New police scandal: more time spent fighting crime than dancing at carnivals
In 2024, statistics have revealed, police shockingly spent more time fighting crime than they did dancing in large, plastic sunglasses at...
Corrupt politicians speak in Rasta to evade detection
A Commons scandal is brewing as two MPs have been caught using ‘an unfamiliar dialect in the house’ to discuss siphoning off public money...
Labour's plan to stop the smuggling gangs with co-operatives
Labour have devised a radical plan to stop the smuggling gangs with co-operatives. An anonymous source has shown our reporter a secret...
Musk is getting too much attention, says man who won’t shut up about him
Keir Starmer has sensibly decided to take the bait, marked ‘bait’, clearly lowered on a big fishing rod by Baity McBaitface. This is a...
Been dumped by tweet?
Have you just been dumped callously by somebody you imagined loved and respected you? Did he do it over Twitter ? Bastard. You’d...
Government achieves substantial growth in the can-kicking industry
The British can-kicking industry is booming – after a kick-start from the government. Critics say that it would be much cheaper to ship...
Petition to stop the use of petitions passes two million signatures
A petition submitted to the UK Parliament petitions website calling for an end to the acceptance of petitions as a means to obtain...
Dick Turpin knighted in New Year’s Honours
It was announced today that notorious highwayman Dick Turpin will receive a knighthood in the New Year’s Honours list. “We realise it’s a...
Corpse of Jimmy Carter still more alert than Joe Biden
Despite his recent death, President Carter is seen as the 'youth' option in comparison to Joe 'you can bury me, but you can't get rid of...
Nurses to make up their wages with tips, says Reeves.
Chancellor of the Exchequer, and proud owner of a Casio calculator watch, Rachel Reeves, has announced that to save the NHS money, nurses...
