maybe we could get some bleach in there, you know?’

Historical reenactor Musk tweeted that he’d get to the bottom of the matter as soon as possible, though the DOGE team originally assigned to the task had accidentally fired themselves this morning.

https://pixabay.com/photos/wc-barrier-free-toilet-disabled-111092/

https://www.newsbiscuit.com/

Predictable local government election results

As the local government elections approach, the outcome of which which had been considered uncertain, has now suddenly become much more predictable.

With Labour currently almost as unpopular as the Tories were before the last general election, no-one was going to vote for them or the Tories, and no-one knew how the re-allocated votes were likely to be re-distributed among the rag-bag of various 'also-ran' parties,

These include Scots Gnats, Reform, New Reform, Real Reform, the Original Reform, Continuity Reform, Reformed Reform, Reform II, the Return of Reform (that's a separate party for each of their current MPs), the Democratic Liberal (or whatever they're called nowadays) party, the Monster Raving Loony Party, the Mildly Deranged Loony Party, the More Moderately-Sized Loony Party, the Green Party, the Light Green Party, the Dark Green Party, the British Racing Green Party, the Pink Party, the Spotted Party, the Striped Party and the British National We're-Not-Fascists, We-Just-Hate-Everyone party.

However, things are much clearer now, following the recent establishment of two new parties, which are likely to sweep up most of the votes.  These are the None-of-the-Above Party, and the We're-not-the-Tories-and-neither-are-we-the-Labour-Party-Either Party.  The only remaining uncertainty is which of these will massacre the other.

https://pixabay.com/photos/polling-station-poll-election-day-2643466/

https://www.newsbiscuit.com/