Netflix has confirmed that it won't pay for any more embarrassingly bad content from Meghan. This includes canning advertorials for American Riviera Orchard, or As Ever. As if? The new deal will allow Meghan to access all of Netflix's content, ad free, on a special new 'Royal Plan', for only $18 a month. The package comes with a special, once-in-a-lifetime, restraining order. Under the deal, Meghan will continue to pitch ideas for new embarrassingly bad content and Netflix ha

"People are saying to me: 'Sir, Sir, we're running out of snake oil. Please can you give us more snake oil?" Donald Trump lied to America's dimmest and most credulous reporters (Fox News). "I said to them, come and get it," the president continued. "I have an inexhaustible supply of the stuff. "And my slimiest, creepiest, most fork-tongued allies on the Board of Peace, such as Putin and Lukashenko, have agreed to release their vast reserves of snake oil onto the markets, as w

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It has emerged that the application process for a UK visa for people fleeing the Russian armed forces is more stringent and demanding than some university assignments. As a result anybody who makes it to the UK will receive an honours degree in Administrative Affairs from John Moores University and a KitKat. On the negative side, they will have to go to Liverpool to collect their diploma. Unsuccessful applicants will still receive the KitKat, proving that Her Majesty’s Govern

The Royal Navy is being ridiculed globally following the humiliating news that it has no presence in the Middle East. The Labour government assures us that this is being dealt with as a priority. ‘The reason we don’t have any ships in the Middle East’ explains MOD spokesman, Clive Gobbins ‘is because we honestly thought it was all sand. Lots of sandy bits and rocky bits. We’ve only just realised that it actually has watery bits. But we’re working hard now, to make our presenc

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Dave Plank, once the tight head prop for West Yorkshire Boneheads, has presented a documentary looking at whether injuries sustained while playing rugby are the reason he’s thick. ”Ah remember we used ter train every weekday for ‘ours and ‘ours, constantly bashing us ‘eads together int mud and pourin’ rain, just so we could do t’same on Saturdeh. Which suggests we were quite thick alreadeh, ter be honest.” This suggestion was echoed by his mother, Maureen Plank (née Arkwright

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Satya Nadella : The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and... NewsBiscuit: Oh, I see. And most operating systems go up to ten? Satya Nadella: Exactly. NewsBiscuit: Does that mean it's better? Is it any better? Satya Nadella: Well, it's one better, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most users, you know, will be using ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your PC. Where can you go

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A Dewsbury man has told of his pain and suffering after being forced to join the queue at his local McDonalds drive-thru. Jason Beesley took to social media to complain about the ordeal saying that it was 10 minutes of his life he would never see again. The father of four says his kids had endured an agonisingly long wait before their meal arrived and had missed part of their favourite TV show as a result. Jason said he could not think of anything worse than having to sit hel

Roads out of cities across the Western world are now packed with people desperate to escape the noxious effects of Trump's incessant self-congratulation. "They're seeking anywhere, way up in the hills or out at sea, with no WiFi connection and no TV or radio signals," said an AA spokes-spare tyre, "so they don't have to listen to Trump's nauseating boasts about 'winning on levels never seen before'." "We stuck with the news for as long as we could," said one evacuee on the A3

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Rumours abound that Josef Fritzl, the convicted rapist and Vincent Price lookalike, who fathered seven children by his own daughter, could stand for Reform UK at the next election. A spokesman for Reform told Newsbiscuit, "Mr Fritzl is currently in a prison for ‘mentally abnormal’ inmates, so sounds incredibly well qualified to represent our party in Parliament." "Despite the fact that he is Austrian, it is understood that Fritzl is considering applying for UK citizenship and

"Since the US and Israel started bombing Iran, and Iran closed the Strait of Hormuz to oil traffic," said a spokes-louse for the world's leading energy companies, "we have seen the price of crude increase by 50% and the price of petrol also soar. "Purely by coincidence, this is boosting our revenues to frankly obscene levels. "Our greatest fear now is that peace may break out and Iran will reopen the Strait of Hormuz, thereby replenishing oil supplies, bringing prices back to