A damming report from an independent agency setup to monitor charity collection in Britains cities has revealed that the stress caused by the armies of charity workers now exceeds that of the illness or social oppression that they are raising funds for.

The 430 page report detailed the guerilla tactics used to ambush credit card details of law-abiding citizens and highlighted the main 3 strains of operative threatening the publics health:

- Everyones mate; "Hey my man, shake my hand" This type plays on the publics own self-awareness to dupe the target into touching the charity worker, once contact has been made resistance is futile, the obligation to hand-over your hard earned money to your new ethically conscious friend is far too much even for socially aware healthy people.

- Capitalist reject; targeting office workers, this strain works by playing on the left-wing conscience inherent in most humans, the 40% tax payer that has joined the Free-Tibet FaceBook group and once gave the Tsunami fund a fiver.

- Pretty girl; The most disgusting tactic witnessed was the use of attractive students, commonly with dreadlocks and often barefoot. Most men over 25 are so overwhelmed with the fantasy that she is only approaching them because she finds them more attractive than the commission she'll get when they inevitably give her their sort code. However, the illusion is shattered by the report that reveal many of these girls drink WKD at the weekend and buy clothes from TopShop with their bonuses from frequently smashed monthly targets.