Secretary of State for Health, Alan Johnson, today announced government plans to add fluoride to a range of alcoholic drinks including Bacardi Breezers and Smirnoff Ice.

"We tried adding it to the water," said Mr Johnson in a press conference earlier today. "But it turns for that no-one under the age of 23 is drinking it."

"Our nation's youth have a serious oral health problem," he continued (to giggles from the gathered media). "But this initiative isn't just for them - it's also benefitting the dentists who have turned to drink after we couldn't afford to pay them." At this point there was a break in the conference while the minister took a swig from a WKD Blue and lurched sideways off the podium.

This wouldn't be the first time the government have considered measures such as these. In 2004, a parliamentary committee was set up to explore the benefits of adding cholesterol tablets to pies in Glasgow; while in 2006, shipments of cocaine had a decongestant added to aid cold symptoms in city bankers.

The move has already provoked anger from the manufacturers of the drinks. "I'm sick and tired of the government telling us what to do with our products," says the Managing Director of a major UK supplier, "First we're told not to market our products to children, now they're asking us to get as much to them as possible. I'd be more worried, but we've just scored a tie-in with the next Pixar film".

When asked whether this was another sign of the government instigating a 'nanny state', Johnson replied "Look, I bloody love you, mate," adding, "Seriously...you're my bestest..." before trailing off into a mixture of confused metaphors and angry sobbing.