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A demanding new UK driving test based on the top-selling Grand Theft Auto shoot-em-up games is to be introduced next year.
Among sweeping changes, the traditional emergency stop will be replaced with an attack on the learner driver’s car by ‘gangstas’ armed with rocket launchers.
The adrenalin-pumping new test is being rushed through in an attempt to persuade the next generation of young motorists to consider getting a driving licence and insurance.
A spokesman for Downing Street admitted that the existing test no longer reflects today’s more hard-edged driving culture, so the cars-sex-and-violence GTA model will be adopted by June 2009.
In a major break with the past, road skills in urban areas will not be assessed on consideration for other road users but for an ability to successfully negotiate shopping mall car parks at high speed.
Collisions with other vehicles will no longer be regarded as fail points; instead, successfully executed ‘street’ manoeuvres like handbrake turns will attract Nectar points and KFC vouchers.
A proposal from a Young Conservatives think tank for a points-per-prostitute ‘shagged-and-shot’ bonus was dropped after protests from women’s groups.
The surprise move by the UK’s Driving Standards Agency comes after senior police officers told ministers that youngsters are bypassing the test and licensing system.
A spokesman for the DSA said: “It’s clear that many young drivers learn to drive on the GTA games anyway so we’re introducing many of the elements that will be familiar to them.
“We’ll be using actors for many of the test scenarios though in some parts of Britain we hope to attract local volunteers and even real-life hoodlums on community service programmes. It’ll be way cool.”
The Highway Code is also to be substantially updated, according to the Department for Transport.
A DfT spokesman said: “We have to change with the times. For example, using indicators is hopelessly old-school so an intention to turn right will be signalled with a short burst of automatic gunfire from the driver’s window.
“As for hand signals, Britain’s drivers have developed a very clear and quite sophisticated system of their own, using one, two or three fingers in various combinations.
“Most significantly, the concept of road manners is to be phased out as outdated and possibly dangerous as it leads to unreasonable expectations of ‘giving way’ and stopping at red lights.”
The Driving Standards Agency spokesman insisted: “This isn’t just about kids. We’ve now got drivers approaching their 50s who grew up with computer games and who now go to their rooms and start playing GTA as soon as they’ve parked their real cars outside.
“Anybody who has driven recently will have noticed the influence of Grand Theft Auto on motoring habits; passing on motorways now includes use of the hard shoulder and the gravelly bit by the central crash barrier.
“Even a drive down a country lane can mean a head-on encounter with a financial controller in a BMW who thinks he is chasing a rival pimp for stealing his ‘ho’s’.”
Driving schools are throwing their weight behind preparations for the new test. Market leader BSM is to replace its nationwide fleet of Nissan Micras and Ford Fiestas with race-tuned Subaru WRX sports 4x4s with tinted windows and straight-thru exhausts.
A new network of test centres adjoining drive-thru KFCs and MacDonalds is being set up to encourage unlicensed drivers to ‘have a go’. Being under-age will be no barrier and the use of stolen cars will be handled ‘sensitively’, according to ACPO, the Association of Assistant Chief Police Officers.
Edmund King, spokesman for the UK Automobile Association, said: “The Government is being pragmatic. It’s simply a question of getting down wiv the bruvs to get the key driving messages across, yeah? Sweet.”




