Liverpool, the new European City of Culture was featured in an in-depth TV report yesterday that failed to mention The Beatles, football or the wicked sense of humour shared by all Liverpudlians. The reporter concerned has formally apologised for the oversight and resigned his post, ironically joining the ranks of the Merseyside unemployed.

Hundreds of journalists from all over Europe have been converging on Liverpool all week and filing reports in front of hastily improvised ‘Penny Lane’ roadsigns while members of the crew pretended to be football-mad locals waving behind them, but unfortunately evidence of the famous unique Scouse wit seems to have been thin on the ground;
‘So how do you feel about your home town becoming European City of Culture’ asked one interviewer chuckling in anticipation.
‘Dunno,’ replied the bemused local, as the London reporter and his crew fell about in hysterics at this typical cheeky Scouse quip.
‘I expect the famous Merseysiders will have a thing or two to say about their new found high-brow cultural status won’t they?’
‘Er – ‘spose so, yeah,’ replied the interviewee as the reporter wiped away tears of laughter at this typically cheeky riposte.

However in the end the quality of the interviews proved irrelevant as the TV camera, microphones and other technical equipment was all stolen, along with the van in which the crew had driven to Liverpool. But the city’s elevation to European City of Culture was still warmly welcomed by dozens of famous Liverpudlians including Cilla Black, Paul McCartney, Jimmy Tarbuck, Cherie Blair, Edwina Currie and many other famous Scousers who moved to London several decades ago.