Rob Stephens and Melanie Wright, a young co-habiting couple from Lowestoft, moved to a new level in their relationship on Tuesday as they recognised that many of the individual quirks and mannerisms that initially drew them together are now just intensely irritating habits.

The revelation struck Rob as he sat in a Starbucks with Mel, who was picking all the nuts out of a banana nut muffin, because it was ‘too nutty’. ‘When we first got together, I thought that sort of stuff meant we were like ‘When Harry Met Sally’ and she was a real kook,’ said Rob, ‘Now I see there’s a difference between having an interesting personality and being an obsessive compulsive fussy eater with imaginary allergies.’

Rob explained the breakthrough in his love for Mel – shortly after swallowing the banana nut muffin he had shoved whole into his mouth just to make her stop picking – and she was delighted to realise she felt the same way. ‘I used to think it was funny that when he sang along to songs on the car radio he’d always do the bass guitar part. I even thought it might mean he was a bit musical,’ explained Melanie, ‘but seriously, if I hear him go ‘Badoo badoo badoo’ along with Duran Duran’s Rio one more time, I’m driving into the nearest lake.’

The couple decided to celebrate their new maturity by going out for a curry together; ‘though I hate the way she keeps dividing the poppadoms in two, however ridiculously small they get’ said Rob. ‘He always dips his naan into the pickle bowls instead of putting a little bit on his side plate’ moaned Mel. Finally over coffee Rob let Melanie in on his ‘other quirky little foible’, which entails him having sex with men in public lavatories several times a week.