Cocaine contaminated eggs from a flock of free range Columbian Black Tail Hens have been recalled by Waitrose Limited. The farm who supplied the suspect batch of eggs believe the hens were awoken in the middle of the night by a free rave taking place in a neighbouring field. The hens got off their perches and decided to join the party – fox or no fox. Apparently they then pecked their way through copious amounts of illegal mind-altering substances without a thought on the effect to the poor old human consumers who would be chomping on their eggs a few days later.

When interviewed. A spokes chicken for the flock said “Admittedly we are free to roam in this country but we really miss the home of our ancestors. A lot of the drugs we encountered at the rave were crap and cut with substances we didn’t recognise but we soon sorted the wheat from the chaff and found the genuine cocaine. After the weed, we got the munchies and proceeded to peck away to our hearts content on the white lines laid before us. We’re now recuperating because we laid a hell of a lot of eggs over the following few daze!”