In 1978, seven year old Timothy Johnson asked his classmate for a KP Ranchero with the promise ‘Go on, be your best friend.’ Thirty years on, computer salesman Mike Harrison is now desperate to release his old school mate from what he says was a meaningless playground promise. ‘Three decades later he still rings me up every day, suggesting we go for a pint or go on holiday together. We have nothing in common whatsoever – it’s just what seven years old say…’

A spokesman for a community group in Liverpool has claimed that working-class people are finding it increasingly hard to come up with new derogatory descriptions of gay men and colourful references to the act of male-male intercourse.

John Harries said, ‘Most references are based around upper-class lifestyles. “Shirt-lifter???” Who has tails on their shirts these days? Toffs, that’s who. “Uphill Gardener” is another one. I live on the sixth floor of a high-rise what need would I have for a gardener? ”Chocolate chimney sweep” suggests a large Victorian home with a traditional open fire, while “Navigator of the Windward Passage” implies a man with his own bloody yacht!’