top of page
Search

Schrodinger's Queen is both dead and alive

Writer's picture: WrenfoeWrenfoe
3 hours ago


Rumours persist that the death of the Monarch is being concealed - at least until the next slow news day. These whispers have been exasperated by sightings of Prince Charles, laughing maniacally in a new frock.

The press has noted panic buying of black armbands and corgi shaped floral bouquets. The Prime Minister, himself, is said to have already block-booked all available slots of 'two minutes of silence.'

A palace spokeswoman confirmed: 'The Queen was seen alive and well at a local Pizza Express.'



First published 24 Feb 2022



If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?















Russian sanctions against the West will be the harshest since the great Lada shortage of 1981

Writer's picture: StevebSteveb
1 day ago

Following a deeply troubling exchange during which Liz Truss said that her daddy was bigger than Vladimir Putin's daddy, the head of Russian bear wrangling has threatened to impose severe sanctions against the West. This is in retaliation for an escalation of tongues being stuck out from behind the skirt of NATO.

'Firstly, and most importantly, there will be an immediate repatriation of Liz Truss's culturally misappropriated hat.'

'There will then follow a strict ban on all dolls being put inside other dolls.'

'No other nation will be allowed to use the colours red, white or blue in their flags.'

'And finally, there will be no more beluga caviar pies served in the executive boxes at Chelski matches.'



First published 23 Feb 2022



If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?














Drunk, texting motorist driving unroadworthy car still waiting for police report

Writer's picture: GerontiusGerontius
2 days ago


A man who refused to comment on an incident in which he caused a rush-hour pile up on the M4, in fog at night in which 180,000 people died while driving a works car with defective retread tyres, while five times over the alcohol limit while sending a text to his secret lover about their imminent love child has been criticised for his obtuse understanding of the situation.


The man said he was waiting for a report from traffic police into whether he had broken the law or not.


The man said even if found guilty, he would not resign from his post as chair of the Road Safety Committee or head of Drink Aware or patron of Single Parents for Justice, insisting none of the alleged transgressions was a sackable offence.


First published 22 Feb 2022



If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?














bottom of page